Category Archives: Real Life Musings

Real life musings about life as a whole, including parts of life that impact singles and married couples, experience are here. These writings are also for people who are experiencing relationship changes. You’ll find articles that focus on ways to connect with family better. Other topics you’ll discover encourage children to develop a love for reading books and navigating a career are some of the blog articles written and shared here. Take your time reading through the articles. They are designed to equip you with insights, motivations, tips and inspiration that strengthen your inner being.

Family Is Everything: Reimagining Fathers and Sons

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By Books Author Denise Turney

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What happens between fathers and sons matters, endures. Family is everything because, to begin, family is the bedrock of your experiences. It might not appear this way when you’re a kid. In fact, the world may feel like it’s your oyster then. You may have confidence to pursue your biggest dreams. After all, you’re not alone. If you’re fortunate, your parents afford you financial, emotional and physical security.

Ongoing Support Between Fathers and Sons

All you have to do is go to school and maybe work a part-time job as a teen. Ongoing support you receive helps you to recover from disappointments. Doesn’t matter if you’re an only child and a son who’s expected to take the helm in less than 15 years. Like Raymond, before you’re out of your teen years, you may have bounced back from tremendous challenges. Come on. Face it. You’ve bounce back and, if you’re like Raymond, you’ve bounced back more than once.

And this could be why my dad told me that “children are resilient” when I was growing up. Back then, I felt angry when my father shared how resilient he thought kids were. Basically, I interpreted him saying that kids are resilient to mean that a child could wipe away any amount of harm, replacing it with fun and laughter, as if no harm had happened to them.

What My Dad Said Was Like Magic

What my dad said was like magic, except that it wasn’t true. In fact, what happens to you during childhood can stick around for a long time. Raymond knows this for sure. His story is part of a father and son novel that is leaving an imprint on readers. If your story is similar to Raymond’s, you may believe that family is everything but wish that it wasn’t.

In Raymond’s case, his father was all that he had. You see, his mother abandoned him when he was two years old. Years would pass before Raymond would become aware of the fact that his father struggled with alcoholism. By then, the damage had been done.

There was no resiliency at work here. But does lack of resilience mean that communication between fathers and sons has been permanently eroded? Additionally, would it even be worth it for these two men, one a generation ahead of the other, to try to resolve their issues and move forward? Would it even be possible to repair such a damaged relationship and advance?

Questions Worth Asking

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These are questions worth thought. Why? As this blog opened with, family is everything. Family is where you learn to perceive your worth, even if what your family teaches you is all wrong. Also, regardless of the pain that you experience at the hands or statements of your relatives, family is still home.

Family is the place you return to off and on. Even if you have hard emotions as it relates to the only “family” that you’ve known, it’s still your family. It’s still your home. For this reason, it’s worth it to do however much work it takes to clear away the debris and to heal inner wounds.

For some, this work may include truly transparent father to son discussions. Work like this can be slow. At times, the work may be grueling. During these “dear father dear son” talks, men may have to face past experiences that they’d rather run away from. A son may hold his father responsible for every failure, disappointment and feelings of being “stuck” that he’s experienced. Although it may not be voiced, a father might view the responsibility of caring for his son as too heavy a burden.

Father To Son Discussions

This is why it can be scary to be fully transparent and talk openly during a father to son discussion. Not everything that comes up will be beautiful. Yet, these conversations can be beneficial and rewarding. Hopefully, these conversations will dive into the expectations that these two men have of one another.

Expectations play a big role in family love and definitely in the father to son relationship. A study mentioned in Psychology Today points to how father to son expectations can prove too burdensome. The Psychology Today article shares that, “fathers’ rigid expectations can cause low self-esteem and relationship satisfaction in their adult sons.”

Staying in these hard places is not necessary. But, it takes consistent work. Fortunately, many sons and fathers exercise the courage to face this work, to do this good work. As Psych Alive states, “Most men will have a strong pull toward salvaging something of a relationship with “the old man.” We may still have a desire to address the damage,and try to have a more personal relationship with our fathers.”

Healing Wounded Relationships

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Psych Alive goes on to share that, “If we decide to tackle this wounded relationship in therapy, we will invariably encounter an array of painful childhood memories. We will experience waves of disappointment, rage, and grief at the loss of what we never had with our fathers. By bravely revealing and working through this boiling cauldron of emotion we may come to a meaningful resolution.”

If this is your first time looking at the father to son relationship, make no assumptions. Each father to son relationship is different. Howbeit, what may be common among the father son relationship is the list of needs that a son may have of his father.

Common Father to Son Needs

Below are common needs that sons may have of their fathers as shared by All Pro Dad:

  • Sons need to know that their fathers love their mothers (remembering that all fathers are also sons)
  • It’s important for sons to see their fathers rebound from failures (this may help free sons of the fear of failing – after all, failures are tremendous teachers)
  • Appreciation from a son for how his father is present when they are together may be unable to be fully measured or expressed
  • Forever love, regardless of what a son does or says
  • Affirmation that he is valued, worthy and good just as he is at his core
  • Leadership is another need that sons have of their fathers. Sons benefit from watching their fathers exhibit effective, loving leadership skills.

Father Son Places of Safety

Since we’re all connected, it’s important for each of us to do what it takes to be strong. The wounded father to son relationship has to heal and strengthen to where both fathers and sons know that they are empowered simply because they are alive. A good first step may be for fathers and sons to examine their expectations of themselves and of one another.

Substituting hard expectations with the expectation of being loved, accepted and supported is a good start. Simply feeling safe to share thoughts and ideas is also empowering. Fathers and sons — everyone — needs this safety.

Healing Support for Overcoming a Sad Childhood

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By Books Author Denise Turney

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You’re not alone if you suffered through a sad childhood. Even if you grew up as an only child, a journey that can prove hard while living with unforgiving parents, you’re not alone. Tragically, millions of adults are seeking healing support for overcoming a sad childhood. Although it may not provide sufficient solace, it can be comforting to know that you are not alone. Furthermore, it may prove empowering to know that you can start overcoming childhood programming and live a good life.

Acknowledge What Happened To You

A first step is to acknowledge that your home-based early childhood curriculum was wrong. Concerning home-based early childhood curriculum, this refers to what you were told about yourself when you were a child. Other elements that it encompasses include responses that you received when you felt that you succeeded and responses that you received when you felt that you messed up or failed. Each of these elements contributes to early childhood programming.

