Category Archives: Self Help Advice

Self-help articles, tips and advice on relationships, careers and overall personal and community well-being. Writings focus on physical, mental and emotional health. If you’re seeking practical advice on how to approach an at-home, work or social issue, read through our blog articles. Aim of the articles are to make it easy for you to receive help that you can start taking smart action on today. You deserve to experience love, peace and joy. You deserve to live your best life, the very life that you came into this world to experience. Here’s to hoping that the self-help articles at our blog play a positive role in helping you to do just that.

Live Free and Open to Avoid Getting Stuck in Ruts

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By African American Books Author Denise Turney

woman standing with arms up living free outdoors
Photo by Nina Uhlíková on Pexels.com

Freedom and love must be semi-twins, because freedom feels good like love. Live free and with an open mind and you could avoid getting stuck in ruts. It sounds easy, but few pull it off. School schedules, work routines, family patterns and internal cycles drag you down after a while, sneak up on you slow and easy. Yet, to thrive you have to discover ways to avoid getting stuck in ruts.

Getting Out of Ruts

It’s odd how the goals you set to graduate with a degree, land a job, buy a home and start a family are the very goals that slowly pull you into routines that work their way into ruts. Although you might not admit it, you’ve created obligations that are forcing you to stick to routines. There’s the mortgage, credit card bills, artistic contracts and student loans. Today, it’s hard to believe that each of these responsibilities came offering greater freedom, not hard routines.

You thought taking on thousands of dollars in student loan debt would open doors to high paying jobs, respect and satisfaction. But that’s not what happened. One debt led to another idea for how to pay that debt off, got you into more debt. Now, is the time to break free.

There’s only one way out — freedom. To get free of ruts, you could:

  • Insert small changes into your day (e.g. get up 20 minutes earlier, shower in the morning instead of at night, grow your own tomatoes)
  • Pay double the minimum due on credit cards (while not making any other credit card purchases)
  • Listen to a different music genre
  • Rent out the basement in your house to pay your mortgage off 10 years early
  • Start writing on that new movie script

Explore Your Passion for Freedom to Avoid Getting Stuck in Ruts

Despite your passion for freedom, don’t be surprised if a part of you balks at the idea. After all, as much as you hate getting stuck in ruts, there’s something about routine that feels comfortable, safe. This is why it’s best to avoid getting stuck in ruts from the start.

woman in yellow dress standing on pink petaled flower field
Photo by Olga on Pexels.com

Check out these ways that you may find easy as it regards personal freedom. However, you should know that you’re going to have to practice self-awareness for these actions to work:

  • Write in a journal to become aware of repetitive thoughts and patterns that you’re drifting into.
  • Pay attention to your dreams, exploring symbols and situations that keep popping up in your dreams.
  • Enter outdoor adventure challenges that take you out of your routines for one to two months. There are nature challenges that come with expert protections (e.g. medical crews, experienced survivalist teams) that are life changing.
  • Pray for guidance from your higher Self. Follow the inner guidance that you receive.

More Ways to Avoid Getting Stuck in Ruts

  • Talk with people who have taken smart risks in areas that you want to explore.
  • Celebrate a time when you took a smart risk and failed. Acknowledge your courage, actions and what you learned from the experience. Remember that every experience teaches. So, there really is no failure, especially when you take what you learned and grow.
  • Return to a hobby (e.g. woodcutting, painting, dancing) that you love, but abandoned because you got so caught up in routines that you convinced yourself that you didn’t have time to enjoy engaging in the hobby.
  • Pay off debts to empower yourself with a debt free lifestyle. To do this, look at your bank statements for the last six months. See what you can carve out. Avoid making new debts, and watch your savings grow.
  • Take nature walks. It’s amazing what being out in nature does to routines and the drive to live free.

Say Goodbye To Safety Illusions

Routines may feel safe. Yet, a part of you wants freedom, not routines and ruts. With routines, you know what’s coming a lot of the time. If today mimics yesterday and you know that you made it through yesterday, routines can lend the confidence that you’ll get through today. You’ll get through another day. Before you know it, each day is starting to look and feel the same.

low section of man against sky
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

That’s when boredom starts to set in. It’s because you abandoned your live free and stay free commitment. And, somewhere along the way, you knew exactly what you were doing, what you were setting yourself up for.

Regardless of how many people this has happened to, you don’t have to stay on this path. It starts with daily choices. For instance, you might cook eggs differently for breakfast. Or you might drive a different route to your friend’s house. Wearing a different pair of shoes or styling your hair differently are other ways to avoid slipping into ruts.

Practice Awareness to Avoid Getting Stuck in Ruts

More importantly, when you feel bored, uninspired or flat, check your routines. See if your day consist of routines and patterns that you’ve been engaging in for a year or longer. Without being aware, you could be wearing the same clothes on the same days of the week, styling your hair the same day after day for two years or longer and eating at the same diner for lunch for five years.

Add a job that you don’t love to this list of routines and it’s no wonder that you feel like you’re in a rut. Your day is filled with routines you no longer want to engage in. Practice awareness and catch yourself early, before you’re deep in ruts.

Live Free

But you can’t just practice awareness, you have to be honest with yourself. Admit when you don’t feel like you’re living in freedom and do something about it. Stir your courage, and shift. Try new things on a daily basis. Just do something new, something different each day.

