By Books Author Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

Success is an experience that you should have. After all, you weren’t created to suffer. You were created to thrive, live in joy and peace and to succeed. Yet, if you’re not living a successful life, something is blocking you. The key is to discover what’s blocking your success. But how do you do that?

To begin, get clear about what you think success is. Why is this important?

What You’re Striving For

If you’re not clear about what you’re striving for, you may never know if you achieved your goal. Depending on your childhood programming, life experiences, and perceptions, you might think that success is having a lot of money. Or you might think that success is feeling powerful, with the ability to order people around, watching them adhere to your commands.

Owning luxury possessions, frequently traveling abroad, dating influencers, and earning graduate degrees are other ways that you might define success. Surprisingly, some of the world’s wealthiest achievers do not focus on money when they define success.

Define Your Personal Success

Mark Cuban is quoted in Business Insider as sharing that, “To me, the definition of success is waking up in the morning with a smile on your face, knowing it’s going to be a great day.” Warren Buffet, chairman of Berkshire Hathaway, shares that he measures “success by how many people love me.”¹

On the other hand, poet, author and actress Maya Angelou shared that, “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”¹ Working hard, doing work you love, helping others, and following your inner guide or higher self are other ways that wealthy achievers define success.

Counter this with leading goals many people have. Among these winning goals there’s the goal to lose weight and to break free from procrastination as reported by Psychology Today.² Additionally, life is meaningful to many people if they have a happy, loving family.

So Many Success Definitions

Working a job you love, being materially stable, and having good mental and physical health are other ways that people find meaning in life according to Pew Research.³ The range of success definitions is broad.

On top of that, only you know what makes you feel successful. As simple as it may seem, it’s very important that you get clear about what success means to you. For instance, if you believe that success is having millions or billions of dollars and you gain this financial status only to feel unfulfilled, sad or depressed, you could feel traumatized and confused, even as you look at your hefty bank account.

This has happened to far too many people. Celebrities and business leaders aren’t the only people who pursued “success”, achieved “success goals” and found themselves feeling empty. Don’t let this happen to you.

Uncover What Success Means To You

Sit down, pull out a notebook, and describe the life you think will cause you to feel satisfied, happy, loved, and peaceful. Think about what causes you to feel fulfilled, truly fulfilled. Include that in your success definition. Also, write down what you believe must happen for you to think and feel that you are successful.

For example, do you believe that you must sell enough books to land on the New York Times bestseller list five or more times, launch a multi-billion-dollar business or lose 30 pounds to be a success? Or do you believe that you must earn a doctorate degree, land a political position, raise happy, responsible children or discover a medical cure to achieve success?

What You Must Do To Achieve Success

Take your time thinking about and writing down what you believe you must do to achieve success. As a reminder, include what causes you to feel fulfilled, truly fulfilled. Leave out the latter, and you may feel that your success is being blocked when it isn’t (even after you’ve achieved a lot).

Next, write down specific actions you could take to gain this experience, not once but over the long term. Aim to list more than 100 actions that you could take to achieve your success goals. Why?

Despite your best efforts, there will be setbacks. Not every action you take will yield good fruit. Building out a wealth of actions can keep you motivated, focused, and free of ongoing frustration. When one action doesn’t produce the result you want, you’ll have another action to implement.

Removing Success Blocks

To remove success blocks, you’ll also have to take an honest look at yourself. For starters, do you honestly believe that you deserve to be successful? If not, why not?

And how do you think success would change you or change your lifestyle? Do you think that success would alter your identity? How?

Even more, if you achieved success do you think that you would become like other successful people who lost their way? Search your mind deeply, thoroughly, for answers to these questions.  What you discover during the search might surprise you.

It might surprise you to discover that you’re afraid of success because you believe you’d fall into an addiction, become rude and obnoxious, get stalked or become unable to trust family or friends, experiences that have happened to others but that don’t have to happen to you. That’s right.

You Deserve Success

You do not have to relive or repeat anyone else’s life experiences. That includes your parents’ and other ancestors. There is no requirement to repeat their experiences unless you choose to do so. More importantly, you don’t have to live above or beneath the level you perceived your parents as having lived at.

This is your life. Your parents and ancestors, everyone, has been gifted with a life to create or develop as they desire. Talk about a gift! Give yourself permission to partner with the Creator to design a life that will open you up to love, light, peace, joy, and success. You deserve to live a good life. You really do.  

Resources:

1. How Rich, Successful, Powerful People Define Success – Business Insider
2. What Are the Most Popular Goals in the World? | Psychology Today
3. What Makes Life Meaningful? Views From 17 Advanced Economies | Pew Research Center

By Books Writer Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

What’s in your toolbox when it comes to easy ways to reduce and eliminate stress? Do you feel like a hostage to worry? Whether you realize it or not, there are ways to release stress. There are ways to enter peace despite how hectic the world appears.

What Causes Stress

Few of these actions require a dime. Admittedly, the more stress elimination tools you gain, the better. Apply one or more tools early and you could shift from living with mild to chronic worry everyday to experiencing a growing inner peace. But why does stress show up?

Stress shows up for a myriad of reasons. Even more, you could find yourself struggling with stress at any point in your life. Back to stress reasons or causes – Job demands, relationships, finances, political conflicts, parenting, and health concerns are just a few key players when it comes to stress causes. But they aren’t alone.

Dealing with a school or workplace bully, dread about seeing a relative you don’t like at an upcoming family reunion, and concern that a neighbor’s pet has it out for you are other reasons why you could feel stressed. If you’re working a full-time job, you’ve already faced and managed your way through stress (e.g., connecting with friends, engaging in a hobby).

Stress Reducers That Are Already Working for You

So, you already have at least one de-stressor in your toolbox. To add another de-stressor to your toolbox, revisit your childhood. Think back to a time when you found yourself worrying, really worrying. It might have been about an upcoming school exam, a kid who picked on you, or a book report you had to deliver in front of the entire class. (As a kid, speaking in front of a classroom used to scare the wits out of me.)

