By African American Book Writer, Denise Turney

All types of relationships, face-to-face and long-distance, can benefit from relationship rescue. Fear of rejection, fear of not being in control and especially fear of failure can be released after the rescue, a shift that centers the union on love. Barriers are replaced with hope, trust, care, patience, joy and love.

Learning to Trust Again as Part of a Relationship Rescue

For all of its rewards, love has barriers to get through, which is a reason why getting to a good relationship requires patience. Fact is, despite its benefits, love is viewed as weak. This belief presents a relationship barrier, whether you are seeking a friend or looking for a marriage partner.

It starts in childhood. Pre-teens push their mothers away when they go to hug them. “Don’t baby me. Don’t make me soft,” are demands children make of their mothers. At first glance, it appears sensible.

After all, the world isn’t going to baby, pamper or be soft on kids when they grow up. The world doesn’t coddle adults seeking relationship rescue with colleagues or couple’s therapy. In fact, even while undergoing relationship rescue, the world can feel like a gigantic foe that won’t stop swinging.

Getting off of this mean merry-go-round starts with introspection. It calls for the ongoing practice of self-love. And it requires learning to trust again. Actions that help you learn to trust again include:

• Releasing the need to control
• Letting go of the need to know everything

More About Relationship Rescue

Other actions that support learning to trust efforts are practicing forgiveness, accepting reality and grieving the loss of previous relationships. This includes family, friend and romantic relationships. For example, to release a former relationship, you could write your inner self a letter. In this letter, express your love for yourself. Also, share how you will be patient with yourself as you adjust to life without the previous relationship.

You might list specific ways that you will continue to work through grief. For instance, you might do three things a day that cause you to feel joy and peace. Listening to music that causes you to feel happiness and peace is one way. Meditating in a peaceful area and spending time in nature are other options. Additionally, you might stand in front of a mirror and say “I love you” to yourself in the morning and at night. This is important. Because believe it or not, loving yourself is key to any relationship rescue.

Even more, loving yourself is at the core of learning to trust again. And it’s this lesson that can make a relationship good. Yet, there’s still the belief that love is weak. In fact, men still get teased for “being in love”.

Made to be Loved

But if you get to know a man, you know better than to believe that men don’t want deep love, affection and care. In fact, a survey reported in Reader’s Digest reports that men fall in love faster than women. When it comes to falling in love at first sight, men get hooked 48% compared to women, who fall in love at first sight 28% of the time.

Also, men who responded to the survey shared that it bothered them if their partner wasn’t romantic enough. Despite what some men may say and how loudly they voice it, men want and need love. The trouble is that some men are raised to be so outwardly tough, they can come off as emotionally cold.

If men are taught to avoid loving emotions at all costs (least they be perceived as weak), they could go into conflict each time feelings labeled as “bad,” “soft,” or “weak” surface. That alone could produce conflict.

Art of Falling in Love

Yet, if you’re an expansion of love, it’s not possible to be satisfied with anything less than love. That’s why it’s critical that you love yourself. In fact, self-love is a start to the art of joining in love with someone else. So, before you seek a new relationship, work on the relationship you have with yourself.

Practice self-awareness. Become aware of what you really want. Take smart risks. There may be no better way to learn that “nothing outside of you will make you happy”. This includes the image (or illusion) you’ve created of your “perfect match”.

Therefore, in addition to self-love, the art of joining in love calls for failure. Along the way, you may have to invest in relationship counseling. You also might have to invest in psychotherapy to improve the relationship that you have with YOU.

Why not now?

Love and Trust in Rescued Relationships

Succeeding at love is about more than romance. It encompasses all of your relationships. The most influential of these relationships has nothing to do with romance. Yet, this relationship has everything to do with love. It’s the relationship you have with your parents.

Even if this relationship was fractured or bruised, you can still experience love and trust. Start practicing self-awareness, take full responsibility for yourself and make choices that help you to release unhealthy relationships. Focus on doing what causes you to feel joy and peace. Make this a priority and you may develop a sharp emotional compass.

You could spot when someone is devaluing you. And you may lose an attraction for people, including current and former lovers, who mistreat you. In fact, as you practice self-awareness and self-love, you may stir up the confidence to make choices that attract more love to you.

Finding Real Love

If you believe that love is weak or that love is only real in a romantic form, you could spend a lifetime searching for love and thinking you never found it. Fact is love is strong. It may be the only true strength. And love is limitless. It’s not limited to romance.

So, if you really want to experience love, start by getting to know and loving your true Self. And love every aspect of creation. It’s going to require forgiveness, as we all make mistakes. For sure, experiencing true love requires patience. But, if you’ve ever been loved, you know that it’s worth it.

Another thing, each relationship you have impacts every other relationship that you have. Wishing you the strength of love everywhere you are, everywhere you go.

Love Pour Over Me

If you’re struggling to love yourself or if you think love is weak, consider Raymond Clarke’s story. Raymond was told that love is for weak people. He was raised not to need anyone. But he didn’t create himself just as we didn’t create ourselves. Raymond needs love. He just doesn’t know it.

Can you imagine being told not to let something happen, then the experience keeps happening? Don’t want love. Working hard not to let anyone get close to you. You could get hurt. You might feel like a failure every time you start opening up to another person, which could cause more conflict, more problems. This seesaw experience causes Raymond Clarke to create emotional, psychological and, later in his life, physical barriers, shutting out nearly everyone who tries to get close to him.

Fortunately, love doesn’t give up, proving that love truly is patient, forgiving and strong. Each of us has to open up to love, letting it flow through us. Everyone has to give and receive love. It’s our core. It’s what we are.

It takes Raymond years to accept love’s lessons. How long will you let it take you?

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now

Barnes & Noble – http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/love-pour-over-me-denise-turney/1109600654