Tag Archives: love books

Can You Join in Love Again?

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By Books Author Denise Turney

African American couple in love smiling next to bikes wearing helmets
Couple in Love with Bikes – Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Bill Branson

Feel that nudge in your heart? Maybe your core is telling you that it’s time to join in love again. But are you ready?

It’s easy to fall in love when you’re young. It’s easy to fall in love when you haven’t had your heart broken. But go through the heartache of divorce or even a non-marital breakup and you could become reluctant to enter a new romantic relationship.

And who could blame you? After all, you’re merely trying to protect yourself.

Give yourself chance to join in love again

Yet, self-protection has a cost. The highest cost is living with an invisible wall around your heart and your mind, a wall that no one can penetrate. If you’ve experienced this, you might feel alone, isolated or like no one understands you. In addition, you might start to believe that you’re simply not someone who will ever enjoy a loving, romantic relationship.

But what if you’re wrong? What if you can join in love again. What if your next relationship could actually be rewarding, enriching, empowering and inspiring?

Prepping your inner being for love

To enjoy a healthy relationship, make sure your inner being is healthy. Signs that you are inwardly healthy include:

  • Freedom from suspecting other people of doing wrong when there has been absolutely nothing done or said that would indicate that another person has intended to harm you
  • No interest in searching through your partner’s cell phone simply because you want to be certain that you’re not being cheated on (again when there has been no indication of infidelity)
  • Engaging in a variety of interest (e.g., sports, crafts, traveling)
  • Appreciation for the chance to experience new events, conversations, etc. with your partner and others
  • Lack of obsession
  • Strong family and friends support system
  • Connections with people who are positive and improving their lives
  • Taking full responsibility for yourself
  • Daily routines that encourage physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Examples include exercising, meditating, nature walks, keeping an appreciation journal, worship of the Creator and resting.

Acknowledge your self-worth

You’re right. It takes work to maintain good inner health, especially in this world where there are long work hours, financial challenges, family demands and harsh environmental shifts. Yet, it’s doable and so worth it.

In fact, just as you brush your teeth and shower or bathe every day, it takes daily actions to maintain inner health. You need good inner health to attract other people who are committed to being inwardly healthy. Simply reading self-help books isn’t enough. You and your partner need to take the right actions to enjoy inner health.

If this is new to you, start by acknowledging your self-worth. Below are a few shortcuts that could help you acknowledge your self-worth:

  • Engage in hobbies or work that you love. For me, that’s writing page turning novels! Oh, and I also love to interview artists on Off The Shelf Books Talk Radio
  • Remind yourself that other people’s opinions do not give you real worth
  • Try something new once a month. For example, you could drive a new way to or from work, go swimming if you haven’t been to a pool in years, ride a bike, travel someplace new or try a different food.
  • Be patient with yourself. You’re learning.
  • Recall past successes.
  • Remember that your worth is not tied to what you do, how much money you have, who you know, what you weigh or where you live.
  • Say “I love you” to that gorgeous person in the mirror!

You just might be ready to join in love again

Can you join in love again? Of course, you can. In fact, joining in love with someone who is ready to love you may get easier after you acknowledge your self-worth and get your inner self healthy.

To join in love again, you also need to open up to the idea of being in a romantic relationship. Turning away from loving people, doesn’t signal that you’re welcome to romantic love. After all, just as you don’t want to be rejected, the person who’d like to approach you, doesn’t want to be rejected either.

A final thought, you’re never going to know everything that’s going to happen to you in this world. And why would you want to? In fact, opening up to surprises is part of being in love. As you start to acknowledge your self-worth more, work on your inner health and take full responsibility for yourself, surprises may stop being viewed as risks to you.

They might become opportunities to grow, have fun, avoid boredom and stay engaged in the details of your life. Surprises also might serve as a pathway into deeper, richer, fuller love experiences that you treasure with your partner. So, like Raymond Clarke in Love Pour Over Me, you just might be ready to try romantic love again.

3 Things About You People Always Remember

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People always remember three things about you. Your smile can’t hide whether you’re offering these gifts or not. Warm embraces, laughter and compliments won’t work either. Despite effort to hide, people know if these blessings are being offered.

Happy African American people with child
3 People walking thru park – Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Wazzle

Emotions play a big role in all three.

Yet, fact is, as powerful as emotions are, they cannot always be trusted. That doesn’t mean they don’t carry substantial weight. In this aspect, emotions are like memories. They come. They go, and change, as if mere illusions. Yet, people never forget what they feel strongly.

Things About You People Always Remember

Maya Angelou expressed it well when she said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” How true.

