Rushing into the arms of the past

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By Denise Turney


Pic by Tony Atkin – Wikimedia Commons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Have you ever looked at a book title, movie trailer or t-shirt slogan and instantly have a word or phrase pop into your head? Psychologists refer to this as “association.” More specifically, association is a “general psychological principle linked with the phenomena of recollection or memory.”

“The principle originally stated that the act of remembering or recalling any past experience would also bring to the fore other events or experiences that had become related, in one or more specific ways, to the experience being remembered,” as reported in Encyclopedia Britannica. The definition continues with, “Over time the application of this principle was expanded to cover almost everything that could happen in mental life except original sensations. As a result, association became a theoretical view embracing the whole of psychology.”

Being that our brains automatically start searching for past events, colors, feelings, etc. when we enter new situations, travel to new areas or meet new people, it could be highly likely that we never have a completely “new” experience. Those are the good situations.

Yet, there are some of us who are so attached to the past that we refuse to give romantic relationships, office friendships or relationships with people from certain backgrounds a chance. We do this in face of the fact that we know not everyone treats us the same. We do this in face of the fact that we know that we’ve changed as we’ve continued to grow.

Before we know it, decades have past and, although we may have traveled to other countries and met hundreds of people from an array of different backgrounds, we return to treating ourselves and others the way we did 20 to 30 years ago when we struggled through the breakup for a romantic relationship. If we’re not careful, we could start accepting old lies and beliefs as truth once again. We could also start engaging in old, destructive behaviors.

This causes life to feel as if it’s going around in a wide, sweeping circle, as if all we’re doing is repeating old experiences. It’s no wonder that some of us start feeling bored and discouraged with life. For this reason, we should do a self-check several times a year, at best. We should monitor how we respond to old stimuli (i.e. a picture of an ex-spouse, seeing a former classmate we once had issues with).

Signs that we are not rushing back to the past include visiting home, speaking with people we knew in the past and not feeling jealous or angry or sad (a sign that we could be  missing the past) and not being afraid to step into new experiences. In these instances, because we’ve moved on, “association” has taken on some new hues, lowering our resistance to giving things a second chance, reducing the likelihood that we’ll rush back to the past.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com ($3.03 – lowest price I’ve found so far) and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Sources:

http://www.britannica.com/EBchecked/topic/39421/association

 

Track’s Tyson Gay and Genzebe Dibaba are looking good

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By Denise Turney

track runner tyson gay

Pic by Eckhard Pecher – Wikimedia Commons

I’m watching the Prefontaine Classic at Oregon’s Hayward Field. Glad I caught the meet. Genzebe Dibaba commanded the women’s 5000 meter race. Had she had competition, I think she would have gotten the world record. She ran an impressive race, netting the fastest time by a woman at the 5000 meters in the United States. What a joy it was watching her run!

Tyson Gay and Justin Gatlin take the Prefontaine Classic

Tyson Gay, owner of America’s fastest 100 meter sprint, topped the 100 meters at this year’s Prefontaine Classic, running a 9.88. It was good to see Tyson Gay back on the track, in racing form. He said the race showed him that he’s in good shape, a positive event that could be the beginnings of a great summer.

Competition for Tyson Gay was stiffer than it was for Justin Gatlin who came out strong in the 200 meters. Justin Gatlin was clocked at 19:68. He came around the turn in command of the race. Usain Bolt hasn’t officially run a 19:68 since 2013. When Justin Gatlin and Jamaica’s Usain Bolt meet up in the 200 meters in the summer, hopefully, that will be a sprint for the record books.

As a fan of Harvey Glance’s, a 1970s relay Olympic gold medalist, I was delighted to watch Kirani James command the men’s 400 meters. Kirani James left no question in my mind as to who is the best 400 meters runner in the world. He was clocked at 43:95. It’s the fastest time in the world this year.

In the women’s 400 meters, Allyson Felix shined. She truly shined, putting in a 50:05. It should be exciting to see how these and other top track and field athletes perform at the August Track and Field World Championships.

Pic by Erik van Leeuwen – Wikimedia Commons

We may have to wait until then to see how the American’s and other world class track and field athletes perform against Usain Bolt, Jamaica’s other top sprinters and top athletes from other parts of the world, athletes who weren’t at this weekend’s 40th Prefontaine Classic. One thing is sure. It’s looking like a track and field summer that won’t disappoint.