How long did you feel uncomfortable before you realized what was happening, that you were stressing yourself? What were the first thoughts, including solution ideas, that popped into your mind? Finally, what did you end up doing to reduce or eliminate the stress?

For example, did you talk with a friend or relative about what you were afraid of dealing with? Did you read and meditate on scripture and pray? Or did you write in a journal or speak with the person related to the stress and work out a positive solution?

Hopefully — and although it might look easy at first glance – you didn’t decide to carry the stress. If so, you could still be dealing with the stress, allowing it to show up in different ways.

Easy Wasy to Release Stress

On the other hand, if you found a positive way to release stress, write the action down. It’s a part of your mental wellbeing toolbox.

Here are more easy ways to release stress while living in this hectic world. Consider trying one or more of the ways the next time you start to feel tense:

• Diet – This one may come as a surprise. However, studies show that there may be a link between diet and mood. As shared in Very Well Mind, Kaleigh McMordie, a registered dietician, says that “There is evidence that diet affects mood, including depression and anxiety, as well as our body’s stress response.” Additionally, in a 2021 study, the study participants “who ate at least 470 grams of fruit and vegetables daily had 10% lower stress levels than those who consumed less than 230 grams.”³
• Self-Awareness – It’s hard, if it’s even possible, to beat self-awareness when it comes to spotting, stopping, and releasing stress. Get to know yourself. Tips to strengthen self-awareness include writing in a journal, walking in nature in safe areas, and being honest about what you are feeling and thinking. You don’t have to act on what you’re thinking or feeling, but it’s incredibly beneficial to be aware of (and honest) about what you’re thinking and feeling.
• Pray – Communicate with the Creator. Do this regularly, throughout the day, and your trust level (trust that you can deal with whatever comes your way) may rise.

More About Self-Awareness, Stress and Peace

As noted, self-awareness is key when it comes to spotting and releasing stress. After all, self-awareness can alert you to what causes you to become stressed. Reach this point and you could become aware of what to steer free of.

Check out these easy ways to release stress. See which ones you could easily incorporate in your life:

• Sleep – Create a routine of retiring to bed around the same time at night. Turn off electronics (e.g., cell phones, TVs) before you climb into bed. To sleep better, make sure the temperature in your home is comfortable.  Also, start to wind down an hour before bedtime.
• Exercise – Get outside in safe areas. Move your body. Taking a walk, going for a jog, riding a bike, or swimming are great forms of exercise. Exercising outside allows your body to soak up vitamin D. And light from the sun helps the body release endorphins, natural mood lifters and stress reducers.
• Positive Affirmations – Repeating positive affirmations and posting one or more positive affirmations in your home and at your workplace can keep your thoughts focused on hopeful, encouraging, and loving events and situations.
• Music – Listen to music you appreciate and enjoy, music that lifts your mood and generates peaceful feelings within you.
• Soak – Enjoy taking a relaxing and warm bubble bath.

Let Go of Stress, Welcome Peace

Even more ways to release stress follow. You might do one of these actions already which is very good:

• Meditate – Although you could sit on a mat and focus on your breathing, it’s not necessary. Another thing you don’t have to do to meditate is to empty your mind of all thoughts. If you’re new to meditating, simply sit and watch your thoughts pass as if you’re merely watching clouds float by. As you become aware of your thoughts, you could say, “I seem to be thinking about paying the mortgage.” or “I seem to be thinking about a project at work.”
• Talk with a Friend – Visit or call a friend or a close relative. Simply talk with them about what’s troubling you. Be willing to listen to your friend or relative when they share something that’s troubling them too.
• Yoga – Practice two to three yoga moves for 10 to 15 minutes. See if you don’t start to feel better.
• Sing – Make your own music by singing a song you made up or recently heard on the radio that you’re digging.
• Dance – Yes; dance!
• Read a Book – This one has worked for me more times than I can count. Getting caught up in an entertaining story that also relaxes you can do wonders for your mood, not to mention help you sleep better.

Don’t Go It Alone; Say Good-bye to Stress

Socializing with friends, relatives, colleagues, and neighbors is another good stress reducer and eliminator. If you’re shy like I was (I was painfully shy years ago), take small steps. But start getting out with people who truly love and care about you.

For instance, you could go to the movies, bowling, fishing, hiking, visiting museums or to arts events with family and friends. Joining a book club, traveling, spending time at the beach, and watching uplifting TV shows can also reduce stress.

Whatever you do to release stress as you navigate a hectic world, don’t accept that you have no choice but to hang onto stress. Why? Stress doesn’t generally go away on its own.

How Stress Loves Bad Company

In fact, and unfortunately, stress has not lowered during 2024. Some studies show that the numbers of people reporting that they are stressed has increased. The American Psychiatric Association shares that, “In 2024, 43% of adults say they feel more anxious than they did the previous year, up from 37% in 2023 and 32% in 2022.”¹

Furthermore, Forbes shares that, “Compared to other countries, 2022 data from Gallup shows that Afghanistan currently has the highest reported stress level at 68%— the U.S. is not too far behind at 53%.”² Akin to other issues, stress doesn’t hang out alone.

Let stress build and hang around too long and you could develop headaches, achy joints, trouble sleeping, and high blood pressure. Ulcers, moodiness, problems focusing or concentrating, and inflammation are other issues linked to prolonged stress.

Shift Out of Stress into Peace

Hence, the importance of practicing stress reducers and eliminators. See if you can catch yourself early. As soon as you notice that you’re becoming tense, reach in your toolbox and put a positive stress reducer or stress eliminator into action. Avoid engaging in unhealthy habits like smoking, drinking caffeine and alcohol, and sleeping all day.

