Tag Archives: self help tips

How to Gain Victory While Passing Through Life Storms

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By Books Writer Denise Turney

person standing using red umbrella in rain like life storms
Photo by Aline Nadai on Pexels.com

Gaining victory while passing through life storms can feel so difficult until just the thought of taking a forward step could generate feelings of frustration, fatigue, hopelessness and exhaustion. While passing through life storms, a success mindset may not always produce a reward. In fact, the harder you push for success, the more roadblocks you might face.

Inner Storms

Because storms in your life are times of great change, you may experience stress, anxiety and other emotional and psychological issues. For example, if you feel like “the storm is raging in my life,” you might experience depression, struggle to get and stay asleep, gain or lose weight and have trouble focusing.

The New Zealand Health Promotion Agency shares that you may feel like your brain won’t stop, won’t rest. Also, you might feel numb, low on energy or restless. Other signs that you’re facing the storms of life include:

  • Becoming easily agitated
  • Wanting to be alone instead of with other people
  • Nervousness
  • Sadness
  • Troubling dreams
  • Feeling disconnected
  • Thinking that life has no meaning

Outer Life Storms

These are inner signs that storms in your life may be becoming overwhelming. Outer signs that facing the storms of life may be too much include:

  • Trouble making decisions
  • Staying up late at night
  • Bodily pains that seemingly have no cause
  • Starting fights
  • Not talking with other people
  • No longer participating in enjoyable events

So, how do you gain victory as you pass through life storms? On the road to success, be honest about what you are experiencing, including how you are feeling. Talk with a trustworthy friend. Definitely stay connected to family and friends.

This latter point cannot be stressed enough. When you’re in a storm, it is so important to stay connected to others. The deeper you go into a storm, the more tempted you might be to isolate. If you make visiting, playing, dining and traveling with people you trust a part of your daily or weekly routine, it might be easier to steer clear of isolation should a storm show up.

Ways to Pass Through Life Storms

Also, rest when you feel overwhelmed. For instance, you could take a break from watching the news, step away from social media and steer clear of discussing heavy topics with friends. Of course, seek professional help if you continue to feel overwhelmed as you deal with storms in your life.

Here are other ways to keep advancing. As tough as it may be, remember that perseverance is the key to success. Assistance to persevere may come to you as you read or listen to other people’s success stories.

Encourage yourself by reading about the habits of successful people who have come through severe life storms. Reading success stories of people who have overcome near impossible odds can prove tremendously empowering. So too could reading spiritual books that value all life, books that focus on love rather than judgment and shame.

Achieving Victory

And again – don’t overdo work. Victory while passing through life storms requires patience. You need to be patient with yourself. But you also need to keep going however slowly. If you’re in the habit of practicing awareness due to meditation, practiced honesty or daily body and emotion scans, you should notice when you feel more energized, when you’re starting to heal. Depending on the storm that you’re going through, it could take months to start to feel energized and as if your life has a remarkable and glorious unfolding ahead.

Once you catch your wind, this may be the time to push forward, recognizing the power of success. Eventually, you’ll pass through storms in your life. Yet, in this world, new storms, new challenges, will crop up. So, celebrate success each time you experience it. Each victory can serve as evidence, as a real-life witness, that you have what it takes to achieve victory even as you’re facing the storms of life. So, keep advancing, one victory at a time.

7 Blessings You Should Start Receiving

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By Fiction Author Denise Turney

7 blessings with apple tree blossoms picture
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by George Chernilevsky

Here are 7 blessings you should never talk yourself out of receiving. Opening up to these blessings, deep gifts, can shield you from burnout and pessimism. This goodness offers hope, motivation and inspiration, holding out a light.

Turn Regrets into Inspiration

First, you must be willing to receive these 7 blessings. After all, just because you desire goodness, doesn’t mean that you are ready to receive it. For instance, how often have you talked yourself out of doing what you know, what you absolutely know, you should do?