A kind word falls flat for the listener who does not feel appreciated. However, a vigorous smile embodying the belief “You can do it”, a genuine gesture that cuts across generations, culture and language, can stay with a person forever, empowering her to seek another solution when she feels depleted.

Frankly, this is when emotions are truly powerful. They add a layer of ingenuity to words, actions. They create reliable memories, recollections that stir us even in old age. Consider it. Rare is the depth and longevity of the impact of how one person makes another feel. It is why the way people make you feel is one of the three things that people always remember.

Emotions Unbreakable Cord

In fact, children and elders approach or step back, creating a distance that mirrors the emotional tie someone has had on them, each time they happen upon that person — all potentially rooted in a single emotional experience. Humans witness this dynamic unfolding while eating, playing, laboring or resting. It is like a wheel that never stops spinning, never stops turning.

All interactions considered, the relationships that parents have with their children may be the deepest, most pivotal and empowering. Ask the mother of a 60-year-old to describe her child. Let that mother and child share a warm, loving relationship and the mother’s eyes might brighten as she starts to talk about her child, an act that may go on for more than an hour.

On the other hand, regardless of the goodness in a parent and child’s relationship, a child will remember his parent. These memories may cut, digging up deep wounds, or the memories may soothe and protect, springing forth with reassurance and trust. What these memories won’t do is go away.

Where Roots Are Placed

Distance and absence cannot severe the cord between a parent and a child. In fact, years may have passed since the two saw each other or spoke. But that bond is yet there, making a child or a parent the second of the three things that people always remember.

Home is the place where deep feelings and lasting memories take root. A home may be mobile or stationary. Design, structure and furnishings may run the gamut. And that’s okay. Because it’s not design or style that give a home impact. Yet, those too will be remembered.

It’s what regularly happens in a space that lends that place a sense of home. Fill a home with trust, assurance, laughter and care and life changing experiences could blossom, none to be forgotten.

In fact, home (the third thing that people always remember) is a blend of rich emotions between parent and child. In addition, home is bedrock as it relates to how people make us feel. Mulukan discovers this early. She is a mere six years old when she is uprooted from the only people, the only place, she has ever known. Her journey is hard, unforgiving.

And yet, she survives. After all, Mulukan (like you, like me) is blessed with the three things that people always remember. It’s what she does with those three things that makes the difference in her life. Treat yourself to Mulukan’s story. Then, consider what use you are making of the three things that people always remember. Are you using those three things to harm yourself, to set yourself back, to keep yourself stuck or to strengthen yourself and, like Mulukan, blossom, thrive and advance.

Readers Looking for Great Love Inspired Books

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By Denise Turney
True. The way readers get access to great stories has changed, more readers enjoying digital and audio books then they did a decade ago. What hasn’t changed is the fact that millions of children and adults love books. It’s this passion for entertaining, engrossing and emotionally charged books that find thousands and millions of readers regularly visiting literary websites like Good Reads, the African American Literary Book Club (AALBC), Rawsistaz, Amazon.com book discussions, The Red Room, Library Thing, Shelfari and Book Crossing.

For many people who love books, necessary elements of a great story include suspense, believable characters (even if those characters are placed center stage in a sci-fi novel), thought provoking dialogue and, of course, an intriguing plot. Readers, whether they appreciate and regularly buy love inspired books, mysteries, sci-fi novels, romance or westerns, want to care about characters in stories. They also want to fall in love with an author’s style, some readers preferring the work of authors whose writing flows akin to poetry.

However, perhaps it’s the way talented authors develop characters, dialogue, plot and story scenes that pull readers into the very heart of the stories they’re telling, until readers forget their own surroundings and challenges, that readers appreciate most. Before they know it, readers find themselves trying to figure out how to solve book characters’ problems, challenges that might mirror their own. As readers come up with solutions to challenges characters in books they enjoy face, they (without conscious awareness) gain solutions to their own real-life challenges.

It’s a benefit no one can put a price tag on. Redeeming love book stories change readers’ lives. And it might be because of that benefit that readers continue to seek out remarkable fictional stories. It might be why some readers can’t load their digital and wood bookcases with enough titles. What might be lesser known is that “the chance to change people’s lives in good ways” is a major reason why some authors sit down and create stories people love in the first place.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love. 

Sources:

http://www.writersrelief.com/blog/2012/02/literary-love-stories/ (Writer’s Relief:  The One Thing All Great Love Stories Have In Common—And What It Means To Your Writing)

http://www.examiner.com/article/top-five-african-american-romance-novels (Examiner: Top 5 African American Romance Novels)

A Lifetime of Loving Books

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By Denise Turney

love books

Like millions of readers, I have spent a lifetime loving books. One of the reasons I love reading books has to do with the way intricately developed literature penetrates misgivings I might have about my ability to progress, convincing me that I can triumph by introducing me to characters who, although deeply challenged, overcome.