Although it might feel good to hear that it’s easy to become someone who overcame poor childhood programming, overcoming a sad childhood can take decades. The key is to get started. Fortunately, tools exist that can help you get to the core of the problem and start overcoming bad childhood programming today.

Techniques For A Better Life

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For example, there’s the Morty Lefkoe Technique. Many of the shorter techniques are free and can be practiced in the privacy of your home. Other techniques may require the experienced support of a professional familiar with the Morty Lefkoe Technique. The UNPL Center also offers techniques for overcoming errors in childhood programming. Then, there are licensed clinical psychotherapists who can help you start overcoming a sad childhood and get on the path to living a good life.

But, first do your homework and check out techniques and professionals that you’re thinking about working with. You want to have a good, trustworthy connection with a mentor, clinician or therapist. Consider avoiding people you feel intimated by, afraid of or in awe of. After all, we all (including therapists and clinicians) are working our way through this world. If you’re afraid of a therapist or intimidated by a clinician, it could be a sign that something is amiss.

Facing The Past To Experience A Better Now

More steps that you can take are to acknowledge what you are feeling. Also, acknowledge what happened to you. Here are a few ways that might make the process easier:

  • Write in a journal. This is long hand writing, the type of writing kids used to do in elementary and middle school. Keep your journal in a private place if you’re not ready for someone to read your private thoughts.
  • Type how you’re feeling about experiences that are similar to painful and happy childhood experiences. Do this for a year and notice how you’ve progressed (even when you thought that you weren’t advancing).
  • Enjoy a nature walk outdoors in a safe place. While you’re walking, talk out loud about your experiences and how you have started overcoming those experiences. Do this in a safe place so you’re not overheard. Or, you could simply keep the volume in your voice down.
  • Join a support group that includes people who’ve experienced similar childhood traumas and stress like you did. Share at your own pace. Don’t feel forced to share more than you feel comfortable sharing. In fact, during the first few support group sessions, you might not say much at all. Just be open to sharing.

Getting Your Perceived Needs Met

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Additional keys to overcoming a sad childhood are to honor your feelings and your perceived needs. For instance, you may have had one or more absent parents. This situation could have left you to fend for yourself as a child and/or found you responsible for taking care of not only yourself but one or more siblings.

Should this be the case, you might believe that you don’t deserve to be heard, paid attention to or cared for. Instead, you might think it’s your life responsibility to always take care of someone else. Acknowledge that you feel you don’t deserve to have your needs met. Then, identify the needs that you do feel you have and start taking steps to meet those needs.

More Ways To Become An Overcomer

There are even more keys to overcoming a sad childhood. Here are some of those other keys:

  • Write down your achievements – This may sound easy, but if you’ve been in the habit of degrading yourself, it may take patience to make this a habit. Keep in mind that this is not about bragging or boasting. Plus, you’ll be writing these achievements for your eyes only. It’s a way to start letting you recognize just how much good you bring to the universe.
  • Set clear boundaries – Free yourself from thinking that it’s your job to take care of other adults, fulfill every request that’s made of you or ensure every project turns out right.
  • Talk to yourself with love – Make daily affirmations for success a part of your day. But don’t just repeat daily affirmations for success, slowly say daily affirmations for success and give yourself time to soak in the words. Truly allow yourself to feel and believe what you’re saying.
  • Keep it going – Throughout the day, continue to talk to yourself in loving ways.
  • Practice patience – Be patient with yourself. Loving yourself may be a new venture for you. Give yourself time to adjust and keep adding more steps and actions to this wonderful life of “you loving you”.

Prove That You Love Yourself

Also, engage in three or more activities that you love each day. In other words, if you say that you love yourself – prove it! Prove that you love yourself by being patient, kind, generous, compassionate and gracious with yourself.

This is an ongoing process. In fact, it’s part of a journey that could go on for decades. However, you should see advancements, good results. And, should you experience setbacks, continue to be patient and loving with yourself. Part of this includes only allowing people who love and genuinely care for you into your inner circle. After all, the way that you allow others to talk to you and treat you is a sign of how you talk to and treat yourself.

Rooting for you, as I’m on this path too. Keep going as Raymond does in Love Pour Over Me. In reference to books, you could add happiness self improvement books to your collection. Another step that you could take is to start working with a self reflection planner. Track your progress. Celebrate your successes!

11 Great Things to Love About The 1980s

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By Books Author Denise Turney

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There are so many things to love about the 1980s. It’s a sweet time gone by, but just what is it about the past that makes life seem simpler? Ask your parents to revisit the past and they might wind the conversation down with a statement like, “Life was so much better back then.” Well, of course, it would seem that way.

Challenges, uncertainties and setbacks from that time have been watered down or erased by the mind. Only the most rewarding, joyous, loving and sweetest memories pop up when you revisit the past.

Money, Retirement, Rents and More

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Do that and any time period could seem like the best time in history. The one decade when that just might be different is the 1980s. Vibe during the 1980s was more laid back. And, children actually played outside in the 1980s. There wasn’t a fear of children feeling inadequate because they didn’t have as many followers or likes as their peers. Should a fight break out, those fights often involved no more than fists – not that fighting is ever good.

But, parents didn’t have to worry that their kids might be shot at school the way that school shootings have become more common today. Even more, the 1980s were a time when you could work toward a pension. Put in 30 years with the same company and you could retire with a pension, potentially living comfortably off your pension and a small part-time job. Or – depending on what you earned over your career, the pension could afford you a comfortable retirement all by itself.

According to CNN Money, “The percentage of workers in the private sector whose only retirement account is a defined benefit pension plan is now 4%, down from 60% in the early 1980s.” That was a good path to a happy retirement. Of course, people living in the 1980s may not have realized how good things were.

News, Music and Videos

For example, rent was lower in the 1980s. Check out what Apartment List shares about 1980s rent. Median rent during the 1980s — and this rent is adjusted to 2014 dollars – was below $700 a month. That’s median rent across the United States. Some parts of the United States saw rents that were below $500 a month. Add in the “real” possibility of a pension and the 1980s might start looking even better.

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CNN was just launching (it started June 1, 1980), so people hadn’t yet become addicted to watching the news day and night. Cable television played a whole lot of music videos. Back then, it wasn’t enough for a song to have solid lyrics and a great sound, artists had to tell a visual story with their songs. And it’s this that brings us to the list of 11 great things to love about the 1980s. Ready? Let’s go!

