Musings from author Denise Turney on writing, including freelance, marketing, self-help, nonfiction and journal writing. Here you will find book marketing tips as well as advice on places where you can go to sharpen your craft and network with other writers, including novelists. You’ll also find places where you can network with readers, editors, publishers and literary agents.
Great journalists help shape the world by digging so deep into real life events, some which world leaders, local politicians and business moguls, prefer kept hidden, that they gain real keys. Some unethical and illegal operators will stop at nothing to protect their image, the very idol that journalists expose. It is most unfortunate that, in 2019 alone, as many as 25 news writers gave their lives in pursuit of truth.
Wikimedia Commons – W.E.B. DuBois (Library of Congress)
Committee to
Project Journalists (https://cpj.org/), Common
Dreams (https://www.commondreams.org/)
The Center for Investigative Reporting (https://revealnews.org/
) and Reporters Without Borders (https://rsf.org/en)
are among the organizations that work to protect journalists. Their work is
necessary. If investigative journalists are silenced, so too could be the
truth. It’s why we need more of these effective fact finders.
There would be no Watergate without great investigative journalism. We might not learn about corruption at the local government level. Stories like the Flint, Michigan water crisis and the North Dakota pipeline protests wouldn’t get the widespread attention that they receive were it not for the work of great, probing journalists.
Probing great journalists surface issues before they develop into bigger social storms
During the
Civil Rights Movement, it was the investigative writing, the radio shows and probing
television journalists that pushed deeply troubling events into the public eye.
It was those printed, heard and watched stories that helped to change the
conscience of the nation.
During my
early years, I was impacted by the works of great journalists like Gwen Ifil, Walter
Cronkite, Xernona Clayton-Brady , Ed Bradley and Ebony magazine’s Lerone Bennett, Jr. On Sunday evenings, my family
watched 60 Minutes religiously. Ed
Bradley covered a story and interviewed influential guests as if the only thing
that mattered to him was the truth.
And how I
admired Mr. Lerone Bennett, Jr. and the amazing, moving stories that he told
about the African American community. He had a rare way of digging into a story
and uncovering hidden gems.
Other great journalists who I recall and appreciate are Edward Morrow, Ida B. Wells, Lillian Ross, Michelle Norris, Helen Thomas, Dan Rather and Bernard Shaw. There is also Max Robinson, Maureen Dowd, Diane Sawyer and, of course, the great, W. E. B. DuBois.
Imagine if stories they broke were never shared. How much would we not know?
Springboard off good journalism training
As aforementioned, we need more of these courageous, curious event explorers. We need more truth seekers, truth sharers. If you are thinking about pursuing a career as a freelance writer or journalists, I commend you. I encourage you to be committed to the craft.
Research colleges and universities. Consider college journalism programs that have robust internships, externships and that have established journalists as guest speakers. Be prepared to do the hard work during and after school. You could become one of the greats. You could help to change the world.
I wonder if it’s the knowledge that the work they do can change the world, enlighten and help to awaken, that fuels journalists. The risks are too high for the chance to experience an adrenaline rush to be enough to keep someone on the journalism path. And there are certainly easier, safer, ways to travel. Regardless of motive, I deeply appreciate great journalists’ work.
Dream chasers are believers. They are steadfast in their hope that they will attain their deepest desires and reach their most sought-after goals. At the worst, they doubt that they will ever do what they keep striving to complete. Is this you? Does this sound like you? Are you a dream chaser?
Wikimedia Commons, Picture by Benh LIEU SONG
Dream chasers turn away from facts
Do you run away from facts when weeks, months, maybe years have passed, and you still haven’t met one significant goal? And these are goals that you set for yourself. I’m not talking about goals your parents, friends or older siblings set for you, whether they pushed you toward those plans directly or indirectly.
Examples of
facts include bathroom scale readings, health screening results, book sales,
time spent with friends, depth of family relationships, athletic performance, late
bills and money debt. So, let’s say that you want to lose 20 pounds within
three months.
If you’re a dream chaser, you might get a fitness watch, track your daily steps and trade soda in for water. That’s the good part. On the flip side, you might start munching on potato chips, eating more bread and snacking on pizza on weekends.
It’s time to face facts dream chasers
Result is that, despite how many times you tell yourself and others that “you’re trying to lose weight”, you either go back and forth between losing and gaining weight or you don’t ever lose even five pounds. If you’re a dream chaser, the fact that you haven’t lost five pounds in 10 years might not be enough to stop you from swearing that you’re really serious about losing weight.
Open yourself to changing your actions as needed. Big businesses do this. It helps to determine which businesses survive and thrive and which businesses fold. It might sound hard; but facing facts could save you years of striving and exerting energy that will never get you what you want. Ever.
Are you another Raymond Clarke?
This is a
critical point where you may have a lot in common with a guy named Raymond
Clarke. Raymond spent the majority of his childhood trying to fit in. For
Raymond, it started at home with his alcoholic father.
No longer able to stomach anymore of his father’s disapproval, Raymond started telling himself that his father wasn’t really angry. He did this despite the fact that his father treated him with an unrelenting meanness.
There are downsides if you lie to yourself
That’s when
Raymond learned to lie to himself.
