Category Archives: Writing Musings

Musings from author Denise Turney on writing, including freelance, marketing, self-help, nonfiction and journal writing. Here you will find book marketing tips as well as advice on places where you can go to sharpen your craft and network with other writers, including novelists. You’ll also find places where you can network with readers, editors, publishers and literary agents.

Road To Success: Could You Be Missing Something?

Posted on by

By Books Writer Denise Turney

road to success with trees and a hill
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Dfrg.msc

The road to success is paved with massive change. It could be why you might be delaying getting on the road, working to convince yourself that you’re satisfied with the routines, sometimes absolute ruts, that you find yourself in.

In fact, if you’re like me, as much as you may hate routine, it’s routine that helps you to feel like you’re in control. Fact is, it feels safe (cozy) to think that you’ve got all the bases covered, like you have all the hatches secured so that nothing can jump out at you and scare you.

Remove Success Blocks

It’s safe to think that you have examined every aspect of an experience you find yourself in. But what if you’re overlooking – simply missing – one of the biggest, most impactful components?

What if you’re not seeing something despite how long or how intently you’ve been searching? What if you’re missing a critical component because you simply don’t want to see it?

That single decision could set you back. So, how do you recognize and remove blind spots and deal with the unwillingness to accept what is? Here are a few tips that have worked for me. See how your thought system responds to these short, quick tactics and strategies. Then, consider opening to creativity and imagination so, you’ll feel sparks of inspiration as you get and stay on your life’s road to success.

  • Put it to paper:  For example, you could write a letter to the person who you wronged, sharing your feelings about each action that you took, the very actions that led you to regret and the heaviness of guilt.
  • Keep going. Revisit each guilt anchor until you no longer feel bound to past mistakes. Stay open. You might be prompted to call or visit the person who you wronged and ask for his forgiveness face-to-face. But consider starting out writing letters that you don’t mail. After all, you could have a guilty conscience. In other words, you may not have wronged anyone but only think that you did.
  • Sharpen your imagination. Take 5 to 7 minutes a day to visualize yourself doing and enjoying what you want. See yourself doing and having what you want as if you are having the experience right now. To do this, add colors, sounds, scents and emotions to these imaginings.
  • Try something new every day. For example, you could eat a different lunch, travel a different route to or from work, volunteer with a different charity or shower in the morning instead of taking a bubble bath at night.

More Steps To Remove Success Blocks

  • Read books that impress how easy it is to receive miracles. These books may focus on the power of your imagination, your emotional guidance system or the power of your subconscious mind.
  • Accept cues. Allow yourself to accept inner messages that tell you that you’ll soon receive what you want.
  • Trust your One True Self. Therefore, you’ll listen to inner guidance and inner promptings and take actions that your One True Self guides you to take.
  • Stay clear. Instead of giving meaning to experiences that you have, stay clear. After all, you may not really know why events occur. Stay focused and keep going.
  • Get outside In nature. In fact, there may be few better ways to get in balance.
  • Meditate. In other words, practice stilling your mind.
  • Drink plenty of water. Drinking water is a great way to flush your physical system.
  • Eat a healthy natural diet. Of course, all is connected. Therefore, building and maintaining a healthy body can have a positive impact on other areas of your experience.
  • Accept what is. In other words, accept experiences as they occur. Don’t tell yourself that you aren’t experiencing what you are. For example, don’t tell yourself that you’re not being abused if your partner pushes and curses you. Don’t tell yourself that you didn’t do well to dig out of debt after you pay off $10,000 of debt.
  • Journal. Capture your experiences. Watch how they change. This could encourage you to avoid creating blind spots or refusing to see what’s right in front of you.
  • Freestyle write. This exercise could help you to catch thought patterns and routines that might be holding you back.

Pursue Road to Success Dreams for a Lifetime

By refusing to look at what you don’t want to deal with, you can set yourself up for unexpected delays, which is why this may be the perfect time to take another look at your life. Look at your thought patterns, imaginings, fears, guilt anchors and decisions.