Loving Books for Several Reasons

Sometimes I want to read books I can finish in a few hours, no more than a day. Yet, time savings aside, I can honestly say I love reading books most that take days for me to finish. In fact, like many people who love books might desire, if I truly enjoy a book, I don’t ever want the story to end. Could be a reason why some of us love books that are part of a series.

But, those aren’t the only reasons we have a love of books. After all, don’t true book lovers want to find and enjoy stories that make us think, stories that could change our lives, regardless of where the stories are set or when authors penned them? Don’t we want to have the opportunity to explore complexities of believable characters, the chance to follow dynamic characters through uncommon situations that force the characters to transform, to change.

Never been to historic, faraway places like Paris, France, West Africa, New York City, Scotland or Tokyo, Japan? Pick up an intriguing novel that’s set in these or other cities and regions, places rich with history, tradition and culture, and you could feel as if you have been transported to these locations in a matter of minutes.

Clearly, books can have an empowering impact. Those of us who have spent a lifetime loving books know this firsthand. Great books help us deal with challenging situations in our own lives, beginning in our childhoods. . . early. Great literature shows those of us who love books that there is another way life can be, that we really can live rewarding, eventful lives.

Reasons I Love Reading Books

Like you might, I remain grateful to the authors who did what it took to create stories that packed an entertaining wallop, stories that helped change my life. As it is with many people who love books, starting early in this world, I was extremely fortunate, finding books that connected with me deeply, books that both entertained and inspired me. Because of these early stories, I acquired a growing appreciation for reading great books. My passion for reading shortened the time it took me to understand school text, lesson plans and news articles. In a nutshell, it helped to increase my learning, made it easy for me to excel academically, and, years later, professionally.

Over the years, I have loved turning the pages of the hundreds of books I’ve read. I’ve used all sorts of things for bookmarks (i.e. folded sheets of paper, paper clips, post-it notes, actually bookmarks). Curling up in bed with an amazingly good book has long been a wonderful way to drift into sleep for me. After I finish reading books, I add them to my bookcases, making it easy for me to return to the books months or years later, to enjoy reading parts of the stories.

Loving books is easy, especially when we stop and consider how great books open up new worlds, introduce us to amazing possibilities. After all, what other invention, small enough to fit inside a tote bag, can inspire, motivate and entertain us all at the same time? What other invention helps change our lives the way great books do?

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Treasuring African American Love Novels

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By Denise Turney

Classic African American love novels like The Color Purple by Alice Walker, Beloved by Toni Morrison and Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston celebrate love and romance shared between African American couples, while, at the same time, they probe the intricacies, challenges and triumphs of everyday life. Eras the novels are set in enhance the stories, help to make them all engrossing, intriguing. Because historic events are captured on the books’ pages, the stories are often taught in secondary and postsecondary schools.

After all, a classic African American book is more than entertaining; it’s also educational. For example, stories like Richard Wright’s, Native Son, and Ann Petry’s, The Street,  illustrate the lifestyles, culture, economics, politics and family mores dominating local, regional and national landscapes during the periods the stories are set in.

It may be the rich history these and other classic African American books capture that keeps readers returning to libraries, bookstores and e-book readers to purchase the books generation after generation. Characters like Celie, Nettie, Lutie Johnson and Bigger Thomas are complex. As readers turn the pages of these classic novels, they witness these complex characters transform. Some characters, like Celie, go from feeling insignificant, weak and insecure to learning their worth.

These character transformations inspire readers. Challenging circumstances in classic African American books ring true, are believable. Yet, the circumstances are often so hard that they are painful to revisit. One can only imagine how difficult it may have been for the authors to put the stories on paper, cementing the stories in history. It’s in witnessing the triumphs of the books’ characters that readers are pushed, if you will, into inspiration, deeply encouraged. It’s also why readers feel as if they are getting much more than entertainment each time they pick up and read a great work of art like the volumes of classic African American novels.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com ($3.03 – lowest price I’ve found so far) and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

What Makes Women and Men Fall in Love?

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By Denise Turney

Years ago I thought falling in love was something orchestrated only by heaven. Now, I wonder if that’s really the case. True. Little — if anything, feels as invigorating, as intoxicating and as all consuming as falling in love. Yet, as magical as falling in love feels, studies have revealed that the process of falling in love can be orchestrated, with intent, by everyday folk.

Power Feelings of Falling in Love

Your Amazing Brain says we fall in love in three stages. In the first stage, we feel lust (others might call it infatuation) for someone. Then, we move on to attraction and finally the third stage of attraction. The entire time we are moving through each of these stages, our brains are fast at work, causing the process to seem almost mechanical.