Want to follow the inner workings of a fictional top track and field athlete? Enter the world of Love Pour Over Me‘s Raymond Clarke, a man with a troubled past and the courage to create and live an amazing present-day life.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now at –

http://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html

Getting over the fear of love

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By Denise Turney

 

Fear of love is powerful. Love arouses a host of pictures, images and emotions. Couples embracing, children laughing, a lioness bathing and caring for her cubs . . . an aging couple sauntering down the sidewalk, hands joined and fingers entwined, immediately come to mind.

What images, sounds and emotions arise in your mind when you hear the word “love”?

Do you ever feel afraid when you consider love?

You may not think that fear shows up, tagging along like a pestering cousin you wish would stop popping over unannounced and uninvited. But, consider this.

Hidden fear of love

Have you ever met someone that you were attracted to, someone you found interesting, an affectionate, active listener who you also found physically attractive? You didn’t consciously intend or set out to meet the person, but now that your paths have crossed, you find yourself thinking about him a lot.

Do you tell yourself (or other people if they ask) that you’re not attracted to the person? Do you try not to think about the person? Why?

Could it be that you’re working to stay clear of pain? It’s at this point that you’re practicing avoidance. Although you could avoid asking the person out on a date only to have them tell you that they’re dating someone else or aren’t interested in getting to know you on a romantic basis, you’re also setting yourself up to experience the pain of not even trying to get what you want.

Love does not hurt

Either way, you’re not walking into love. Instead, you’re engaging in fear of love. In your
effort to protect yourself from rejection, you could actually be setting yourself up for regret. Choose which “R” you want to roll with. Fear is going to cause one of them to show up.

It’s understandable if you’re afraid of love. Every time it even hints at an appearance, you go into self-protection mode. But, are you really happy living this way, on a constant lookout for love, so you can get on the run before love gets too close?

And yet, love is probably the very thing that you pray for, long for . . . really want.

The next time love appears, don’t run. Get observant and watch what happens. You can’t control love. It’s not a puppet. But, real love doesn’t hurt. It does take courage to let real love come close. Why not start now?

Fear of love gripped Love Pour Over Me‘s Raymond Clarke until he was well into his middle-aged years. Until he got above the gripping fear of love, he went from one emotional roller coaster event to another. Fortunately, he’d met a woman who shared enough care and acceptance with him to make a huge impact. There’s no reason why what happens to Raymond Clarke in Love Pour Over Me couldn’t happen to you too.

**Thank you for hanging out with me. Keep up with track and field, drag racing and the wonderful world of books by visiting my blog often. Grab your copy of Love Pour Over Me at https://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html or http://www.amazon.com/Love-Pour-Over-Me-ebook/dp/B007MC0Z2C or http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/love-pour-over-me-denise-turney/1109600654

Signs it’s time to end a romantic relationship

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By Denise Turney

Movies like Baby Boy, Blue Valentine, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and The War of the Roses show how far the hottest relationships can swing in a matter of moments, weeks or months . . . at times, years. As hot as these relationships start, they turn eventually turn emotionally, psychologically or physically violent. If couples knew when to step away from a relationship, before the whole thing comes falling down, they might not find themselves embroiled in a volatile end-of-a-relationship scenario.

Why do we stay in bad relationships

Elite Daily shares, “sometimes, you are so deep in the trenches that you can’t even see the mess you are in until it is too late. Human beings have the tendency to idealize things that they want. Studies have shown that being in “love” actually makes your lover seem more attractive, intelligent and desirable than they really are. How many times did you look back at and ex and be like “Wow, what the f*ck was I thinking?” — exactly my point.”

Idolizing the person we’re in love with requires an investment of us. It’s this investment that we find hard to walk away from. Before we know it, we’ve stayed in a relationship far too long. Knowing the signs that it’s time to exit a relationship could save us years of heartache but only if we’re honest with ourselves.

Physical violence is a definite sign that it’s time to bag it up and walk away from a relationship. Regardless of how low your self-esteem might be, it’s never ever okay to put up with physical abuse. If you’re having trouble walking away, love yourself enough to seek therapy, so you can get a clear head — just what you need to leave a bad relationship.

Infidelity is another biggie. Contrary to what you may have heard, people do not have to cheat. Not only does cheating put you at risk of getting a sexually transmitted disease, cheating demands that the cheater lie. No good relationship is built upon a foundation of lies.

Lack of respect shows up at company parties, family get-togethers and the privacy of your own home. If your lover makes you (or anyone else) the butt of her or his jokes, broadcast mistakes you made or talks down to you – my friend, you are not being respected. Rationalize all you want, but someone who respects you wouldn’t make you the butt of jokes or belittle you.