  • Music – Whitney Houston, Cyndi Lauper, New Kids On The Block, Prince, New Edition, Run DMC, Madonna, Guns N Roses, Fleetwood Mac, Alanis Morissette and U2 are just a few of the many artists who produced great work during the 1980s. Music was fun, putting out hits like “Girls Just Want To Have Fun”, “I Want To Dance With Somebody”, “I’ve Had The Time Of My Life”, “Let’s Groove” and “Walking On Sunshine”.

Great Things To Love About The 1980s

  • Working Out – Who doesn’t remember those gym memberships? Looking back, it seems like large public gyms took off during the 1980s. You could get a monthly gym membership for less than $20. Fitness instructors taught dance and aerobics. Remember? Jane Fonda came out with hit aerobics videos. And, who can forget those leotards, headbands and thick roll-down socks.
  • Ice Cream Truck – The 1980s were a time to start saying “so long” to the ice cream truck. Not sure if this is a great thing, but if you loved running out to the ice cream truck, the 1980s may have been your last chance to enjoy this neighborhood treat.
  • Mobile Entertainment – Okay. Admittedly, this equipment is not as robust and easy to carry in your pocket as – say – an iPhone or even an iPad. But, mobile equipment from the 1980s was a start to what you can enjoy today. Rewind the clock, and you’d have boom boxes for music, hand-held cassette players, video recorders and DVD machines. Blockbuster was the joint back then.
  • Waterbeds – At its top end, the waterbed market comprised 20% of the mattress market. People who owned a waterbed often talked about how comfortable and relaxing the beds were. There was just that one downside. Every now and then, a waterbed would burst, spilling water all over the floor.

More Great Things To Love About The 1980s

  • Hairstyles – Can you think of a time when there were more popular hairstyles? There was the fade, jheri curl (don’t miss that one), mullet, cornrows, buzz cut, mohawk and big curls. You could do nearly anything with your hair and look cool. In fact, it was almost as if nothing was off limits as long as you were authentic and rocked a style that highlighted your personality.
  • Movies – Gotta start with Al Pacino in Scarface. Didn’t you catch that movie back in the 1980s? The first Batman came out in the 1980s. Stand By Me, Dead Poets Society, The Color Purple, Rain Man, The Untouchables, Flash Dance and Fatal Attraction are a few other hit movies from the great 1980s. What were your favorite movies from the 1980s? Some of these movies are classics today.
  • Games – Let’s just start with Pac-Man. I knew people who spent their entire check playing this game. You could walk to a community recreation center or an arcade and play one electronic game after the next. Later, there was Rubik’s Cube, Tetris, Ms. Pac-Man, Centipede, Zelda, Star Wars, Donkey Kong and Super Mario.

So Many Great Things To Love About The 1980s

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  • Cabbage Patch Dolls – Couldn’t leave this one out. I worked at a retail store in the 1980s and couldn’t believe how people actually fought over Cabbage Patch dolls. They were immensely popular. People collected the dolls. Kids loved to play with them, and then, just-like-that, it’s as if they went away. But they were so popular during the 1980s.
  • Family Meals – Back then, families at delicious homecooked meals around the kitchen table.
  • Books – You didn’t think I was going to leave this one off, did you? I was less than 10 years away from publishing my first novel – Portia – in the 1980s. Popular 1980s books included The Joy Luck Club, The Handmaid’s Tale, The Color Purple, Beloved, Patriot Games, The House On Mango Street, Lonesome Dove, The Bonfire Of The Vanities, Matilda, Sister Outsider and This Boy’s Life.

What are your favorite things about the 1980s? Or is that a time that is so far back to you, it’s hard for you to think of anything that was cool then? Fortunately, the great music, movies and books are still around.

Speaking of books, Love Pour Over Me is a book that takes place during the great 1980s. You’ll get the music, movies, intrigue and fun from the 1980s while reading this romantic suspense novel. Treat yourself! The 1980s was such a great time!

13 Reasons Why You Don’t Want to Give Up

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Fiction Books Author Denise Turney

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Are you at a life intersection, on the verge of major life changes? You know. It’s one of those not-meant-to-be-comfortable places where you absolutely know that you can’t stay where you are. Sounds simple. The rub is, you also don’t know where you’re going next. If you’re especially lucky, you don’t even know what to do right now. The fact that you’re about to enter the wonderful unknown is just one of 13 reasons why you don’t want to give up.

Navigating Life Changes – Reasons Why You Don’t Want to Give Up

It’s like existing in an invisible space, a place where nothing feels right. This could be why it’s so tempting to march in-step, run away from hard times enroute to rewarding life changes. But you know that won’t work.

In fact, keep doing what you’ve long done and you might afford yourself a feeling of safety. Yet, that safe feeling will only last so much longer. Examples of this include continuing to work a job you know (not think, not wonder – but know) isn’t working for you anymore. Or you might stay in a relationship that’s been bankrupt on love and honesty for years.

Because you’re more than a body, staying stuck will eventually put you in conflict. Your inner and outer selves will clash-clash-clash. Doesn’t matter how much you meditate. It’s hard to reach the center of peace this way.

Genesis of Dreams

As a matter of fact, that type of conflict hurts after awhile — hurts every single day. As easy as it may be to see how this could happen with relationships, work, your health or finances, there’s a critical focal area where you might miss the cost of standing at an intersection for far too long.

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That critical area is the genesis of your deepest dreams. This dream may have nothing to do with your parents’ or partner’s expectations of you. For instance, if you want to be a biologist, it’s not because your father taught biology for more than 30 years at a renowned university. To continue, it’s not because you’re motivation is to mimic your father because you believe that it’s a shortcut to earning your dad’s approval.

Reflect back on your earlier experiences. Did the dream that you carry reveal itself while you were a kid? Or did you have an adult experience that made it clear to you what you’re in this earth to do?

Reflect on Your Deepest Desire

The fact that it was revealed to me that I was a writer when I was 10 years old has served as great motivation during hard times when my books weren’t selling like I wanted. Even more, the way that my gift was revealed to me has seen me through heartbreaking life changes, like hard good-byes and scary career shifts.

So, as you consider 13 reasons why you don’t want to give up on your dreams, reflect on why you started to pursue your dream in the first place. For once, don’t think about the missteps, the frustrations, failures and hard learned lessons.

