A Mystery, What If You Can’t Let the Departed Go

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By Freelance Writer and Mystery Writer Denise Turney

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It’s hard enough to let the departed go after a funeral or homegoing service. Even if you consider yourself a spiritual person, you can’t deny that there’s been a huge shift. Communicating with your loved one who has left their body will either end or take great work to continue.

Leaving Your Body Is Not the End

If you believe you’re an eternal being, you know that leaving a body is not the end. On the other hand, if you believe that the only reality is a fleshly existence, the departure is permanent. Regardless of your belief, there’s been a great change. And you have to deal with it.

Remembering your loved one, instead of working to forget them, is a way to maneuver through the change. Looking for ideas? To keep your loved one’s memory alive, you could:

  • Write a letter to express emotions related to your relative or friend
  • Create a collage with pictures of fun times shared between you two
  • Talk with relatives and friends about the departed
  • Frame a picture of your loved one and keep it in your living space
  • Light a candle for someone dear to you who has transitioned

Also, allow yourself to laugh and smile at happy memories. For sure, it might take work, but start to move through guilt feelings and guilt thoughts. Begin to treasure the sweet memories that you created with your loved one.

Dealing with Trauma or Grief

This is where watching home videos, reading cards from your departed friend and re-reading a letter could prove helpful. The key is not to depend on these experiences. After all, nothing is forever or permanent in this world, including routines you make to deal with trauma or grief.

Other smart actions you could take to move through grief and let the departed go are below. As with other life experiences, go with what works for you.

  • Hold an annual memorial to honor your loved one. For instance, you could hold a private or a public memorial on your loved one’s birthday. This happens with departed entertainers and other celebrities.
  • Visit a cool spot that your loved and you frequented on a special day once a year
  • Add your friend to your artistic work. As an example, you could include your friend’s name in a poem, short story or play that you write. Or you could paint a picture of your friend.
  • Keep in touch with relatives of your loved one. Do this in healthy ways and with the agreement of the relatives.

Messages from Beyond

Depending on your beliefs and abilities, you could receive messages from beyond. Should you be a gifted seer, you might receive messages from beyond from someone you don’t know. In this case, the process to let the departed go could extend into the unknown.

A young girl named Carolyn deals with this in Spiral. Her experience is similar to what other people with the ability to be a seer have shared. “I felt another presence, like I wasn’t alone,” some people who receive messages from beyond say.

Another experience these people share is how they “heard people’s names, dates, places like cities and streets” they’d never heard about before. These cases may occur because there’s an unresolved issue, which raises a good point.

What if it wasn’t you, but the departed, who was having trouble letting go?

What Happens in Ghost

Ghost is a popular movie that deals with this. At first, Demi Moore’s character moves right into grieving, a healthy step. After all, delaying grieving might seem safe, protecting you from strong emotions, but it won’t keep you from realizing that someone you love is no longer here.

Then, strange phenomena start to occur. Unwillingness to turn away from what’s happening and clear memories about her partner, key Moore’s character, Molly Jensen, into the fact that she could be hearing from her loved one. Together, Molly and her departed loved one, a man named Sam Wheat, solve a murder.

Following through on what Sam shares with her is the only way that Molly will get to peace. She becomes as emotional as Sam is to solve the mystery. Fortunately, Molly does find who murdered her boyfriend, Sam. After that, both Molly and Sam are free. It truly was a loving way that Molly let the departed go, so he could continue his journey.

Love People While They’re Here

If we’re truly nonphysical beings, it’s not impossible to think that a departed loved one could connect. Just as they would if they were still in their body, a loved one could seek help to resolve an issue they were unable to close while they were here. Carolyn is up for the task in Spiral. For her, a 10-year-old girl, it’s as if she has no choice.

Choices this young girl makes help more than the departed let go and enter peace. Her works influence an entire town, opening up the possibility for generations to live free. Carolyn gets it.

Unresolved issues could make it hard to let the departed go. Therefore, take it easy on yourself. Treat the people in your life, including strangers, with love. Appreciate people you say you love. Say what you want to say, rooted in love. Let people know how much they mean to you. Share your love. Be kind, thankful and caring.

After all, this world is a mystery. One day, you’ll have to let it go. Loving everyone you meet can make the process easier for you and the people who cross your path.

Signs Someone in Your Family is Your Best Friend

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By Freelance Writer and Book Author Denise Turney

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It’s sweet when someone in your family is your best friend, especially if you grew up with this relative. Know them since you were a toddler and you have loads of history. You’ve been there for each other nearly every step of the way.

The Best Friend Who Makes You Feel Accepted

Because you know each other so well, there’s often no need to explain your opinions, beliefs or ambitions to them. Another gain is that you don’t have to work to be your “authentic self” while you’re with your family friend. Hanging out with them is a great way to feel accepted, like you belong.

That alone is strength, is empowering.

Despite these advantages, you might not think of a relative as your best friend. Even more, you might not know who in your family is your best friend. That person could be your parent, an aunt, an uncle, cousin, grandparent or a sibling.

Signs Someone in Your Family is Your Best Friend

They might even be someone who became part of your family through marriage. Signs a relative is your best friend include:

  • You laugh a lot when you’re with them, the knee slapping rib busting kind of laughing
  • Sharing a secret with them is easy
  • When you’re with them, you feel loved
  • Your energy shifts into a better space when you two are together
  • Going days without communicating with them isn’t something you want to do
  • If you’re in a jam, they are among the first people you call
  • Both of you turn to each other for advice
  • Vacationing together is fun
  • Family get togethers are events you look forward to as it gives you a chance to hang out someone in your family who is your best friend

You’re Not Alone

A friend keeps you from feeling like you’re alone in the world. Having just one person in your life who makes you feel like you belong can boost your confidence and give you hope. When you feel like you belong, you can also:

  • Reduce your stress levels
  • Improve your sense of worth
  • Sleep better at night
  • Face mistakes you’ve better with confidence
  • Realize how alike you are to other people
  • Cope with challenges better
  • Avoid feeling deep loneliness
  • Live life with a sense of support
  • Feel empowered to ask for help
  • Know someone loves being with you, loves your company

Someone in Your Family You Trust

This world is full of ups and downs, constant change. It’s impossible to know what’s coming next every second of every day. To get through the world’s ongoing shifts, you might need to talk with someone you trust, you might need to talk through plans with someone who has your best interest at heart. A family member who’s your best friend gives you a quick ear, someone to bounce ideas off.