Taking on a servant or submissive role is another sign that it’s time to exit your relationship. It’s not worth it to serve someone and put yourself beneath your partner’s ego just so your partner can feel “big”.

Physical pleasure can keep a bad relationship going, but only for so long. After awhile, it will become abundantly clear that all you have is sex. Because we’re more than physical beings, sex alone simply is not enough to keep your relationship (any romantic relationship) going strong.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now at –

http://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html

Sources:

Amazon.com – http://www.amazon.com/Love-Pour-Over-Me-ebook/dp/B007MC0Z2C

Barnes & Noble – http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/love-pour-over-me-denise-turney/1109600654

How to know that you’re in the right relationship

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By Denise Turney

couple in love holding hands

Pic by Muramasa – Wikimedia Commons

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New romantic relationships can deceive, cause you to believe that you and the person  you’re sharing your life with have a promising future. Feelings of excitement, good fortune, promise, bliss and sexual pressure can put you in a dreamy state. As tempting as those feelings are to surrender to, heightened emotions don’t always indicate that the romantic relationship you’re in is right for you.

However, those and other welcomed feelings could be present when you’re with the person you’d enjoy a long-term romantic relationship with. Things to look for when you’re considering the depth of your relationship include:

  • Sharing interests and passions (Although you and your lover won’t like all of the same things, you should have two or more things that you both have a strong appreciation for.)
  • Friendships that extend beyond your relationship. (Both of you should also respect and value each other’s friends and relatives. This should happen naturally. It shouldn’t be something you try to talk yourself into.)
  • You and your lover support each other’s goals and dreams.
  • Both of you take responsibility for your lives. (You don’t blame each other or other people for mistakes that you make and uncomfortable situations you find yourselves in.)
  • Competing or trying to “one up” each other isn’t something you do.
  • You love celebrating one another’s achievements.
  • Rather than hide disappointing experiences from each other, you’re both comfortable revealing experiences that make you feel vulnerable without taking on a victim role.
  • You and your lover learn from each other.
  • Your conversations are open and balanced, no one person dominating conversations.
  • It doesn’t bother you to be affectionate with each other in public.
  • During your most heated arguments, you don’t call each other names, belittle one another or try to harm each other in any way.
  • It’s exciting to you to try new things and explore life more fully.
  • Holding hands is as sweet to you as kissing.
  • You continue to grow as an individual even as the relationship develops.
  • You respect each other.
  • Making excuses for your lover is not something you think you have to do.
  • Trusting your lover is natural.
  • Instead of idolizing each other, you truly know your lover.

When you’re with the right person, you both become more awakened to truth. You actually become better people. You feel better about yourself and life, and you know that you’re loved.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com ($3.03 – lowest price I’ve found so far) and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

 

Things that make Ohio great

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By Denise Turney

Ohio, also known as the Buckeye state, is a Midwestern state that has helped determine presidential elections for years. Like neighboring Indiana, Ohio has a fair share of small cities. From these small cities (and larger Ohio towns) have come some of the world’s greatest achievers in business, society, politics, arts and sports.

Granville T. Woods, William H. Bennett, James Ritty and Orville Wright are great inventors who were born in Ohio. LeBron James, Pete Rose, Edwin Moses and Coach Chuck Noll are people who have had a significant impact in the sports arena who were born in Ohio. And who can forget Erma Bombeck, Toni Morrison, Rita Dove, Dorothy Dandridge, Clara Ward and Paul Laurence Dunbar, great artists who are Ohio natives.

Check out these pictures of just a few things that make Ohio great!

orville wright house ohio

Orville Wright House in Dayton, Ohio (The city is also home to the Paul Laurence Dunbar House which is located in West Dayton – tours are available at both historic homes.)

 

 

nfl hall of fame ohio

 

NFL Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio

 

 

 

great american ballpark ohio

 

 

Great American Ballpark (This is where the Cincinnati Reds play.)