Admittedly, it’s a risk. You won’t be able to predict outcomes. But isn’t that the fun part of what it means to live free? Not knowing how all choices will unwind can be liberating. And, when you think about it, financial debt, ridged routines and destructive relationships has never gotten you what you really want.

All the money, all the routines and all the work in the world has never gotten you freedom. So, consider taking smart risks. Make daily choices that support  debt free living. Start early, so that it becomes a lifestyle. Then, freedom, joy and what you love may start to lead you, offering you the types of emotional, financial and mental debt free lifestyle choices that you’ve been seeking.

Success Means Staying Motivated Through Failures

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By Books Author Denise Turney

life is now motivational success signage
Photo by Elina Fairytale on Pexels.com

Staying motivated through failures is a must if you want to experience ongoing success. You’ll need tools and techniques to stay motivated because the path to success is not a straight line. In fact, there are twists and turns so sharp, you might question why you ever believed you could achieve a certain goal.

Clarity as a Prerequisite to Staying Motivated Through Failures

On the other hand, if you’ve already started working your vision, exercised courage and are going after your destiny, you know that failure is part of the success road. However, knowing you’ll make mistakes and face challenges doesn’t make the journey easier. That’s why, to achieve ongoing success, you have to really want what you say you want.

By itself, this clarity makes staying motivated through failures possible. For you, clarity might come after you receive a vision, an inner short-clip-of-sorts, that details what you should do while you’re in this world.

Or you might be inspired to pursue arts, science, entertainment, sports, education, ministry or technology from watching a movie or reading a book. Either way, you’d clearly know, absolutely know, what you came here to do.

Starting Out on the Road to Success

Soon, you’re rolling up your sleeves, perhaps telling family and friends about your success dream. If you’re not careful, you might quit your day job, visions of you racking up sales at your “dream job” filling your imagination.

Sounds so good. Feels great. But, in this world, there are surprises, disappointments, lessons to be learned and setbacks, particularly as you pursue your destiny. For example, you might have a stellar business launch, perhaps attracting the attention of major media outlets, only to have sales arrive so fast that you struggle to fill orders on time.

This is what happened to some booksellers who got press during COVID lockdowns. Book orders came in so fast, it was tough for bookstores to fill the orders, especially considering that mail operated with limited staff due to the virus.

That’s when “success” pivots into setbacks (or failures) and lessons learned. You could circumvent these failures through research. For instance, in this case, as a bookseller you could research contracts with wholesalers who generally fill book orders within 24 hours. You could also research overnight shipping options, shortcutting the time it takes to get books from your store to customers. Even so, there be more unexpected events ahead.

When The Unexpected Happens – Staying Motivated Through Failures

success text
Photo by Gerd Altmann on Pexels.com

Besides being unprepared for significant uptick in sales, other failures you could encounter on the success road include:

  • Falling out-of-bounds with industry policies and regulations (being pulled in five or more directions could cause you to lose focus on a policy which could, over time, find you running afoul of regulations)
  • Hiring the wrong staff (do this and you could end up completing projects yourself because the people you hired don’t have the skills to do what you hired them to do)
  • Taking on more than you have the bandwidth to successfully pull off
  • Not generating enough sales to cover your overhead
  • Investing money in marketing and promotion efforts only to go into debt because your sales never match, let alone surpass, marketing and promotion investments
  • Sacrificing sleep to keep creating, marketing and distributing products and services

Staying Motivated Through Failures – How Much Should You Sacrifice for Success

Most of all, you might spend less time with family and friends just so you can pursue your dream. This is like wresting with an addiction. You keep telling yourself that you’ll spend time with your kids, partner or friends in a week, in a month, over the holidays.

You get the point.

Before you know it, your kids are grown and you haven’t spent much time with them (remember the song by Sandy and Harry Chapin – “The Cat’s In The Cradle”) . Another painful failure that you could encounter on the road to success is the delay of what you want happening.

Now, this is where the rubber meets the road when it comes to staying motivated through failures. It’s not easy to stay motivated when you’re working hard, making sizable investments and not getting what you want.

So, what do you do?

Staying Motivated Through Failures on the Road to Success

How can you motivate yourself when little seems to be going right? How can you keep your spirits lifted when, despite your efforts, you keep facing failures?

To start, remember that you’ll never achieve the success you want if you quit. Also, remember that success is never owned. In fact, although success is a choice, it’s not like a coat.

You can’t own and hang success in a closet. So, in addition to remembering that success is never owned, be open to change. After all, what got you success, including quantum success, a year or more ago, may not yield the same results today.

Most of all, remember why you got started. Recall your vision. Revisit your destiny, how and when it came to you. Let that vision, that motivation, lead you.

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Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels.com

Success Choices To Staying Motivated Through Failures

Be persistent; be consistent. On the success road, you must be tenacious. You also have to find ways to stay motivated. Here are actions you could take to keep going when the pull to quit gets strong:

  • Listen to deep meditation tapes to train your brain for success
  • Sharpen your vision so you’re clear on what you need to do to yield the results you want
  • Meditate on success quotes
  • Talk with people who achieved their dream, asking them to share failures they faced and what they did to stay motivated and move beyond those setbacks
  • Join professional groups with memberships that include people with passions similar to yours. Share successes and mistakes. Also, network with these people to learn about new technologies, marketing tools and industry trends that you can use to gain traction.