When someone in your family is your best friend, you also have someone you trust who you can discuss personal issues with. Instead of calling or texting a neighbor, colleague or classmate and hoping that they won’t spread intimate details you share with them, when a family member is your best friend, you can relax and know what you share won’t become gossip.

After all, you’ve both shared private details with each other for years. If neither of you has ever shared these private details with another relative, there’s a comforting shelter of trust that when you ask, “please don’t tell anyone else” your request will be honored.

Family Friends Offer Relationship Stability

When you’re sharing dating details, relationship troubles, vacation exploits and fun and games with your relative friend, it could all end in laughter. Let misfortune arise, something like a bad health diagnosis, and don’t be surprised if you weep absent embarrassment with your relative friend.

You might ask them to accompany you to your future doctor visits. It could be a good way to shield yourself from emotional and psychological hurt. And again, having this relative friend with you could keep you from feeling alone.

The older you get — or put another way, the more time you spend in this world — the more you might see the value in relationships. Even in this ever-changing world, good relationships offer the most stability.

So, consider letting the person in your family who is your best friend know how much you appreciate them. Tell them how happy you are that, in addition to being family, they care enough to be your best friend. It’s what makes family real sweet.

How to Help African American Women with Breast Cancer

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By Inspirational Books Author Denise Turney

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There is something about sickness and death that can make you want to hide, keep what’s happening to you secret. Yet, hiding and living with anxiety and fear doesn’t stop the progression of a disease. Facing a disease like breast cancer doesn’t make the process easier either, but it can lead to healing. If you reach out and do research, you’ll find that there is help for African American women with breast cancer.

Actions to Help African American Women with Breast Cancer

As with other diseases, education is a good start. Organizations like Sisters Network, Inc., Black Women’s Health Imperative, African American Breast Cancer Alliance and Susan G. Komen for the Cure offer educational materials you can read and learn more about what might be happening to your body. The American Cancer Society shares research work on prevention, treatments, childhood cancer and how the disease responds to other issues like COVID.

Regarding the power of knowledge, among the actions to help African American women with breast cancer, there is:

  • Virtual and in-person training to help reduce fear, as you become aware of what to expect during testing, treatment and recovery
  • Sharing the importance of performing monthly self-breast exams (a lot of women discover breast irregularities during self-exams)
  • Knowledge about what happens during mammograms, including questions to ask screeners and your physician
  • Information on where to get free mammogram screenings and other breast cancer support free of charge

Training and Prevention, Healing for African American Women with Breast Cancer

In addition to knowledge, training is important. You may need training to perform monthly self-exams effectively. Regular monthly self-breast exams can be performed in the shower or in another private area. After performing several exams, it will be easier to notice changes in the shape or feel of your breasts.

This leads to more ways to help African American women with breast cancer. Some of the ways had been previously mentioned. They are other support actions include:

  • Training from a healthcare practitioner (Your OBGYN is a great start. It’s important to partner with an OBGYN who you feel comfortable talking to about your body.)
  • Monthly self-breast exams (Getting to know your body is important.)
  • Mammograms (The American Cancer Society and The National Cancer Institute can help you find resources to get free or low-cost mammograms. Additionally, your OBGYN might know where you can get free or low-cost mammograms. Some employers also provide free exams.)
  • Treatment options (Discuss treatment options, including financial support that may be available for treatment options.)
  • Diet (A lot can change when you discover you have a disease like breast cancer. Path to healing might come, in part, through diet. Consider working with a dietician to learn how what you feed your body affects your overall health, including your emotional health.)

You Caring Means a Lot

If you’re a relative or friend of someone who’s dealing with breast cancer, your care means a lot. Just knowing that you care and are willing to invest the time and support to help a friend with breast cancer means a lot.

Of all the ways to help African American women with breast cancer simply being there, over the long run, might be an immeasurable gift. More ways that you could help are to:

  • Offer rides to doctor visits
  • Drive your relative or friend to and from treatments
  • Help care for or babysit young children
  • Attend support group meetings with your relative or friend
  • Pray with and for your friend
  • Cook meals for your friend. You could even prepare meals that are stored in the freezer, so all your friend has to do is put enough food in the oven to dine on for a day.

Get Permission and Keep Reaching Out

Because each person is different, get your family member’s or friend’s permission to help. However, if you see your friend or family member is struggling and trying to go it alone, continue to offer support. Calling and stopping by your relative’s or friend’s home just to say “Hello” is a way to show that you’re there and willing to be a support.

Just being there and listening is such a gift. Organizations that help African American women with breast cancer are in the resources section below. There are many other organizations that you can turn to, including local organizations, that help African American women with breast cancer. Some of these organizations might be affiliated with a local hospital or treatment center.

Resources:

  1. Sisters Network Inc. – https://www.sistersnetworkinc.org
  2. Black Women’s Health Imperative – https://bwhi.org
  3. African American Breast Cancer Alliance – http://aabcainc.org
  4. American Cancer Society – https://www.cancer.org
  5. Susan G. Komen for the Cure – https://www.komen.org

Easy Shortcuts to a Better Life

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By Books Author Denise Turney

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Easy shortcuts to a better life are linked to rest, peace and greater satisfaction. These shortcuts help you to live in your natural state, more in tune with how you were created to live. Think about it. As a child who was loved, you may have spent hours, if not entire days, in a cocoon of love, peace and restfulness. Yet, by the time you entered kindergarten, your habit of living in peace, love and restfulness may have started to slip.