What happened to cause you to think that self-deception or chasing dreams (and never catching them) was the answer? How did you come to perceive lying to yourself as a better alternative than facts?
If you’re willing, consider examining this habit. The last thing you want is to spend decades chasing dreams that will never come true. You also don’t want dream chasing to consume so much of your attention and energy that you miss awesome opportunities, none of which is related to your dreams.
Please don’t
let this happen to you.
If you’re ready to get familiar with Raymond’s story, grab a copy of Love Pour Over Me. Look for similarities in your life and Raymond’s story. Be open to making changes. Give yourself a chance to live your best life starting right now.
Finish strong as a new year gets closer, and you could reap more than fantasy success. You could pull in more than a harvest of hope and great expectations. If you’re serious about advancing in 2020, why not finish 2019 strong? Below are reasons not to take your foot off the accelerator just because 2019 is winding down. After all, the way that you finish 2019 may have more impact on how your 2020 goes than you’d imagine.
Finish Strong in 2019
Sure, it’s tempting to trick yourself into thinking that it’s too late to get real results in 2019. Makes sense. The year really is almost over. But you could use the next several weeks to finalize plans for a new book, business venture, relationship change, home renovation, financial shift, childcare options, healthy lifestyle, marketing strategy and more.
As it regards marketing, you could try a new audio, visual or print content marketing strategy, the type of content marketing strategy that could grow your sales throughout 2020. Looking for growth ideas? Check out these 2019 year-end marketing actions that you could take to yield good results in new year:
Identify three to five experienced freelance
writers who you will assign 2020 content marketing responsibilities to
Connect with these freelance writers before 2019
closes out
Settle on content marketing rates
Build on your pool of copywriters
Incorporate the strength of these copywriters
into your prospecting communications
Contact three dozen (or more) prospects before
December 31, 2019
That’s just one area where you can finish 2019 strong. And you won’t have to work long hours to complete each of the above options. Simply, create a daily schedule.
Easy Ways to Finish 2019 Strong
Add three actions to each week, and you’d complete each action listed above by the end of the year. As an entrepreneur looking to grow her business, you’d be setting yourself up for a good start to 2020. This is for content marketing. But what about a lifestyle change?
For example, what if you want to get your wellness numbers within a healthy range? Consider not eating and drinking whatever you want over the next several weeks. Instead, start to change your beliefs around food, comfort, excitement and energy.
In fact,
with holiday food temptations, now may be one of the best times to start
creating deep healthy lifestyle roots. Doable ways to finish 2019 strong as it
regards healthy eating, exercise, rest and healthy relationships (a huge part
of any healthy lifestyle) include:
Eliminate poor relationship habits like gossiping, back biting and manipulation. If you start or engage in gossip, back biting and manipulation, stop. If you’re a listener, let folks know that you’re no longer participating in these unhealthy habits.
Drink plenty of fresh water every day. This one should be easy.
Avoid talking yourself out of doing what’s good or better for you.
Chart Your Own Course
Chart your own path as the year progresses. Keep at it in the new year. Check out these simple ways to create finish the year strong, creating a path for a rewarding new year:
Exercise daily
Get your BMI, blood sugar, blood pressure and cholesterol levels tested
Take one unhealthy food or beverage out of your diet
Replace an unhealthy food or beverage with a healthy food or beverage item (e.g., fresh, leafy spinach, broccoli)
Step away from your desk at least three times a day. For example, you could step away from your desk after breakfast, for lunch and an hour before you head home.
Park several yards from stores and offices when you know you’ll exit the buildings while it’s still daylight.
Walk stairs that are in safe locations at least once a day instead of taking an elevator
Lift weights three days a week. You could start by lifting dumb bells for the remainder of 2019.
Stretch at morning and at night before retiring to bed. Strengthen your balance and flexibility.
Also, finish 2019 strong by getting sufficient sleep. You could do this by turning off your TV before you go to bed. If you’re in the habit of sleeping with the TV on, consider turning your TV off the first time you wake in the middle of the night.
Prepare for a Happy New Year
Even more, you could use a lava lamp or other meditation tool to relax an hour before you head for bed. Other ways to unwind before bed include writing in a journal, counting blessings or reading a book while you relax on the sofa.
Key is to
break actions into doable steps. Another key, is to get started now. Don’t let
the word “now” scare you. After all, you could always just let 2019
wind down, shift into the gear of pulling back and cross your fingers and hope for
magic to occur in 2020.
Then again, if improvements don’t just happen out-of-the-blue, it may be best to finish 2019 strong. Start the actions that will help to set you up for a winning 2020.
There may be no journey as hard or as rewarding as the inner journey. Unexpected experiences, outright shocks, long awaited successes, heartbreaks and joyous, peaceful events that can stretch into weeks, sometimes years, are part of the inner journey. If you’re up for it, you could be in for the ride of your life.
What If Hope Doesn’t Know The Way
Play it safe (stay where you) and you may find yourself in need of help, particularly as it regards mental health than if you had stirred your courage, gotten started and stepped right into change. Whatever your prior decisions, if you want your life to improve, don’t keep doing what you know isn’t best for you.