Should you still be wrestling with stress, even after implementing several stress elimination actions, consider speaking with a licensed, experienced, and ethical psychologist.⁴ You are too important to allow suffering to become “normal” for you. Take care of yourself. Love yourself. You may find it helpful to journal about your day, releasing stressors as you express yourself honestly in a journal.

Try Looking at the Stressor Differently

Look at what you are allowing yourself to enter into a stressful state differently. Try asking yourself questions about the situation. Sample questions include: Is the conversation going to go as negatively as I keep trying to convince myself that it will? Could I be happily surprised at the outcome? Have I always been right when I’ve worked hard to predict how a future event would go?

When has a future event not gone “exactly” as I had tried to convince and worry myself that it would go? Am I partly trying to force myself into a stressful state because I am afraid of being wrong? Then, encourage yourself that it’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to think a conversation, relationship, work project, arts production or situation is going to go one way and then be surprised when it turns out differently.

Personally, there have been countless times when I thought a situation was going to blow up and it didn’t. And there have been times when I thought someone hated me only to discover that they care about me. So, try to look at the stressor differently. That alone might open you up to peace.

Here’s to you and how amazing you truly are.

Resources:

1. Psychiatry.org – American Adults Express Increasing Anxiousness in Annual Poll; Stress and Sleep are Key Factors Imp
2. Stress Statistics And Facts In 2024 – Forbes Health
3. What You Eat Can Directly Impact Stress and Anxiety, Research Shows (verywellmind.com)
4. Stress relievers: Tips to tame stress – Mayo Clinic

By Self-Help Books Author Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

Journaling can yield deeper personal understanding, peace, reduced anxiety, and improved mental clarity. The benefits appear so simply that, if you’re not paying attention, you could miss how much you’ve gained from journal writing. This may be what happened to me.

Journaling in a Diary

When I was a kid, I started writing in a diary. Back then, it seemed as if diary writing went hand-in-hand with being a young girl. My paternal grandmother might have been the first person to give me a diary. Straightaway I started writing about crushes I had, TV shows, and fun I’d had playing outside with my siblings and friends.

Later, I wrote about track races I trained for and competed in.  Looking back, I wish that I had continued writing in a diary and, even more, that I’d had kept the writings. If I had, I would have insight into my childhood that is more accurate than memory.

Fortunately, a colleague would give me a set of journals for Christmas years later. That’s when I started journaling with intent and commitment. Because I’d been given the journals as a gift, I told myself that I had to write in them.

Benefits Gained from Journaling

More than 20 years later, I’ve filled in well over 25 blank journals. Dreams, challenges, life changes, vacation experiences, and relationships have been written about in my journals. More than filling out blank journals, I’ve gained far reaching benefits. Among these benefits, there’s:

• Insight into what’s coming (this has often come through writing down dreams)
• Ability to express uncomfortable emotions (e.g., fear, jealousy, anger) without blowing up on anyone
• Opportunity to record personal history (this single act can help me to spot harmful habits, behavioral or thought-based, and start to work to release the habits)
• Strengthen my writing skills
• Improve self-confidence which, in turn, improves communication skills and personal relationships

You could tap into these and other benefits too. According to Healthline, journaling helps you to understand your needs. Other benefits include lowering stress and improving the perception you hold of yourself.¹

Journaling and Depression

Psychology Today shares that regularly writing could help to keep depression at bay.² If you’re seeking to stabilize emotions, writing in a journal might pay off. As you continue to write openly and in freestyle fashion, your creative juices might also start to flow.

Once this happens, ideas about a new novel, photography project, crafts assignment, or communication strategy may surface. Here are more advantages that you could gain after you start writing in a journal regularly:

• Improve your memory – Psychology Today shares, “Keeping a diary can help improve your memory, as you can reflect on past experiences and remember details that may have been forgotten. Writing stories down can facilitate memory and serve as a reminder of the meaningful things that happen in your life.”²
• Manage mental health – Writing challenges and concerns down is an effective way to release worries. Once you get what’s been worrying you into your journal, you no longer need to keep the experience “secret”. This doesn’t mean that you tell anyone else what you’ve experienced or what you’ve been thinking. It means that you’ve freed yourself from suppressing the experience in your own mind.
• Increased energy – The former benefit raises another plus. After you free yourself from the effort of suppressing, you can access the energy that you’d been using to keep the worry “hidden” and use that energy to do love-based work.

Linking Hints About the Future to Journal Writing

Since thinking and action require energy, writing in a journal to give yourself access to increased energy is a far-reaching benefit. In turn, access to increased energy could give you a motivational boost.

Even if you don’t become keenly aware of the benefits gained from journaling, as you continue writing in a journal, you can consciously or unconsciously spot positive shifts in yourself. On the other hand, if you’re in the habit of practicing self-awareness, there’s a strong likelihood that you will link certain benefits with journaling.

Should you receive prophetic dreams, visions or strong intuitive guidance, writing these experiences in your journal could provide clues to what’s coming next. For instance, you might notice that one or more dream symbols (e.g., a specific animal, plant, word) appear in your dreams weeks before a job change, residential move, or relationship shift.

What About Trauma and Journaling?

There may be no way to fully tell you how advantageous journaling is. Not only might you gain clues to coming events, as you look back over prior journal entries, you may come to understand yourself more fully.

Psych Central also shares that journaling could help you move through trauma. More specifically, Psych Central reports that, “a 2015 research paper explains that consistent expressive writing may help reduce PTSD symptoms. It also suggests that writing at length about a traumatic or stressful event can help manage PTSD symptoms.”³

However, if you do use journaling to work process through trauma, consider reaching out to an experienced, licensed, and ethical therapist, especially if the journal writing proves to be triggering. After all, the point of journaling is to heal and become more fully aware of the “real” you.