So, before you consider these gifts, check out the following top regrets people have before they exit their bodies. See if they surprise you:

  • The first thing that people in hospice share that they regret is holding their true feelings back
  • People also regret falling out of touch with family and friends
  • Caring too much what others think makes the list
  • Worrying is another regret to let go
  • Taking life for granted
  • Living in the past or the future, and not living in the present
  • Not living their “true” life

7 Blessings to Never Talk Yourself Out of Receiving

Sound familiar? Fortunately, it’s not too late to shift. In fact, there’s still time to turn regrets into inspiration. Start doing what you love, what causes you to feel joy. Free yourself of the belief that being “busy” means you’re fulfilled. Choose to slow down, enjoy life and be happy. And stop talking yourself out of these 7 blessings:

  • Go after what you really want. Take off the brakes. Launch that business, career, relationship, hobby, travel excursion, creative endeavor, etc. that you really want to sink your teeth into. This isn’t about being delusional or chasing clouds that will never have rain. It’s about doing the thing that’s rooted in love, the very thing you’ve wanted to do for months, perhaps years, but kept talking yourself out of.
  • Say “I Love You”. Let the desire to express your love for a friend or relative override your desire to play it safe and hide how you feel.
  • Start your day with motivational quotes and success statements. It may take a few days, but you can turn positive motivational quotes into a rewarding daily habit. Try standing in front of a mirror and speaking success quotes out loud. See how it makes you feel.

Let Yourself Receive More of These 7 Blessings

  • Visit exotic, faraway places. Instead of talking yourself out of that international or cross-country trip that you’ve dreamed about, start saving for the trip.
  • Exercise and eat to be healthy. Regardless of your weight, you can start working to be healthy. If you need weight loss motivation or the drive to get moving and exercise, consider what it would feel like to have the flu every day for the rest of your physical experience. Some diseases feel that badly. Let yourself see the contrast. Love yourself and choose good health habits.
  • Spend time with family and friends. These are people who you might think will always be there, so you don’t believe you really need to keep in touch with them. If this were only true. People enter and exit this world quicker than we expect. So, treat yourself to the company of friends and family.
  • Love yourself. This is a huge lesson that Raymond Clarke has to learn in Love Pour Over Me. It takes him decades, so many close calls. Hopefully, your path to self-love is much easier. You might find Raymond’s journey inspiring and motivating.

Finding the motivation to live your true, best life starts with Number 7. You really do need to love yourself. And, in order to love yourself, you have to get to know the real YOU. As you pursue this journey, be patient.

Daily Motivation Tips

Here are other tips that could do more than offer you inspiration and motivation, shielding you from a life filled with regret. These tips could help you to love yourself to the point where you stop talking yourself out of receiving love, what you really want to do and out of living your own true life.

For starters, do at least three things that you love each day. For example, you could relish in a warm bubble bath, read an engaging novel or treat yourself to an outdoor walk or bike ride. Also, connect with a relative or friend once a week, preferably in person.

And get enough sleep at night. Drink plenty of fresh water and eat a healthy diet of leafy greens, fruits and vegetables, whatever your body receives best. Journaling, singing and dancing are other daily motivation activities. And, of course, if you love being creative – definitely engage in at least one creative activity a day.

It takes a healthy dose of inner love to stop talking yourself out of these 7 blessings. Today, give yourself that gift. As it did for Raymond in Love Pour Over Me, doing so might not only change your life for the better. It might change the lives of those around you.

Resources

  1. What Do People Regret The Most Before They Die? (lifehack.org)

Road To Success: Could You Be Missing Something?

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By Books Writer Denise Turney

road to success with trees and a hill
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Dfrg.msc

The road to success is paved with massive change. It could be why you might be delaying getting on the road, working to convince yourself that you’re satisfied with the routines, sometimes absolute ruts, that you find yourself in.

In fact, if you’re like me, as much as you may hate routine, it’s routine that helps you to feel like you’re in control. Fact is, it feels safe (cozy) to think that you’ve got all the bases covered, like you have all the hatches secured so that nothing can jump out at you and scare you.

Remove Success Blocks

It’s safe to think that you have examined every aspect of an experience you find yourself in. But what if you’re overlooking – simply missing – one of the biggest, most impactful components?

What if you’re not seeing something despite how long or how intently you’ve been searching? What if you’re missing a critical component because you simply don’t want to see it?

That single decision could set you back. So, how do you recognize and remove blind spots and deal with the unwillingness to accept what is? Here are a few tips that have worked for me. See how your thought system responds to these short, quick tactics and strategies. Then, consider opening to creativity and imagination so, you’ll feel sparks of inspiration as you get and stay on your life’s road to success.

  • Put it to paper:  For example, you could write a letter to the person who you wronged, sharing your feelings about each action that you took, the very actions that led you to regret and the heaviness of guilt.
  • Keep going. Revisit each guilt anchor until you no longer feel bound to past mistakes. Stay open. You might be prompted to call or visit the person who you wronged and ask for his forgiveness face-to-face. But consider starting out writing letters that you don’t mail. After all, you could have a guilty conscience. In other words, you may not have wronged anyone but only think that you did.
  • Sharpen your imagination. Take 5 to 7 minutes a day to visualize yourself doing and enjoying what you want. See yourself doing and having what you want as if you are having the experience right now. To do this, add colors, sounds, scents and emotions to these imaginings.
  • Try something new every day. For example, you could eat a different lunch, travel a different route to or from work, volunteer with a different charity or shower in the morning instead of taking a bubble bath at night.