Path thru nature – Wikimedia Commons – Picture by ForestWander
Don’t just hope that an old situation will get better with time. After all, instead of enduring defeat, you could seek help. This article shares three ways to receive help for the inner journey.
To begin, practice mental health awareness to avoid getting stuck, burned out or anxious. Mental awareness could help you to get and stay mentally sharp. No need adding more struggle to your journey.
Stay Mentally Sharp on the Inner Journey
Fortunately, achieving mental sharpness may not be hard, especially if you are committed to your journey for the long term. If you’re looking for ways to get or stay mentally sharp, here are a few suggestions:
Add at least three activities that you enjoy into your day (e.g., a hot, scented bubble bath, listening to your favorite music, reading a good book)
Get enough deep sleep
Meditate or still your mind
Pray and trust the Creator
Pay attention to your dreams and other forms of inner communication
Treat your body to a healthy diet (e.g., fresh vegetables, delicious fruit bursting with flavor)
Daily exercise (get your body moving)
Write down your dreams (Don’t get too surprised if you start spotting dream themes or recurring symbols that your subconscious pushes up to your conscious in your dreams.)
Different Kind of Travel Map
Next, take
inspired action. This means that you’re not just throwing paint against the
wall, hoping that it lands in the right spots. Also, don’t worry too much about
getting it right. You’re going to make mistakes.
Yet, don’t accept mistakes as habits. Steer clear of convincing yourself that taking the wrong action is “okay” just because everyone makes mistakes. Examples of inspired action include:
Signing up for a free training
Joining and actively participating in a support group (e.g., mental health support group, startup founders support and networking group)
Attending a specific event
Contacting a certain person who can aid your progress
Waking in the morning when your brain is most alert, allowing ideas and answers to bubble up
You’ll know in your gut when the inner voice of wisdom is prompting you to take action. That inner voice of wisdom is your real voice. Even in this world, you can listen to it.
Seek Help from Someone Else
Should you feel stuck or confused (circling the mountain because you don’t know what to do), seek help. Avoid limiting “help” to mental health therapy with a licensed psychologist.
After all, bonding with friends, truly listening to the people who you partner with, and working with someone who has been stuck before (and who found her way forward) are other ways to seek help. Key is to seek input from someone who can offer you a new perspective, someone who can speak with conviction.
As an example, you could seek the support of a life coach who has deep experience in your field. A coach could help you to see your blind spots. Just be open to listening.
Above all, keep going. Your beautiful life won’t unfold with the snap of a finger. But it will unfold if you listen to your inner wisdom, practice mental awareness, stay mentally sharp and, if when you get stuck or confused, you seek help for the inner journey.
Making the Inner Journey Easier
As a final thought, when it comes to covering inner ground, consider external travel. Think about it.
New York to Kenya may be a long way to travel, especially if you go by boat. Oahu to Tuscany isn’t better. Yet, technology has helped to make it easy to see the path that you must take to get from one of those travel destinations to another. Do your homework, and you can even know what to expect when you arrive.
There are plenty of travel websites and travel packages you could use. Talk about taking the fear out of making a decision about a new journey. Technology has taken a lot of unknown out of world travel. Mental awareness and the right support can do the same for the inner journey.
Although your life’s detailed plans aren’t uploaded on a travel website, you aren’t absent help. In fact, the more you listen to the inner voice of wisdom, the better. Listen to the inner voice of wisdom and you could avoid mental health roadblocks.
That alone could keep you fueled with enough motivation to keep going, and you need to keep going. After all, how else will you know what this phase of your never-ending journey will look like? Even more, how else will you come to know what you really are?
Love written on beach – Photo by Porapak Apichodilok on Pexels.com
Always choose love because, in reality, what else is there? Love is the gateway to peace. It is powerful, all-encompassing and eternal. Destinies, miracles and life itself owe all they are to love. So why the pull toward fear, worry, violence and trauma?
Are we that out of touch with our core? Has love, to us, become the greatest mystery?
Oh, the wonder of love and yet it’s never what you expect. You definitely don’t expect love to be elusive, and yet that is often how love seems. In fact, the harder you pursue love, the further away it seems to move.
What if Love is a Choice
And it’s this elusiveness that brings up a not-to-be-ignored point. Love is a choice, not an emotion or object that you can hold or take ownership of. Therefore, to find love, always choose love. Sound simple?
On a clear day, times absent struggle, disappointment or pain, it is simple. Let someone lie on you, betray you, bully you or abandon you and the simplicity of choosing love flees. During these complicated emotionally charged experiences, there’s so much to gain . . . and lose.
It all comes down to the choices you make. Choices because it might take a series of choices to get from hurt, anger or fear to love. But how do you know you don’t always choose love? How do you know you’re asking for an unloving experience?
About the Love Guarantee
Although you don’t have to be convinced that love is worth always choosing, you may be eager for confirmation that your pursuit of love will not fail. Childhood abandonment, relationship conflicts, not to mention communication struggles at work, can shy you away from love. Should this happen, you may demand a guarantee that love will work.
Love double heart graphic – Wikimedia Commons, Picture by Nevit Dilmen
After all, who wants to look or feel foolish? But it’s impossible to get a guarantee that the best thing is to always choose love. If you still need a guarantee, you could peek in on other people’s relationships, witnessing how it plays out when they choose love or fear.