More Paths to Staying Motivated Through Failures to Achieve Success

  • Read books about success, including books about success principles
  • Write down dreams you have that reveal tips on how you can shortcut the road to success
  • Journal about your feelings, especially during times when you find staying motivated through failures difficult.
  • Create a detailed plan, mapping out actions you will take to get from where you are now to where you want to be
  • Hang pictures of what your life will look like when you fulfill your destiny around your home
  • Complete at least three actions a day that bring you closer to what you want. If you start to feel vulnerable, like giving up, remind yourself why you got started.

Instead of focusing on failures, review your daily actions, making changes as needed. Also, review monthly time and money investments, again making adjustments. Show your inner critic that you are taking smart actions. Prove to yourself that you are setting yourself up to experience ongoing success. After all, success is never owned. You have to keep reaching for it, achieving success, experience after experience. It’s a journey Mulukan, in the story Long Walk Up, is more than familiar with.

Secrets to Getting Deep Refreshing Nighttime Sleep

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By Freelance Writer and Novelist Denise Turney

african american couple smiling on bed at home near sleeping dog
Photo by Andres Ayrton on Pexels.com

What would you trade for deep refreshing nighttime sleep? We’re talking the type of sleep that finds you feeling a sort of rebirth come morning. When you wake up, there’s no headache, no stiff joints and not a hint of dissatisfaction. You might even recall the sweetest dreams. And, rested – do you ever feel energized.

Reasons to Use Natural Sleep Aids

Believe it or not, there may be millions of people who’d be willing to make a lifestyle trade to get refreshing nighttime sleep. In fact, the Sleep Association reports that 50-70 million adults in the United States are dealing with a sleep disorder. Additionally, symptoms of those sleep disorders include falling asleep during the day and snoring.

Also, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports that not getting enough refreshing nighttime sleep may be linked to chronic disease. Among the chronic diseases linked to insufficient sleep are diabetes, depression, obesity and cardiovascular disease. Even more, sleep affects weight because sleep impacts the hypothalamus. This is the part of the brain that regulates energy and appetite.

How to Mute Snoring and Gain Refreshing Nighttime Sleep

Snoring is top of the list when it comes to reasons why people struggle to get and stay asleep. If you’re the one who’s snoring, to mute snoring, you could lose weight. Other ways to mute snoring include sleeping on your side, avoiding caffeine and relaxing 30 to 60 minutes before heading to bed. Furthermore, to mute snoring, you could try nasal strips and relieving nasal congestion, according to the Mayo Clinic.

On the other hand, if you’re not the one who’s snoring, wearing sleepbuds may be a good choice. Another thing that you could try is listening to a deep meditation tape while you sleep. However, if snoring isn’t what’s keeping you from enjoying refreshing nighttime sleep, there may be better options.

Natural Sleep Remedies

For instance, you could journal about a work project that’s concerning you. You could also journal about intrusive stress related thoughts. As odd as it may sound, writing down what’s troubling you can be an effective way to eliminate worry. And isn’t that what often keeps you awake at night?

person reading book on white bathtub
Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

That’s why the best sleep aid may be to sit down and chill for an hour before you go to bed. Fortunately, it’s not as hard as it may seem, even if you’re a workaholic. Simply schedule relaxation into your evening similar to how you schedule a conference call.

It really is that simple. While you’re relaxing, consider reading a book. The key is to read a book that helps you to relax. Or you could listen to smooth jazz or another relaxing music genre that you love. Avoid drinking coffee, alcohol or soda. Remember, you’re trying to relax.

Things To Help You Enjoy Refreshing Nighttime Sleep

Here are more ways to sleep better. Some of these actions may work like a natural sleep aid for you:

  • Sleep on two pillows to raise your head.
  • Attend support group meetings if you’re dealing with grief, trauma or stress. Doing so could help you to relax during the day and at night.
  • Avoid eating spicy food. Nothing like heartburn to wake and keep you up at night.
  • Soak in a scented bubble bath.
  • Use a full spectrum lamp during the day if you’re dealing with seasonal affective disorder.
  • Drink a warm cup of caffeine-free tea with your dinner.
  • Eat a light dinner.
  • Perform yoga or stretching exercises before bed.
  • Meditate before you head to bed. You also might find it helpful to sit on the side of the bed and breathe deeply for 5 to 10 minutes before you climb beneath the covers.
  • Adjust the heating and cooling in your home, as needed.
  • Finish work during the day to avoid thinking about a long list of tomorrow “must dos”.
  • Exercise outdoors for 45 to 60 minutes a day. If you can’t exercise outdoors, do indoor exercises.
  • Eat cherries or drink cherry juice (cherries have natural melatonin)
  • Make smart money decisions to steer clear of money worries.
  • Wash your bed linen regularly. It feels good to sleep on clean, scented bed linen.

Best Sleep Aid

The best sleep aid may be a natural sleep aid. As previously mentioned, relaxation and worry elimination may be the best paths to refreshing nighttime sleep. But, if you’re juggling a busy schedule, this may not be a cakewalk. If natural solutions don’t prove effective, consider working with a professional who has experience working with sleep disorders.

For example, an experienced professional could test you for sleep apnea, depression, restless leg syndrome or a urinary tract disorder. A professional could also run tests to see if you are experiencing low vitamin D, melatonin or another vitamin or mineral deficiency.