Reasons Not To Give Up

Instead, invest 15 minutes in thinking about why you started pursuing your dream. Your answer is the first reason why you don’t want to give up. Here are more reasons why you don’t want to toss in the towel:

  • Remember why you started (see above)
  • Your true self knows that you can do it! The part of you that’s connected to all that is in truth already knows just what you should do right now. Quiet your mind and seek that guidance. It’s always there, making it a key reason why you should never give up.
  • Believe it or not, you’re waiting to experience the fulfillment of your dream. Can’t you feel the longing?
  • Dreams impact more than the dreamer. You may be amazed at how many people your dream fulfillment touches.
  • Someone is watching you. Yes, you. As tough as that might be to believe, there are people watching how you respond to what occurs. They’re watching how you recover from setbacks. And they’re watching how you treat yourself and others during hard times. If you use determination and persistence, including strong determination, you might inspire another person who’s at a crossroads to keep pushing forward.
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More Reasons Not To Give Up

  • Strong determination can lob you over the toughest challenges.
  • Success is waiting for you and you know it.
  • Shifts in mindfulness, rest, diet, lifestyle and exercise could offer the types of motivation to get you through periods of success drought, frustration and fear.
  • Fulfilling the next dream could propel you toward your larger destiny.
  • Doing what you came here to do is empowering.
  • Nothing can stop you once you make up your mind to succeed.
  • Fear is a four-letter word that represents powerful illusions – things that aren’t real.
  • It’s time you showed yourself that you really are the creation of the most powerful force alive.

Focusing on success quotes, positive quotes and components of the self determination theory could fuel your forward motion. Yet, reading encouraging quotes might not be enough to get you through hard times. Alongside these resources, you might need to regularly reflect on why you started pursuing your dream in the first place.

As iffy as it may sound, you also might have to alter your diet to energize your body and keep your brain sharp. After all, the greatest dreams may not manifest if you don’t have the energy to take the right physical actions.

Mastering Life Intersections

Certainly, you’ve heard it before. Birds of a feather flock together. Another way of saying this is be careful who you keep company with. Pay attention to who you allow into your inner circle. After all, the people closest to you will influence your thoughts, your beliefs.

People in your inner circle could also use their influence over you to entice you to trade your dreams for money. Another thing that could happen is someone close to you may fuel you with the belief that you’ve reached the top or gone as far as you can go.

Let this happen and you could find yourself at another intersection. You could find yourself facing hard times as you face the choice of following your inner guide that mapped out your dream or following anything else.

Here’s to trusting that you never reach this intersection again. Use strong determination, daily motivation and reflection to keep advancing in the right direction. Somewhere inside yourself are the exact steps to take. Tap in. Right inside of yourself you already know what to do. You already know which way to go.

Talking About Inner Blocks – Are You Afraid of Failing?

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By Books Author Denise Turney

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Inner blocks make it hard to advance. Low expectations are inner blocks that can be hard to get through. If you’re feeling stuck, it might be time to ask yourself this simple question – Are you afraid of failing?

If you’re afraid of failing, you’re not alone. After all, failure doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t matter how confident, hopeful or positive you are. Failure comes with a hard, gut punch that can make you feel like you’ll be stuck in an unwanted experience forever.

Are You Afraid of Failing – Hiding Won’t Help

Another element about failure is how it can find you thinking that, just because you slipped up once, you’ll get tripped up again and again. This is how failure can seem powerful. Yet, the key isn’t to run from failure. In fact, if you hide or run from failure you might:

  • Convince yourself that an unchallenging, listless life is what you came to this earth to experience (And I’m betting that you know better than to believe that’s the truth.)
  • Turn down offers to take on higher levels of work (For instance, you might turn down the chance to get promoted into a people management role at work or you might turn down the opportunity to lead a social or community organization.)
  • Criticize others, accusing them of not supporting you enough, if you do accept greater responsibility and fear that you’ll fail (In this case, it’s as if you want someone to map out what you need to do. Or you might want someone to coddle you so that, if events don’t turn out good, you can blame the other person.)
  • Jam your schedule with “busy work” so you’ll have a ready excuse as to why you can’t accept a new challenge.
  • Paralyze yourself with fear or dread and make it painfully hard to make good choices and advance. Furthermore, this could cause you to stay stuck in unrewarding jobs, financial situations and relationships.

No Fun Living The Safe Life

As with other safe life choices, running from failure might feel comforting. But, if you keep it up, you could find yourself slipping into boredom. You could find it difficult to feel engaged with life. So, what can you do?

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How can you start to move beyond a fear of failure? To begin, admit that you are believing you have failed. Admit that you are feeling as if you dropped the ball. These feelings may come in the form of embarrassment, irritability, agitation, shyness or anger. For me, when I think that I’ve failed or that I am failing, I tend to experience feelings of agitation, fear and anger. If I don’t start overcoming failure, I can struggle to sleep. On top of that, I might replay a recent area where I think I failed over and over in my mind. Talk about irritating.

After admitting that you think and feel as if you’ve failed, accept that success is not final, and that failure is not fatal. Consider this. Your greatest achievements are experiences that came and went. For example, you might have been an academic, creative or athletic standout in high school. Fast forward 20 years and you might be struggling to drop 15 pounds and get back in shape.

Failure Is Not Permanent

That or you might not have continued to learn or engage in creative arts. Whether you noticed it or not, you lived out the fact that success is not final failure is not fatal. It also helps to realize that failing forward could find you enter the very experiences that you’ve dreamed about for years.

In other words, changing the way that you perceive failure could help reduce your fear of failing. You might discover that failing is a part of trying new things and learning. Here are more actions that you could take to start overcoming failure beliefs.

  • Revisit a time when you took a huge leap forward after you learned lessons that popped up during a perceived failure.
  • Break at least three routines each day. For instance, you could brush your teeth at the kitchen sink, eat breakfast on the back porch or take a shower in your guest bedroom.
  • Raise your hand to work on a new project. Be willing to learn, make mistakes and grow.
  • Speak with someone new once a week. A simple “Hello” could help strengthen your confidence and make you more open to failing forward.

