Category Archives: Real Life Musings

Real life musings about life as a whole, including parts of life that impact singles and married couples, experience are here. These writings are also for people who are experiencing relationship changes. You’ll find articles that focus on ways to connect with family better. Other topics you’ll discover encourage children to develop a love for reading books and navigating a career are some of the blog articles written and shared here. Take your time reading through the articles. They are designed to equip you with insights, motivations, tips and inspiration that strengthen your inner being.

Taking the time to get to know your own mother better

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Other than the father and son relationship, no other relationship may be as acrimonious as the relationship a daughter has with her mother. An observer watching a mother and daughter communicate and relate with each mother might think that the two women are enemies. It might seem impossible to believe that the two women live beneath the same roof, share the same blood line.

Calling a truce with your mother

If mothers have unresolved issues with their own mothers, they might carry these unresolved issues into relationships they build with their own daughters. In fact, these unresolved issues could start to reveal themselves while daughters are young, well before the teenage years.

For example, mothers might try to keep their daughters from experiencing similar disappointments that they felt when they were their age. This could cause mothers to become critical of their daughters. Mothers might comment on their daughters’ new hairstyles or outfits, offering their disapproval as a way to encourage their daughters to always look their best so they don’t get teased, sneered at or talked about the way mothers did when they were younger.

Let this keep up and daughters might feel as if their mothers see them as failures, as if they are incapable of making smart decisions on their own. Wall Street Journal reporter, Elizabeth Bernstein says that due to the constant input from their mothers, “Daughters, meanwhile, tend to be very sensitive to mom’s input. They think she is being rude or doesn’t respect them as an adult. Underneath, they fear they’ve failed the one person they have been seeking approval from since before they could speak.”

Furthermore, “A natural break should occur between adolescence and adulthood, where the mother allows her daughter to grow up and make her own decisions. Some mothers, however, have trouble letting go.” To start letting go, mothers can set ground rules around things like dating and going to concerts. While setting these ground rules, they can ask their daughters for input.

Daughters can speak up for themselves when they are right or when a decision they make is truly up to them. If the two become angry, they can take several deep breaths and honestly discuss why they are angry, without placing blame. It also helps if mothers talk about their own childhoods and difficulties they may have had relating to their own mothers. Both should avoid trying to hurt or compete with each other. Lying is another practice that should be removed from the relationship. Mothers and daughters will also benefit from regularly focusing on attributes they appreciate about each other.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Life Happens While You Pursue Your Dreams

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By Denise Turney

Congratulations if you’ve recently realized what your life dream is. What a wonderful awakening. Now that you’ve come to know what’s inside you, don’t be surprised if passion to pursue your life dream starts stirring your emotions. Ideas may surface in your mind, ideas that, if you act upon them, will help you get closer to the realization, the physical manifestation, of your dreams.

Birthing Life Dreams

Life dreams are different from night dreams. However, Source may use night dreams to reveal the unfolding of your life dreams to you. As an example, recall Joseph in the Bible (Genesis chapter 37, verse 5). Joseph understood the meaning of his night dreams. He had a dream interpretation or analyzing dreams gift. But, you may not. Not everyone appears to have this gift the way Joseph did. In this case, you can pray and ask Source to give you the dream interpretation. However, if you’re not open to receiving the dream interpretation or knowing what the dream means, you may continue to be confused about the dream. Your own unwillingness to receive the dream’s message is what keeps you confused about the dream’s meaning.

Our life dreams are inside of us. They’re like seeds planted within us, waiting for us to nurture them and help them to surface in our lives so the fulfillment of our dreams bless us and everyone we come in contact with. Life dreams are powerful, impossible to ignore or turn away from. Yet, it takes courage to bring life dreams to pass. The world doesn’t pause so we can fulfill our life dreams, bring forth what Source has planted in us. Our loved ones transition, children continue to be born, we get hired into new jobs, leave old jobs, move into new residences, care for our families and meet a myriad of daily responsibilities . . . all while pursuing our life dreams.

Although it would be welcomed, the world doesn’t slow down just because we’re taking steps to manifest our life dreams. We can still feel pain, disappointment and discouragement as we go after our life dreams. There may also be times when we feel like throwing the towel in on our life dreams. In fact, after we realize what our life dreams are and start acting on them, opposition from the ego may build. It’s almost as if, as long as we stay blind to the good that’s inside of us, the world’s thought system buffets us less.