The good news is that you can get melatonin for sleep over the counter. Yet, if stress and anxiety is in play, melatonin for sleep may only work for a week or more. But don’t give up. It may take weeks before you realize lasting results. Keep trying different natural techniques until you start sleeping more deeply more frequently.

Refreshing Nighttime Sleep Benefits

It’s well worth it, because lack of sleep can cause more than daytime drowsiness. Lack of sleep can affect memory, concentration, mood and alertness. The Sleep Association shares that driving while drowsy causes more than 40,000 auto injuries.

woman in pink crop top and jogging pants practicing yoga
Photo by KoolShooters on Pexels.com

Depending on your job, refreshing nighttime sleep could prevent surgical mistakes. If you’re an airline pilot, getting enough sleep could prevent accidents. The same applies if you operate heavy equipment or work with dangerous chemicals.

Also, refreshing nighttime sleep gives you more energy. It’s this energy that could extend your patience. And it’s increased patience that can improve your communications and relationships. In fact, sleep impacts energy, patience, communications, relationships, physical health, weight and mood. Sleep impacts so much, it’s worth it to keep trying natural sleep aid solutions until you find a solution that works for you.

Stay Open

As another tip, after you find a natural sleep aid that works for you, stay open to making changes. For instance, you might find that you sleep better during summer and winter, when you have the air conditioner or heater humming. Or you might find that you sleep better during autumn or spring, when outdoor temperatures are milder.

In this same vein, you may find that hanging dark curtains in your bedroom makes it easy to keep sunlight from disturbing your sleep. Just make sure that you don’t start over sleeping. As tempting as it might be, sleeping too much can make enjoying refreshing nighttime sleep harder.  Fortunately, there are several natural sleep aid options. Here’s to a good night of sleep.

How to Succeed Amid the Coming Change

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By Books Writer Denise Turney

The coming change could shake your beliefs. It won’t be a one-time shift, knocking you off guard for weeks. Instead, this change is the start of ongoing adjustments. Knowing how to come out on top, despite the switch, sets you up for longstanding success.

Change is celebrated when it brings experiences that you’ve been longing for. How about this? A handsome man shows up just before you exit the train car you generally ride in on your way home from work. In a short six months, you’re convinced that this mystery man is an answer to your prayers. He’s attentive, caring, courageous, funny and charming. You feel so loved when you’re with him. In fact, you feel cared for when you simply think about this man.

red flowers drooping as part of coming change
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by George Chernilevsky

Navigating Unwanted Change

It’s that kind of shift that can make it feel easy to succeed amid change. But, let your hopes escalate, interlaced with high charged “perfect relationship” fantasies, only to be dashed after you discover that the man from the train is another woman’s husband and three boys’ doting father. If you had invested your all into the relationship, the discovery might leave you believing that you won’t recover.

Who knows? You might even think that, for you, a romantic relationship will never be successful. And that’s just it.

So much unexpected and unwanted change that you have to deal with may seem to be completely out of your control. You didn’t cause the change. And, because you didn’t cause the change, you can’t see your way up.

How to Succeed Amid Change

Yet, it’s not true that you can’t succeed amid change. In fact, here are several actions that you could take to succeed:

  • Forgive yourself for mistakes you perceive that you’ve made. There’s no better way to shut off the “need to be punished” button and allow boundless good into your life.
  • Set a new goal if change has showed you that your previous goal is not the experience you really want.
  • Accept the means to achieve your goal, all while staying open to new ideas.
  • Make good use of your emotional guidance system. For instance, if you don’t feel peace around a choice, consider another option.
  • Celebrate small victories as you continue to work to succeed amid change. After all, this is a long journey.
  • Add no less than three activities that cause you to feel joy and peace to your day. For example, you could listen to jazz, soak in a soothing bath or enjoy reading a good novel while sitting on your back porch.
  • Keep a journal to track your efforts and your results.
  • Don’t ever give up on yourself.

Long Walk to Success Amid Change

A successful life demands flexibility. Simply put, give up the effort to control situations. In fact, if you set expectations for people or situations, you may be left feeling angry, abandoned and frustrated.

This may be one of the greatest roadblocks to success — the desire to control people and outcomes. To be successful, you have to open to guidance from your real Self. And trust that guidance. Learning from others also helps as you continue to bob, weave and make your way through your journey.

Above all, you have to believe that you can succeed amid change, even great change. A good way to start is to take wise risks early. In a word, the sooner that you start compiling evidence that what you really are is greater than any change you find yourself face, the better.

Keep Advancing

So, allow yourself enough grace and forgiveness to take wrong turns. Allow yourself enough love to make mistakes. Trust the good that is guiding you. Stop and turn when you realize that you’re heading the wrong way. Once you’re again on course, keep advancing. This is what Long Walk Up’s Mulukan does, a six year old orphan girl who, by all accounts, should have quit. Yet, she didn’t. Hers is a glorious story.

Yes. Keep advancing. Because, like Mulukan, yours is a glorious story too. Whether you realize it or not, you are amazing!

How to Stay Motivated at Work and Avoid Quiet Quitting

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By Fiction Author Denise Turney

organized work desk to stay motivated
Motivation for Work Picture

Changing career landscapes, economic shifts and challenges disconnecting from the office make it hard to stay motivated at work. Information overload is real, potentially putting you at risk of burnout. If you’re not careful, you could slip into quiet quitting.