Other People’s Expectations

Gone are days spent enjoying being alive. Enter in other people’s expectations of what you “should do” and “ought to be” like. Once this happens, it’s not enough to just be yourself. An invisible “ruler” of what a good kid is like, what your parents or caregivers most want you to mirror and other people’s hopes for the specific personality that you should develop starts to show up and solidify.

Before you know it, you start glancing at other people, monitoring their approval or disapproval of you. Spot someone frowning in your direction, and you might hang your head. Let someone smile at you, and your head and shoulders rise. During those instances of external approval, it’s easy to feel good.

If only this world were filled with nothing except people who appreciate you. Easy shortcuts to a better life might be a snap then.

Key Shortcut

Think about it. Are you more confident while surrounded by friends or while in the company of a crowd who has repeatedly made it clear to you that you are not enough? Furthermore, each instance when you felt insecure, uncertain and uncomfortable were you either recalling an experience when you felt unaccepted and unloved or were you being disapproved of in that present moment?

This brings up one of the easy shortcuts to a better life. To step into your better life, commit right now to consistently give yourself love. It doesn’t matter what another person says. Regardless of how anyone else looks at you, gossips about you or judges you, love yourself. Put your commitment into practice and you’ll always be loved.

Forget dismissing the importance of this act. The love that you give yourself is as valuable as the love that you receive from others. Love covers all, is whole and complete and has no variation. In other words, love that flows through you is as good as love that flows through your best friend, neighbor or anyone. So, love yourself. You’ll be taking a reliable shortcut to a better life.

What Do You Really Want?

Other easy shortcuts to a better life are to consider what you really want. Because you’ve likely received verbal and nonverbal messages from others about what they’d like for you to do with your life, you might think that you know what you really want when, in fact, you might not know. Instead, you might have spent the last 10 years working hard to be what you think someone you admire (or someone who you’re afraid of) wants you to be.

That’s definitely not the path to happiness and inner peace. Should that be the track that you’ve been living on, it’s time to start moving down a different path.

Get clear about what you really want – what you really want, not want someone else wants for you. Also, start to map out specific actions you could take to get what you really want.

Explore What You Really Want

For example, if you want to open a bookstore, start to map out how to find and build relationships with book distributors, wholesalers, publishers and hybrid authors, and identify realtors who have experience locating retail buildings in the areas that attract large numbers of book buyers.

Additionally, you could contact your local chamber of commerce and find out the specific business licenses that you need. That’s just a start. Each action that you take brings you closer to what causes you to experience joy.

More Easy Shortcuts to a Better Life

More easy shortcuts to a better life follow. Check them out. See if they aren’t easy to implement.

  • Revisit activities that you loved as a kid. Age and time are no reasons to eliminate daily fun from your life.
  • Read a good book, the kind of book that’s so good you can’t help but tell all your friends about it.
  • Explore the great outdoors. Get outside and have loads of natural fun! This is a favorite of the easy shortcuts to a better life.
  • Schedule time to hang out with friends one or more times a month. Don’t let a busy schedule rob you of opportunities to be with your friends.
  • Go for a drive to an area you’ve never been to before. You might be surprised at how being in a new environment picks you up.
  • Try your hand at the arts. After all, self-expression is one of the easy shortcuts to a better life.

Keep Seeking Easy Shortcuts to a Better Life

Honesty is a must to get from where you are now to the life that you truly want to live. Keep seeking more ways to tap into your inner peace and joy. Ideas about new actions that you could take to experience an increasingly good and better life might come as you travel.

In this situation, you might see someone living a full life while doing something you’ve yet to do. Exercise enough courage to try the new thing and you might find another way to shorten the time it takes to live a life that finds you feeling better, more vibrant and more alive.

So, get out and explore. Try new things. Meet new people. Laugh. Add a spirit of newness to each day. It’s your life. Make it wonderful!

How Busy Entrepreneurs Are Finding Inner Peace

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By Books Writer Denise Turney

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Despite challenges, busy entrepreneurs are finding inner peace. It takes creativity and flexibility, but it can be done. Creativity and flexibility are must because entrepreneurs juggle a seemingly endless list of to-dos.

Sales, improved return on investment (ROI), attracting the right human capital and increasing productivity are areas that small business entrepreneurs focus on day in and day out. When sales are up and ROI is good, these focus areas can send entrepreneurs, including owners of indie bookstores, into a wave of euphoria. It’s easy to feel at peace then. Yet, the world of operating a small business isn’t always smooth.

Stressors for Small Business Owners

There’s turnover, eroding team morale, economic headwinds and fierce product competition to deal with. During these times, small business owners’ stress levels can skyrocket. Even the most resilient entrepreneur can feel overwhelmed after living through just three weeks of employee resignations, a drop in sales and a pick-up in customer complaints.

That’s why smart entrepreneurs do more than seek paths from nagging stress to inner peace, they find stress reduction shortcuts. Although each person is different, following are some paths that entrepreneurs have taken to reduce stress:

  • Stay focused on long-term goals. As a bookseller, if I’ve heard this once, I’ve heard it a thousand times. Keep your sights on the long-term goals. Admittedly, the capacity to pull this off relies a lot on the next stress reduction step.
  • Believe that they can succeed. It’s not enough to keep your sights on long-term goals. You actually need to believe that you can be successful doing what you love. You really have to believe it.
  • Strong financial habits. This applies at the individual and business levels. To operate with inner peace, entrepreneurs know what to invest in and what to turn away from. Additionally, they pay employees, consultants and freelancers based on what their business can sustain long-term.