More Steps To Remove Success Blocks

  • Read books that impress how easy it is to receive miracles. These books may focus on the power of your imagination, your emotional guidance system or the power of your subconscious mind.
  • Accept cues. Allow yourself to accept inner messages that tell you that you’ll soon receive what you want.
  • Trust your One True Self. Therefore, you’ll listen to inner guidance and inner promptings and take actions that your One True Self guides you to take.
  • Stay clear. Instead of giving meaning to experiences that you have, stay clear. After all, you may not really know why events occur. Stay focused and keep going.
  • Get outside In nature. In fact, there may be few better ways to get in balance.
  • Meditate. In other words, practice stilling your mind.
  • Drink plenty of water. Drinking water is a great way to flush your physical system.
  • Eat a healthy natural diet. Of course, all is connected. Therefore, building and maintaining a healthy body can have a positive impact on other areas of your experience.
  • Accept what is. In other words, accept experiences as they occur. Don’t tell yourself that you aren’t experiencing what you are. For example, don’t tell yourself that you’re not being abused if your partner pushes and curses you. Don’t tell yourself that you didn’t do well to dig out of debt after you pay off $10,000 of debt.
  • Journal. Capture your experiences. Watch how they change. This could encourage you to avoid creating blind spots or refusing to see what’s right in front of you.
  • Freestyle write. This exercise could help you to catch thought patterns and routines that might be holding you back.

Pursue Road to Success Dreams for a Lifetime

By refusing to look at what you don’t want to deal with, you can set yourself up for unexpected delays, which is why this may be the perfect time to take another look at your life. Look at your thought patterns, imaginings, fears, guilt anchors and decisions.

As with other challenges, it may help to start small. Also, be open to change. Trust your higher Self. Be willing to incorporate a new thought into your mental system. Catch yourself when you’re tempted to erupt in anger when changes occur (e.g. you drive into traffic jams, you get lost, unexpected weather storms abruptly change your plans).

Also, see and actually feel yourself doing what it is you’re passionate about. Give yourself room to make mistakes. Remember, the road to success is rarely straight. Instead, the road to success is built with twists, turns, valleys and peaks. Even more, the success road is joyous and exciting because it’s filled with surprises.

Resources:

(8) 10 Steps to Achieving Success in Life | LinkedIn

How to Succeed Amid the Coming Change

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By Books Writer Denise Turney

The coming change could shake your beliefs. It won’t be a one-time shift, knocking you off guard for weeks. Instead, this change is the start of ongoing adjustments. Knowing how to come out on top, despite the switch, sets you up for longstanding success.

Change is celebrated when it brings experiences that you’ve been longing for. How about this? A handsome man shows up just before you exit the train car you generally ride in on your way home from work. In a short six months, you’re convinced that this mystery man is an answer to your prayers. He’s attentive, caring, courageous, funny and charming. You feel so loved when you’re with him. In fact, you feel cared for when you simply think about this man.

red flowers drooping as part of coming change
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by George Chernilevsky

Navigating Unwanted Change

It’s that kind of shift that can make it feel easy to succeed amid change. But, let your hopes escalate, interlaced with high charged “perfect relationship” fantasies, only to be dashed after you discover that the man from the train is another woman’s husband and three boys’ doting father. If you had invested your all into the relationship, the discovery might leave you believing that you won’t recover.

Who knows? You might even think that, for you, a romantic relationship will never be successful. And that’s just it.

So much unexpected and unwanted change that you have to deal with may seem to be completely out of your control. You didn’t cause the change. And, because you didn’t cause the change, you can’t see your way up.

How to Succeed Amid Change

Yet, it’s not true that you can’t succeed amid change. In fact, here are several actions that you could take to succeed:

  • Forgive yourself for mistakes you perceive that you’ve made. There’s no better way to shut off the “need to be punished” button and allow boundless good into your life.
  • Set a new goal if change has showed you that your previous goal is not the experience you really want.
  • Accept the means to achieve your goal, all while staying open to new ideas.
  • Make good use of your emotional guidance system. For instance, if you don’t feel peace around a choice, consider another option.
  • Celebrate small victories as you continue to work to succeed amid change. After all, this is a long journey.
  • Add no less than three activities that cause you to feel joy and peace to your day. For example, you could listen to jazz, soak in a soothing bath or enjoy reading a good novel while sitting on your back porch.
  • Keep a journal to track your efforts and your results.
  • Don’t ever give up on yourself.