Whether you work from home or at the office, you might feel like quitting. That or you might want to invest less time or energy into your job. It makes good sense. Long work hours, challenges setting clear boundaries, procrastination or perfectionism could sap your daily motivation pretty quickly. But you know your rent, mortgage, utility bills, car note and insurance premiums are not going to stop coming just because you’re having a hard time finding motivation for work.

Ways to Stay Motivated at Work

On the other hand, burnout doesn’t give two cents about your bills. That’s why you need to get in front of this type of lack of motivation early. So, if giving yourself an early morning pep talk after you climb out of bed in the morning is no longer helping you to shift upward, consider:

  • Establishing start and end times for when you’ll invest in work. This includes getting clear about the days of the week that you’ll work. Of course, there may be instances when you’ll have to work six days a week. But these instances should be rare if you’re committed to setting clear boundaries.
  • Discuss time off requests, special work arrangements and unique work hours with your supervisor. Get that person’s green light. That way, you’ll relax and not push yourself too hard out of fear that your supervisor will think you’re slacking. For example, if you need to wait until 10am to start work and you need to stop work at 5:30pm to care for a sick parent or young child, let your supervisor know.
  • Get smart about juggling multiple projects.
  • Communicate your work schedule to your team. Let go of guilt and focus on your work without feeling like you have to be Superwoman or Superman.
  • If your supervisor keeps pushing you to do more, consider seeking another job. Your mental, physical and emotional health matter.
  • Give yourself room to make mistakes. After all, staying motivated through failure is part of success, at work and at home.
  • Take breaks throughout the workday.
  • Definitely take your full lunch break.

How To Be More Motivated At Work

Also, let your supervisor know the projects you’re working on. If your workload is light, communicate that. But don’t keep pushing to receive more work as if working will reduce inner guilt.

And guilt may be the biggest culprit when it comes to setting shabby work boundaries. To avoid guilt, actually look at how much work you’re doing. Also, consider your work habits. You know if you’re a go-getter. You know if you keep commitments. Don’t play yourself small.

While you work, listen to motivational messages and read motivational quotes. For example, if you’re working on a project, you could pop in your ear buds and listen to online motivational messages. Before and after work, consider developing hobbies or investing in creative endeavors.

For instance, you could start writing on that novel. Or you could start on that abstract painting, wood table, ceramic dish set or pottery pieces. Also, invest in yourself by getting outdoors and enjoying, absolutely enjoying, a walk, run or bike ride.

Motivational Factors At Work

If you need motivation to work, take advantage of employee perks offered at the company where you work. Most human resources departments have a list of employee perks, things like computer discounts, travel savings and vacation packages that you can take advantage of.

In addition to becoming familiar with these employee perks, get clear on the number of vacation days that you have left. Forget carrying these days over to the new year. Instead, take a day off one to two times a month until you stop feeling de-motivated or burned out.

Definitely, get enough deep sleep. Reading a book before bed and avoiding caffeine are ways to set yourself up for a good night of sleep. And solicit the help of family and friends, people who are trustworthy. Also, spend time with people who practice healthy work boundaries.

Accept Help To Get Motivated Again

Let these people babysit so that you can get a break if you have young children. If you have a partner, ask your partner to help around the house. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Again, you’re not trying to be Superman or Superwoman.

That shared, be open to seeking help from a professional counselor if you’re still struggling as it regards finding motivation. You might even be able to get your counseling paid for through your employer. Bottom line, no one is going to look out for you better than you will, not if you love yourself.

Another thing – spend time with family and friends. At the least, speak with loved ones on the phone once a day or twice a week. Stay connected. Combined it all helps you to stay motivated at work and maintain a healthy motivation in and outside of the office. Oh. And one last thing – read a good book to stay motivated!

How to Practice Self-Love in Less than 5 Minutes

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Flower Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Christian Ferrer

By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

Self-love offers the assurance that you are always loved and are always lovable. When it comes to loving yourself, there are options, choices that cause you to receive and experience peace, joy and dare say — love. To get the most out of these options, start appreciating yourself. For example, the more patient you are with yourself, the more eager you become to exit abusive relationships – be they abusive romantic, social, religious or career relationships.

Loving You Offers Enormous Rewards

In fact, it’s hard to stay in unloving relationships when you know that you deserve love and you know that you are lovable. Beliefs about your value will shift, and like the Red Sea, you will part from what no longer aligns with how you perceive yourself. Additionally, self-love gifts you with the confidence to connect with people whose presence centers you in joy and peace.

Also, self-love builds inner trust. Once you start trusting yourself, that still small voice seems to get louder, clearer. That’s when you become aware of guidance directing you through challenges. If you’re looking to learn to love yourself, here are 11 simple steps.

Self-Love Practices

On the other hand, if you’ve made self-love part of your life and are committed to the practice, the idea that loving yourself can help you design amazing experiences isn’t farfetched. Following are ways to practice self-love in less than 5 minutes:

  • Start the day with a thought, a word and an emotion of appreciation. For example, you could wake with a “Thank You” followed by 10 seconds of silence.
  • Pray for what you want (also take smart actions). Prayer may well be a sign that you believe you are cared for enough to have your request be heard and answered.
  • Meditate for 2 to 14 minutes a day. As an example, you could sit still for 3 minutes at night before you retire to bed.
  • Eat and drink a healthy diet of fresh water, non-GMO fruit and vegetables, etc.