As with other challenges, it may help to start small. Also, be open to change. Trust your higher Self. Be willing to incorporate a new thought into your mental system. Catch yourself when you’re tempted to erupt in anger when changes occur (e.g. you drive into traffic jams, you get lost, unexpected weather storms abruptly change your plans).

Also, see and actually feel yourself doing what it is you’re passionate about. Give yourself room to make mistakes. Remember, the road to success is rarely straight. Instead, the road to success is built with twists, turns, valleys and peaks. Even more, the success road is joyous and exciting because it’s filled with surprises.

Resources:

(8) 10 Steps to Achieving Success in Life | LinkedIn

Important Online Dating Road Rules

Posted on by

By Denise Turney

online dating couple meet in person holding hands
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Dtd1986

Online dating is exhilarating, not unlike meeting someone face-to-face. Desire, intrigue, imagination and untarnished expectations are at play. It’s a wonderful experience, but there are drawbacks.

Let love serve as your anchor, steering clear of delusions and unsafety. Enter virtual romance with your eyes wide-open. After all, romantic attraction can be addictive. In the world of romantic illusion, you get to rule. You get to make relationships (even if only in your head) turn out the way you want them to. Is this what makes online dating so appealing?

Curbing Risks

After all, online dating allows for ample creativity. For example, if you’re 4’11”, you could post on your profile that you are 5’7″ tall. Who would know?

You could misrepresent your age, career, educational background and past relationships. Of course, the people who you connect with using dating apps could lie to you too. But that happens with in-person dating as well.

Drawbacks aside, what if you really do want true love? To get there, forget making the relationship up in your imagination and then expecting anyone to live up to your inner script. Don’t do it. It’s just a great way to set yourself up to feel frustrated.

Easy Road Rules

Even more, to save yourself the emotional pain of getting played, follow road rules. Check out these online dating road rules that could save you heartache, not to mention hundreds or thousands of dollars.

  • Avoid sharing too much information online, including within your online dating profile.
  • Don’t use gifts to convince yourself that someone loves you. The person may appreciate the gifts. But that doesn’t mean that they love you.
  • Meet the person you’re dating online in person in a safe, public place. Meet in person early to avoid creating fantasies and illusions that could, over time, seriously cloud your judgment.
  • Really get to know the person before considering introducing her or him to your extended family, including your children.
  • Check statements and facts that people share via online dating apps. Search engines make it easy to check facts and backgrounds.

More Smart Online Dating Practices

Give yourself time to get to know someone you’re thinking about dating online. Don’t rush the relationship. That, by itself, could keep you from creating dangerous blind spots. While you’re letting the relationship develop:

  • Listen to feedback that relatives and friends share about the person you started dating.
  • Practice safe financial skills. Do not share your financial information, including bank accounts.
  • Don’t send dates money or ship products for them.
  • Get to know family members, friends and colleagues of the person who you’re dating online. This way, you can start to get other perceptions of the person. In turn, this may help prevent you from creating fantasies or illusions of the person you met online.

Keep In-Person Relationships Strong

While you celebrate a deepening relationship that started in the virtual world, continue to invest in face-to-face relationships. In fact:

  • Nurture and grow offline relationships with friends, relatives, colleagues and neighbors.
  • Live a rich life. Avoid isolating yourself.
  • Be honest with yourself and the person you’re dating online. Acknowledge what you see and hear. Having strong in-person relationships could keep you from denying facts and behaviors, including behaviors you don’t want to accept.
  • Don’t make excuses for your online date. Know when to let go, leaving the relationship.

Remember that your online date is not here to save you. Regardless of how online dating goes, you’re still responsible for navigating this world’s highs and lows, twists and turns.

Accept What You See

 A final thought – Who doesn’t want love, to join with and actually feel a part of love? Who doesn’t want to give and receive love in its purest forms? Love is beyond amazing. There really are no words to define or accurately describe it.