Long Walk to Success Amid Change

A successful life demands flexibility. Simply put, give up the effort to control situations. In fact, if you set expectations for people or situations, you may be left feeling angry, abandoned and frustrated.

This may be one of the greatest roadblocks to success — the desire to control people and outcomes. To be successful, you have to open to guidance from your real Self. And trust that guidance. Learning from others also helps as you continue to bob, weave and make your way through your journey.

Above all, you have to believe that you can succeed amid change, even great change. A good way to start is to take wise risks early. In a word, the sooner that you start compiling evidence that what you really are is greater than any change you find yourself face, the better.

Keep Advancing

So, allow yourself enough grace and forgiveness to take wrong turns. Allow yourself enough love to make mistakes. Trust the good that is guiding you. Stop and turn when you realize that you’re heading the wrong way. Once you’re again on course, keep advancing. This is what Long Walk Up’s Mulukan does, a six year old orphan girl who, by all accounts, should have quit. Yet, she didn’t. Hers is a glorious story.

Yes. Keep advancing. Because, like Mulukan, yours is a glorious story too. Whether you realize it or not, you are amazing!

How to Stay Motivated at Work and Avoid Quiet Quitting

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By Fiction Author Denise Turney

organized work desk to stay motivated
Motivation for Work Picture

Changing career landscapes, economic shifts and challenges disconnecting from the office make it hard to stay motivated at work. Information overload is real, potentially putting you at risk of burnout. If you’re not careful, you could slip into quiet quitting.

Whether you work from home or at the office, you might feel like quitting. That or you might want to invest less time or energy into your job. It makes good sense. Long work hours, challenges setting clear boundaries, procrastination or perfectionism could sap your daily motivation pretty quickly. But you know your rent, mortgage, utility bills, car note and insurance premiums are not going to stop coming just because you’re having a hard time finding motivation for work.

Ways to Stay Motivated at Work

On the other hand, burnout doesn’t give two cents about your bills. That’s why you need to get in front of this type of lack of motivation early. So, if giving yourself an early morning pep talk after you climb out of bed in the morning is no longer helping you to shift upward, consider:

  • Establishing start and end times for when you’ll invest in work. This includes getting clear about the days of the week that you’ll work. Of course, there may be instances when you’ll have to work six days a week. But these instances should be rare if you’re committed to setting clear boundaries.
  • Discuss time off requests, special work arrangements and unique work hours with your supervisor. Get that person’s green light. That way, you’ll relax and not push yourself too hard out of fear that your supervisor will think you’re slacking. For example, if you need to wait until 10am to start work and you need to stop work at 5:30pm to care for a sick parent or young child, let your supervisor know.
  • Get smart about juggling multiple projects.
  • Communicate your work schedule to your team. Let go of guilt and focus on your work without feeling like you have to be Superwoman or Superman.
  • If your supervisor keeps pushing you to do more, consider seeking another job. Your mental, physical and emotional health matter.
  • Give yourself room to make mistakes. After all, staying motivated through failure is part of success, at work and at home.
  • Take breaks throughout the workday.
  • Definitely take your full lunch break.

How To Be More Motivated At Work

Also, let your supervisor know the projects you’re working on. If your workload is light, communicate that. But don’t keep pushing to receive more work as if working will reduce inner guilt.

And guilt may be the biggest culprit when it comes to setting shabby work boundaries. To avoid guilt, actually look at how much work you’re doing. Also, consider your work habits. You know if you’re a go-getter. You know if you keep commitments. Don’t play yourself small.

While you work, listen to motivational messages and read motivational quotes. For example, if you’re working on a project, you could pop in your ear buds and listen to online motivational messages. Before and after work, consider developing hobbies or investing in creative endeavors.

For instance, you could start writing on that novel. Or you could start on that abstract painting, wood table, ceramic dish set or pottery pieces. Also, invest in yourself by getting outdoors and enjoying, absolutely enjoying, a walk, run or bike ride.

Motivational Factors At Work

If you need motivation to work, take advantage of employee perks offered at the company where you work. Most human resources departments have a list of employee perks, things like computer discounts, travel savings and vacation packages that you can take advantage of.

In addition to becoming familiar with these employee perks, get clear on the number of vacation days that you have left. Forget carrying these days over to the new year. Instead, take a day off one to two times a month until you stop feeling de-motivated or burned out.