Types of Writing Journals

Although we’ve shared numerous journaling benefits, you might discover more advantages linked to journaling. If you’re wondering how to get started with journaling, the process is simple. All you need to do is get a blank journal. You might use a digital journal. Should you choose a digital journal, remember that you could lose what you’ve written if the electronic device you journal with breaks permanently.

Yet, in today’s electronic world, a digital journal could prove to be a great fit for you. Retailers, bookstores, and crafters design and sell blank paper journals. These blank-page journals are designed with brilliant, clever, and beautiful covers.

Consider choosing a journal with a cover that inspires, encourages, and motivates you to keep writing in the journal and that also inspires you to continue to practice self-awareness, share love, and awaken. Next, determine how often you’re going to write in your journal.

Getting Started with Journaling

For example, are you going to journal daily or weekly? Or are you going to write in your journal after you have a dream or while you’re working through a difficult shift?

As a tip, the more you write in your journal, the more you may capture what you’ve been thinking, feeling, and experiencing. Again, it’s a combination of these three that can help you come to know your authentic self more fully.

Try it! See if you spot positive inner growth after you’ve been journaling for several weeks or for several months. Also, if you do write your dreams in a journal, don’t be surprised if you start remembering your dreams (and in greater detail) more frequently. It’s a great way to know what your subconscious mind is focusing on! It’s a great way to begin to heal.

Resources:

1. 15 Benefits of Journaling and Tips for Getting Started (healthline.com)
2. 10 Good Reasons to Keep a Journal | Psychology Today
3. The Mental Health Benefits of Journaling | Psych Central

By Motivational Speaker and Books Writer Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

Image by 성원 조 from Pixabay

Each day offers you the opportunity to receive a miracle. Don’t think so? You might be overlooking the good that’s nearby. Here’s an example in the form of a question. When’s the last time that you saw your nose?

In Your Face

Now, this is not to demonstrate that being aware of your nose is a miracle. Instead, it’s to show that there are fortunate happenings right in front of you that you don’t notice or pay attention to. Furthermore, not only might you overlook miracles, you could take a blessing for granted.

Check out these everyday miracles that you might be overlooking. If you don’t overlook these fortunate experiences, you might diminish their worth, seeing them as ordinary or expected events.

• The right name popping into your mind seconds after you try to recall the name of a friend, neighbor or relative you haven’t seen or spoken to in years
• A friend calling or visiting you within seconds of you deciding to give up and their telephone call or visit serving as the event that led you down a fulfilling life path
• Agreeing to take a later flight to accommodate an overbooking and receiving a free airline ticket that you have up to a year to use.
• Speedy recovery following an accident or injury
• Clear signs that you will benefit from resting and enjoying life instead of pushing yourself to complete another work project
• Dreams that offer guidance on what you should do now to advance on your life’s journey
• Genuine smiles and care that you receive from friends, family, colleagues and strangers
• Your favorite song suddenly playing on the radio just when a pang of hopelessness came over you

Sharpen Up

Clearly, just because you don’t notice them, that doesn’t mean that miracles aren’t popping up around you. Therefore, as a first step to open to more success and greater good, sharpen your awareness. Here’s a way to do that within seconds.

• Count three events, sounds or scents at your living space each morning
• Walk through your living space and count each light source, including windows
• Pay attention to how often plants or pets thrive while they are with you and vice versa
• Become aware of how many different foods and beverages your body digest absent discomfort every day

Another way to sharpen your awareness is to listen to the sound of a speaker’s voice, picking up the slightest inflection. It also helps to actually listen to people while they speak with you. Even if someone tends to repeat a phrase, when you actively listen to that person, you might hear what they are saying for the first time.

Check Your Miracle Beliefs

In addition to sharpening your awareness, to open to more success and greater good, check your beliefs. For instance, these beliefs could make the path to opening to success challenging. If you believe that you must work hard or long hours to receive success, this could lay out a hard road (something that isn’t necessary).

Also, if you believe that you have to do everything yourself, it could take longer to achieve success. Had you believed that you could trust others, you might have built a reliable, experienced team and cut the time that it took to open to more success in half.

Regarding beliefs, be willing to approach success plans in small actions. This could keep you free of stress and burnout. To avoid stress and burnout, take regular breaks. Actually plug an hour of relaxation into your day.

Daily Motivation Tips

It might not look like it, but adequate rest and relaxation are key success components. So too is motivation. For you, motivation might come in the form of a song, poem, book, discussions with a friend, camping, swimming or nature walk.

Read motivational quotes when you start feeling like success will always be out of reach. And count those seemingly small miracles. After all, like your nose, success can go unnoticed, but that doesn’t mean that good isn’t right in front of you, which brings up a final point. Recognize your forward steps, celebrating the completion of each activity that opens you to more success, greater good.

By Premium Writer Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

Consider your passion. This is an activity that you absolutely love engaging in. Could be in the creative arts, business, technical, scientific, social or educational field. For instance, you might love spending hours working in a dark room, developing new photographs. Even if you made a lot of money from your passion, there may be no bigger reward than the joy that you feel while you’re deeply involved in your passion.

Avoid The Trap

No amount of money may center you in that type of joy. If you already pursue your passion, you probably are familiar with this. Yet, in this world, you could miss this fact and start chasing external approval, awards or titles. Even more, you could start seeing your passion as primarily a means to bring more and more money into your home.

For certain, you wouldn’t be the first to do this. As much as I don’t like to say it, I fell into this trap, lingering in the trap for several years. If I didn’t sell a lot of books, I told myself that it wasn’t worth it to write a new book.

Fortunately, I shifted out of this trap. After I was out of this snare, I realized that the more important thing was to “do the work”. Makes good sense to me now.

After all, without the work, there are slimmer chances of getting to the book sales success that I want. But, there was another lesson that was birthed in the realization that “doing the work” was the more important goal.

It’s So Simple

And, that other lesson was the importance of valuing how engaging in my passion helped to open me up to joy. Spend five minutes in joy and you might come to see that there’s no better feeling than joy. Add to that how easy it is to get into joy simply by engaging in your passion.