Keys to How Entrepreneurs Are Finding Inner Peace

Staying in balance and at peace is no small trick. Hence, the reason entrepreneurs committed to living in peace have a dozen or more tools in their kit, including:

  • Determination is a must. To keep stress down and to deal with stress in healthy ways, they are determined. Simply put, determination fuels entrepreneurs through a major mistake. As an example, if your sales team closed 35% more deals over the last two years than at any other time in your company’s history and you started celebrating too soon or celebrated for too long only to see large clients exit, it’s your determination to succeed that could surface new ideas. This very example has happened. And it’s understandable. After all, sales are why you’re a for-profit organization. You should celebrate. To keep your bottom line strong, you should also keep your eye on your existing customers and not just celebrate each new customer who walks through the door. Focusing too much on either and not enough on the other could cost you large chunks of business.
  • Persistence is a must-have in a successful entrepreneur’s toolkit. While they persist, busy entrepreneurs are sure to be flexible. The last thing they will do is persist with a tactic that’s never going to work. Yet, they don’t give up. Instead, they are willing to look at the situation differently. They’re also willing to ask others for insight. Getting input from the right people opens them up to new opportunities, new ideas and more success.

Organic Paths to Inner Peace

As beneficial as these stress reducers are, there are more ways that busy entrepreneurs are finding inner peace. These next steps are good for business; they also have a positive impact on business owners’ overall health. Try adding one to three of these steps into your day, even if you own an indie bookstore and face days crammed with meetings with bookstore buyers, authors, publishing companies, distributors, publicists and marketing reps.

  • Get outside, move and breathe. Entrepreneurs serious about finding inner peace, get outside regularly. Regardless of where their business is located, they find creative ways to get outside year-round. While outside, they might enjoy a 30-minute walk. Or they might dine outdoors with a friend, ride a bike or exercise at a nearby gym that has an outdoor workout area.
  • Feed their body nourishing food and beverages. This means they might have to go with fresh water with a slice of lemon for lunch and dinner meetings. Eating green, leafy vegetables and fresh fruits that agree with their body is a priority.

More Ways Busy Entrepreneurs Are Finding Inner Peace

  • Meditate. Yes. Entrepreneurs are finding inner peace through appreciation. They appreciate simply sitting down and being still. They might start off by sitting still for two minutes in the morning and another two minutes at night. If that seems too long, they might start with one minute in the morning and another minute of stillness at night and work their way up to five to ten minutes twice a day. Not only can meditating bring entrepreneurs more inner peace, but meditating can help surface new business growth ideas.
  • Invest in a good night of sleep. Going to bed at the same time and reducing blue light in their bedrooms are ways entrepreneurs improve sleep. So too is drinking organic cherry juice or eating cherries, as cherries have natural melatonin. Perhaps above all, entrepreneurs are finding inner peace by working through conflicts an hour or more before they head to bed, giving their mind time to unwind.

Trust The Process

As simple as it sounds, they also seek help. That’s right. Entrepreneurs are finding inner peace by asking business partners to take on certain responsibilities. This one might be tough at the start of their careers, especially if they’re accustomed to handling critical projects themselves. Over time, they learn that as their business continues to grow, they need to start delegating.

Even more, for these business owners, seeking help aligns with trust. Since no one can succeed in an island-business environment, they learn early that they have to trust others.

Using an indie bookstore as an example, bookstore owners trust the delivery drivers to get new books to their stores. And they trust utility workers to ensure that the lights are on at their stores. Another event that they trust is the flow of book buyers into their bookstores. When it comes to stress reduction and inner peace, trusting the process (after they’ve done their best) is paramount.

Resources:

entrepreneur.com/article/271055

What’s So Great About Growing Up in the 1980s

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By Inspirational Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

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The 1980s is a favorite decade for millions of people and for good reason. It was the decade of the fax machine, handheld video games, the Walkman, video players and VHS movies, calculator watches, office superstores and road races. For homeowners who’d previously spent years climbing a ladder and painting a four-story house beneath the heat and humidity of a harsh summer sun, the growing popularity of house siding was a most welcomed trend.

Convenience Makes the 1980s Favorite Decade

My paternal grandparents took advantage of house siding. Gone were the days of my grandfather climbing up to the roof in the unrelenting heat of summer to chip old paint off the house, so that he could apply a smooth, fresh coat of paint to their house. It’s this that brings up a good point.

Much of what you love about the 1980s, especially if you grew up during the 1980s, may link to a welcomed convenience. With this in mind, it’s clear that each 10 years will likely produce a favorite decade, especially as advancing technologies afford us more convenience. But back to the 1980s, that sweet time. In addition to the previously mentioned gems, newly developed products and services that help to make the 1980s a favorite decade include:

  • Compact discs
  • DNA advancements
  • Disposable cameras
  • Personal computers
  • Answering machines
  • Enhancement of home security systems
  • Fitness clubs
  • Music videos

1980s Entertainment

Reality television, the godmother of much of today’s social media videos, took off during the 1980s. Back then, it was common to find yourself growing up watching shows like MTV’s The Real World. If nothing else, those early television shows served as proof that humans find each other remarkably interesting.

Reality television offered an air of authenticity that viewers may have found missing from soap operas. When it comes to sports, Sunday afternoon remained the biggest day of the week, especially as it regards professional football. The Pittsburgh Steelers “steel curtain” wasn’t as formidable as it had been during the 1970s, but it still felt good rooting for the team.

Finding your favorite movies was as easy as walking inside your local Blockbuster video store. During those “modern times”, it seemed as if Blockbuster would dominate the movie rental industry for decades. Considering that you had complete control over the types and numbers of movie videos that you rented, watching favorite movies could be as cheap as $5.

Remembering The 1980s Great Outdoors Pursuits

There were no streaming fees or cable television monthly rates to deal with. That could be why kids played outside, having fun engaging in a game of kickball, basketball, baseball or dodgeball with friends. You might have to rewind the clock in your mind, but if you go back, you might recall how children and adults filled parks during the 1980s.

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For some reason, people seemed to be more active, preferring the outdoors instead of staying inside the house occupying themselves with social media, computers, chat rooms and video games, as many people do today. Tossing frisbees (remember those?) at a nearby park was a popular weekend pastime.