Wake Up to Your Life Dreams

Wake up to our truth and the ego seems to rouse from its slumber, challenging our courage to bring our life dreams to pass. If we continue moving forward, running with the vision, we’ll produce a good result. This work is not for the faint at heart. It requires courage. But, it can be done. Many have already fulfilled their life dreams, people like Harriet Tubman, Joan of Arc, the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., Jesse Owens, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Fannie Lou Hamer, Shirley Chisholm, Dr. Charles Drew, Wilma Rudolph, Marva Collins and Evelyn Ashford, to name a few.

Nothing can replace your life dreams. No amount of work or fun can fulfill you the way bringing your life dreams to pass will. Considering the truth that joy is our strength, it’s wisdom at work when you take the steps to fulfill your life dreams, even if you have to do so as the world’s thought system tries to stop you. Awaken to your life dreams!

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now at –

http://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html

Have you stopped making new friends?

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By Denise Turney

It takes courage to really “grow up”. To grow up,  you must take on new responsibilities, start eating the fruit of your decisions. It’s how you learn and evolve.

Depending on decisions you’ve made thus far, it may also mean taking care of and guiding your children. That’s not all. By the time you reach your mid-30s, there’s a chance that you’ve taken on a mortgage, not to mention having health insurance premiums, household expenses and an auto loan to pay for. ge to really “grow up”. To grow up,  you must take on new responsibilities, start eating the fruit of your decisions. It’s how you learn and evolve.

No matter how old you get, you need good friends

Life fills up fast after you become an adult, and not always with responsibilities that you want. To meet those responsibilities, you might find yourself dealing with stress and anxiety. Work a typical middle or senior management job and you might have the added burden of finding time to catch up with family, not to mention friends.

If you’re not careful, years could pass before you realize that you haven’t made a single new friend since high school or college. After a decade or more of living this way, greeting someone new might feel as awkward as going out on a date for the first time in 10 years.

What won’t change is your hunger for friendships, the kind you write or call home about. Humans are social creatures. We love to connect with each other, engage in rich conversation, to simply be in the presence of people we trust, people we know love us. It’s these types of relationships that make facing challenges in this world easier. It’s also friendships that make personal achievements and celebrations worthwhile.

As one woman shares with Redbook when discussing her desire for rich, female friendships, “I miss that female connection.” She continues “Just being with my family doesn’t make me feel 100-percent complete.”

If you’re nervous about making new friends, start small. Say hello to the first person who steps on the elevator at work or the doctor’s office with you. Keep doing this until you start to feel comfortable striking up conversations with people you haven’t met before.

Join networking groups. For example, if you are passionate about arts and crafts, you could join an arts group and get together with other art lovers once a week to chat about your latest projects and to share laughs. You could also meet your next best friend while posting to a social media network or while responding to someone who leaves a comment at your blog.

The important thing is to get out there. Start letting new people discover the wonder that is you. Be open to starting and developing new friendships. You’ll be glad you did. It’s what keeps Love Pour Over Me’s Raymond Clarke going, even during the hardest times in his life.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now at –

http://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html

Getting ready to move to a big city the right way

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By Denise Turney
Moving to a big city can be intimidating, especially if you’ve never lived away from home and you grew up in a small town. The pace of big city life is faster.

On the other hand, small towns generally don’t attract as many big name entertainers, sporting events, corporations that pay competitive wages, retail stores and more. Small towns also generally aren’t on the cutting edge of fashion, finances and technology the way that larger towns are. It’s easy to get bored living in a small town.

Big city living brings big changes

However, it’s not all glitter and gold when you move to a big city. Traffic is congested on a daily basis. People living in the city may not be as patient as the people who lived in your neighborhood back home. If you already have furniture, that’s good. That one thing can save you hundreds of dollars, more if you bought your furniture from a store where you cut a special deal with the store’s owner.

Rent an apartment in a big city and don’t be surprised to pay $900 or more a month. This could be culture shock, especially if you come from a town where the average rent is $600 or less a month. For example, MSN Money reports that, “Living in a studio downtown with electricity, gas for the apartment, Internet, cable and a train card, I was already at $2,500 every month.”

Groceries and clothes are also higher in big cities. Move to a big city that has limited parking, and you should expect to spend $100 or more a month for private parking. That means you’ll pay to park your car in an apartment or private garage when you’re at home. It also means that you’ll have to pay to park when you go to work unless your employer covers those costs for you.

What you probably won’t have to deal with is boredom, especially if you make friends easily and have an outgoing personality. That doesn’t mean you’re chatty or talk all the time. It means you’re someone who enjoys communicating with other people. In a big city, you can take your love for communicating with people to check out live plays, go to major sporting competitions and use your natural talents to perform before live audiences at city parks and other public venues.