Talk about your passion being a blessing. For this reason, be encouraged to return to your passion. Should you not return to your passion, you could rob yourself of a lot of joy and satisfaction. Let that occur and no amount of work, food or sleep might feel like enough.

Sounds simple.

However, it’s not always so simple.

Stop Avoiding Passion

This is a busy world, full or responsibilities, deadlines and distractions. Get distracted or caught up in other “safe” or “comfortable” pursuits and years could pass without you even thinking about your passion, let alone engaging in it. In fact, you might even convince yourself that you just don’t have time to pursue your deepest passions.

Should this be where you are right now, consider pausing. Think about the power and the importance of joy. There’s a wealth of power in joy. Then, start to search for activities to spend less time with, making room to engage in your passion. Of course, do this with love. In other words, don’t cut down the time that you spend with your family.

Find The Time

Instead, carve out “meaningless” activities, things that you do merely to fill up time. Take this rediscovered time and focus on what you truly love to do. The payoff might be greater than you could ever imagine.

You have to make the shift though. It really is true that you won’t know what could come of your passions if you don’t work them. What you do could bless you, those around you and generations to come.

Here’s to finding the time to pursue your deepest passions.

By Self-Help Books Author Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

How would you change your life if you believed that you’re supposed to be enlightened with joy? Would you continue to look outside yourself for direction, turning to other people’s experiences and mounds of information when you wanted to know what to do now and next?

Is Information the Link to Joy

Today information is everywhere, filling our minds with images, sayings, opinions, warnings, advertisements, advice, and teachings. There are messages that espouse the importance of sacrifice, as if to gift the world with meaning you must give something up. Right now, technology via electronics is pushing out information at an alarming rate. It’s hard not to turn to data or other people for guidance, as if that’s where you should go to fully know what you should do to experience joy.

Then, there’s artificial intelligence, a growing form of technology and data that is taking humanity into new territory. It’s definitely not a boring time, but could our main purpose be the oldest aim, perhaps forever unchanged. What if, through the information age and beyond, the main aim is joy?

In other words, what if you’re supposed to be enlightened with joy? After all, throughout time, a myriad of situations, and lifestyles, there are but a few things that have remained unaltered: peace, love, and joy. If joy was, indeed, the aim of your being, how would you allow your physical experiences to unfold?

What Would You Do If Your Goal Was Joy

Would you work where you now work, focusing on projects that you now focus on? And would the physical structure that you call home be as it currently is? If not, where would you work or live and who would occupy your space?

Looking back, if we’re supposed to be enlightened with joy, it could be why I received inner guidance to “not seek after comfort” when I was a kid, about 12-years old. Of course, I’ve spent much of this journey seeking comfort. Fortunately, I’ve been curious enough about life and our Creator to follow higher guidance which, so often, takes one away from comfort.

Think about it. Is it not clear that you could go one way or another, but not two ways at the same time? You can seek comfort or truth. Also, you could seek illusions or truth.

Choosing to be Enlightened with Joy

Choose to be enlightened with joy and you’ll have to break away from worldly traditions. 2 Corinthians 6:17 shares that you’d have to “come out from among them.” (KJV) Furthermore, Romans 12:2 shares, “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (NIV)

Admittedly, this is no easy task. At the start, it may feel as if you’re giving up everything that you want, all that you value – happiness itself. As you keep going, changing your mind and choosing anew, you may enter a state of peace and joy that you maintain regardless of outer circumstances.

Imagine experiencing joy, love, and peace regardless of what you hear, see, perceive, or feel? Talk about graduating. It may very well be impossible to experience suffering, anger, jealousy, or hate once you reach that level of enlightenment.

Could it happen quickly, or would it take years, decades? What do you think?

Progressing Toward Joy Enlightenment

Depending on your childhood programming and training, you might have to become intensely curious about life to start to distinguish between profitable and unprofitable childhood and adult lessons. For instance, it might take curiosity, courage, and determination to stop following old, worn life paths: going to school to obtain degrees and certificates as proof that you can complete a task.

Or you might face financial rewards differently, choosing not to allow the opportunity to receive more money to guide your path. Overall, you might have to discontinue the tradition of allowing what your body’s eyes see to guide you, to tell you which way to go.

Talk about breaking away. Traditions that you heard while growing up might follow you for years, shadowing you, even as you commit to following a specific path that shortens your enlightenment with joy. Back and forth, returning to old worldly traditions to break free again, you might go for quite a while.

Yet, if your aim to be enlightened with joy is maintained, progress you shall. But first you must begin. To do that, you may consider following your Higher Self. Those early followings might come through journal writings, recording your dreams, and interpreting those dreams.

Journey Toward Joy

More ways to begin the journey toward enlightenment through joy include:

• Praying to the Creator with the belief that you are always loved
• Watching your thoughts pass as if you are merely watching clouds float by, without getting attached to any of the thoughts
• Investing in a healthy diet, including eating fresh vegetables, fruits, and hydrating your body with lots of fresh water
• Looking for blessings and counting them to become more aware of the countless way that the Creator blesses and loves you
• Gifting yourself and others with acts of kindness

Another way to become enlightened with joy is to live honestly. This doesn’t mean that you become harsh. It means that you don’t lie to yourself. Instead of proclaiming that you are always happy, you accept what you truly feel.

Opening to Honesty to Become Enlightened

You open to the idea that “what you feel” is not what you are, nor is it a judgment on you, freeing yourself to accept what you’re currently experiencing. This gives you the opportunity to work through contradictions, worry, and trauma.

Rather than holding you back, living honestly helps you to “let go” of what’s been holding you hostage to sorrow, regret, and guilt. Throughout the journey of living honestly joy remains the aim.