More Quick Self-Love Practices

  • Get outside and enjoy a walk, bike ride, jog or swim. Simply get outdoors and enjoy nature as you move your body.
  • Speak kindly to yourself throughout the day. For instance, you could stand naked in front of a long mirror and say, “I love you” to yourself before you dress in the morning. And you could do the same at night.
  • Connect with people you trust, people who are kind, caring and loving to not only you but others as well.
  • Engage in three or more activities that cause you to feel peace and joy.

Love Pour Over Me Support

You can never start self-love practices too soon. Patience is one of the greatest of the self-love practices. Yes. Despite your best intentions, you’re going to make mistakes. But you cannot make a mistake that cannot be corrected. So, keep advancing on your amazing journey. Practice self-love as Raymond Clarke, the major character in the book Love Pour Over Me, learns that he too must.

I encourage you to get a copy of the fictional story, Love Pour Over Me to witness the twists and turns, the highs and lows and the challenges and victories that Raymond experiences. Perhaps you will find encouragement, inspiration, motivation and support through reading Raymond’s story — support to continue (or start) loving yourself each and every day — at all times.

How To Stay Motivated During Hard Times

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By Books Author Denise Turney

If you want sustainable success and happiness, you need to learn how to stay motivated during hard times. You need to maintain positive expectations with old projects, classic relationships, mature goals and change. Why?

Being motivated is easy during new starts unless you resist change. When things are new, you can imagine outcomes that suit your desires. Unwanted results have yet to reveal themselves. You can lie to yourself at the start.

It’s tough to stay motivated after small changes enter old routines. Your resistance to what is happening makes experiences hard. If only you felt safe and certain with every bit of change.

woman looking to stay motivated wearing scarf and red shirt
Motivated Woman Wearing Scarf Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Koshy Koshy

Let Go of Control to Stay Motivated

Change puts you outside of the realm of control. After all, it’s hard to control what you know little or nothing about. For instance, new, demanding jobs; out-of-state housing moves; sharp economic swings; unbounded commercial success; fascinating weight loss and new romantic relationships occur absence your experience in knowing how to handle them.

To keep pace with change, particularly unexpected change, you’ll have to enter learning mode. Prepare yourself for a series of mistakes. You’re in new territory. It may be weeks, months, before you start to feel like you know what you’re doing.

Current and Recent Hard Times

Although hard, bitter and tragic, COVID-19 was one such recent event. The event was so shockingly unexpected that, for weeks as it regards a vaccine, there was no one to seek for a certain answer. So much of the process to adapt to the harsh change, called for courage and the sheer motivation to lift your head and keep moving forward.

And, as tempting as it is to insulate yourself from hard times, in this world, be it COVID-19 or another great unprecedented challenge, insulting yourself from hard times may be impossible. Sure. You could motivate yourself by building a wall of routine, fighting hard to keep change from seeping inside your life. But you’d eventually find that boring.

Lifetime of Motivation

A better option is to use your imagination, inner vision and courage to stay motivated during hard times. Fortunately, although it may not be comfortable, it is doable. In fact, you can take a first step forward today. For example, you could read inspirational quotes and perseverance quotes. Furthermore, you could:

  • Capture experiences that you are thankful for in a journal
  • Pay attention
  • Be aware of patterns tucked inside changes, including welcomed and unexpected changes. These patterns may hold clues to future successes.
  • Respect yourself by being honest about what you see and experience. Avoid fantasy and illusion.
  • Record weight loss and physical fitness achievements to strengthen workout motivation
  • Read books about hard times resilient people faced and overcame
  • Create a budget and start paying down debt to enter financial freedom

Help to Stay Motivated During Hard Times

  • Get outside for walks, a jog or a bike ride. It’s amazing how motivating natural sunlight is
  • Do something new each day, something new, fun and exciting
  • Make raising your hands toward the ceiling, as if trying to stretch as tall as you can, part of your morning wake-up routine
  • Removing yourself from people and routines that lend you to weighty feelings of guilt, shame, confusion and smallness (definitely don’t hang out with people who leave you feeling as if you’re not enough)
  • Engage in at least three daily activities that make it easy for you to feel joy and peace
  • Help someone else
  • Listen to uplifting music

Start Getting Motivated

But don’t wait until you’re facing hard times to start taking the above steps. If you wait, you may find it particularly tough to start incorporating smart actions into your days.

During hard and easy times, connect with healthy people. Yes. It’s tempting to go it alone during hard times. But don’t give into this temptation. Too much time alone could find you feeling isolated and as if you don’t have help, as if you have to push through the hardest experiences by yourself all of the time. Reach out to inwardly healthy people. Talk through what you’re feeling.

Being around inwardly healthy people is healing. In fact, communication may be the best way through change, including hard change. Communication gives you access to direct, firsthand advice, insights and inspiration. When you hear others share their challenges, you feel less alone. You feel a belonging.

Read the fictional story of Mulukan, a six-year-old orphan, to stay encouraged. It is stories like Long Walk Up that can help you stay motivated during hard times. I wish you well!