Signs You Don’t Always Choose Love
However, that probably wouldn’t convince you that it’s best to always choose love. On the contrary, that’s their relationships, not yours. Or you could suffer through life, afraid of what might happen if you choose love. And suffer you might eventually do, in a habit kind-of-way. Best to catch yourself, spot what you’re doing, early. Do any of these signs that you’re not choosing love resonate?
Making excuses not to connect with other people
Replaying former relationship conflicts until the memory thread starts wearing thin
Working harder to protect yourself from sad romantic endings than you do at opening up to healthy relationships
Boxing love in small or narrow perceptional passageways
Feeling anger or fear when you let someone get emotionally close to you
That or you could spend years, which is a long time, trying to define love, not actually experience love but define it. Truth is, because love encompasses all that is real, it may be impossible to define love.
3 Reasons To Always Choose Love
Fact is love doesn’t always come with flowers, compliments, warm emotions, excitement or romance. Yet, rewards you gain when you always choose love are immeasurable, as these three reasons show:
Joy, peace and love cannot be separated. Choose love
and you gain joy. Even more, you gain peace. Additional benefits include trust,
strong faith that love works, sharper inner vision, a clear conscience and
confidence.
Ease at forgiving is another reason to always choose
love. After you experience the results of love, you may never want to be
blocked again. Lack of forgiveness blocks the experience of love.
Third, choosing love allows you to let life unfold
unhindered, naturally. Additionally, you may feel more energized, balanced and
supported. Also, you might expect good things to happen to you simply because
you believe that, as someone who always chooses love, you deserve good.
The good news is that love encompasses all. Plainly, inside love is love for the Creator, love for Self and love for all of creation. Practice love and you sleep good at night. You gain experiences (also known as “proof”) that love works, even in this world – love works.
Choosing Love Changes Everything
By always choosing love, you can see how time or space cannot stop love. This doesn’t mean that everyone believes in love, let alone chooses love. Past experiences cause many people to fear love, to believe that love caused the pain in their relationships.
In fact, some people make themselves hard to love. It can take years to see that this is a call for help. In fact, Raymond Clarke starts learning to cry out for love early. He learns this lesson through his father, the one parent who stayed back to care for him when he was only two years old.
Raymond’s father is bitter, hard, abusive. His words cut. They’re sharp, spoken to do damage and they don’t fail. But Raymond has a gift. He has a gift that opens doors for him. He also has a decision to make. He too, like you – like all of us – has to decide whether he will always choose love.
You can read more about Raymond in Love Pour Over Me.
People always remember three things about you. Your smile can’t hide whether you’re offering these gifts or not. Warm embraces, laughter and compliments won’t work either. Despite effort to hide, people know if these blessings are being offered.
3 People walking thru park – Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Wazzle
Emotions play a big role in all three.
Yet, fact is, as powerful as emotions are, they cannot always be trusted. That doesn’t mean they don’t carry substantial weight. In this aspect, emotions are like memories. They come. They go, and change, as if mere illusions. Yet, people never forget what they feel strongly.
Things About You People Always Remember
Maya Angelou expressed it well when she said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel.” How true.
A kind word falls flat for the listener who does not feel appreciated. However,
a vigorous smile embodying the belief “You can do it”, a genuine
gesture that cuts across generations, culture and language, can stay with a
person forever, empowering her to seek another solution when she feels
depleted.
Frankly, this is when emotions are truly powerful. They add a layer of ingenuity to words, actions. They create reliable memories, recollections that stir us even in old age. Consider it. Rare is the depth and longevity of the impact of how one person makes another feel. It is why the way people make you feel is one of the three things that people always remember.
Emotions Unbreakable Cord
In fact, children and elders approach or step back, creating a distance that mirrors the emotional tie someone has had on them, each time they happen upon that person — all potentially rooted in a single emotional experience. Humans witness this dynamic unfolding while eating, playing, laboring or resting. It is like a wheel that never stops spinning, never stops turning.
All interactions considered, the relationships that parents have with their children may be the deepest, most pivotal and empowering. Ask the mother of a 60-year-old to describe her child. Let that mother and child share a warm, loving relationship and the mother’s eyes might brighten as she starts to talk about her child, an act that may go on for more than an hour.
On the other hand, regardless of the goodness in a parent and child’s relationship, a child will remember his parent. These memories may cut, digging up deep wounds, or the memories may soothe and protect, springing forth with reassurance and trust. What these memories won’t do is go away.
Where Roots Are Placed
Distance and absence cannot severe the cord between a parent and a child. In fact, years may have passed since the two saw each other or spoke. But that bond is yet there, making a child or a parent the second of the three things that people always remember.
Home is the place where deep feelings and lasting memories take root. A home may be mobile or stationary. Design, structure and furnishings may run the gamut. And that’s okay. Because it’s not design or style that give a home impact. Yet, those too will be remembered.
It’s what regularly happens in a space that lends that place a sense of
home. Fill a home with trust, assurance, laughter and care and life changing
experiences could blossom, none to be forgotten.