It was rare, certainly not as often heard as it had been just a decade earlier, but you could still hear an ice cream truck ringing in the distance. Parents sent their kids to the truck to buy an ice cream cone or another treat for them, at the same time that they gave their children as little as a dollar for an ice cream treat that they, the children, could enjoy.

Loving Family Tradition Goes Back to the 1980s

Another tradition that was slipping away was the family tradition of sitting around the dining room table enjoying a homecooked dinner. The television was shut off. Parents and children discussed the events of the day. Talk about a wonderful time for family bonding.

Oh, and when school let it, school was out. Unless you had homework to do, once you walked off the school grounds, you often didn’t bother to gossip about classmates. There were no pictures passed around, and no one that you felt was more popular than you because he received more “thumbs up” than you did.

Due to the fact that there wasn’t ample cell phone usage during the 1980s, another thing that was left behind at the end of the day was work. Fortunately, it really was possible to get away during this favorite decade. Trouble and challenge seemed packed away during the evening.

The 1980s – A Sweet Time

Yet, that’s the way that days gone by often seem and feel. Still, the 1980s was a time of family, outdoors fun and less technological connections. In-person relationships were highly desirable, sought after and nurtured, not with text messages or instant messaging, but instead with face-to-face lunch meetings, nights at the movies and visits to live music events.

Pop music was in vogue. So too was the women’s singing group En Vogue, and what a group. Those women were classy, sharp and had beautiful, powerful voices. Still, the 1980s was more than music. There were sports, namely Carl Lewis, Evelyn Ashford and Edwin Moses, who dominated track and field, a carryover from the 1970s. The 1980s was also the decade when television in the United States stayed on past midnight.

For so many reasons, the 1980s was a favorite decade. For so many, perhaps you, it was a sweet time, not that it didn’t have its challenges. But, in the memory there are experiences that lend the 1980s a spirit of fondness.

Why Journal Writing Is Good For You

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By Novelist and Book Writer Denise Turney

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Journal writing is growing in popularity and for good reason, especially as it regards self-awareness. Yet, that doesn’t mean that the benefits are obvious. If you’ve felt stuck or like you’re living on a hamster wheel, you may be aware that hidden beliefs could sabotage your success. You also might know that it can take weeks or years of therapy or self-help work to identify and remove these sabotaging thoughts.

Journal Writing to Discover Hidden Beliefs and Open Up to Self-Awareness

What you might not be aware of is how effective writing in a journal could be in surfacing erroneous beliefs. However, to work, you can’t just write in journals every now and then. To gain from journal writing, it’s a good idea to do daily journaling. In addition to creating a brain routine, writing in a journal every day could help you to notice behavioral, emotional or mental shifts that you might otherwise have missed. This leads to the first benefit that you could gain after you start writing in a journal.

That first benefit is self-awareness. This is an important benefit because without self-awareness, you might not know that something is off. When you consider how fast things change in this world, not to mention how many distractions you face each day, it’s easy to see how you could overlook a slight change that’s building into a big problem.

Internal Shifts That Happen When Working with Journals

It’s these missed shifts that could develop into internal blocks. For example, if you were told that “you’re a slow learner” when you were a kid, you could have the seed to a potential block in your mind. After being told that as a kid, let’s say that you grew up and hadn’t heard anyone say anything about your learning abilities in two decades only to have someone comment that “you’re slow” this afternoon. Just hearing that could cause you to experience an internal shift.

But you might not be aware that you’d shifted. You might even shrug the comment off, telling yourself that another person’s voiced opinion has absolutely no impact on you. As good as that sounds, what you tell yourself is happening might not mirror exactly what’s going on.

Another point to consider is how one erroneous belief could cause a negative domino effect, which is certainly not what you’d want. Therefore, the sooner you spot and identify an internal shift, the better.

Writing in Journals Sharpens Self-Awareness

So, how does writing in journals sharpen self-awareness? Writing in a journal:

  • Puts mental and emotional states that you’re dealing with in front of you
  • Keeps these mental and emotional states in awareness, allowing you to work through them with power
  • Helps you dig through internal blocks, offering rewards with each breakthrough

If you write your dreams in journals, you could also start to spot subconscious routines that are holding you back quicker. Due to the fact that journaling is a private activity, you might enjoy the comfort that what you write is for you only. Years ago, there were journals that had a lock on them, a way to potentially offer more privacy. Today, you could simply keep your journals in a drawer or a locked space. The point is to feel comfortable with becoming more self-aware. Another point is to welcome the act of allowing different thoughts and emotions to surface from within you.

This is more helpful than repressing feelings and thoughts that you don’t want to face. It’s worth mentioning that it takes honesty and courage to do the type of journal writing that digs and brings erroneous beliefs to the surface (or to the level of your conscious mind). So, keep at it. In addition, reward yourself for being honest and open. The payoff could be deep and long lasting.

More Journal Writing Benefits

As it regards payoff, check out the below benefits associated with writing in journals. Not only could you become more self-aware after you engage in daily journaling, you might improve your communications skills. Other reasons why journal writing may be good for you include:

  • Improved writing skills – With more people communicating online, via text messages and email, strong writing skills have proving to have impact.
  • Track and monitor personal and career goals – Consider using a journal to write down short-term and long-term goals, followed by actions that you will take to achieve those goals. Use journals to track your progress.
  • Become more mindful – The more you see the connection between what you tell yourself and how you feel, you might become more aware of the impact that your words are having on other people.
  • Sharper brain – Because you’re writing and not typing in journals, you can exercise different parts of your brain while you journal. The frontal lobe, the part of your brain that deals with cognitive functioning goes to work while you write.