 

 

coney island ohioConey Island (A lot of Ohioans and tourists have created lifelong memories at Coney Island, especially during their childhood.)

glenn research center ohio

 

 

Glenn Research Center in Cleveland, Ohio

 

 

rock and roll hall of fame ohio

 

 

Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, Ohio

 

 

huntingdon gardens ohio

 

 

Huntingdon Park and Botanical Gardens in Columbus, Ohio

 

 

palace theatre ohio

 

Historic Palace Theatre in Columbus, Ohio

 

 

 

national underground musuem ohio

 

 

National Underground Railroad Freedom Center in Cincinnati, Ohio

 

imagination station ohio

 

 

Imagination Station in Toledo, Ohio

 

 

 

river downs ohio

 

 

River Downs Horse Track in Cincinnati, Ohio

 

 

fort hill state memorial ohio

 

 

Fort Hill State Memorial in Hillsboro, Ohio

 

 

national air force museum ohio

 

 

National Air Force Museum in Dayton, Ohio

 

ohio state university

 

 

Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio

 

 

It’s no wonder that Ohio has produced outstanding achievers. One of the state’s cities (Columbus) ranks as the 5th most literate city in America. The state motto is “With God, all things are possible.” The state’s name is derived from a Native American phrase that means “beautiful river”.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Ohio native, Raymond Clarke, Brenda and the other characters in the book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com ($3.03 – lowest price I’ve found so far) and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

How real friends make your life better

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By Denise Turney
Real friends don’t agree with everything you think, say or do. They challenge you when you start veering away from your goals, your intentions and what you believe in deeply. Without real friends, you could derail and not realize it until you look up and see that your life is hanging over a cliff.

Real friends make up the sweetest nectar of life

Another thing that real friends do is to encourage and motivate you to keep going when you feel like quitting. Without friends, more than a few great achievers might have joined the ranks of those of us who give up on their dreams. Even more, because friends know you well, they can see through your self-deception. Although you may not like it, your friends know when you’re trying to sell yourself a bag of lies. They’re willing to stomach your anger in order to get a good message through to you.

Yet, perhaps most of all is the way that real friends mirror your worth to you. When given the choice, they opt to visit and spend time with you rather than putting in another hour of work, showing you that you matter more than a buck.

You don’t have to worry about real friends gossiping about you behind your back. In fact, real friends don’t gossip at all. They realize that we’re all in this together and that attack in any form is an attack of themselves, you and everyone.

Point is, you have to be self-aware and inwardly healthy to be a real friend. You’ve got to be selfish enough to seek out other people who are self-aware to hang out with, people who add lift and true power to your life. You also have to want to receive the same level of honesty from others that you dish out. Rather than “getting it real,” you opt to care for others. You’re not brutally honest; you’re lovingly honest.

Real friends make life worth living. They make life sweet. How many real friends do you have and are you a real friend to anyone?

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Stop lying to yourself

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By Denise Turney
“You forgot to lock your door” or “Your lover is mad at you” are statements, eliciting fear, that you may have told yourself not once but several times. Depending on how repetitive your thoughts are, just to gain a semblance of peace, you might turn back and check your home or car door. If the thought points to your lover, you might spend hours, perhaps days, trying to figure out what went wrong and how you can fix things.

What you might not do is stop and consider how many other times a thought popped into your head, telling you that you’d forgotten or neglected something or that there was a “big problem” for you to deal with when, in actuality, you’d hadn’t forgotten or neglected anything, when there was no problem to deal with. Considering how full your life is, one “to do” piling on top of another, it’s easy to see how you could miss mental patterns you get stuck replaying.

If you’re not watchful, you could get stuck in one or more areas of your life. Your relationships could go from bad to better back to bad, all because you keep believing lies you tell yourself. You could become worried or anxious each time you think you’ve forgotten something, when there was nothing you’d forgotten.  Your income could increase only to go back down again. (Oh, our precious and at times incredibly annoying “thoughts”.)

But, those aren’t the only ways lies you tell yourself could keep you stuck. If you’re generally positive, you might tell yourself that a person who appeared to be smiling at you wants to date you, when they might have been smiling at someone standing behind you. You might tell yourself that your supervisor scheduled a last minute meeting with you because she wants to commend you on the job you did on a recent project.

This type of thinking can not only alter your moods, it can keep you from moving forward. This happens because lies are like blinders, keeping you from seeing the whole picture. If you don’t think lies you tell yourself have impact, stop and think about people who tell themselves they’re going to hit the lottery (and I’m talking hit the lottery big), and the lie propels them to spend $100 on lottery tickets at a time when the person is already thousands of dollars in debt — debt that was created due to gambling.

You don’t have to be a gambler to lie to yourself.

One way to stop the lies (or at least stop believing them) is to see and accept what’s going on in your life. Don’t sugar coat or downgrade things. Take action steps to improve one situation at a time. Measure the results of your efforts. (It’s why goal setting was so big years ago.)