In fact, home (the third thing that people always remember) is a blend
of rich emotions between parent and child. In addition, home is bedrock as it
relates to how people make us feel. Mulukan discovers this early. She is a mere
six years old when she is uprooted from the only people, the only place, she
has ever known. Her journey is hard, unforgiving.
And yet, she survives. After all, Mulukan (like you, like me) is blessed with the three things that people always remember. It’s what she does with those three things that makes the difference in her life. Treat yourself to Mulukan’s story. Then, consider what use you are making of the three things that people always remember. Are you using those three things to harm yourself, to set yourself back, to keep yourself stuck or to strengthen yourself and, like Mulukan, blossom, thrive and advance.
Everything here changes. With those shifts come blessings. Change is a part of creativity. Without change, there is no manifestation or creative reward. Consider the challenging experiences that you have been in. Just recalling how those unfortunate instances changed and either got better or went away could birth tremendous appreciation in you.
Changes in Nature on Country Road – Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Keith Evans
Change is not a sign that we are not in control of our lives, that we have no input or influence over what we experience. Even with change, we get to pick how we perceive a person, an experience, an emotion — a thought. The key is to remember that all living beings are sending out requests. Every living being is part of the creative process.
Free Flowing
Creativity is at its best when it flows naturally, absent fear. Simply put, fear is a blocker. It’s like a linebacker who won’t let a running back get by. Even more, fear causes us to feel like we need to hold on to an emotion, an experience, a person, an event.
It’s why we grab the rails of a car, the door rest, etc. when we aren’t sure what’s coming next. Experience something over and over, regardless of how startling, and you may not brace yourself for the event anymore. You may simply expect it and respond to the event unconsciously. That can happen with love-based and fear-based events.
Developed Patterns
Furthermore, this is where growing accustomed to fear and disallowing good change can impede the creative process. The Tilson family is a great example of this. Their story is told in the book, Spiral. Fear for this family starts as it does with many families. It’s rooted in fearing that others don’t value you. The road to fear can be quick and easy.
The path out is not always as quick or as easy, which is why it’s best not to start down that road at all. If you want to see what happens to the Tilson family and how they get out of the dark, letting love-based change influence their lives, consider reading Spiral.
Ability to talk to the dead is available to anyone. In fact, it might be impossible to avoid hearing from a loved one who is no longer in a body if you had an especially close connection with that person. But how do you communicate with the deceased? Is there anything special that you have to do?
Roses by Gravesite of the Dead – Wikimedia Commons, Picture by Samuriah
Let me start this blog post by sharing that I do not believe in death. To me, death is an illusion. But something clearly happens when we exit our bodies. That change seems to make it impossible to reach across the aisle and connect.
Expanding Communication Pathways
Centuries
ago, we thought that about space and distance. If someone traveled to another
continent, it was as if they were “gone”. Think about it, the
telegraph was invented by Samuel Morse in 1837. Additionally, mail systems may
have started during the Zia or Shang dynasties, as far back as 2070 BC.
Before then, when someone moved to another country, or worse, another continent, it was as if they had disappeared forever. After all, there seemed to be no other way to communicate with the person who was “out of sight” and space, far far away.
Today, technology has erased those impossibilities. But could we have found ways to communicate with those who seemed so far away (and still in their bodies) prior to the launch of the telegraph, mail systems, the Internet, face time and instant messaging?
And could it be possible to talk to the dead in ways that many are not aware of? As with the invention of advanced technological communication tools, those communication pathways may be most open if you live with an open, flexible mind.
Is a Departed Loved One Communicating
Now, to the signs that a “dead” person is trying to communicate with you. For starters, electrical appliances might go nuts, blinking or blaring if a departed loved one communicates with you. Lights might turn off and on. Familiar scents that are associated with the loved one who is no longer in their body might fill a room.
Also, people who don’t know the deceased might say the person’s name. For example, while I was on a train heading home from work, a group of kids outside a hospital shouted my departed son’s name over and over, about 12 to 15 times. It was as if the kids were making a song of his name, not as if they were calling out to a friend.
Even more, a stranger might tell you something that is directly related to your loved one who is no longer in their body, something that the stranger clearly does not know. For example, when I was preparing to move to a new city, I spoke with a representative at a moving company.
Coming Through an Open Pathway
The very first time that I spoke with someone at the moving company, the representative who answered the phone asked, “Is this the Denise who recently lost her brother or dog?” It was an out-of-the-blue question, totally unrelated to the move.
I had never spoken with the representative before, didn’t know the guy at all. I had never told anyone at the company that my son had transitioned. A moment later after I didn’t respond, the guy said, “Guess I had the wrong Denise.”
Dreams are open pathways through which you can communicate with a departed loved one, so pay attention to your dreams. But as with any circumstance, don’t become obsessed. Your life here matters, and it’s important that you live it fully. Strong emotion while in a certain location, intuitive direction and inner guidance are other ways to communicate.
How to Talk to the Dead
As with any other inner communication, you may have to take action to receive the full communication. For example, you might receive a message to go get your loved one’s picture. After you get the picture, your loved one might tell you that she’s right there next to you.