Love is too big to be defined or described. It encompasses everything real. And it flows, seemingly changing at whim. But that doesn’t mean that you should toss common sense to the wind and run off with every person who tells you that she loves you.

Right now, every person may not be ready to love, even if she shouts that she is ready. This applies with online dating and offline dating. Therefore, consider practicing a few online dating road rules while searching for a deeper relationship. After all, practicing online dating road rules could save you more than hurt feelings.

How Books Help You Heal

Posted on by

By Books Author Denise Turney

ocean shoreline, peaceful sun view to heal
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Michael Klajban

Books offer great entertainment. But they do more than that. Good books help you heal.

Have you ever had your guard up to the point where you didn’t notice that you were making mistakes with your life? When you’re this guarded, you may refuse to see your mistakes and open to change, to start to heal. As powerful as digging in your heels against change (including inner healing) may feel, it’s not the way to start living your best life.

Good Books Lower Resistance to Healing

You could talk with a friend, placing yourself in an environment where you feel safe enough to lower your guard and begin to heal. That certainly helps. But friends get busy. Despite their best intentions, there are instances when good-good friends face so many challenges of their own that it’s overwhelming for them to offer an open ear, especially if you’re resisting the very change that you most need to make right now to start the healing process.

This might surprise you. Yet, reading good books can lower your resistance to inner healing in unexpected ways. Highly crafted books are gentle in how they adjust perception and loosen erroneous beliefs. For example, powerful, complicated book characters grab your attention by spotlighting the character’s shortcomings and personal challenges.

Before you know it, you’re rooting for some book characters while wishing that other characters reap what they sow. Even if you’re usually alert, it may be weeks after you finish a novel before it dawns on you that one or more of a book’s major characters have strengths and areas for improvement that are similar yours.

Good Books Provide Clarity During Healing Process

Without realizing it, you can witness the effects of specific causes (e.g. anxiety, violence, poverty) on someone’s life while you read good books. But that’s not all. Another of the gentle ways that books help you to heal is how books gently let you see alternatives for choices that you’re facing.

This happened for me when I read comedian and actor, Bernie Mac’s book, Maybe You Never Cry Again. I can still visualize the scene where he wrote about the last odd job that he took to pay bills – the last job that he took before he went after what his heart called him to do — succeed at comedy. Thanks to what Bernie Mac shared in the book, I knew that I had to pull out the stopper and go after my novel writing full tilt boogie. Reading Maybe You Never Cry Again helped me to heal from the habit of putting off what I knew I must do.

The Ebony Tree by Maxine Thompson gently showed me the rewards of letting the past go, even old family history. Talk about moving into healing page-by-page. And, I still remember the first time that a woman who’d read Spiral told me that, after reading the book, she’d decided to forgive, a sure way to heal.

How Books Help You Heal

Although I didn’t write Spiral around the message of forgiveness, that reader’s feedback was beyond inspiring and encouraging. Think about all the good books you’ve read so far. How have those books changed your life? How have those books helped you to heal?

During my childhood, it was good books that helped me navigate challenging real life events. I got so much courage and positive energy and inspiration to heal from books like the Pippi Longstocking series, Ramona and Mildred Taylor’s Roll Of Thunder, Hear My Cry.

So, yes. Good books help you to drop your guard so that you can have more clarity around pivotal life decisions, the types of choices that are part of the healing process. Books do this by putting characters in situations that millions of people face. Because you’re not in the spotlight (the book’s major characters fill those roles), you can witness what’s going on without fear, without becoming defensive. And making the right choices is healing. It really is.

Enjoy What You Love About Good Books

I love the power of healing you can gain from reading good books.

Other gentle ways that good books help you to heal are by switching your focus off of perceived problems which, in turn, lowers stress. Also, good novels help you to heal by giving you something fun and engaging to do with your partner, family or friends.