Definitely, get enough deep sleep. Reading a book before bed and avoiding caffeine are ways to set yourself up for a good night of sleep. And solicit the help of family and friends, people who are trustworthy. Also, spend time with people who practice healthy work boundaries.

Accept Help To Get Motivated Again

Let these people babysit so that you can get a break if you have young children. If you have a partner, ask your partner to help around the house. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Again, you’re not trying to be Superman or Superwoman.

That shared, be open to seeking help from a professional counselor if you’re still struggling as it regards finding motivation. You might even be able to get your counseling paid for through your employer. Bottom line, no one is going to look out for you better than you will, not if you love yourself.

Another thing – spend time with family and friends. At the least, speak with loved ones on the phone once a day or twice a week. Stay connected. Combined it all helps you to stay motivated at work and maintain a healthy motivation in and outside of the office. Oh. And one last thing – read a good book to stay motivated!

How To Stay Motivated During Hard Times

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By Books Author Denise Turney

If you want sustainable success and happiness, you need to learn how to stay motivated during hard times. You need to maintain positive expectations with old projects, classic relationships, mature goals and change. Why?

Being motivated is easy during new starts unless you resist change. When things are new, you can imagine outcomes that suit your desires. Unwanted results have yet to reveal themselves. You can lie to yourself at the start.

It’s tough to stay motivated after small changes enter old routines. Your resistance to what is happening makes experiences hard. If only you felt safe and certain with every bit of change.

woman looking to stay motivated wearing scarf and red shirt
Motivated Woman Wearing Scarf Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Koshy Koshy

Let Go of Control to Stay Motivated

Change puts you outside of the realm of control. After all, it’s hard to control what you know little or nothing about. For instance, new, demanding jobs; out-of-state housing moves; sharp economic swings; unbounded commercial success; fascinating weight loss and new romantic relationships occur absence your experience in knowing how to handle them.

To keep pace with change, particularly unexpected change, you’ll have to enter learning mode. Prepare yourself for a series of mistakes. You’re in new territory. It may be weeks, months, before you start to feel like you know what you’re doing.

Current and Recent Hard Times

Although hard, bitter and tragic, COVID-19 was one such recent event. The event was so shockingly unexpected that, for weeks as it regards a vaccine, there was no one to seek for a certain answer. So much of the process to adapt to the harsh change, called for courage and the sheer motivation to lift your head and keep moving forward.

And, as tempting as it is to insulate yourself from hard times, in this world, be it COVID-19 or another great unprecedented challenge, insulting yourself from hard times may be impossible. Sure. You could motivate yourself by building a wall of routine, fighting hard to keep change from seeping inside your life. But you’d eventually find that boring.

Lifetime of Motivation

A better option is to use your imagination, inner vision and courage to stay motivated during hard times. Fortunately, although it may not be comfortable, it is doable. In fact, you can take a first step forward today. For example, you could read inspirational quotes and perseverance quotes. Furthermore, you could:

  • Capture experiences that you are thankful for in a journal
  • Pay attention
  • Be aware of patterns tucked inside changes, including welcomed and unexpected changes. These patterns may hold clues to future successes.
  • Respect yourself by being honest about what you see and experience. Avoid fantasy and illusion.
  • Record weight loss and physical fitness achievements to strengthen workout motivation
  • Read books about hard times resilient people faced and overcame
  • Create a budget and start paying down debt to enter financial freedom

Help to Stay Motivated During Hard Times

  • Get outside for walks, a jog or a bike ride. It’s amazing how motivating natural sunlight is
  • Do something new each day, something new, fun and exciting
  • Make raising your hands toward the ceiling, as if trying to stretch as tall as you can, part of your morning wake-up routine
  • Removing yourself from people and routines that lend you to weighty feelings of guilt, shame, confusion and smallness (definitely don’t hang out with people who leave you feeling as if you’re not enough)
  • Engage in at least three daily activities that make it easy for you to feel joy and peace
  • Help someone else
  • Listen to uplifting music

Start Getting Motivated

But don’t wait until you’re facing hard times to start taking the above steps. If you wait, you may find it particularly tough to start incorporating smart actions into your days.

During hard and easy times, connect with healthy people. Yes. It’s tempting to go it alone during hard times. But don’t give into this temptation. Too much time alone could find you feeling isolated and as if you don’t have help, as if you have to push through the hardest experiences by yourself all of the time. Reach out to inwardly healthy people. Talk through what you’re feeling.

Being around inwardly healthy people is healing. In fact, communication may be the best way through change, including hard change. Communication gives you access to direct, firsthand advice, insights and inspiration. When you hear others share their challenges, you feel less alone. You feel a belonging.