Also, you might be asked to turn on a certain television show. After you turn on the television show, you hear someone on the show ask, “If your loved one spoke with you, what would he tell you right now?” Another person on the television show might respond, “He would tell me that he’s still here, with me right now.”
The good news is that it is not necessary to pay a medium to talk to the dead. In fact, the best mediums will encourage you to communicate with your loved one on your own. Keeping an open mind may be the best way to talk to the dead.
This cannot be overstated. If you are dealing with grief, a process that could continue for the remainder of your physical expression, you may keep the lines of communication between you and your departed loved one going by writing or typing letters to your loved one.
Dealing With Grief
Despite your
doubts, you might be surprised how healing writing your loved one letters can
be. Another thing that might help you, is accepting communication signs from
the dead without criticism or judgment.
As you continue your journey, love yourself. Be patient with yourself. Be very, very patient with yourself. Also, allow yourself to experience peace and joy. Let yourself feel the emotion of happiness.
As someone who has had both of her parents to transition, all of her grandparents and my son transition – I know that the first days, weeks and months after a loved one departs their body can be near impossible to get through.
Shock, sorrow, guilt, regret and intense sadness can feel overwhelming. The first few days, it may be hard if not impossible to relax, let alone sleep at night. That could go on for weeks. You might start crying, like I did, while shopping for shoes, buying groceries or driving your car.
These people might lash out should you continue to grieve longer than they think you should. Some people might ask you to stop talking about your loved one, forcing you to not even speak the person’s name. My guess is that speaking a “dead” person’s name makes some people uncomfortable. Their demanding that you not mention the person could be a form of control, an unhealthy strategy they use to avoid feeling strong emotions.
Regardless
of what others say or do, love yourself. Do what is best and most loving for
you. This includes accepting communications that your departed loved one has
with you.
Also, commit to moving forward. Remember that you are not ending communications with your loved one who is no longer in a body, especially if you talk to the “dead”. You are simply moving through the shift so that you can continue your physical expression in healthy ways knowing that one day, you too, will become one of those “dead people”.
Use Arts to Talk to the Dead
Are you a
painter? Are you a writer? Do you love to sing? How about crafts? Do you love
to knit, sew or crochet?
As you
continue your journey, consider painting to express emotions that you are
experiencing. You could also write songs about your departed loved one. A few
months after my son transitioned, I started writing on a novel, a super hero
story, with my son as the main character.
Writing on
that story, is tremendously healing for me. Regarding self discovery, you might
find that incorporating memories of your loved one in your creative arts could
prove healing and transforming.
Love Yourself
Some artists
paint amazing portraits of their loved ones. Singers have written, sang and
produced songs in honor of a departed loved one. There are many ways to marry
memory, love and art. Even more, don’t be surprised if your loved one starts to
guide these creative works.
As a final word, in addition to being patient with yourself as you go through this journey, love yourself. And I do mean, love yourself. Really really love yourself.
This
includes, seeking professional help should you feel stuck or drifting toward
self harm. Suicide isn’t the only form of self harm. Over eating, drinking too
much alcohol and abusing yourself with drugs, including prescription drugs, are
other forms of self harm.
Accept Support
Talk with a friend you know you can trust. Join an online and/or offline support group. I am a member of an online support group for grieving mothers. Hearing other mothers share their stories is beyond helpful, beyond strengthening and supportive.
Give this love to yourself. Just give yourself love. Give love. Receive love. And stay open to those loving communications that come from your departed loved ones.
Spiral is a book that deals with receiving communication from the dead. It is a fictional mystery that needs someone (not a professional medium) who can talk to the dead to solve a crime. It is my hope that Spiral will help you as you work through dealing with a loved one’s transition, especially if the transition was traumatic.
More importantly, I hope that Spiral will stir your courage, inspiring you to take the right action to protect anyone who is being traumatized, forced into departing their body. Spiral and resources shared in this article might help you to overcome fear and continue your journey in healthy ways. You also might accept communication that you receive from an eternal loved one who is no longer in a body. I wish you well.
Resilience of African American women is helping to shape the future. In fact, faith, personal fortitude, clear inner vision and determination, hallmarks of resilient African American women, is paving the way for approaching success in business, community, science, education, politics, sports and arts.
Hard Roads for Powerful Women
Portrait of two African American women – Wikimedia Commons, Library of Congress – United States Public Domain
It hasn’t
been easy.
Harriet
Tubman, Shirley Chisholm, Fannie Lou Hamer, Coretta Scott King and Mary McLeod
Bethune have stood resilient in the face of long odds. So too have African
American women like Daisy Bates, Dorothy Height, Ida B Wells, Oprah Winfrey, Serena
Williams, Madam C. J. Walker and Stacey Abrams.
These women embody traits that have made them household names. Furthermore, these African American women have stood up to injustices like sexism, racism and antiquated religious beliefs that demand that women see and place themselves second to men.
Historic Resiliency of African American Women
With a
$40,000 bounty on her head, freedom leader, Harriet Tubman, was fearless in her
efforts to deliver America into a brighter future. She had the insight to know
that would only come through the end of slavery.