After all, book clubs aren’t the only groups that can have fun reading and digging into good books together. You could even turn a good novel story into a play that you put on with family, friends or a local theater. Additionally, good books turn you away from work. They also give you a great option to replace being online for hours or surfing your phone all night.

So, here’s to good books! Hope you enjoy reading a good novel today as you continue the path of inner healing.

How to Stay Motivated at Work and Avoid Quiet Quitting

Posted on by

By Fiction Author Denise Turney

organized work desk to stay motivated
Motivation for Work Picture

Changing career landscapes, economic shifts and challenges disconnecting from the office make it hard to stay motivated at work. Information overload is real, potentially putting you at risk of burnout. If you’re not careful, you could slip into quiet quitting.

Whether you work from home or at the office, you might feel like quitting. That or you might want to invest less time or energy into your job. It makes good sense. Long work hours, challenges setting clear boundaries, procrastination or perfectionism could sap your daily motivation pretty quickly. But you know your rent, mortgage, utility bills, car note and insurance premiums are not going to stop coming just because you’re having a hard time finding motivation for work.

Ways to Stay Motivated at Work

On the other hand, burnout doesn’t give two cents about your bills. That’s why you need to get in front of this type of lack of motivation early. So, if giving yourself an early morning pep talk after you climb out of bed in the morning is no longer helping you to shift upward, consider:

  • Establishing start and end times for when you’ll invest in work. This includes getting clear about the days of the week that you’ll work. Of course, there may be instances when you’ll have to work six days a week. But these instances should be rare if you’re committed to setting clear boundaries.
  • Discuss time off requests, special work arrangements and unique work hours with your supervisor. Get that person’s green light. That way, you’ll relax and not push yourself too hard out of fear that your supervisor will think you’re slacking. For example, if you need to wait until 10am to start work and you need to stop work at 5:30pm to care for a sick parent or young child, let your supervisor know.
  • Get smart about juggling multiple projects.
  • Communicate your work schedule to your team. Let go of guilt and focus on your work without feeling like you have to be Superwoman or Superman.
  • If your supervisor keeps pushing you to do more, consider seeking another job. Your mental, physical and emotional health matter.
  • Give yourself room to make mistakes. After all, staying motivated through failure is part of success, at work and at home.
  • Take breaks throughout the workday.
  • Definitely take your full lunch break.

How To Be More Motivated At Work

Also, let your supervisor know the projects you’re working on. If your workload is light, communicate that. But don’t keep pushing to receive more work as if working will reduce inner guilt.

And guilt may be the biggest culprit when it comes to setting shabby work boundaries. To avoid guilt, actually look at how much work you’re doing. Also, consider your work habits. You know if you’re a go-getter. You know if you keep commitments. Don’t play yourself small.

While you work, listen to motivational messages and read motivational quotes. For example, if you’re working on a project, you could pop in your ear buds and listen to online motivational messages. Before and after work, consider developing hobbies or investing in creative endeavors.

For instance, you could start writing on that novel. Or you could start on that abstract painting, wood table, ceramic dish set or pottery pieces. Also, invest in yourself by getting outdoors and enjoying, absolutely enjoying, a walk, run or bike ride.

Motivational Factors At Work

If you need motivation to work, take advantage of employee perks offered at the company where you work. Most human resources departments have a list of employee perks, things like computer discounts, travel savings and vacation packages that you can take advantage of.

In addition to becoming familiar with these employee perks, get clear on the number of vacation days that you have left. Forget carrying these days over to the new year. Instead, take a day off one to two times a month until you stop feeling de-motivated or burned out.

Definitely, get enough deep sleep. Reading a book before bed and avoiding caffeine are ways to set yourself up for a good night of sleep. And solicit the help of family and friends, people who are trustworthy. Also, spend time with people who practice healthy work boundaries.

Accept Help To Get Motivated Again

Let these people babysit so that you can get a break if you have young children. If you have a partner, ask your partner to help around the house. Don’t try to do everything yourself. Again, you’re not trying to be Superman or Superwoman.