Stay Strong If Life Gets Tough

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By Books Author Denise Turney

Woman looking in mirror holding weights to stay strong
Woman Lifting Weights to Stay Strong Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Scott Webb

It’s easy to stay strong when you don’t feel pressured. But let a series of unexpected events drop into your life and you could start to wobble psychologically and emotionally. As difficult as it may feel to stay in the game, don’t let this challenge stop you.

If you’re struggling, it’s understandable. Why? You can’t plan for every experience you’re going to have to muscle through. What you can do is build safeguards.

Preparing for Emergencies

Even if managing budgets isn’t your thing, you can invest in an emergency fund. This could reduce stress you feel around unexpected auto repairs, medical bills or a job layoff. And, as someone who was laid off during the Great Recession, let me tell you – an emergency fund is a sure advantage. I highly recommend creating an emergency fund.

But an emergency fund won’t make you aware of every emergency that’s headed your way. And it’s this uncertainty that can wear you down, especially if you are pushed into a situation that demands that you face heightened levels of uncertainty day after day after day.

Stay strong.

Stay Strong Start to Finish

As someone who’s been thru her share of the unexpected, please let me share a few tips on how to stay strong if life gets tough. Here goes:

  • Start the day saying “Thank You” – That’s right, appreciation yields huge returns. As tough as it might feel, open up to sincere appreciation.
  • Bring your hobbies alive – Regularly engage in a hobby you love.
  • Activate a talent – Similar to hobbies, start using your talents.
  • Drink plenty of water – stay hydrated
  • Eat green leafy vegetables
  • Get outside and move – For example, you could enjoy a walk, jog, hike, swim, dance or bike ride.

More Ways to Stay Strong

It’s worth noting that, while you incorporate these actions into your day, willpower won’t suffice, not in the long run. The best willpower hits a wall, finds a stopping point. These times call for motivation. Above all, remember why you started pursuing a goal. That reminder is a powerful motivator. Check out these ways to stay motivated during hard times.

  • Read encouraging writings that are rooted in truth
  • Find someone or something to help, especially if the assistance is linked to a goal you’re pursuing
  • Map out how you can get out of the challenge you’re currently experiencing. For instance, you could list resources, contacts and specific actions you will take to get on the other side of the challenge. Trying to get out of debt? List your bills on a spreadsheet. Then, list your income, additional work you can take on to bring in more money and debts you could eliminate now (e.g., cable bill, streaming service, eating out). Set deadlines for when you will pay off bills. During this time, do not create new bills or get new credit cards.
  • Celebrate small success. As an example, you could light a candle, buy yourself flowers or enjoy an edible treat after you take a step towards a positive goal.
  • Keep making friends and strengthening healthy relationships

Strength in Real Life Connections

Above all, stay connected to people. If you’re in an isolated area, consider getting a pet. At first, it may not seem like it. But maintaining real life connections is a key way to stay strong if life gets tough. These real-life connections are face-to-face connections.

Even if you seek support from people in private social media groups, maintain healthy face-to-face connections. Also, don’t expect (or wait for) other people to reach out to you if you’re in a tough situation.

Reach out first. In time, others should start taking the initiative to reach out. Definitely stay open to making new friends.

While you practice appreciation, map out how you will address the challenge and maintain healthy face-of-face connections, believe in YOU! Don’t give up on yourself. There really is more within you than you may ever know while you’re in this world. You’d be shocked to know how much is in you. So, stay strong if life gets tough. Stay motivated and reach your deepest, most important goals.

What Are You Afraid of? Regain Your Life

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By Books Author Denise Turney

To regain your life, face what scares you. Fear or love, that is all there is to choose from. What if the only choices that you ever had, that we all have, are between fear and love? Nothing else.

Life seems much more complicated. But is it?

Think back to your childhood. How old were you when you first felt fear, when you first felt afraid?

Light from candle to regain your life
Lit Candle Wix – Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Edukeralam, Navaneeth Krishnan S

I remember this golden, brown German Shepherd across the street from where my family lived in Ohio. Back then, I was eight years old. As usual, when I was outside playing – riding a bike, enjoying a game of hopscotch or jumping rope – I was with my siblings and friends.

Fear Offers No Comfort

There certainly was comfort in numbers. Yet, regardless of how many people were outside, when that German Shepherd (his name was “King”) showed up, people darted. I’m talking teenagers and kids. Folks broke out and headed for cover.

All of this fear over a German Shepherd who had broken his backyard chain again. The more intense the fear I was experiencing became, the more angry and helpless I felt. I also wanted the dog to just disappear, making it easy for the entire scene to be over.

Oh, but, when dogs break loose, they don’t go right back from whence they came. Instead, they explore, peeing on bushes and tree trunks. They also like to kick up dirt with their hind feet, as if to let every other dog in the neighborhood know how big and bad they are. And even if they don’t intend to, they scare a lot of kids. (See these tips on how you could face fear and regain your life.)

Ever Changing Fear

My fear of “King” disappeared after my family moved to a different neighborhood. But that wasn’t the end of fear for me. After “King”, there were bullies, spooky movies, the nightly news, and a few bad grades that I was very concerned about showing my dad.

Fast forward to my adult years, and “King” was far at the back of my memory, certainly no longer something that pulled up fear in me. The 12 year old girl I’d been afraid of, the girl I let bully me in elementary school, didn’t even pop into my mind. She was long gone as it relates to fear, totally in the past.