Keep going. There is so much to explore, learn, celebrate, and love. It may help you to realize that you are not alone. In one way or another, everyone is on a journey. You’ve come this far on your journey. Obviously, you possess the courage to step into the unknown, expecting good outcomes.

Be patient with yourself. Whether you accept it now or not, you do have what it takes to live in joy. Allow yourself to be curious about experiences you have. Love yourself and give yourself room to make mistakes. Expect greater good to enter your sphere. You deserve it. You really do.

By Self Help Books Author Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

Stop daydreaming if you want to experience real life success. Admittedly, daydreaming feels good which might be why you do it so much. There could also be brain benefits associated with daydreaming. According to studies, including those shared in a Harvard Medical School article, daydreaming may improve brain plasticity. More specifically, “Based on the results of the study, the researchers suspect that these daydreams may be actively involved in brain plasticity.”¹

Can Daydreaming Become Addictive?

Furthermore, Smithsonian reports that “psychological research is beginning to reveal that daydreaming is a strong indicator of an active and well-equipped brain.” Smithsonian goes on to share that a “wandering mind correlates with higher degrees of what is referred to as working memory. Cognitive scientists define this type of memory as the brain’s ability to retain and recall information in the face of distractions.”²

Memory and brain plasticity benefits aside, if you daydream to the point that daydreaming becomes addictive, you might be surprised to find yourself stuck in life routines that you hate. It could range from relationships to work to creative pursuits to your inner journey.

Before you know it, you’ve invested 15 years in a job that sucks the happiness out of you. Or you’re going home to a relationship that you haven’t felt good about for a decade. Each time the pain of staying in the situation gets too intense, you start daydreaming, pretending that your life is different.

Stop Daydreaming If You Really Want It

You daydream that you’re in a loving relationship with someone who makes you feel loved and deeply appreciated every single day, even as you roll your eyes each time your “real” lover kisses or touches you. And you daydream for hours at work, pretending that you’re doing entirely different work in an entirely different city with entirely different business partners.

Even if you delve into exploring a new job, relationship, fitness routine, etc., you won’t go as far as you could if most of your efforts are limited to daydreaming. On top of this, if you’re merely daydreaming, do you really want what you say you want?

Do you really want it?

How To Replace Daydreaming With Action

If you do, stop “only” daydreaming. Replace daydreaming with action.

• Create an action plan. For example, if you want to start a business, start building your board of directors. Research licenses and certificates that the business you want to start is required to have. Work with market research organizations to learn about the best places to launch your business. Also, get up to speed on effective marketing and promotion strategies in the industry you want to work in. And set deadlines for when you will complete each action in the plan.
• Learn and learn. Enroll in postsecondary courses that help you stay aware of industry trends and market and product cycles. Stay abreast of technology, marketing pros, and product designers who are shaping the future of your industry.
• Take smart risks. Don’t play it safe. That’s what daydreaming is for. Break old industry habits and patterns. Be the courageous creative who does the thing that hasn’t been done before. Have the courage to stand alone for a while. If what you take a risk on takes off, you can best believe that there will be lots of people who will try to mimic what you just did.
• Keep it new. Continue to develop and create new products and services. This one is important, because if you don’t keep releasing new products and services, your offerings may start to feel stale to consumers.

Daydreaming Habits

Should you have slipped into the habit of daydreaming for hours a day, use a tool (e.g., spreadsheet, daily planner) to track your actions and the return on your efforts. This simple activity can keep you from falling prey to magical thinking.

Even more, it can protect you from lying to yourself. Tracking your actions and return on efforts can prevent you from believing that you’re doing things that you actually aren’t doing. Unfortunately, this is what happened to me when I decided to pursue freelance writing full-time, and not just pursue freelance writing, but pursue freelance writing as the Great Recession was kicking off.

Poor timing, I know. But that wasn’t the bad part. What hurt was daydreaming versus putting more of my plans into action. How I turned it around was to get out a spreadsheet and start recording my actions.

How To Give Yourself a Chance

The payoff was huge. Money that I generated from freelance writing increased significantly. Confidence that I could make it as a writer strengthened. To this day, the single act of tracking my actions and the return on those actions is one of the smartest moves I’ve made.

So, give yourself a good chance to experience real life success. Commit to taking smart actions. Avoid believing that success is rooted in luck. To speed up your success, set aside time each day to use your imagination (a great time for daydreaming) to surface new ideas, innovative ways to grow your business.

Just a few days investing in idea creation could see you come up with more than 100 ways to grow your business. The number of ways you could strengthen your business might even shock you. Give it a try!

Deepen Relationships In Real Life, Not In Dreams

After you stop daydreaming about what you want (in place of taking smart actions), build healthy connections. After all, no one knows everything about anything. Despite how independent you might be, you need other people to support and partner with you to experience long-term success.

To build and deepen these relationships:

• Join industry associations
• Sponsor events that appeal to your target audience
• Attend conferences and cultural festivals that attract business leaders and consumers your products and services aim to improve the lives of

Visualize Your Success

Not only does that strengthen important connections, but it also reinforces your brand. Speaking of strengthening connections and your brand, make keeping what you do in the human consciousness a priority. Ways to do that include:

• Designing a logo with colors and an image that generate positive emotions
• Ensuring that your logo is on all of your products and promo items, also known as “swag”
• Interviewing in media outlets that appeal to your target audience, guiding your responses to your products or services.

During times when you don’t see your efforts paying off as much as you’d like, visualize yourself succeeded – not later – now! See and feel yourself achieving what you want to achieve – not later – now!

Your Success Won’t Be a Daydream

Feel the success. Allow it to become part of your identity while you love yourself as you are. Continue growing by looking at your spreadsheet or daily planners, revisiting your start, noticing how far you have come.

Set new goals. Keep challenging yourself while loving yourself as you are. If you keep taking smart risks, making good connections, deepening relationships, and enriching your brand, and improving the return on your efforts, one day you’ll look back and wonder how you achieved as much as you did. And it won’t be a daydream. It will be real!