That shared, be open to seeking help from a professional counselor if you’re still struggling as it regards finding motivation. You might even be able to get your counseling paid for through your employer. Bottom line, no one is going to look out for you better than you will, not if you love yourself.

Another thing – spend time with family and friends. At the least, speak with loved ones on the phone once a day or twice a week. Stay connected. Combined it all helps you to stay motivated at work and maintain a healthy motivation in and outside of the office. Oh. And one last thing – read a good book to stay motivated!

Great Mother’s Day Gifts 4 Writer Moms

Posted on by
happy mother's day card picture

By Books Writer Denise Turney

Globally, celebrating Mother’s Day dates back to the ancient Romans and ancient Greeks. In those days, festivals honored the goddesses Cybele and Rhea. Fast forward to more modern times. And it is Anna Jarvis who is credited with hosting the first American Mother’s Day celebration in May 1908. President Woodrow Wilson established the second Sunday in May as the official national Mother’s Day in 1914.

Honor Moms In Your Life

Mother’s Day is a time when people treat their mothers, grandmothers, wives, aunts and friends to a home cooked breakfast. Talk about homemade luxury, having a meal served to you while you’re relaxing in bed.

It’s also the day when family and friends visit restaurants and gift the moms in their lives with gorgeous bouquets, cards and creative gifts. For moms, it’s the chance to be surrounded by family and friends that makes this day sweet.

If you have a mother who invested her all into you, flowers and brunch at a popular restaurant may not feel like enough. After all, you want to shower your mom with as much love, warmth and appreciation as you can. You want her to know how much you appreciate her seemingly endless patience, physical presence, listening ear, comfort, love and ongoing support.

Great Gifts for Writer Moms

Who could blame you? Yours is a warm heart. Yet, there are so many Mother’s Day gift ads to wade through that picking out a gift could take more time than you’d like, especially if you’re buying gifts for writer moms. Here are great gifts that you could celebrate the writer moms in your life with:

  • Ceramic drinking mug with covers of books your mom authored. Forget buying the ceramic mug. Instead, take an arts class and create the ceramic Mother’s Day gift yourself.
  • Handmade Mother’s Day card. Fill the card with pictures of fun events that the writer moms in your life had a blast attending.
  • Bookstore gift card that’s tucked inside a bouquet of fresh flowers
  • Spa day gift certificate – But don’t just give writer moms spa day gift certificates for Mother’s Day. Gift them with certificates that allow them to get pampered from head-to-toe year-round.
  • Supply of organic home delivery meals – Writer moms working under a tight deadline may especially appreciate this Mother’s Day gift.
  • Airline ticket to the location in a writer mom’s favorite novel.
  • Year of decorative writing journals. You got it! Writer moms love to write so much that they may capture their dreams, creative ideas and more in a journal.
  • Sweet, gentle smelling bubble bath gift set. This one’s hard to beat, especially considering how relaxing a warm bubble bath is.

Mother’s Day Gifts Delight Writer Moms

Writers aren’t always the easiest people to buy gifts for. Fortunately, writers are creative who love artwork. That’s why they appreciate homemade gifts like journal covers, picture frames and silk floral arrangements that you make yourself.

Of course, writer moms enjoy spring fashions, lunch at a chic restaurant and an afternoon with family and friends. But, if you want to give writer moms gifts that they’ll remember for years, get creative. Also, days leading up to Mother’s Day, surprise writer moms with a phone call. Tell them you were thinking of them and just wanted to say “Hello!”

You can’t go wrong with that choice. After all, writer moms are really in tune with emotion. They work with emotions to create characters and stories you love to read. So, this Mother’s Day, gift writer moms with experiences and treats that cause them to feel wanted, appreciated and valued. This list is a wonderful start.