Talk to people who are already living in the city you’re contemplating moving to. Ask them about the ups and downs of living in the city. Be sure to ask about local taxes, street parking and rents and mortgages. You can learn about crime rates online or by reading through newspapers in the city you’re thinking about moving to.

Do your homework before you start packing, even if you’re feeling desperate for a change like Raymond Clarke is in Love Pour Over Me.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

You’re a Masterpiece

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By Denise Turney

Even if you don’t realize it now, you’re a masterpiece. You’re one of a kind. The fact that you have a unique set of fingerprints is only one indicator that you’re absolutely distinct. No one can take your place. No one can be you . . . ever.

Life experiences you’ve had might have convinced you that you’re only one of many, a mass produced being. But, you’re not. Depending on specific experiences you had as a child, teen or/and adult, you also might think that your worth is below that of other people or below that of people you admire. Nothing could be further from the truth.

You’ve probably seen people who reminded you of someone else, perhaps yourself. All about you, it’s possible that you’ve seen or experienced things that are propelling you to think that you’re a limited being whose value and existence end (absolutely shut off) at the end of your physical experience. That’s something that might happen each time you look at life through the ego’s eyes.

But, are you ever so much more than you’ve ever imagined. You’re a wonderful masterpiece.

The sooner you get this truth down into your being, the sooner your life will start to change. After all, your behavior is directly impacted by your repetitive thoughts (also referred to as beliefs). Start believing, not just verbally repeating, the truth about yourself, until you reach your core, the part of you where truth resides.  You’ll feel this truth echoed back to you, and what a joy!

But, first you have to start at the beginning. Start accepting the truth (something that never changes) that you’re a masterpiece. Look or watch for changes in your life.  They should appear, as, again, your beliefs impact your behavior. Your beliefs also impact experiences that show up in your life. For example, as humans, we don’t see what we don’t believe at either the conscious or subconscious level. Start believing the truth about yourself (so you can start seeing evidence of it) — you’re remarkable, an absolute masterpiece!

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Great Ohio athletes and coaches

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By Denise Turney
Ohio is one of the larger populated states in America. Known as the Buckeye State, Ohio is home to more than 11 million people. People born and/or raised in Ohio know that outside of Cleveland and Cincinnati, many cities in the state are small. Surprisingly, these small towns have produced some of the country’s and world’s greatest athletes.

Ohio is home to some of the world’s best athletes

Chief amongst Ohio’s great athletes, people who went to the top of their sport on a global scale, are Dayton’s Edwin Moses and Akron’s LeBron James. Edwin earned top honors in track and field for the 400 meter hurdles. He won gold medals in the 1976 and 1984 Olympics. Edwin also ran his way to a remarkable 107 consecutive finals. You’ll be hard pressed to find another athlete in any other sport who’s won more than 100 competitions in a row!

LeBron James started out with the Cleveland Cavaliers then went to play for the Miami
Heat. As an active athlete, LeBron James has won two NBA championships (both win the Miami Heat) so far. He has won four NBA MVP titles. Lebron James has also won an Olympic gold medal. The way he’s been playing, there are more to come: both for MVP titles and Olympic medals. LeBron’s star continues to rise. It remains to be seen how far this athletic phenom will go.

Jesse Owens was born on September 12, 1913 in Oakville, Alabama. However, Jesse Owens would later claim Ohio as his home. This track and field phenom’s nickname was the “Buckeye Bullet.” It was at the 1936 Olympics that Jesse Owens won an impressive four gold medals (100 meters, 200 meters, long jump and 4 by 100 meter relay). Carl Lewis is the only other men’s track and field athlete who has medaled in sprints and a field event.

Cleveland, Ohio native, Madeline Manning, won an Olympic gold medal in 1968. She is the first woman to break the two minute barrier in the 800 meters. Four years after winning the gold medal, Madeline returned to the 1972 Olympics and took home the silver medal.
Other great Ohio athletes include Pittsburgh Steelers’ quarterback, Ben Roethlisberger, another Ohioan who grew up in a small town. Born in Lima, Ohio, Ben Roethlisberger has led the Steelers to two Super Bowl Championships. He’s also led the Steelers to three AFC Championships and played in two NFL Pro Bowls.