Love Acts

  • Trust – As you allow beliefs and emotions to surface without hard judgments, you could become more self-accepting. Trust is another takeaway that you could gain. The more you write down what you’re feeling and experiencing, the more you might trust yourself to face things you’d previously kept hidden from yourself.
  • Healing – Releasing thoughts you’d previously repressed can reduce stress. It can also open you up to healing.
  • Reflection – Over the years, you can return to your journals to spot recurring themes in your life. You could also come to know what symbols in your dreams mean. Looking back through journals you wrote in decades ago can also give you better insight into what’s coming next in your life.

Writing in journals is a way to put the responsibility for your life in your hands. Start writing in journals and you may begin to see just how much your thoughts, what you focus on, fears that you’ve been running from and emotions that you find attractive are mapping out your life. Even more, as you continue daily journaling, you might notice your successes more. You actually might take the time to acknowledge and celebrate forward steps that you take. This could be when writing in journals becomes an act of love for you.

How Escaping Self-Deception Could Build Self-Esteem

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By Books Author and Novel Writer Denise Turney

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It’s time to face how you’re lying to yourself so you can start to build self-esteem. Why? Self-deception and self-esteem work in pairs. Engage in either and you’ll trigger the other, blinding yourself to empowering facts. But why is self-deception tempting? Well, it can appear to keep unwanted thoughts and emotions at bay.

It can serve as a defense system, allowing you to protect erroneous thoughts, even obvious facts that you need to face to recognize your innate greatness. According to Merriam-Webster, self-deception is “the act or an instance of deceiving oneself or the state of being deceived by oneself especially concerning one’s true nature, feelings, etc.”

Do You Engage in Self-Deception?

Each person engages in self-deception at different levels. Unfortunately, self-deception is far too familiar, even when reality if self-evident. It started at a young age for me. Examples of self-deception included smiling when I didn’t feel like it and then convincing myself that I was satisfied.

One instance, in particular, stands out. It was during the second-grade. The class was going to the circus. I didn’t want to go, instead preferring to spend the weekday evening with my parents and siblings. Teachers continued to announce to the entire class that all but two students had turned in their signed permission slips so that they could go to the circus.

Finally, the teachers told the class that one of the two students wasn’t going to the circus because his family was going out of town. That’s all that I needed to hear. Right away, I knew that the teachers were making it clear that they were waiting for my signed permission slip.

Personal Self-Deception Example

After speaking with my parents, I decided to go to the circus. My parents said that it was my choice, but, as my dad said, it was a rare opportunity and I might actually enjoy being at the circus. So, I went. But, I didn’t enjoy the circus. If anything, I learned what I didn’t like. Even more, I learned how poorly I felt ignoring myself in order to give into someone else’s wishes. Yet, that wasn’t all that happened.

On top of going to an event that I didn’t want to be at, when I spotted two teachers observing me at the circus, I smiled and “pretended” to be enjoying myself. Does that experience ever stand out to me. Today, it remains one (if not the first) of the earliest instances when I practiced self-deception and my self-esteem took a hit.

Bitterness from that first instance of practicing self-deception was directed toward the school teachers. However, the majority of self-deception that I’ve engaged in since has been in effort to avoid facing facts. Thankfully, today I practice awareness, build self-esteem and focus on awakening to steer clear of self-deception. Payoff is huge. It’s a blessing to stop practicing self-deception and free up the energy to do what brings you joy.

Reasons to Continue Awakening to Boost Self-Esteem

You might practice self-deception for different reasons. Additionally, you might engage in self-deception in different ways. Check out these examples of self-deception:

  • Procrastinating may be one of the more popular ways to practice self-deception. If you’re in conflict (one part of you wants to do something that another part of you doesn’t want to do), you might delay taking action. At the same time, you might keep saying how much you want to do what you keep putting off doing.
  • Drinking or eating too much to avoid facing a fact of life. If you drink or eat to the point of not feeling “sharp” or “on point”, you could blame not doing your best on the fact that you drank or ate too much. Then again, after you start awakening, you’ll have to admit that you made all of the decisions that caused this loop. Telling yourself the truth could make it easier for you to trust yourself and build self-esteem.
  • Convincing yourself that you’re little, unintelligent, don’t have enough authority, etc. to enact the changes that you want to see in your life.
  • Believing that a marketing technique, financial investment or habit will pay off hugely, in spite of the fact that you’re not getting out of your efforts what you’re putting in. If you’ve ever had a pipe dream, you’re familiar with this form of self-deception. Because self-deception doesn’t yield the results that you want, it’s not a way to build self-esteem.

Why You Might Practice Self-Deception

Reasons that you might practice self-deception may, at the core, be rooted in the desire to feel valued (another self-esteem link). The reasons might also be rooted in the desire to feel in control. As an example, if you believe that people with less than six-figures in the bank don’t have as much value as people who have six-figures or more in the bank, you could convince yourself that overspending is not damaging your financial health.

In this case, you might think that living as if you’re financially wealthy means that you are in good financial health. Build self-esteem and start awakening and it becomes self evident that you’re sucker punching yourself.

And, just as your self-esteem might take a jab should you fall for a trick that another person pulls on you, avoiding self evident facts by lying to yourself (practicing self-deception) could also weaken your self-esteem. After all, it takes courage to face a fact of life. It takes courage to really look at and examine what’s happening right in front of you.

Fact of Life

To do this, you might have to separate what you want from what you see. Back to the circus example. I wanted the teachers to be content with me without my having to do something I didn’t want to do. That was my desire. What I appeared to see with the teachers’ repeated request for the signed permission slips was the exact opposite of what I wanted.

How to bridge this gap? I pretended to be happy that I was at the circus and practiced self-deception. That single decision taught me, even if only temporarily, that I couldn’t trust myself. For sure, that’s not the way to build self-esteem.

Awakening is a great way to help yourself avoid self-deception. Instead of lying to yourself or pretending that something is happening that actually isn’t, accept what you’re currently feeling. Accept what you’re thinking right now. Look at and acknowledge facts, including personal, financial, health-related and relationship facts.