Harriet Tubman – Wikimedia Commons, Ennsberger? Auburn, NY – United States Public Domain
About five feet tall, Harriet Tubman led dozens of slaves to freedom, this while facing the challenges of narcolepsy. Path to freedom for Harriet Tubman was often on foot, in treacherous areas, through thick woods, with dogs and bounty hunters chasing.
In addition to freeing slaves, Harriet Tubman served in the Civil War. After the war, she spoke out for racial equity and women’s rights. She was a true, fearless servant.
The courage
that her work demanded is unimaginable, especially coupled with the challenges
of narcolepsy. Yet, this African American woman, who some plantation workers
considered to be handicapped, fulfilled her destiny. In doing so, she blessed
generations.
Sarah
Breedlove, known as Madam C. J. Walker, is another resilient African American
woman who not only faced but overcame long odds. Considered America’s first
self-made woman millionaire, Madam C. J. Walker advocated for anti-lynching,
education and the advancement of African Americans.
Ironically, it wasn’t until after she started losing her own hair that Madam C. J. Walker took a meager $1.25 and started her hair products. Despite the odds, she would go on to overcome poverty, raise her daughter as a single mother and launch a successful hair company.
Walking the Long Road to Success
Roads to
success for these and other resilient African American women was often long and
arduous, demanding resiliency. As an
example, for a time, to fulfill her destiny, Harriet Tubman was parted from her
mother and father. She worked as a dishwasher in Philadelphia before returning
South to free her parents.
Also, similar to Coretta Scott King, Ida B. Wells was the daughter of parents who valued and encouraged education. Born into slavery, Ida B. Wells was born with a long road to travel. As an adult, she attended Rust College. But was expelled from the college after arguing with a school administrator. She traveled across the globe, exposing the absolute ugliness and horrors of lynching. Her work came with danger. But, despite how long the journey, Ida B. Wells did not turn back.
Perhaps, she and other resilient African American women were so moved by a personal experience that they saw no alternative but to do all that they could to set things right. It often takes a personal experience to move us into the right action. It’s as if we simply have to care enough about ourselves and others, wishing harm on no one, to get started. It is also necessary to be open to change.
Recreating Your Life
From Mamie
Elizabeth Till-Mobley (Emmett Till’s mother) to Harriet Tubman to Mary Church
Terrell, African American women have had to choose between forcing themselves
to repeat former days, old ways of thinking and familiar behaviors or stepping
out into what looked like nothing but felt
like the right way to go. It is as if these heroic women followed a sound
inner compass.
Ida B. Wells Barnett – Wikimedia Commons, United States Public Domain Project Gutenberg
For instance, Ida B. Wells had to recreate her life after her parents transitioned from yellow fever. The disease found Ida B. Wells a surrogate mother. She started working as a teacher so that she could care for her brothers and her sister.
After one of
her friends was lynched, Ida B. Wells started to investigate lynching, speaking
out against the inhumane practice. When Ida B. Wells moved from Memphis,
Tennessee to Chicago, Illinois, she continued to speak out for racial justice,
at times, working with Mary Church Terrell.
History continues to show that achieving or fulfilling one’s destiny requires a life change. Those moments are shaking, hard to digest, let alone move away from. During those times, you know with absolute certainty that you cannot go back to the life that you had already developed for yourself over several years, maybe decades. You simply have to let go of the past to continue the long walk up.
When You Know That You Can’t Go Back
Loss of a child, a divorce, becoming a widow and facing a health crisis are experiences that generally do not allow you to return to your former way of perceiving. Becoming an orphan is another life experience that forces you to bid farewell to your former life.
Support systems that you used to rely on, seek comfort and solace from, are gone. Furthermore, these changes can happen instantly, absent notice. In fact, Mulukan had this experience after her mother transitioned. Mulukan was a mere six years old when she was left an orphan, her father having transitioned a few years earlier.
As with
other resilient women, the fictional Mulukan had to make a choice. She could
stay with the people she’d known her entire young life or she could walk away
from all that was familiar to her. The risks were enormous. The same way that
resilient African American woman continue to inspire, Mulukan’s mother inspired
her.
Copyrighted Image
It was through her mother that Mulukan (her fictional life is depicted in the book Long Walk Up) learned to live her best life. It was through her mother that Mulukan learned to never give up on her destiny, to be resilient. This little girl’s courage led her to become Africa’s first woman president. This fictional story of a resilient woman could inspire you to face what has happened in your life, even helping you to decide to make the courageous decision to recreate your life and keep working to fulfill your destiny.
Keep Walking Up
Like Long Walk Up’s Mulukan, resilient African American women impact generations. They are courageous mothers, wives, sisters and friends. Their efforts paved the way for countless others who would come after them. Yet, their labor, their faith in action, only takes real effect when, because of what they did, others start and keep taking the long walk up.
Let Mulukan’s fictional story inspire you. Step into her extreme challenges as an orphan, so that you can possibly start to believe that, despite the odds that you may face, you too can take the long walk up and reach your destiny. Fulfill your destiny and you could leave a legacy of hope, victory, faith and inspiration for future generations. Your work might even change a nation.
Falling in
love with an African American man can be beyond words rewarding. The
relationship that you share with an African America man can be insightful,
deeply engaging, nourishing and long lasting. So, why aren’t more African
American women enjoying these relationships?