Don’t tell yourself something is happening if it isn’t. Don’t live on promises when you tell yourself that something “magical” is going to happen to bail you out of a situation. Also, watch how certain thoughts keep you from making decisions and taking ACTION.

One last reminder — Pay attention to your thoughts. You just might be conning yourself.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now at –

http://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html

Sources:

Amazon.com – http://www.amazon.com/Love-Pour-Over-Me-ebook/dp/B007MC0Z2C

Barnes & Noble – http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/love-pour-over-me-denise-turney/1109600654

This must be done to achieve book writing success

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By Denise Turney
Your new book is scheduled to hit the market in three months. Last night, you sat at your kitchen table reviewing the final page proofs, before shipping the manuscript off to your publisher with a few final changes. You’re excited, full of enthusiasm.

When your book publisher ask you about steps you’re going to take to get the word about your new book – the one you hope turns into a bestselling novel –  you rattle off a laundry list of activities, everything from attending book festivals to speaking at public events to upgrading your website to scheduling interviews. Fortunately, you won’t have to leave the comforts of your home to find and schedule dozens of the above events.

Follow through is more important than you think

Yet, scheduling book events (starting something) isn’t enough. If you hope to achieve success as a book writer, you have to follow through. It’s not enough just to add an event like a book conference or book signing to your schedule.

For example, if you schedule radio interviews, you can draft at least five sample questions to give to radio  hosts, making their job easier. You can also create a media page about your books at your website, so newspaper, radio and television interviewers can grab quick information about you to include in articles and interviews they do on you. And, of course, be sure to send the hosts your media kit.

What to do as interview dates get closer

One week before your interviews, contact radio hosts and let them know that you are ready for the interviews. Include the dates and times of the interviews in your correspondence to hosts. This way, hosts can reach out to you should the dates or times of interviews have changed.

Most importantly, show up for interviews at least 3 to 5 minutes early. Some hosts may ask you to show up 10 minutes early. Get in the habit of showing up for interviews late or not showing up at all, and you might earn yourself a bad reputation. Years from now, that reputation could make it very hard for you to land interviews which, in turn, could impact you ability to generate book sales.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Find out if you’re falling in love

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By Denise Turney

You feel alive, alert and in tune with everything around you, in ways that you hadn’t before you met your lover!  To exclaim that life is wonderful feels like such an understatement to you. If everyone could feel the way you feel right now, the world would be a much better place. Emotions and moods like depression, frustration, anger and sadness might not exist.

Being in love with someone else is one of the sweetest, most rewarding, feelings and experiences anyone could ever have!  Yet, a racing heart, overflow of hopefulness and a constant expectation that rich experiences will continue to unfold right before your eyes, doesn’t always point to the fact that you’ve joined in love with someone else.

What you’re experiencing could actually be lust. If you don’t pay attention, the relationship you’re having with your lover may not ascend beyond infatuation, could even dip downward into obsession. Neither you or your love wants that. To increase the chances that you’re actually in love and not feasting on lust, find out if what you’re experiencing meets the signs of falling in love.

According to Live Science, there are scientific signs of falling in love. These signs include thinking that the person you’re in a relationship with is unique or special. When you’re in love, you also focus on the positive traits your lover has.

Furthermore, “You bounce between exhilaration, euphoria, increased energy, sleeplessness, loss of appetite, trembling, a racing heart and accelerated breathing, as well as anxiety, panic and feelings of despair when your relationship suffers even the smallest setback.” The trick with this is to avoid longing for the “high” being in love brings. Get stuck on the “high” and you could find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship,, moving on to someone new whenever the “high” of being in love starts to wear off.

Longing to be with your lover all the time is another sign that you’re in love. Another sign that you’re in love is if you wonder what your lover would think about an outfit you wore, a new job promotion you received, how your home would look if you rearranged the furniture, etc. Bottom line. You care about what your lover thinks. You also want to see and help make them feel happiness, joy and satisfaction.

If you want your relationship to last throughout the remainder of your physical experience, you’re going to have to learn how to honor, respect, celebrate and appreciate your lover long after the feelings of being “in love” have evolved into something deeper. Appreciating the small, everyday things the person you love does goes a long way. So too does communicating with your lover regularly so you can deepen the emotional bond that you share.

It’s this that Raymond and Brenda learn as they evolve and grow as scenes unfold throughout Love Pour Over Me.

Share the experience. Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now at –

http://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html