Read the fictional story of Mulukan, a six-year-old orphan, to stay encouraged. It is stories like Long Walk Up that can help you stay motivated during hard times. I wish you well!

Dealing With Major Life Changes – When You Can’t Go Back

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By Books Author Denise Turney

People outdoors on a street dealing with major life changes
People outdoors on street Wikimedia Commons, Picture by Moheen Reeyad

Major life changes can knock the wind out of you. They can break your heart. One way you might be dealing with big shifts is by creating a set schedule. For instance, you might have developed a schedule for when you wake, exercise, check emails and relax for the evening. You could even commute the same way.

But schedules can’t stop life from coming at you. That’s right. Living small or forcing yourself into predictable routines won’t save you from big shifts. They could even push you toward boredom which, in time, could develop into a gnawing depression.

Daily Routines Go Away

I learned this the hard way after years of sticking with a workable routine. What you think is predictable won’t save you, even if that predictability is rooted in religion. The first time I learned this was after my mom transitioned.

Then, I learned this when my dad moved, leaving us with our paternal grandparents for a year. And I definitely learned this after my son transitioned. Writing novels couldn’t save me then. I’m surprised that I even started writing on another novel.

Dealing with Major Life Changes

So, what to do? How can you effectively deal with major life changes, especially the types of changes that you can never turn back from?

For starters, acknowledge that you are dealing with a major life change. Discover the impact that the change could have on you. The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory could be a good place to start.

Additionally, you might find it helpful to write about what happened (e.g., divorce, layoff, loved one transitioning). Even more, it might prove beneficial to talk with a trusted friend or professional about what you are going through.

Stay Motivated – Keep Going

And, referring to “going through”, encourage yourself that you will get through what you’re experiencing. Be honest about what you feel and experience.

Take breaks, especially when you feel yourself becoming imbalanced. Also, exercise, drink plenty of water and eat a healthy diet.

Pay attention to times when you feel tempted to eat or drink unhealthy. It could be a sign that you need to rest. It could be a sign that you need support.

Love yourself. Give yourself the positive help that you need.

More Ways to Deal with Major Life Changes

Getting outside for 40 or more consecutive minutes a day helped me tremendously while I was dealing with a job layoff during the Great Recession. Who knows? It might prove beneficial for you too.

Here are more way to deal with major life changes. Keep in mind, that honesty, patience and self-love are key components of each of the below actions:

  • Depending on the life change, you could write down benefits that derived from the change. For example, after I was laid off, I launched my freelance writing career. I also discovered more ways to connect my novels with appreciative book readers.
  • Take action to move into the next phase of your life. After all, you know that you can’t stay where you are. You don’t want to get stuck in a bad place.
  • Go on a social media and TV diet. Trying reading a good book instead.
  • Spend time with friends. For example, you could visit with one or more friends at least once a week. You could call a friend once a week.

Tips to Help You Shift

As hard as it may be to believe, getting through major life changes can teach you a lot about yourself. You can get through what you’re facing. Here are additional actions that you could take to effectively deal with major life changes:

  • Keep connecting with people who love you. As tempting as it might be, don’t isolate yourself.
  • Get enough sleep. But don’t oversleep.
  • Appreciate healthy (non-isolating) routines.
  • Avoid adding another major change into your life until you get through this change mentally, emotionally and physically.
  • Watch your finances. Don’t overspend. Money can’t help you avoid the stress that you want to run away from.
  • Try something different once a day or once a week. It could be something as small as driving a new route to work or trying a new salad when you visit a restaurant.

In this world, it’s impossible to avoid change. Regardless of what happens in your life, you’ll find great benefit in being patient with yourself. At the same time, sticking a few existing routines could help prevent you from feeling like the ground is shifting right beneath your feet.

But routines won’t save you from change. They can help reduce stress, but they won’t stop change. Keep moving in the right direction. Keep advancing. Surround yourself with loving people. Offer yourself as much support, peace and love that you can. Be like Mulukan in Long Walk Up and never, ever give up on YOU.

Stay Strong If Life Gets Tough

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By Books Author Denise Turney

Woman looking in mirror holding weights to stay strong
Woman Lifting Weights to Stay Strong Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Scott Webb

It’s easy to stay strong when you don’t feel pressured. But let a series of unexpected events drop into your life and you could start to wobble psychologically and emotionally. As difficult as it may feel to stay in the game, don’t let this challenge stop you.

If you’re struggling, it’s understandable. Why? You can’t plan for every experience you’re going to have to muscle through. What you can do is build safeguards.