Face What You’re Feeling

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  • Approach a large project in parts rather than looking at it as one huge “thing to do”. This way, you could see mistakes as recoverable and not as definitive or lasting.
  • Enjoy being outside in nature. Give yourself time to unwind and not worry about new, challenging situations that appear in your life.
  • Talk about your fears around failing and taking on new challenges with a trusted friend.
  • Pray and trust the Creator for inner vision to see that you are greater than anything you could face.

The sooner you start dealing with a fear of failing, the better. After all, being afraid of failing can take a strong swing at your self-esteem. A dipping self-esteem could cause you to think that you don’t deserve good relationships, to keep trying to advance or to realize or dreams.

Look around and you may spot people who’ve fallen into this trap. They live inside the shell of routine to the point that they appear to be living the same day over and over. Take this route and you could feel like you’ve only lived 10 original days over the course of two years.

That’s not what you want.

Dream Big and Soar

So, start identifying the emotions and beliefs that you associate with trying and learning, also known as “failing”. Remember how you tried, failed and learned when you were a kid. In fact, some of your biggest lessons came to you while you were growing up.

Revisit the courage that the child in you is so familiar with. After all, it was through trying, failing and learning that you started to walk then run. Had you not seen the joy in trying, failing and learning, you wouldn’t have learned to read, play fun games, create art pieces and so much more.

Don’t live stuck in routine and fear. Dream big and dare to fail. However, don’t seek to fail. Instead, seek to learn and grow.

Books That Help You Gain Deeper Relationship Connections

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By Books Author Denise Turney

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Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl and A Belle In Brooklyn by Demetria Lucas are books that explore what it takes to gain deeper relationship connections. Among the other books that take this focus there’s The Cinderella Complex by Colette Dowling and The Greatest Salesman In The World by Og Mandino. Whether taking a deeper examination of the human mind, relationship beliefs, the single life or marriage, each of these books invites readers to accept truths that they may have spent years turning away from.

Discovering Books to Gain Deeper Relationship Connections

It’s this acceptance that encourages readers to do the work to cultivate deeper relationships. Yet, as much value as good books offer, it’s not always easy to find a relationship path that’s made clear in a book. Why? A book that focuses on a relationship path isn’t always a bestseller. In fact, these books might be hidden at the bottom of a discount books rack.

Or they might be at the back of a bookstore in the faraway reference section. The good news is that discovering books that offer techniques that help you gain deeper relationship connections may be destined to happen, especially if you’re an avid book reader.

If you’re not up for either of those ways, here are more, proven ways to start discovering books, including fiction, that include the material you need to gain deeper relationship connections. To begin, check out local book clubs that discuss nonfiction and fiction books that explore deep life meanings.

Book Clubs and The Local Library

It shouldn’t take long. A good place to start is your local library. Local bookstores host book club meetings too. Ask a librarian or bookstore clerk if book clubs meet at their facility. Find out the name of the book club.

The name of the book club might reveal the types of books that the club reads. If not, ask the librarian or bookstore clerk if she has details on the book club. At the least, get the contact information of the book club president. Contact the president and find out the titles of the last five to six books that the club has read.

You’ll soon know if this is a book club that discusses books that explore the science of the mind and relationships. Even if the books are fiction, they may be so well researched that they read and feel like nonfiction, offering real-life relationship benefits.

Another Path to Discovering Good Relationship Books

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Another path to discovering books that share practical techniques you could use to gain deeper relationship connections is to read at a slower pace. For example, while reading nonfiction books on the brain or the role that emotions play in relationships, consider reading one chapter a day. Give yourself time to process what you read.

Actually, allow yourself to be impacted by what you read. Even more, while you’re taking your time reading these books, highlight texts that resonate with you.

What To Highlight While Working to Gain Deeper Relationship Connections

And yes. It’s sort of like being back in school. But if you recall school, you know how highlighting text can strengthen memory and make parts of a book jump out that much more for you. Don’t be surprised if you have dreams that are related to what you read and highlight. Pay attention to these dreams. They could clue you in on changes that you want to take to gain deeper relationship connections.

This includes romantic relationships and non-romantic relationships. It’s good. Because, when you think about it, non-romantic relationships make up the bulk of your relationships. For this reason, a book that attempts to show you how to develop a deep relationship should show you how to cultivate deeper friendships.

More ways to find these books is to join online Meetup book groups. As a tip, you may get more from attending in-person book club meetings. It’s during in-person book club meetings that you can start to build quality relationships with other book lovers. Talk about a way to learn how to sharpen communication skills and gain deeper relationship connections.

Take a Deeper Dive

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Check out these ways to find books that offer solutions to help you gain deeper relationship connections. None of these ways take a lot of time. What can certainly help is a strong desire to learn, grow, awaken and actually enjoy deeper relationships.

  • Ask friends to share details on good relationship, psychology or human development books that they are aware of
  • In a similar approach, join social media book groups. Goodreads, Poets & Writers, Apple Books, Barnes & Noble and Google Books are good starting places. You’re bound to learn about books that focus on relationship development if you’re active in literary groups.
  • Attend book festivals. You can find these festivals online and in-person. Additionally, attending book festivals is like diving into a literary gold mine.
  • Follow your favorite authors at sites like AALBC.com, Book Bub, Amazon and Barnes & Noble. When these favorite authors release a new book, you can be one of the first people notified about the new titles.

Find a Path Toward Deeper Relationship Connections

For nonfiction, a good way to find a book that helps readers gain deeper relationship connections is to check the reference section at the back of the last relationship book you read. Nonfiction books lean on a lot of research, including surveys, the results of laboratory work, interviews and individual and group studies, all which may be listed in the book’s reference section.

However, the true test of a book’s impact is the changes that you experience while you’re actually reading a book. A good book will guide you toward positive, long-term relationship changes. Here’s another benefit. Unless you loan your books out, you can return to good books for years, putting relationship insights, techniques and advice at your fingertips.

Happy Thanksgiving Blessings to Love and Share

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By Novels and Books Author Denise Turney

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The best Happy Thanksgiving blessings to love and share work wonders year-round. After all, Thanksgiving is the perfect time to focus on your blessings, people and experiences that you are thankful for. Focus on what you’re thankful for and you could shift into a better mental state, at any time of year. Even more, you could alter your energy enough to attract more good into your life.

Focus on Thanksgiving

Zoning in on appreciation is a quick to-do. For example, you could write down 13 relationships, experiences and successes that you’ve had over the last 12 months. This is how my early morning unfolded. And I’m grateful for it. This morning, I paused and considered my family.