During the first stage estrogen (women) and testosterone (men) increases. It’s no wonder we feel so nervous and giddy during this stage. Hormones are rushing through our systems, including our brains, at heightened levels. It’s during the attraction stage that we can’t seem to stop thinking about a person. Adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin (the godmother of good feelings) take center stage during the attraction stage. We also tend to view the person we’re falling in love with as being perfect or damn near perfect. Some refer to this as wearing rose-colored glasses (of course, sooner or later, those glasses come off).

After we’ve been in a relationship with someone for several weeks or months, we may start to enter the attachment stage. This is when we start producing an increase of oxytocin and vasopressin. However, should our brains start producing or secreting lower levels of these hormones, we might start feeling less in-love with a person.

Growing Into Deeper Love With Someone

Studies have shown that the process of falling in love can be orchestrated if couples spend enough time together to allow their brains to move through the stages. There’s also still more research being done to discover what happens to our brains and our bodies during the early, middle and late stages of being in love. Perhaps we’ll never fully know what happens to us during the time in our lives when we can feel so out of control as we start feeling incredibly strong emotions when we meet and/or think about someone. What we do know is that the feelings generally don’t last.

If we run away from relationship challenges and don’t have conviction about a loving relationship, we may never reach deep commitment, we may never enter the deepest and sweetest places of a relationship. It’s what Raymond and Brenda learn in Love Pour Over Me as they try to understand why they feel so drawn to each other, almost as if heaven is pushing them together, so soon after they meet at college.

Falling and staying in love would be easy if all we had to do was focus on the one we felt a strong emotional and psychological connection to. But, that’s not the way it goes. As happens with Brenda and Raymond in the book Love Pour Over Me, other events of our lives seem to get in the way. There are jobs to go to, children to care for, houses to keep up, friends to hang out with . . . the list goes on and on and on . . .

Before you know it, we’re not feeling so in love anymore. Maybe it’s because our minds and our brains get cluttered with too many other things to focus on. Who knows? What remains sure is that, whether studied or not, little beats or compares to the feelings of falling in love. It’s an exhilarating time, and when it’s right, when a relationship can and does stand the test of time (and any other test thrown its way), being in love is right – perfect.

Thank you for reading my blog. Please return often and read more blog posts. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You!

Sources:

Love Pour Over Me – http://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html

Your Amazing Brain: The Science of Love – http://www.youramazingbrain.org/lovesex/sciencelove.htm

Psychology Today: The Early Stages of Falling in Love – http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/get-hardy/201203/the-early-stages-falling-in-love

Young Love’s Passion is Hot

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By Denise Turney

When we’re young, passion is hot. Passion seems to flow through every intimate relationship when we’re young. Oh, the magic of the 20s. We feel as if our bodies will never age, our hair graying and our limbs becoming less nimble, the way our parents and grandparents have. It’s a time of wonder.

Joys and Triumphs of Young Love

Life stretches out before us, full of promise and hope. We hold on tight. Even if we’ve experienced disappointments and frustrations, made mistakes and taken wrong turns, during our teen and pre-teen years we know we can win. We know life holds one success after another for us. We believe in our greatness (and we should). We believe in romantic love, burn with hot passion for romantic love.

If we’ve never been in love with another person, someone who makes our heart race, our hands sweat, we’re in for a wild ride. Everything will sparkle and come alive for us. It’s a feeling unlike no other . . . being in love. Even if we’ve loved before – loving our parents, siblings, pets and friends – we have a compass; it tells us that this is different.

And it is this experience many of us have after we pack our bags and head off to college or university. It’s as if there is someone waiting for us to step into his or her life, someone waiting to join with us in love. In the hustle and busyness of college life we may not notice this person at once, but college last four to five years. There will be other times for us to connect with this person who will stir the passion within us, changing our lives forever. . . .

It’s this passionate love that Raymond Clarke experiences in the book, Love Pour Over Me. At the start of Love Pour Over Me, Raymond has just met Anthony Thompson, a collegiate football star, when he looks up and sees her. He doesn’t say it, but he knows – deep down he knows – she’s the woman for him. If asked to explain what he feels the instant he sees her, Raymond would struggle to find the words. Nothing from his past has prepared him for this. He can’t think of one other time when he felt what he feels when he sees her.

He doesn’t even wonder if it’s mere fantasy, something he’s making up in his mind, something he’ll never “really” share with her. He just goes with the experience, letting it guide and pull him along. It’s the right thing to do as Raymond discovers throughout the pages of the new book, Love Pour Over Me.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Even if you choose not to purchase your copy of Love Pour Over Me today, I encourage you to “consider Love.”