11 Book Reading Benefits

Posted on by

By Book Author Denise Turney

book reading choices

Book reading benefits are hidden beneath so much great entertainment. You sink into these benefits at certain times. For instance, snowstorms, long vacations and relaxing weekends are times when it’s easy to tuck yourself inside the pages of a deeply moving book. It’s as if you don’t have good enough reason to talk yourself out of reading a book, especially a mind-blowing novel, while weather has you indoors or time itself, plays the role of a good friend.

Lasting Book Reading Benefits

But here’s the thing. Whether you read purely for entertainment or not, there are so many advantages to reading books. If you’re an avid book reader, you already know how much you gain. On the other hand, if you’re on the fence about buying and reading a new, entertaining or educational (e.g., history books, technical books) title, check out these 11 benefits associated with book reading. Some of these benefits might surprise you:

  1. Less Stress – Reading good books takes your mind off of challenges you’re facing in your life, experiences you want a break from. That’s why reading books is a great way to relax.
  2. Imagination – For sure, reading great novels is an effective way to stimulate your imagination. Who knows? Something might pop up in a book you’re reading that helps you find an answer to a question you’re seeking.
  3. Meet Awesome Characters – What’s better than meeting and exploring awesome fictional characters?
  4. Quicker Pick-Up – Reading a lot of books can definitely help you to grasp important facts.
  5. Encourages Young Readers – When your children, nieces and nephews see you reading books, it encourages them to read. Better yet, if you read to your kids, grandkids and nieces and nephews, you can help them build a love for reading.

Book Reading Keeps on Giving

  1. Learning – Also, you don’t have to read nonfiction to learn while you read. In fact, novels, especially historical novels, are rich with educational facts and information.
  2. Motivation – Sure, self-help books are packed with motivation. But there are biographies, autobiographies and novels that leave you feeling truly motivated.
  3. Sharper Concentration – Because you focus while reading a book, your ability to concentrate may improve.
  4. Brain Stimulation – Depending on the book type, you might stimulate both your right and left brain while reading, especially if you complete workbook exercises.
  5. Entertainment – Yes! This is it! Great entertainment, right at home is a top advantage of reading great books.
  6. Friends – Join a book club and you can make good friends. Also, a talented author creates characters that you root for, characters you love – characters who feel like good friends.

Go Deeper with Great Books

Who knows? Read three great books in a row and you might not go a month without reading at least one book. Give it a minute, and you might even become one of those cool train, bus or airplane passengers who’s reading an awesome novel on the way to and from work or during your commute to and from school.

Even more, should you be able to set clear reading boundaries (lucky you!), you might sleep better after you read a good book. But be warned. Putting a good book down is not easy.

Depending on the depth of the characters and the jams they find themselves in, you might keep telling yourself “just one more page”. Yep, that’s another thing about reading good books. You keep wanting to know what’s going to happen to your favorite characters. After all, these characters are about to change you.

Happy book reading!

Dealing With Major Life Changes – When You Can’t Go Back

Posted on by

By Books Author Denise Turney

People outdoors on a street dealing with major life changes
People outdoors on street Wikimedia Commons, Picture by Moheen Reeyad

Major life changes can knock the wind out of you. They can break your heart. One way you might be dealing with big shifts is by creating a set schedule. For instance, you might have developed a schedule for when you wake, exercise, check emails and relax for the evening. You could even commute the same way.

But schedules can’t stop life from coming at you. That’s right. Living small or forcing yourself into predictable routines won’t save you from big shifts. They could even push you toward boredom which, in time, could develop into a gnawing depression.

Daily Routines Go Away

I learned this the hard way after years of sticking with a workable routine. What you think is predictable won’t save you, even if that predictability is rooted in religion. The first time I learned this was after my mom transitioned.

Then, I learned this when my dad moved, leaving us with our paternal grandparents for a year. And I definitely learned this after my son transitioned. Writing novels couldn’t save me then. I’m surprised that I even started writing on another novel.

Dealing with Major Life Changes

So, what to do? How can you effectively deal with major life changes, especially the types of changes that you can never turn back from?