Gifts of openness, honesty, trust, care, presence, love and more are what I’m blessed to receive from my family. For you, it might be family that enriches your life too. Or, it could be the fact that you earn your entire income engaging in activities that you love. That is a situation that’s worth an expression of thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving Blessings

Here’s a quick start on other life experiences that you could hold appreciation for. However, you might be so busy that you don’t take the time to think about these blessings. Today, consider changing that habit. Instead of overlooking what you’re thankful for, invest two minutes into each day to zone in on what you can “thank” someone, the Creator, the universe or nature for. You might appreciate:

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  • Physical health that fuels you to travel, spend time with family and friends and do work that you love
  • Mental balance that makes it easy for you to feel loved, cared for, valued and loving
  • Housing that offers shelter, reliability and comfort
  • Fresh water to drink
  • Access to physical, psychological and emotional support (even if you don’t need the support now, it’s a blessing when support is easy for you to access should you need it in the future)
  • Ability to travel to destinations that excite you
  • Colleagues who appreciate and support you
  • Supportive customers and clients
  • Creativity
  • Pets who are excited to see and be around you
  • Rest and a good night of sleep
  • Skills and talents that have opened doors for you
  • Living in an area that gives you easy access to the theater, restaurants, libraries, bookstores, worship centers, nature or other things that you enjoy being part of

Benefits of Practicing Appreciation

This year on Thanksgiving Day, focus on your blessings in the morning. At the end of Thanksgiving Day, think about your blessings again. In less than eight hours, the list of experiences that you’re thankful for will have grown since morning. Whether you spend Thanksgiving Day alone or with family, friends or at a shelter, you may be able to enjoy a delicious Thanksgiving dinner.

That alone is an experience to be thankful for. Consider getting into the habit of counting your blessings. Get into the habit of looking for more people to appreciate. Doing so could open you up to more loving relationships. An Emotion study found that, “thanking a new acquaintance makes them more likely to seek an ongoing relationship.”1

Studies have also shown that living with thanksgiving improves physical health. People who practice appreciation, have been shown to experience fewer body pains, according to Psychology Today.1 Start living with a spirit of thanksgiving every day and you could also sleep better.

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Improved mental and emotional health have also been linked to active appreciation. In fact, the more frequently you practice thanksgiving, the deeper the benefits may be for you.

There’s also a link between being appreciative and self-esteem. Psychology Today shares that, “Other studies have shown that gratitude reduces social comparisons. Rather than becoming resentful toward people who have more money or better jobs—a major factor in reduced self-esteem—grateful people are able to appreciate other people’s accomplishments.”

Happy Thanksgiving

Furthermore, looking for experiences and people to be thankful for could make you stronger psychologically. Not only could searching for things to appreciate improve your self-esteem, it could steer you away from depression and feelings of isolation.

Additionally, you might become mentally strong to the point where you navigate through an unexpected challenge without feeling like you’re falling apart. If you think back to instances when you counted losses and challenges instead of looking for experiences to be thankful for, you might discover that it was during those times when you felt at your lowest.

So, consider using this Thanksgiving Day as a launch pad into a lifetime of appreciation. To kick it off, I truly thank you for supporting my writings and my books. You are a part of my thanksgiving. When I think about how much I love to write and create stories, the chance to use this passion to connect with awesome book buyers and book readers is a huge-huge blessing. I am so grateful for you and your support. Happy Thanksgiving!

Resources:

  1. 7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude | Psychology Today

Why It’s Important to Change Your Plans, But Keep Your Goals

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By African American Books Author Denise Turney

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Name one thing that feels better than achieving goals that you set for yourself. Really. Don’t you feel good when you get what you want? Celebrate your accomplishments. Acknowledge what you’ve experienced. What you might not see now is that, at some point to sustain success, you may have to change your plans, but keep your goals.

It’s worth it, because you want to feel joy. Heck. The reason that you even want to get or experience anything is because you think that the experience will make you feel good. Yet, fulfilling your goals can take work – lots of work. I’m talking working 10 to 14 hours a day six days a week. Admittedly, it may not feel that way when you start. But keep going.

Set Big Goals

If you don’t abandon your goals (and, I hope you don’t), you’ll come to see that there are a lot of twists, turns, bumps and lessons to learn ahead. These twists, turns, bumps and failures can knock the wind out of you. This may happen if you lose sight of the goal. It can also happen for other reasons, two which are covered in this article.

Before covering why pursuing what you really want could become exhausting (and sharing ways to avoid getting side swiped with frustration and fatigue while you pursue your goals), let’s discuss ways to keep your goals on track. This switch could make the difference between progress and giving up.

Sharing personal details with you, when looking back over my writing career, it’s obvious that, to keep advancing, I’ve had to change my plans. And, I’m not talking about just changing my plans once. I’ve had to change my plans too many times to count.

Don’t Overlook This

To keep moving forward, another thing that I’ve had to do is to celebrate the fulfillment of small goals. What I didn’t do was change the goal. But, how can you keep the same goal when nothing that you’re doing yields results that bring you closer to that goal?

Even more, how can you stay encouraged while pursuing the same goal over a long stretch, maybe over years? For starters, set big goals. For instance, if the goal is to launch your own organic skin care product line, you could set big goals to identify, secure and open a manufacturing warehouse. Another big goal could be to land in-store agreements with the top 10 beauty stores.

Keep Goals On Track

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Follow this goal up with the goal to generate more than $100,000 a month in sales. To keep your goals on track, set small goals. Taking the beauty products example, small goals could be to:

  • Create your first skincare product
  • Identify a name for your new product, and trademark that name and product ingredients
  • Set up meetings with beauty product buyers at three different stores each week
  • Develop a product proposal (you’ll use the proposal to negotiate large store sales)
  • Reach out to 3 organizers of health and beauty events a day and schedule time to discuss sponsorships, keynote speaking and vending opportunities
  • Contact a commercial real estate agent and start getting prices, availability by square footage, etc. for floor space that you could use to manufacture your skincare products

Use A Goal Planner as you Change Your Plans, But Keep Your Goals

When you set big goals, you keep the carrot in front of the horse, so to speak. Big goals keep you motivated. They give you something to keep targeting. Small goals increase your belief. Each time that you achieve a small goal, acknowledge what you’ve done.