Preparing for Emergencies

Even if managing budgets isn’t your thing, you can invest in an emergency fund. This could reduce stress you feel around unexpected auto repairs, medical bills or a job layoff. And, as someone who was laid off during the Great Recession, let me tell you – an emergency fund is a sure advantage. I highly recommend creating an emergency fund.

But an emergency fund won’t make you aware of every emergency that’s headed your way. And it’s this uncertainty that can wear you down, especially if you are pushed into a situation that demands that you face heightened levels of uncertainty day after day after day.

Stay strong.

Stay Strong Start to Finish

As someone who’s been thru her share of the unexpected, please let me share a few tips on how to stay strong if life gets tough. Here goes:

  • Start the day saying “Thank You” – That’s right, appreciation yields huge returns. As tough as it might feel, open up to sincere appreciation.
  • Bring your hobbies alive – Regularly engage in a hobby you love.
  • Activate a talent – Similar to hobbies, start using your talents.
  • Drink plenty of water – stay hydrated
  • Eat green leafy vegetables
  • Get outside and move – For example, you could enjoy a walk, jog, hike, swim, dance or bike ride.

More Ways to Stay Strong

It’s worth noting that, while you incorporate these actions into your day, willpower won’t suffice, not in the long run. The best willpower hits a wall, finds a stopping point. These times call for motivation. Above all, remember why you started pursuing a goal. That reminder is a powerful motivator. Check out these ways to stay motivated during hard times.

  • Read encouraging writings that are rooted in truth
  • Find someone or something to help, especially if the assistance is linked to a goal you’re pursuing
  • Map out how you can get out of the challenge you’re currently experiencing. For instance, you could list resources, contacts and specific actions you will take to get on the other side of the challenge. Trying to get out of debt? List your bills on a spreadsheet. Then, list your income, additional work you can take on to bring in more money and debts you could eliminate now (e.g., cable bill, streaming service, eating out). Set deadlines for when you will pay off bills. During this time, do not create new bills or get new credit cards.
  • Celebrate small success. As an example, you could light a candle, buy yourself flowers or enjoy an edible treat after you take a step towards a positive goal.
  • Keep making friends and strengthening healthy relationships

Strength in Real Life Connections

Above all, stay connected to people. If you’re in an isolated area, consider getting a pet. At first, it may not seem like it. But maintaining real life connections is a key way to stay strong if life gets tough. These real-life connections are face-to-face connections.

Even if you seek support from people in private social media groups, maintain healthy face-to-face connections. Also, don’t expect (or wait for) other people to reach out to you if you’re in a tough situation.

Reach out first. In time, others should start taking the initiative to reach out. Definitely stay open to making new friends.

While you practice appreciation, map out how you will address the challenge and maintain healthy face-of-face connections, believe in YOU! Don’t give up on yourself. There really is more within you than you may ever know while you’re in this world. You’d be shocked to know how much is in you. So, stay strong if life gets tough. Stay motivated and reach your deepest, most important goals.

What Are You Afraid of? Regain Your Life

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By Books Author Denise Turney

To regain your life, face what scares you. Fear or love, that is all there is to choose from. What if the only choices that you ever had, that we all have, are between fear and love? Nothing else.

Life seems much more complicated. But is it?

Think back to your childhood. How old were you when you first felt fear, when you first felt afraid?

Light from candle to regain your life
Lit Candle Wix – Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Edukeralam, Navaneeth Krishnan S

I remember this golden, brown German Shepherd across the street from where my family lived in Ohio. Back then, I was eight years old. As usual, when I was outside playing – riding a bike, enjoying a game of hopscotch or jumping rope – I was with my siblings and friends.

Fear Offers No Comfort

There certainly was comfort in numbers. Yet, regardless of how many people were outside, when that German Shepherd (his name was “King”) showed up, people darted. I’m talking teenagers and kids. Folks broke out and headed for cover.

All of this fear over a German Shepherd who had broken his backyard chain again. The more intense the fear I was experiencing became, the more angry and helpless I felt. I also wanted the dog to just disappear, making it easy for the entire scene to be over.

Oh, but, when dogs break loose, they don’t go right back from whence they came. Instead, they explore, peeing on bushes and tree trunks. They also like to kick up dirt with their hind feet, as if to let every other dog in the neighborhood know how big and bad they are. And even if they don’t intend to, they scare a lot of kids. (See these tips on how you could face fear and regain your life.)

Ever Changing Fear

My fear of “King” disappeared after my family moved to a different neighborhood. But that wasn’t the end of fear for me. After “King”, there were bullies, spooky movies, the nightly news, and a few bad grades that I was very concerned about showing my dad.