  • Former Pittsburgh Steelers coach, Chuck Noll, is also from Ohio, namely Cleveland. Coach Chuck Noll guided the Pittsburgh Steelers to four Super Bowl Championships.
  • NFL analyst and former NFL wide receiver, Cris Carter, was born in Middleton, Ohio.
  • Archie Griffin, Ohio State University running back and winner of two Heisman trophies, was born in Columbus, Ohio.
  • Baseball great, Pete Rose, earned National League MVP in 1973. He went on to win a World Series two years later in 1975. Not only was Pete Rose born in Cincinnati, Ohio, he also played baseball for the Cincinnati Reds.
  • Mike Schmidt is another MLB great who’s from Ohio. Born in Dayton, Ohio, Mike was a phenom for the Philadelphia Phillies. He was a monster at third base!
  • John Havlicek, born in Lansing, Ohio, led the Boston Celtics to eight NBA titles. He was elected to the NBA all-star team an impressive 13 times.
  • Don Shula is another winning coach from Ohio. Born in Plainesville, Ohio, Don Shula led the Miami Dolphins to the winningest season in the NFL. He also won two Super Bowl Championships.

Bobby Knight and Woody Hayes are two other great coaches from Ohio. Home for Bobby is Orryville, Ohio. Woody Hayes was born in Clifton, Ohio. These cities are so small, many people have never heard of them. Yet, these men’s passion for basketball (Bobby Knight) and football (Woody Hayes) propelled them to the top. Bobby Knight got his recognition coaching at Indiana University (not to mention his postgame interviews), while Woody Hayes took the Ohio State Buckeyes to 238 wins and 10 championships.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now at –

http://www.ebookit.com/books/0000001582/Love-Pour-Over-Me.html

Sources:

Amazon.com – http://www.amazon.com/Love-Pour-Over-Me-ebook/dp/B007MC0Z2C

Barnes & Noble – http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/love-pour-over-me-denise-turney/1109600654

It’s not a woman’s job to teach a man to love

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By Denise Turney
It’s not a woman’s job to teach a man to love. Just reading the sentence alone might upset some. For years, women have been depicted as the saviors of men, the only people who could open men up to love. This belief caused (still causes) women to pay a heavy price.

For example, some women refuse to leave an abusive man, whether the man abuses her sexually, financially, psychologically or physically. Reasoning behind their refusal to leave may be that their presence helps the men in their lives to learn to love, to open up and accept love, to change and become a better person. Other women may feel that if they leave a man, the man won’t survive or will completely fall off the deep end.

But, if you look closely, you may see an air of arrogance, not to mention insanity, in that thought. To think someone couldn’t survive unless you allowed them to hurt you couldn’t be anything short of insanity. So, why do so many women do it?

Of course, many men don’t look to a woman to make them feel whole, complete, worthwhile. Not every man needs to juggle several women romantically or sexually to feel like he really is a man.

Howbeit, even loving men have lessons they can learn. But, women aren’t always the teachers.

To come to a place where we don’t believe we have to sacrifice anything in order for another person to get a life lesson . . . to wake up, would be a blessing. For some women, achieving this could take years of reconditioning, deprogramming old beliefs we’ve heard passed down through generations of women within and outside our families.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Opening to love is a great awakening

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By Denise Turney
Love may never be fully defined. It’s outside the realm of human logic. Those who experience its impact, serving as conduits for love to flow through, generally say the most they can do is feel it. For some, that may come while creating a novel. For others, it might occur while jogging, hiking or white river rafting.

Our painful pasts

Most of us know when we’ve been touched by love. We feel joy, peace and care. We may also feel as if everything is okay. Worry, stress, anxiety and concern melt away in the face of love. Knowing this, it’s a marvel that we don’t pursue love more, every second of the day and night.

Painful past experiences may be a leading reason why more of us don’t pursue, open to love. To truly be open to love, we have to give and receive love. If we’ve been hurt in the past (i.e. relationship breakup, career dream failure or sidestep), we might become convinced that those setbacks will happen every time we go after something we think we lead us to love.

Awakening to a marvelous way of being

If we find success, we might even feel that we’re not worthy of constant (I’m talking never turning off) love. As Raymond Clarke learns in “Love Pour Over Me,” both of these situations are caused by a lack of forgiveness, also known as an unwillingness to release the past.

Releasing people from the past is probably the majority of the work that psychologists do, as most, if not all pain, is rooted to a past event. To get and stay unblocked, forgiveness is absolutely necessary. There’s no way around it. All the singing, dancing, money giving and church going in the world won’t remove the need to forgive.

For Raymond, it’s a lesson that takes years to learn, but later is better than never.

What event from the past still has you? What’s holding you captive? Let love show you how to let it go. It’s time you awakened and advanced.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! 

