By African American Books Writer Denise Turney

Do you think it’s time to stop being so tolerant? After all, you’ve suffered enough. You’ve suffered at work and at home. It’s time to love yourself. Stop hanging on, waiting for things to improve, and just leave bad relationships.

Surviving a bad relationship may make you look like a heroine. If you grew up watching your parents fight or tolerate one another, merely surviving a lukewarm existence, you might find saving someone attractive. However, there are significant downsides to staying in bad relationships. It doesn’t matter if those relationships are romantic, work related or between unreliable “friends”.

Reasons You May Stay In Bad Relationships

Psychological abuse is one of the harmful downsides of staying in bad relationships. The pain of psychological abuse is so intense, you’re probably ready to do anything to avoid it, including agree with an abuser about how unworthy you are. Depending on the depth of pain that you’ve endured, you might even swear that, after you get free, you’ll never let anyone get close to you again.

On the other hand, if you felt like you were in love, it may be harder to walk away. In fact, Psychology Today shares that you could gain satisfaction from simply being in a relationship (doesn’t matter how good or bad the relationship is). More specifically, Psychology Today shares that “some individuals, especially those with low self-esteem or those who perceive themselves to be less attractive, have low “comparison levels.”

Comparison levels are your inner standards of what you consider to be a good, average or bad relationship. If you have low self-esteem, you might expect a relationship to have lots of hardships and few benefits. Again, this could be due to parental modeling.

Bad Relationships Aren’t Satisfying

This may not be encouraging, but it’s worth paying attention to. Regarding your willingness to endure bad relationships, another factor to consider is how you were treated as a child. “Women who experienced abuse as children report more satisfaction with lower-quality relationships,” according to Psychology Today.

Other reasons why you might put up with the illusion of love have to do with how you perceive your partner. For example, if you place a high value on your partner’s sense of humor and how your partner makes you laugh, you might downplay how your partner ridicules you at social gatherings.

Or, maybe your partner satisfies you in bed. To keep this part of the relationship, you could overlook or downplay how your partner keeps placing you in financial debt. And, this raises another point. If you think that you can’t find a better relationship, you might stay.

See How Your Treating Yourself Thru Bad Relationships

Memories of loving encounters shared between you and your partner could just be one part of this. You might actually think that no one else will want you. Another thing that you might do is convince yourself that your partner treats you poorly because he is passionate. Or you might tell yourself that your partner treats you poorly because she cares so much about you.

Even more, you might convince yourself that your partner needs you. That way, you’d see yourself as doing a good deed when you don’t leave bad relationships. It’s certainly not a recipe for happiness. But, depending on what you perceive about yourself, it could offer the illusion of satisfaction.

So, how do you stir the inner strength to leave bad relationships? To begin, as with any awakening, be honest with yourself. Actually, see what you are doing to yourself thru bad relationships.

See What You’re Doing To Yourself

For instance, see what is happening to you. Don’t turn away, and don’t rationalize. Face it. If you’re being physically pushed, slapped or punched, see that happening to you. Start to wonder why you allow it to happen. Also, start to wonder why you put yourself in a relationship where you are getting hit or shoved.

Even more, if you’re working long hours only to have your partner keep you in debt, see it as if you are keeping yourself in debt. After all, you chose to stay in a relationship where you’re being hurt this way.

This goes back to how you perceive yourself. It’s at the heart of your self-esteem. And this is related to the more important reason to leave bad relationships. In other words, love illusions don’t weaken the impact of verbal, psychological, financial or sexual abuse.

Reasons To Get Out Of Bad Relationships

Here are five clear reasons to leave bad relationships. See if you can come up with more healthy reasons to get out of bad relationships and start practicing self-love.

• Hence, the first reason to leave bad relationships is to give yourself the space to begin to love yourself. Allow yourself the freedom from pain to start to see yourself differently, honestly. Tips to do this include writing down 20 things that you appreciate about yourself. If you can’t come up with 20 right now, start with five. Another way to do this is to accept compliments that people give you. Think about the good that others see in you.
• Ability to grow is another reason to leave bad relationships. In addition to learning to love yourself, when you leave bad relationships, you can start to grow in many areas. For instance, you might take actions to become physically healthy. And you might take a free online course, learn another language, start meditating or start a business in your passion field.

More Reasons To Get Out Of Bad Relationships

• Improved overall health is another reason to leave bad relationships. The art of letting go of someone you love who’s unhealed, could cause your blood pressure to enter a healthy range. You also might stop having headaches, back pain and other stress related illnesses.
• Making room for a loving relationship is another reason to say farewell to bad relationships. In fact, the only way to fully enter a loving relationship is to engage in the art of letting go of someone you love but who is too unhealed to love you in return. Keep in mind that staying in love illusion relationships or surviving a bad relationship is just another way to prove to yourself that you aren’t worth much (which is simply not the case).
• You’d rather experience a truly loving relationship that allows your partner and you to grow than to stay in a fantasy that’s clearly not healthy. In other words, leave bad relationships because you want the real thing.

Practice Daily Self-Love Techniques

Tips to start healing from a bad relationship involve facing the facts and taking responsibility. Accept that your getting to peace and joy is up to you. And, it’s not magic. You have to do the inner work to get there.

This work could take the rest of your physical experience. But it’s so worth it. In fact, as you continue to practice daily self-love techniques like meditating, journaling, listening to soothing music and surrounding yourself with loving people, you may reach a point where you wouldn’t even consider entering an abusive relationship. Furthermore, you might become a teacher, sharing words of wisdom about love and relationships with others.