But don’t go thinking that I stopped choosing fear over love. In fact, in place of big neighborhood dogs, school bullies and a bad report card, there were bills, fear of the unknown, fear of love, challenging work assignments and growing numbers of people I knew who were exiting their bodies or transitioning.

Yeah. The things that I chose to allow fear to use to bind me have changed. But that type of change doesn’t mean anything unless I’m choosing love instead of fear.

Regain Your Life – Choose Love Instead of Fear

The good news. It’s a choice that I’m paying attention to, practicing awareness so I can choose love. Thing is, fear, as you can see, takes on a myriad of forms. Its content remains unchanged. But the forms that fear uses seem always in motion.

Oddly, with love, it’s the content that I have long, perhaps always, focused on. Safe, warm feelings, a sense of belonging and conviction that I’m cared for are part of love’s content for me. Doesn’t matter if that content comes through my pet turtle, a friend, relative, engaging in my passion (writing) or listening to the smoothest song. If the content is there, I feel it. I appreciate it.

And the content never changes. It’s one of the things that I absolutely love about love. Perhaps it’s time that we all focused more on love’s content and less on fear and its myriad forms.

Toward this effort, I wrote a book about what fear did to a town in Memphis, Tennessee. The title of that book is Spiral. Read the book and you may be amazed at how far reaching, twisting, blinding and binding fear can get to be. It’s worse than any virus. Once fear takes root, look out. Or better yet, choose love.

Prepare for Victory

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By Books Author Denise Turney

Prepare for victory if you’re ready to stop caring so much about what others think about you. Prepare for victory if you’re ready for a healthy dose of self-honesty. After all, these two are linked to the one thing that you want most but are starting to think you’ll never grasp and keep.

What’s that one thing? Freedom.

If you’re like many people, you want the freedom to do what you want when you want and not just on weekends. And you want that thing to bring increasing empowerment, peace and joy to you. For me, that’s writing intense novels, the types of books that leave readers thinking, sometimes rattled and definitely, entertained, and dare I say — changed.

Runner opening arms to prepare for victory
Victory Race – Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Darren Wilkinson

Prepare for victory with clarity

However, saying what you want to become victorious at and achieving that goal don’t always link up right away. Sometimes, you gotta fight for what you want.

Which brings up the first step in victory preparation.

To prepare for victory, get clear about what you want. Once you get clear about what you want, you can write the goal down in one to two short sentences. You can stand in front of a mirror and, in less than 15 seconds, tell yourself exactly what you want.

Forbes shares that knowing what you want may be linked to happiness. Forget trying to talk yourself out of what you know you really want. For now, just get clear about what that experience is.

The next step in preparing for victory might scare you, especially if you grew up in a traditional home. And here it is. Be willing to fail. Be willing to fail often. If I told you how many times I’ve tried a book marketing strategy that fell flat, you might think that I’m nuts to still be writing novels.

Victory steps

The ups and downs, failures and successes are not all fun. It doesn’t always feel good. And you’ll certainly need to keep working to keep your confidence and enthusiasm up. But it’s worth it.

Other actions that can help you to prepare for victory are:

  • Use a new scale – Stop giving more weight to what others think or say than to what you think. The old scale that I was using while I wrote my first novel, Portia, almost stopped me from publishing the book that went on to become a classic.
  • Identify blocks – There’s a verse of scripture (Mark 11:23) that says it’s possible for you to move a mountain if you speak that the mountain move (gotta know what you really want to pull this off). You also have to believe that the experience will happen for you. But you need to identify the blocks (mountains) to know what to address. Journal writing, meditating, freestyle writing and jotting down dreams are ways to identify blocks. Another way is to pay attention to times when you feel uncomfortable for seemingly no reason (e.g., someone compliments you in a crowd, you’re given a gift).
  • Ask for what you want – Give up magical thinking. Victory may not fall in your lap just because you want it. Eventually, you may need to ask someone to help you.
  • Become your number one fan – Lack of self-love shows up in so many ways. Times when I struggled with lack of self-love, I felt uncomfortable around nearly everyone. Not loving yourself can create a viscous cycle of projection. So, love yourself. Genuinely love yourself no matter what. It’s a lesson that I share through the character Raymond in Love Pour Over Me.

Paths to victory

Paths to victory vary. But you can shorten the time that it takes to experience victory, by incorporating the following steps into your life.

  • Make room for victory by being open to change – You could do this in small ways like wearing a different pair of shoes (if you generally wear the same pair of shoes), wearing a new hairstyle, driving a different way home, speaking to a stranger in a safe environment and talking with others to avoid becoming self-absorbed.
  • Keep good company – Surround yourself with people who love you, people who are pursuing their own victories. Free yourself of people who belittle, mistreat or abuse you.
  • Celebrate each forward step – It may take months or years to get the victory that you want. Enjoy the journey and celebrate in healthy ways.
  • See things differently – Start seeing yourself achieving what you want. Start seeing yourself enjoying experiences that you want. After all, when it comes to people enjoying a love-filled, joyous life — why not you?

Prepare for victory and you could avoid nesting these top regrets or unwanted motivations once you reach the end of your physical journey. You could feel more love, peace, joy and centeredness even as you move through a chaotic world.

And that is my hope for you. After all, your joy and peace help to light the way. But first you need to prepare yourself for victory. You most certainly can do it. The victory that you’re preparing for and truly want is going to come from right inside of you. Are you ready to go get it?