Rolling Relationship Dice
For starters, romantic love seems to just happen. You weren’t trying to join in love. In fact, you may have sworn off joining in love with another person. And yet, it has happened.
African American man and woman couple smiling, Wikimedia Commons Picture
Feels like rolling relationship dice. What you do now could impact your relationship for months, years. You could do yourself a favor and not give meaning to what the man you just met does or says. If the feelings are mutual, this gorgeous African American man could be trying to woe you.
He wants you
just as you (although you may hate to admit it) want him. He may tell you what
he thinks that you want to hear.
Instead of giving meaning to what he says and does as soon as you two meet, consider becoming an observer. Allow this African American man the room to be himself. Avoid steering him with judgment, praise or compliments. Observe and watch where his inner compass is headed.
Romantic Relationship Curiosity Pays Off
Consider holding back on placing a goal on the relationship. After all, you two just met. Just because strong emotions have erupted doesn’t mean that the relationship has to end in marriage. If you think back over other times when you’ve been an African American woman in love, you might see how beneficial observing without judgment or goals could be right now.
As strong, smart and insightful as you are, that doesn’t mean that you and the wonderful man you just met don’t have baggage to let go of. It doesn’t mean that you and the man you just met don’t have childhood trauma to work through.
Curiosity in what could become a blooming romance may allow valuable insights from this African American man and you to surface. As a smart woman, you may find that it’s best to work on your communication skills, patience, forgiveness and self-awareness before you advance further into the relationship.
Honesty Matters
An example of this could be allowing the man to be himself and observing him being patient with a new store cashier or cutting off a waiter who make mistakes with your dinner order. If he practices self-awareness and he’s loving, he should catch himself and change his unloving behavior all on his own.
Another
example could be you saying Up just
because he said Down or you saying Right just because he said Left. Be honest. Have you done this in
other relationships? Are you afraid that you will lose something, perhaps
yourself, if you are agreeable? Think about working on this communication habit
before you advance the relationship. Your decision could save you headaches
down the road.
Both of these examples are instances when you accept what is. You don’t rationalize, ignore, hide from, lie about or try to explain away what is happening. You observe and accept what is.
Moving Beyond Childhood Trauma
If the relationship proves rooted in love, you could be entering a blessed union, even if it doesn’t lead to marriage. You’re an African American woman who’s investing in herself and the beautiful African American man you love.
Smiling African American man and African American woman in park – Wikimedia Commons Picture
Together you can move beyond challenges and childhood trauma. This is what Brenda decides in Love Pour Over Me. She’s young, in her early 20s, when she meets Raymond, an incredibly gifted and loving African American man.
But Brenda’s not curious enough. She’s also scared of being hurt. She scared of disappointing her family by choosing the wrong man to share her life with. You can learn from Brenda. There’s no need to repeat her mistakes.
Childhood Trauma Signs
Outbursts and anxious behavior that catches you or the African American man who you’re in love with off guard (as though you have no idea why you said or did something) are signs that you may have childhood trauma to move beyond. Being shocked by what you say or do may be a sign that there’s an unhealed part of your mind outside your conscious awareness. Shutting down emotionally or abruptly ending communication with people you love, people you know care for you, are other signs that there may be childhood trauma to work through.
Unexplained irritability, fatigue and worry are other potential signs. The relationship is new. The man or you could be triggering past memories that one or both of you have been running from for decades, just as Raymond runs from his childhood trauma in Love Pour Over Me.
This is when your budding relationship could be a gift. Consider not forcing your relationship to fit into an image or fantasy that you’ve been wanting. Stay curious and allow the relationship to unfold organically. (Warning: This might be harder than you think.)
Invest in Personal Awakening
Should you become aware of childhood trauma in yourself or the African American man you love, invest in personal awakening. The man will have to invest in his own personal awakening. You can’t make this decision for him. If he doesn’t choose to do this, consider moving on. You should always be advancing.
Taking time each day to be still and remember the Creator is the best personal investment. Drinking plenty of fresh water, exercising, getting ample sleep and treating yourself to nature stays (e.g., outdoor walks, bike rides, reading good books while sitting outside on the porch) are ways to invest in personal awakening.
Older Loving African American Couple – Wikimedia Commons Picture
Keeping a journal, writing down your dreams, meditating and listening to soothing music are other ways to invest in personal awakening. Being honest with what you feel and think may be at the top of the list of ways to invest in personal awakening. Above all, do not lie to yourself even if the truth means that this marvelous African American man and you are not ready to enter a romantic relationship.
Ongoing Support for Loving Relationship
Be patient with yourself whether you’re an amazing African American woman who’s moving forward with this relationship or an amazing African American woman who’s letting this new relationship go.
Ask for help should you get stuck or feel like you can’t get through childhood trauma on your own. There may be no greater act of loving yourself. Support may come in the form of discussion support groups, counseling or therapy with a licensed psychotherapist. Should you choose this path, consider working with a licensed therapist who has completed deep therapy herself. Avoid receiving treatment from an unhealed therapist who is not consistently working on herself.
After all, we are all awakening. If you’re looking for a book that shows an African American couple working through childhood trauma and investing in personal awakening, consider Love Pour Over Me.