Let Go to Boost Self-Esteem

You don’t have to hold onto an emotion or a thought. Also, you don’t have to stay in a relationship or a situation that you don’t want to be in. You have choices. This could empower you to help yourself by accepting facts and reality.

But, first you have to face the fact of life that you see happening. Gaining weight? Accept that fact. Not getting on the scale won’t change that fact. It might help you to practice self-deception, but it won’t change what’s happening. And, it won’t build self-esteem.

Losing money on marketing ads? Look at the analytics and face what the numbers are showing you. Keep in mind that seeing that something isn’t working doesn’t mean that you have to abandon a goal. Using the marketing ads example, instead of no longer selling a product or service, you could reduce the amount of money you invest in those ads or you could try another marketing technique.

Awakening to Goodness

Should your awakening allow you to look at what’s going on in one or more of your relationships, consider your options. Instead of ending a relationship, you could try a different communication technique. Or, you could engage in deep conversation with the other person, offering them the safety of honestly telling you what’s working for them in the relationship as well as what they’d like to see change about the relationship.

Also, accept that you did not create yourself. Thoughts cannot change what you were created as. At your core, you’re good. Remember that as you have new experiences. Be patient with yourself, even should you get scared and become tempted to engage in self-deception. Face facts. Acknowledge what you see. Admit that you know what you know. Above all, continue to awaken.

Could Journal Prompts Help Tell Your Story?

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By Novelist and Books Writer Denise Turney

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Several years ago, I started using journal prompts to do something that has opened up a world of advantage. It’s simple. What is it? As each year closed out, I began to sit down and reflect on previous decisions, actions and their results. Gone went the guesswork and assuming that performance in one or more areas of my life were better over the course of a year than they actually were.

Journal Prompts Gains

Here are just a few facts that surfaced as I continued to work with journal prompts:

  • Clearly saw how dietary choices were keeping me stuck at a weight that was 15 pounds over where I wanted to be
  • Spotted book marketing platforms that never did generate more than 1 to 2 book sales with each ad that I bought
  • Noticed periods when I’d gone several weeks without connecting with family and friends
  • Identified freelance writing work areas that demanded more and more of my time to the point that the time commitment lowered my pay-per-hour significantly

These were just a few facts that jumped out at me after I started using journal prompts. Keep reading to discover what I do today to get even more out of working with journal prompts and how journal prompts could help you.

Start Small as a Startup Journal Writer

If you’ve never worked with journal prompts, consider starting out by using a journal to write about your dreams. Although you could write down life goals in a journal, as it regards writing down your dreams in this instance, it’s dreams that surface during REM sleep that’s being referenced. A benefit associated with this habit is directly related to internal guidance.

Specifically, preconscious and subconscious thoughts and ideas surface during dreams that you have while you’re experiencing REM sleep. As you work with symbols from the dreams, you can gain insight into what you’re focusing on. For example, if you’re feeling frustrated that your startup business isn’t generating enough revenue to allow you to quit your day job, you might constantly think about ways that the startup could make more money only to see nothing change.

On top of nothing changing, you might not receive any ideas that help your startup. Instead, everything you do seems to take you in one circle after another. Even if you ask yourself a question like “what can I do to increase the startup’s revenues?” before you go to bed, your dreams might remain centered around caring for a farm that your grandparents own.

Pay Attention – Practice Awareness While Journaling

Pay attention and you could discover what another or, perhaps a deeper, part of you wants to do. Until you deal with your grandparents’ farm, your mind might not start focusing on finding ways to increase revenues at the startup. This is just one case where journaling could surface internal conflicts and help you to do the inner work to get unstuck.

Another action that you could take is to engage in daily journaling. It’s during daily journaling, that you can express experiences that generate strong emotions like excitement, peace, fear, hope, sorrow and contentment in you. And, just writing down conversations, deadlines and experiences, could help you to avoid feeling unheard, stuck and caught in a web of frustration.

In fact, some therapists encourage their clients to journal. Try it and see if you feel more open after you write down the details of what’s bothering you. Get in the habit of daily journaling and you could feel safer to honestly express yourself, whether you’re using journals or speaking with someone face-to-face.

Focal Journal Writing Areas

Here are focal areas that you could use as journal prompts:

  • Family relationships (how often you spend with family face-to-face, not virtually)
  • Personal relationships (different ways that you express appreciation to friends, your romantic partner)
  • Physical health (if your weight is within a healthy range, annual wellness assessment numbers, how often you do cardio each week)
  • Mental and emotional health (results of your efforts to get outdoors in nature 5 to 7 days a week, effectiveness of techniques to reduce the time and energy you spend worrying or trying to figure nearly everything out, how you’re doing with meditating and allowing your mind to rest)
  • Marketing goals (Use these journal prompts if you’re a freelancer or entrepreneur. Write down your marketing goals and the results of your all of your marketing efforts, this includes ads, SEO efforts, podcasts, videos and interviews.)
  • Finances (Separate personal and business budgets. Reference bank statements and other financial records so that you can get an honest look at what you’re taking in versus your expenditures.)

Be patient and take your time with these journal prompts. Do a thorough work and it could take you several days to complete these types of end-of-year journal prompts.

Working With Journals

When I started working with journal prompts, the rose-colored glasses came off. What I wrote disallowed me to defend poor decisions with rationalization.

Today, in addition to using journal prompts, I review journal prompt goals, focus, resources and outcomes. To get more out of this effort, I place end-of-year prompts, goals, focus areas and outcomes side-by-side. Each year that I’ve done this, one or more areas have surprised me. But, there it is – what I’ve done over 365 days – right in my face.

For instance, journal prompts have highlighted areas where outcomes exceeded expectations. Other areas showcased that, despite long hours, financial investment and belief, different results were coming up short, which brings up a good point.

If you’re like me, there may be instances when you just don’t want to face facts. You might not want to examine what’s really going on in your personal life, your business, with your physical health or with your thought patterns. Journaling, including daily journaling and working with journal prompts, could prove to be an easy way to lower your defenses and finally face important facts.