Resources:

1. What Happens in the Brain While Daydreaming? | Harvard Medical School
2. The Benefits of Daydreaming | Science| Smithsonian Magazine

By Success Writer Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

Unexpected events run the gamut. There’s the unexpected job promotion, welcomed new relationship, lottery winning, unparalleled artistic performance and sports victory. Let one of those experiences plop into your life, seemingly out of nowhere, and your mood might soar.

Life Throwing You Off Guard

Those are the “good” unexpected life events. Not to be outdone, “good events” also have an opposite in this world. Just as a start, there’s a job layoff, a loved one transitioning, a health challenge, an onstage performance snafu and an athletic strikeout.

Let one of these events pop-up, and you might feel unequipped to deal with the experience. On top of that, “normal” experiences could suddenly feel like too much for you to manage your way through. Receive an emergency telephone call from a first responder, telling you that a relative was in a life altering accident and you might feel as if you can’t catch your breath.

Even more, you might feel like you’re unable to go to work, finish school or manage even one other existing relationship. According to the Mayo Clinic, “You experience more stress than would normally be expected in response to a stressful or unexpected event, and the stress causes significant problems in your relationships, at work or at school.”

Signs You Might Be Stressed

Signs that you could be struggling to move forward post an unexpected life event vary. Generally, these signs include:

• Change in sleep patterns
• Inability to eat or eating and/or drinking excessively
• Unusual irritability
• Disturbing dreams that could be a sign that your subconscious is trying to clue you in to the fact that you’re stressed
• Trouble concentrating
• Memory issues or forgetting simple things like someone’s name, where you parked your car, etc.
• Worrying what feels like all the time

Preparing For Life’s Unexpected Events

Surprisingly, it could take just one unexpected life event to seemingly knock you off balance. Just one. Fortunately, and although you may not be able to prepare for every experience, there are actions that you could take to support yourself as you move through the unexpected. Among those events there’s:

• Cancel unnecessary expenses and build up your financial savings
• Join a good support group with members who have gone through one or more experiences similar to what you’re struggling to move through
• Explore treatment options if the unexpected life event involves a health challenge
• Use a fitness watch to monitor your deep sleep. Head to bed at the same time at night to encourage more deep sleep.
• Eat a healthy diet of natural foods and herbs, and drink lots of fresh water.
• Meditate
• Get outside and soak up natural sunlight in healthy ways (i.e. take a nature walk, go camping, hiking, bike riding, read a good book on the porch or front stoop).
• Talk to a friend who has proven that she/he can be trusted.
• Write in a journal. Express what you’re feeling and thinking.
• Seek professional support, as needed.

Friends Matter A Lot

Regardless of which actions you decide to take, it’s good to have a strong support system. Building this system could take time. Yet, it’s relatively easy. In fact, building a strong support system is an exercise in friendship building.

This means that you stay free of isolation. When friends invite you to a cruise, get together, movie or lunch, consider saying “yes” sometimes. Give yourself the chance to spend time with people who care about you. Feeling brave? Host an event of your own and invite friends and relatives to your place.

It might not seem like it now, but these relationships are where you could tap into the strength to keep moving forward after an unexpected event shows up. All said, the best time to start preparing for life’s unexpected events is now.

Being Present

Being present for others you know may seem like a small thing to do. However, in being there for others, you can learn how to sit still and be fully present while someone moves through challenge. Additionally, the people who you’re there for may be more open to supporting you when unexpected events take a shot at your internal balance.

Furthermore, being there for others is a great way to learn more about yourself. And, who knows? What you help someone else adjust to now could be what you’re faced with later. You might not see it now, yet that doesn’t mean that it won’t happen. After all, as much as you might try to peek into the future, on this side, it might very well be impossible to foresee all coming events.

So, make smart decisions. Take good actions now and also when you face the unexpected. Build and nurture strong support systems. Learn to sit still and make self-care a daily practice.

Resources:

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/adjustment-disorders/symptoms-causes/syc-20355224#:~:text=You%20experience%20more%20stress%20than%20would%20normally%20be,any%20number%20of%20life%20changes%20can%20cause%20stress.

By Self-Love Books Writer Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

You could save someone’s life if you don’t ignore what you see. That’s the most obvious reason to start responding to calls for help. What you choose to do could change your life forever, leaving you to rest or wrestle with memories.

When Responding to Calls for Help Is Legally Required

Laws offer a shield, protecting you from looking the other way when you find someone in need in certain situations. For example, there are countries where it’s illegal to leave someone stranded at sea. Depending on the law, you might have to at least try to rescue the person. Failing to return an abandoned child to her parents or to authorities is also an offense in some jurisdictions.

Another act that could be viewed as “empathy” or “sympathy” is not only about caring about someone. In some jurisdictions, seeing a crime and just walking away, failing to report the crime, is an offense. The legal intentions are good.

Yet, people do see others in dangers and walk away.

What would cause someone to look away, thinking that not responding to calls for help is their better choice? Furthermore, what’s the psychology behind this type of decision?

Why People Avoid Responding to Calls for Help

Surprisingly, even people who are victims of crimes don’t always report the offense. Legal Beagle reports that only about 42.6% of people who were the victim of crime in 2018 reported the crime.¹

Robberies were reported the most. Reasons people don’t report crimes, whether they were a victim or a witness, include:

• Wanting to keep what occurred a secret
• Fear that they might be harassed or targeted if they report the offense
• Thinking that there are so many other “major” crimes going on that the police won’t do anything if they do report what happened to them or what they witnessed happening to someone else

Time magazine shares that you might ignore what you see and become neglectful as it regards responding to calls for help because:

• You think someone else will report the offense or come to the aid of the person who’s in need²
• Determination to protect your own or another person’s reputation
• Feeling a connection to an abuser to the point that you think protecting that person is akin to protecting yourself or a larger group the person is a part of

Denial as a Great Way to Ignore What You See

There could also be an urge to deny what’s happened. If you ignore what you see, it might be a way to make the event “unreal”. It’s similar to being in shock, something that is used to protect yourself from the emotional weight of trauma.