Why do some people succeed while others don’t?

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By Denise Turney

You probably started noticing it when you were in pre-school or kindergarten. Some people consistently outperform others, and this, without intending to. It just seems to happen. In fact, sometimes no amount of training appears able to help some people succeed.

Education or knowing how to do certain tasks plays a role. Repetition or doing a job until the subconscious mind takes over, making the work seem natural (as if you’d been doing the work all your life) also plays a role.

However, nothing may cause a person to succeed more than self-confidence. Martin Luther is quoted as saying that, “Faith is a living, daring confidence in God’s grace, so sure and certain that a man could stake his life on it a thousand times.”

It takes self-confidence to think you can reach a goal. It takes self-confidence to try a new endeavor, apply for a job, go out on a date, make a new friend, write and publish a novel, etc. The list of things it takes self-confidence to pull off may be endless.

If you’ve struggled with self-confidence since you were a kid, consider setting a small, short-term goal for yourself. Write down resources (i.e. computer, transportation) necessary to achieve the goal. Also, write down the specific steps (i.e. filling out a job application, creating a sample CD, writing the outline for a research paper) you’re going to take to achieve the goal.

As you achieve more goals, you’re self-confidence will build. Trainers use this approach to build a boxer’s confidence, pairing new boxers with opponents they know the boxer can defeat. Before long, a boxer can build enough confidence to step inside the ring with a heavyweight.

By setting and fulfilling small, then larger goals, your self-confidence could also increase. To tell if your confidence is gaining strength, think about how often you try something new, how often you introduce yourself to someone you never met before, how many new experiences you allow into your life each day or week.

The more self-confident you are, the more risks you’ll take and the more enriching experiences you’ll enjoy. Taking on wise risks and leaping into more rewarding experiences could also find you succeeding more, surpassing your biggest goals. As Eleanor Roosevelt shared, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.'”

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn how Love Pour Over Me‘s Raymond Clarke builds his confidence (especially his confidence to accept and receive love), hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Children Preparing for Life Without Their Mothers

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By Denise Turney
Presumably when most people hear that a parent abandoned or walked out and left their child, images of a father pop into their minds. However, as odd as it may sound, mothers also walk off and leave their children. Some mothers, like Raymond Clarke’s mother, leave their children early in their childs life. Akin to fathers, these mothers might not look back after they walk away.

When a Child’s Mother Walk Away

This unfortunate event can occur suddenly, without warning. When it does happen, neighbors, friends and extended family members get to see firsthand how important a mother is to a child. Some children who lose their mothers early might struggle to feel as if they are good enough, worth loving or safe in the world. These and other symptoms of growing up without a mother may reveal themselves subconsciously, going unnoticed by abandoned children for years.

Furthermore, mothers leave their children for a variety of reasons as reported in the July 9, 2009 Marie Claire “What Kind of Mother Leaves Her Kids” article. To be clear, in the article three women are interviewed; these women didn’t abandon their children as Raymond Clarke’s mother abandons him. Instead, they leave custody of their children to their ex-husbands. One mother in the article left her children after her marriage to the children’s father fell apart so she could live the life she wanted, something most people desire to do. She also wanted the emotional and psychological space to write a book about a child she and her ex-husband lost years earlier.

Another mother turned over custody to her ex-husband after struggling to make ends meet while her children lived with her. She has since reconsidered her decision, both her ex-husband and she deciding that their two youngest daughters would fare better if they lived with her. About the change, this mother expressed appreciation, stating that she felt an emptiness while her daughters were away from her.

Children Struggling to Find Their Way Absent Their Mothers

The third mother covered in the article, relinquished custody of her child after she got accepted to a prestigious university out of town. Each of these women maintained or continues to maintain regular contact with her children while their ex-husband’s have custody of them.

Those are the good stories. They are far removed from what children like Raymond have experienced. It’s children like Raymond who might internalize questions about their self-worth well into adulthood, some never getting the answers they spend years seeking consciously or subconsciously. Their struggles might often go unnoticed as they struggle to find their way in a world that showed itself to be unusually hard and cruel right from the start.

Yet, like Ohio’s Raymond Clarke, these children make it. They are heroines and heroes of sorts, ready to take on new challenges, ever hopeful that, the next time, things, for them, will turn out right.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to Amazon.com, B&N.com, Ebookit.com ($3.03 – lowest price I’ve found so far) and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Sources:

http://www.marieclaire.com/world-reports/news/mothers-giving-up-custody (Marie Claire: What Kind of Mother Leaves Her Kids)