Why? You’re in control of your journaling practice. However, you’re encouraged to practice self-discipline. The more disciplined you are, the more could surface from within yourself as it regards relationships, finances, communication, health, life goals and so much more.

Get Bold – Learn to Speak Up for Yourself

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By Books Writer Denise Turney

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Change isn’t the only constant in this world. Having responsibilities is another constant. In fact, there may never come a time when you aren’t asked to do something. It could be as simple as a friend asking you to babysit, a colleague asking you to fill in for him while he’s on vacation or aging parents requesting that you spend more time with them. The only ways around this may be to isolate yourself or (this one requires courage) to speak up for yourself.

Isolate or Speak Up

For instance, you could build a cabin in a remote area. Should you truly love the great outdoors, this could prove to be a good choice. Of course, you’d have to hope that no one else moved into the area or contacted you virtually, requesting something of you.

But that choice could impact your life in unexpected, and, maybe even unwanted ways. It might also put you in a mode of running from experiences that you don’t want instead of making choices that take you into experiences that cause you to feel joy. And who wants to spend their life running?

Fortunately, there’s another option open to you when it comes to dealing with constant requests, things that pull on your time and shift your focus and energy. You could learn to speak up for yourself. Love Pour Over Me’s Raymond Clarke may know this best. After all, he learned this lesson an emotionally hard way.

Why It’s Hard to Speak Up for Yourself

Hopefully, you’ll listen to what life is telling you and not suffer before you learn to speak up for yourself. Just be ready to face challenges, especially internal fear. After all, it sounds easy enough – speaking up for yourself. This choice sounds simple and easy. Yet, it can be one of the hardest things that you face.

Why?

When you learn to speak up for yourself, you risk disappointing the very people who’ve been leaning on you. You might frustrate and anger people who have been relying on you to help them fulfill their responsibilities. People who once drew near you might avoid you, gossip about you and stop speaking with you. That, or they might try to talk you into doing what they want you to do again.

Getting Comfortable with Conflict

According to Psychology Today, you might find it difficult to speak up for yourself, telling people “no” when they ask you to do something for them for several reasons. For starters, you might not like conflict. This is an item that I am way too familiar with. Just don’t like conflict. Years ago, my dislike for conflict found me saying “yes” to almost any request.

Didn’t matter how exhausted I was. I said “yes” to people whose schedules weren’t as jammed as mine. Then, my life became simply overwhelming. That’s when I learned to speak up for myself. And, yes – some people were taken aback, as they’d grown accustomed to me adhering to their requests. Know what? Just like Raymond Clarke in Love Pour Over Me, I got accustomed to the change. In time, the requesters also become familiar with how I was now speaking up for myself.

Outcome? Gone was the feeling of constantly being overwhelmed. Another benefit was that my self-respect went way up. On top of that, I had time to do what brought me joy. More peace also came to me.

Why You Might Feel Afraid to Say “No”

Those benefits alone are enough to learn to speak up for yourself. However, in addition to not liking conflict, others reasons why you might not want to speak up and tell someone that you don’t want to do something are because you don’t want to upset the person or you might fear hurting the person’s feelings.

Here are more reason why you might fear speaking up. Do any of these resonate? Have you caught yourself wrestling with any of the below challenges:

  • Growing up, you watched a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, etc. “give in” and repeatedly do whatever was asked of her/him
  • Believing that everyone “gives in” to what’s asked of them
  • Telling yourself that the requests are “small” and “no big deal”
  • Thinking that speaking up for yourself won’t change anything – convincing yourself that even if you say “no”, people will continue to ask you to do favors for them
  • Fearing that if you tell someone “no”, they won’t be there for you should you need them to do something for you

You could do what I did and absolutely wear yourself out trying to be all things to dozens of people. Take that approach and people may tell you how “sweet” you are and how much they love working with you. Howbeit, you also might get little sleep, feel agitated, unappreciated and like your life is out of your hands (or out of your control).

How to Speak Up for Yourself

Check out these ways to learn to speak up for yourself. As a tip, try to incorporate one to two of these actions into your life and see how much better you feel.

  • Start small – Tell someone whether you want to take on a small project or not. Be honest. Love yourself regardless of how the person responds.
  • Ask the requester to give you a few hours or a few days to get back to them. During that time, consider your priorities, what you want to focus on and if you’re willing to take away from your “rest and relaxation” time.
  • Offer to accept responsibilities that connect with goals and dreams that you have.
  • Consider taking on tasks that sharpen your leadership skills.
  • Ask someone who’s done what you’ve been asked to do what the experience is like. In other words, get advice and insight before you respond.
  • Let the person know that you’ll do what they ask, but will need to revisit the request after a certain number of days, weeks or months. Keep the door open for change.

You Teach People How to Treat You

Speaking up for yourself is a sign of self-respect. When you consider that you teach people how to treat you, it may become clearer how speaking up for yourself is an act of self-love. Even more, as you share your honest thoughts, including whether or not your schedule permits you to take on more responsibilities, however small those responsibilities appear, you show others how to value their time.

Considering that someone is watching you and learning from how you interact with others, you could also be empowering another person. As an example, you could empower a child, niece, nephew or friend as they watch you speak up for yourself in loving, healthy ways. As your time starts to free up, you also might start to nurture better relationships.

Your well being could improve. Also, what you’ll likely discover is that you have to learn to speak up for yourself in your personal, social, spiritual and work environments. That includes speaking up for yourself at worship centers, while attending social events and during office meetings. It’s a rewarding habit to get into. Once you start speaking up for yourself in healthy, loving ways – keep it up!

Resources:

  1.  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201601/why-is-it-hard-say-no-and-how-can-you-get-better-it#:~:text=Many%20of%20us%20are%20afraid,or%20a%20supervisor%20or%20boss.