Sound like a lightweight deliverable? Please don’t receive it that way. Instead of dismissing or overlooking small goals that you fulfill, celebrate these successes. Looking for celebration ideas? How about traveling to the beach and staying at a bed and breakfast for the weekend. Or, you could order yourself a bouquet of flowers, treat yourself to a live stage play or enjoy a meal at your favorite restaurant.

The key is to acknowledge each of your successes. Another way to stay on track is to use a goal planner. For example, when I’m developing a new novel and marketing my existing books, I fill out a weekly goal sheet. My weekly goal sheet is a running goal tracker.

Consider Weekly Goal Sheet After You Change Your Plans, But Keep Your Goals

On my weekly goal sheet, I track when I write on my new novel. Better yet, I track the names of book bloggers, radio show hosts, literary newsletter owners, etc. who I contact each week. Using this type of goal planner keeps me honest. It keeps me from thinking that I’ve done more or less writing and book marketing than I actually have.

You’re going to need these intermediate successes. Why? Should you set big goals, it could be years before you achieve even one of those big goals. Wait years to acknowledge your progress and one unexpected setback could derail you.

So, celebrate forward steps.

Now, this next part you may not like. If you’re like me, you probably make plans. For instance, you might plan what you’re going to do over the weekend. Furthermore, you might plan your vacations, holiday events and how you will achieve your small goals and larger goals.

Change Your Plans, But Keep Your Goals

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Sounds simple until you consider how many times your plans have had to be changed. Weather, health challenges, finances, relationship changes and other demands can easily change your plans. Therefore, to keep progressing toward the fulfillment of your big goals, be flexible.

Here are ways that you could have to change your plans:

  • Adjust your budget to meet marketing or advertising goals
  • Review marketing and advertising analytics, eliminating, reducing or increasing spend levels in smart ways
  • Transition virtual prospecting events to in-person meetings or vice versa
  • Reduce work hours from 10 hours a day to 6 hours a day for three months to avoid burnout
  • Partner with a new social media marketing company if the current company that you work with isn’t helping you to generate more sales
  • Enhance podcast interviews with offline radio and television interviews
  • Replace giveaways with 50% off products
  • Develop new products to keep interest in your company high
  • Relocate your brick-and-mortar office to a new, more profitable location
  • Conduct sales calls on Tuesday and Thursday instead of Monday and Friday
  • Co-partner with another business to introduce your products to new customers
  • Get relevant certificates to increase trust in your offerings
  • Redesign your company logo and brand colors

A Word Of Encouragement

In closing, set big goals to stay motivated. Add small goals in between your larger goals. But, make sure that all of your small goals lead you closer and closer to your big goals. And, celebrate when you achieve those small goals.

More importantly, remain flexible. Life is fluid, constantly in motion. There’s no way that you can see every shift that you’ll have to deal with. For that reason, be willing to change your plans that are connected to achieving your goals. Just don’t change your goals. Keep aiming toward your small goals and your big goals, all while you adjust your plans as needed.

Find Jobs Aligned with Foundational Passions

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By African American Books Author Denise Turney

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When I was a little girl, my parents and grandparents encouraged me to discover my passions, to find out what I love to do. At the time, it was a strange idea. After all, I was busy riding my bike, jumping rope, playing games and having fun with my siblings and friends. Years would pass before I learned my parents were trying to help me find jobs aligned with my foundational passions.

Avoid The Push to Find any Job

Looking back, I wish that I had understood what they were guiding me toward. I also wish they had pushed me toward finding my career passion. Instead, after I became a teenager, they pivoted and started pushing me to just “find a job”.

The encouragement to steer me toward finding my career passion flew out the window. Money replaced that aim. In place of finding my career passion, I was told to get a hobby. Clearly, spending time doing an activity that put me in the power of joy was critical, just not as important as looking for a job that paid me in money.

I share this because of the impact my parents’ and grandparents’ shift from finding my career passion to simply looking for a job that paid money had on me. Also, I share this because I imagine that you may have had a similar experience.

Don’t Let Being Busy Mask Discontent

Before you know it, you’ve fallen into the trap of working just to pay bills. If your life is filled with activity, you might feel happy just to have a job. For example, if you are taking college courses, traveling to different cities on weekends with friends, dating, competing in amateur sports and working, you might not notice that your job is out of alignment with your foundational passions.

As you furnish your first home, the appreciation that you feel about being able to buy your own furniture, groceries and pay your rent or mortgage could hide your true feelings about the work that you’re doing. Fortunately, this won’t continue.

Eventually, the pace of life may slow. Despite your efforts, the appreciation that you once felt about being able to bring in enough money to afford the lifestyle that you want may decline. Working a job also won’t be a new experience.

Find Jobs Aligned with Foundational Passions

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This is when you might start spotting things about your career you don’t like. If you’re fortunate, nothing you do may shake the feeling of discontent. It may be time to get to know yourself better. And it may be time to look for and find jobs you will love.

But, how do you find jobs you will love when you’ve forgotten your foundational passions? You could take career profile tests. The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test, MAPP assessment, Keirsey Temperament Sorter and the Sokanu Career Test are career profile tests you could complete.

These career profile tests consider your personality when mapping a range of jobs you might enjoy. Yet, this doesn’t mean that you’ll actually love these jobs. In fact, no one knows what is in alignment with your foundational passions better than you.

What Are Jobs Aligned with Foundational Passions?

Foundational passions are your core passions. For example, you might love art. But your foundational passion might be connected to painting, or it could be connected to sculpting or photography. To find careers that align with your foundational passions, consider what you almost instantly feel peace, appreciation and joy from after you start doing it.

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For me, it’s novel writing. I’ve known this for years, even while I worked retail, education and corporate jobs. I thought any type of writing would put me in alignment with my passion. Freelance writing during the Great Recession showed me otherwise. It was then that I discovered that my foundational passion is writing novels.

After you consider what you feel peace, appreciation and joy doing, to discover your foundational passions, sit down and practice awareness. Notice how you feel while engaged in this activity versus how you feel when you’re doing other work.

Don’t Worry About Money

Don’t worry about how much money you could make working jobs you will love. Remember. That’s what tripped you up before. Next, look for projects where you currently work that either align with your foundational passions or move you in the direction of those passions.