Fast forward to my adult years, and “King” was far at the back of my memory, certainly no longer something that pulled up fear in me. The 12 year old girl I’d been afraid of, the girl I let bully me in elementary school, didn’t even pop into my mind. She was long gone as it relates to fear, totally in the past.

But don’t go thinking that I stopped choosing fear over love. In fact, in place of big neighborhood dogs, school bullies and a bad report card, there were bills, fear of the unknown, fear of love, challenging work assignments and growing numbers of people I knew who were exiting their bodies or transitioning.

Yeah. The things that I chose to allow fear to use to bind me have changed. But that type of change doesn’t mean anything unless I’m choosing love instead of fear.

Regain Your Life – Choose Love Instead of Fear

The good news. It’s a choice that I’m paying attention to, practicing awareness so I can choose love. Thing is, fear, as you can see, takes on a myriad of forms. Its content remains unchanged. But the forms that fear uses seem always in motion.

Oddly, with love, it’s the content that I have long, perhaps always, focused on. Safe, warm feelings, a sense of belonging and conviction that I’m cared for are part of love’s content for me. Doesn’t matter if that content comes through my pet turtle, a friend, relative, engaging in my passion (writing) or listening to the smoothest song. If the content is there, I feel it. I appreciate it.

And the content never changes. It’s one of the things that I absolutely love about love. Perhaps it’s time that we all focused more on love’s content and less on fear and its myriad forms.

Toward this effort, I wrote a book about what fear did to a town in Memphis, Tennessee. The title of that book is Spiral. Read the book and you may be amazed at how far reaching, twisting, blinding and binding fear can get to be. It’s worse than any virus. Once fear takes root, look out. Or better yet, choose love.

Motivation Traps – Dream Chasers Be Careful

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By Books Author Denise Turney

Dream chasers are believers. They are steadfast in their hope that they will attain their deepest desires and reach their most sought-after goals. At the worst, they doubt that they will ever do what they keep striving to complete. Is this you? Does this sound like you? Are you a dream chaser?

Wikimedia Commons, Picture by Benh LIEU SONG

Dream chasers turn away from facts

Do you run away from facts when weeks, months, maybe years have passed, and you still haven’t met one significant goal? And these are goals that you set for yourself. I’m not talking about goals your parents, friends or older siblings set for you, whether they pushed you toward those plans directly or indirectly.

Examples of facts include bathroom scale readings, health screening results, book sales, time spent with friends, depth of family relationships, athletic performance, late bills and money debt. So, let’s say that you want to lose 20 pounds within three months.

If you’re a dream chaser, you might get a fitness watch, track your daily steps and trade soda in for water. That’s the good part. On the flip side, you might start munching on potato chips, eating more bread and snacking on pizza on weekends.

It’s time to face facts dream chasers

Result is that, despite how many times you tell yourself and others that “you’re trying to lose weight”, you either go back and forth between losing and gaining weight or you don’t ever lose even five pounds. If you’re a dream chaser, the fact that you haven’t lost five pounds in 10 years might not be enough to stop you from swearing that you’re really serious about losing weight.

This is called self-deception. Hope to move beyond just being among the dream chasers? Pay attention to the facts. Track your progress. Create a spreadsheet and list specific actions that you take to reach your goals. Each month, list the results that your actions produced.

Open yourself to changing your actions as needed. Big businesses do this. It helps to determine which businesses survive and thrive and which businesses fold. It might sound hard; but facing facts could save you years of striving and exerting energy that will never get you what you want. Ever.

Are you another Raymond Clarke?

This is a critical point where you may have a lot in common with a guy named Raymond Clarke. Raymond spent the majority of his childhood trying to fit in. For Raymond, it started at home with his alcoholic father.

No longer able to stomach anymore of his father’s disapproval, Raymond started telling himself that his father wasn’t really angry. He did this despite the fact that his father treated him with an unrelenting meanness.

There are downsides if you lie to yourself

That’s when Raymond learned to lie to himself.

What happened to cause you to think that self-deception or chasing dreams (and never catching them) was the answer? How did you come to perceive lying to yourself as a better alternative than facts?

If you’re willing, consider examining this habit. The last thing you want is to spend decades chasing dreams that will never come true. You also don’t want dream chasing to consume so much of your attention and energy that you miss awesome opportunities, none of which is related to your dreams.

Please don’t let this happen to you.

If you’re ready to get familiar with Raymond’s story, grab a copy of Love Pour Over Me. Look for similarities in your life and Raymond’s story. Be open to making changes. Give yourself a chance to live your best life starting right now.