If you’ve seen an auto accident, you might have witnessed dozens of drivers slowing down only long enough to observe how damaged a vehicle became following an accident. What you and other drivers might not do is make calls for help.

Something as simple as dialing 911 on your cell phone might never cross your mind. At the most, you might say a silent prayer for those involved in the accident, press the accelerator and drive further down the road. What if your actions could save someone’s life?

Certainly, you wouldn’t put yourself in danger. But perhaps you could make a telephone call, alerting trained authorities that someone needs assistance. Not only could that single act help another person, it could save you from guilt.

Why You Shouldn’t Ignore What You See

Here are more reasons why you shouldn’t ignore what you see, instead responding to calls for help:

• What you witness stays in your memory
• Not responding to calls for help could push an experience into your subconscious, the place from which nagging impulses could cause you to feel inadequate, fear or dread
• Your actions, your decision not to ignore what you see, could have a ripple effect

If you don’t ignore what you see and, instead, stir up the courage to respond to calls for help, you could help save someone who’s got a child. That, in turn, would impact at least two people in a single act. Because we aren’t islands, over time, what you did could positively impact an entire family.

Options for Responding to Calls for Help

Responding to calls for help could take place in different ways. For example, you could:

• Dial 9-1-1 (or the emergency number in the country you’re in when a need arises)
• Contact local services
• Create a signal fire, especially when stranded in snow or on an island, etc.
• Flashing light
• Waving bright orange or bright red clothing
• Placing a S-O-S signal on the ground using your foot, a rock, stick, etc.
• Blow a loud whistle
• Call a friend
• Go to a shelter
• Set off flares
• Place a severely injured person in a safe place while you hurry to get help

When you think about it, perhaps nothing that you do occurs in isolation. On top of that, you don’t know what’s coming in your life. It may be impossible to consciously know every experience you will have. Yet, that doesn’t mean that you can’t decide now that you’ll help someone in need without putting yourself in danger. It’s also a reason to bring emergency gear with you, especially while traveling, camping or vacationing.

After all, as happens with Clarissa in Escaping Toward Freedom, your moment of decision could come while you’re on vacation. Or it could come while you’re at home, at work or on the road.

Resources:

1.  Why Don’t People Report Crimes to the Police? (legalbeagle.com)
2. Bystander Psychology: Why Some Witnesses to Crime Do Nothing | TIME.com

By African American Books Author Denise Turney (www.chistell.com)

To live your best life, you must exercise courage. There’s no way around this fact. As a start, it takes courage to admit the truth to yourself. For instance, it takes courage to admit that you’re stuck, feel fear or are conflicted. More importantly, it takes courage to do what it takes to get to where you most want to be. And it takes courage to make hard choices, a necessity to move forward.

Courage Is Key

However, maybe you’re thinking the way that I used to. Perhaps you don’t think courage is the key.

Years ago, I thought that getting to where I wanted to be required me to always be kind, reliable and accommodating. Looking back, I can see where the “accommodating” part held me back. Why?

A goal to be accommodating requires you to keep your thumb on the pulse of what other people are thinking and feeling. Before you know it, you’re no longer pursuing your “real” goal. Instead, you’re aiming to make other people happy or satisfied. And that’s a job that never ends.

Now, I realize that achieving your goals requires courage. It’s not about how nice you are (not that being nice isn’t good; it is).

Look At This

Here’s another way of looking at this. Think about the people you admire. No. Really. Is there a common trait that these people share? This trait might be the very thing that you need to put into action to move forward. If you look close at the people you admire, it wouldn’t be surprising to see these people using courage to make hard choices.

Considering people you admire, Harriet Tubman is my all-time heroine. Other women who I admire include Mary McLeod Bethune, Shirley Chisholm, Amelia Earhart and Joan of Arc. For years, I focused on specific acts that these women are known for.

Then, it hit me. All these women are champions because they each exercised courage, and not just once. They exercised courage over and over. They made hard choices that held tremendous impact for their own lives and the lives of others. In fact, they faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles. These women champions did what had for so long appeared to be impossible.

What Champions Do

But, that’s what champions do. They face their fears, stir up their courage and get it done.

Back to your heroes and heroines, what common thread moves between them? Do you recognize this common thread in yourself? If not, what would your life be like if you applied this same trait to what you do?

What would your life be like if you applied courage to thoughts, decisions and actions that you take? Live with courage and you might not reach the end of your earth journey only to look up with regret as you consider all the things you wished that you had done but never gathered the courage to do.

Just know that along the way, you may need to exercise courage to make a hard choice. That hard choice could come when someone ask you to lie to cover a mistake or a wrong or when you’re tempted to scheme your way through a storm. A hard choice could also point toward whether or not you are going to keep working a job that you know you don’t like, a job that drains you of joy-energy, or unplug and go after your wildest dreams!

Stir Up Your Courage

Quick tips to stir up courage include watching videos of people who are using courage to make hard choices that expand love for everyone. Reading books about people who use courage to progress may also help. Here’s another tip that’s easy to implement.

Pay attention (really pay attention) to how you feel. Yes – pay attention to how you feel when you’re doing work that you only engage in for a paycheck. Then, pay attention to how you feel when you’re doing what you love. Depending on the extent of the contrast, you could feel an immediate shift as soon as you start doing what you love.

Value joy? Consider listing specific actions that you can take to get from where you are to where you want to be. Write these specific actions down. You also might need to be willing to take smart risks. Measure the results of your actions. Keep going. After all, would you rather live a life of endurance (where you just endure situations) or would you rather exercise courage, make hard, smart choices and move forward in joy?