As a tip, if you’ve been working jobs that move you away from your passions, you may benefit from inner work. Subconscious issues could be directing you toward unhappiness. For example, if you love to cook, but you keep applying for construction work, you might be keeping yourself from what causes you to feel peace, joy and appreciation.

Inner work could help you see your worth. It could also help you see how working jobs that align with your foundational passions connects you with your highest self.

Finding Jobs Aligned with Foundational Passions

Other ways to find jobs that align with your foundational passions are to:

  • Write down your dreams (they might hold keys that reveal your foundational passions)
  • Get enough sleep
  • Do parts work
  • Meditate and envision what you love to do
  • Ask yourself what you really want to do before you go to bed
  • Start doing work assignments that align with your foundational passions
  • Research jobs in your passion field. Get skills needed to step into these jobs.
  • Offer to do work for family and friends in your passion field. You could do the work at a standard pay rate. 

One thing that might surprise you is that, despite the changes you’ll experience during your life’s journey, your foundational passions will likely remain unchanged. Even if years pass before you revisit your foundational passions, there may be a spark as soon as you revisit these passions.

Moving Career Aspirations Into Alignment

Because living in this world calls for money, love yourself as you move away from what stifles or arrest your inner spark to what aligns with your foundational passions. For example, you might take a free course that teaches up-to-date skills in your passion field.

And you could contact businesses and ask if you can contract with them to start working in your passion. Do this while you keep your current job. Use money that you earn from working in your passion to build a savings, so you can shorten the time it takes to work in your passion full-time.

Careers You Love Lead to Good Living

But again, if there are jobs that align with your passion where you currently work, consider applying for those jobs. Stop talking yourself out of doing what you love. You could be keeping yourself from joy.

Whichever path you take, start paying down debt. That way, you’ll have financial freedom to stretch into careers that align with your foundational passions. Removing money blocks and doing inner work to see your worth could be just what you need to swing open the door to careers you love.

On days when you need to be encouraged as you move toward your career passion, imagine working in this passion. And imagine earning your entire income engaging in what you love, what helps you to feel alive! Now, that’s good living.

Happiness Is Doing What It Takes To Live Your Best Life

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By African American Books Author Denise Turney

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Finding happiness is more than fulfilling goals. If a wish you had has already come true, you know that happiness is about more than getting things. Stockpiling goods and pursuing promotions, and money, to the point that you’re on the edge of burn out, isn’t the path to happiness. Community, rewarding relationships, loving yourself, fulfilling your destiny and living your best life are keys to happiness.

Start Living Your Best Life Now

Rewarding relationships, community, fulfilling your destiny and loving yourself are keys because happiness is never owned. Instead, happiness is experienced. It’s birthed from your choices, the choices you make throughout the day.

Rewards associated with these keys to live your best life are so deep, they’ll keep you motivated and inspired as you navigate your journey. Among the rewards are abiding peace, restful sleep, improved energy, mental clarity, empowerment, destiny fulfillment and, of course, happiness.

What It Looks Like – Living Your Best Life

Destiny fulfillment is an integral reward. Step into your destiny and you’ll know, you will absolutely know, that you have begun to live your best life.

For instance, let’s say your destiny is to manage an organic farming business that distributes food to more than 50 million people around the globe. On top of that, as part of your destiny, you will teach 10,000 people how to maintain small organic farms. These could be individuals, famers who operate on a small, local scale or health-conscious restaurant owners.

At first glance, it looks daunting, maybe even like too much. This may be why you’re guided step-by-step as you move toward, then, into your destiny. Even more, it might be why the discovery of your destiny might come as a vague idea.

Get Started

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In other words, if you saw the finish from the start, you might cower and never get started. For this reason, instead of seeing yourself feeding as many as 50 million people, the next live your best life inner images might only reveal that you are to do farming.

The important thing is to get started, and trust that other details connected to your destiny will reveal themselves later. This is important because stepping into your destiny and starting to live your best life is ongoing.

To begin, discover your destiny. Be patient. This could take weeks, maybe even months. Quiet your mind so inner guidance can rise up in your thoughts.

Living Your Best Life While Riding Waves of Change

After you discover your destiny, pray for specific actions to take to begin fulfilling your destiny. For example, if your destiny is to operate an organic farm, you might begin by researching organic farming products.

You might research organic kale, tomatoes, guava leaves, papaya, etc. Next, you might invest your savings for 20 acres of land, a tractor and a barn, only to discover that you don’t have money for seeders, irrigation machines or harvesting equipment.

If you’re not mindful, fear could set in. This is a time for trust. And it won’t be the last time you’ll have to trust your Higher Self to fulfill your destiny.

Heed Inner Promptings

Despite your best efforts, you’re going to make mistakes. You might overspend in one area, causing yourself to come up short in another. Or you might run into roadblocks. Several years of this, and you might wonder if you got it right when you thought it was your destiny to enter farming.

This is a time to seek inner guidance. Meditate. Write down your dreams. Pray. Stay open. Act on inner guidance, and don’t stop.

Because if you step away from your destiny, you could feel discontentment, frustration or depression. To numb these feelings, you might be tempted to engage in addictions, oversleep or wrestle with insomnia. Yet, try as you may, your destiny keeps calling. If you’re already experiencing this, you know what I’m talking about.

Positive Affirmations to Live Your Best Life

To stay motivated, read inspirational books. Another technique is to listen to deep meditation tapes that repeat positive affirmations that are focused on success.

Pay attention to how you feel after you listen to the tapes for a week. See if ideas related to your destiny surface. Notice if you receive specific action steps to take.

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As you keep doing what it takes to live your best life, surround yourself with positive people. Also read biographies and autobiographies of people who had hard starts and who went on to fulfill their destiny.

Finding Happiness

Writing down the steps you will take to fulfill actions toward your destiny helps. But don’t just write down and complete the steps, celebrate your smaller successes. These celebrations can reinforce your aim, serving as powerful motivators.

This bears repeating. Success is never owned. Despite your best efforts, you may experience setbacks. The key is to keep going.

A destiny designed by the Creator will lead you into inner peace, joy and happiness. Yet, it’s not magical. It’s ongoing. You may reap countless challenges and rewards along the way.

This is when writing in a journal could pay off. During hard times, return to this journal. Revisit your successes. Encourage, inspire and motivate yourself.  After all, happiness is doing what it takes to live your best life now. Don’t put it off. You came into this world to fulfill your destiny so that you can be happy.