For starters, acknowledge that you are dealing with a major life change. Discover the impact that the change could have on you. The Holmes-Rahe Life Stress Inventory could be a good place to start.

Additionally, you might find it helpful to write about what happened (e.g., divorce, layoff, loved one transitioning). Even more, it might prove beneficial to talk with a trusted friend or professional about what you are going through.

Stay Motivated – Keep Going

And, referring to “going through”, encourage yourself that you will get through what you’re experiencing. Be honest about what you feel and experience.

Take breaks, especially when you feel yourself becoming imbalanced. Also, exercise, drink plenty of water and eat a healthy diet.

Pay attention to times when you feel tempted to eat or drink unhealthy. It could be a sign that you need to rest. It could be a sign that you need support.

Love yourself. Give yourself the positive help that you need.

More Ways to Deal with Major Life Changes

Getting outside for 40 or more consecutive minutes a day helped me tremendously while I was dealing with a job layoff during the Great Recession. Who knows? It might prove beneficial for you too.

Here are more way to deal with major life changes. Keep in mind, that honesty, patience and self-love are key components of each of the below actions:

  • Depending on the life change, you could write down benefits that derived from the change. For example, after I was laid off, I launched my freelance writing career. I also discovered more ways to connect my novels with appreciative book readers.
  • Take action to move into the next phase of your life. After all, you know that you can’t stay where you are. You don’t want to get stuck in a bad place.
  • Go on a social media and TV diet. Trying reading a good book instead.
  • Spend time with friends. For example, you could visit with one or more friends at least once a week. You could call a friend once a week.

Tips to Help You Shift

As hard as it may be to believe, getting through major life changes can teach you a lot about yourself. You can get through what you’re facing. Here are additional actions that you could take to effectively deal with major life changes:

  • Keep connecting with people who love you. As tempting as it might be, don’t isolate yourself.
  • Get enough sleep. But don’t oversleep.
  • Appreciate healthy (non-isolating) routines.
  • Avoid adding another major change into your life until you get through this change mentally, emotionally and physically.
  • Watch your finances. Don’t overspend. Money can’t help you avoid the stress that you want to run away from.
  • Try something different once a day or once a week. It could be something as small as driving a new route to work or trying a new salad when you visit a restaurant.

In this world, it’s impossible to avoid change. Regardless of what happens in your life, you’ll find great benefit in being patient with yourself. At the same time, sticking a few existing routines could help prevent you from feeling like the ground is shifting right beneath your feet.

But routines won’t save you from change. They can help reduce stress, but they won’t stop change. Keep moving in the right direction. Keep advancing. Surround yourself with loving people. Offer yourself as much support, peace and love that you can. Be like Mulukan in Long Walk Up and never, ever give up on YOU.

Shift Dream Vision – Brand New You Spring Motivation

Posted on by

By Books Author Denise Turney

spring flowers motivational shifts
Spring Flowers Wikimedia Commons – Picture by AutoGyro

Spring approaches. And so, it’s time to shift forward and in ways that don’t involve Daylight Savings Time. It’s time to shift into a brand-new vision, gain liberating spring motivation. The shift might be just what you need to persevere until the roots to your dream start to push above the surface.

Don’t Quit Your Deep Dream

Here’s the thing. Belief that you can achieve your dream works like horsepower. It’s powerful, energizing. Yet, as powerful as the belief that you can achieve your dream is, it pales in comparison to the commanding influence the belief that you will achieve your dream possesses.

Not surprisingly, the start of a dream quest is an easy time to believe that you will accomplish a goal. In fact, it gets harder as you go, especially if you’ve been developing products, marketing your brand, hitting the road doing face-to-face interviews and knocking out copy writing projects Monday thru Saturday only to reap fatigue and little financial reward.

Let that continue for two years and you might toss in the towel. But what if you’re missing something? What if someone could help you see what you’re missing? This Spring, to shift from being a disillusioned dreamer to being a dream catcher, start building the right dream team. At the very least, don’t quit your deep dream.

Spring Motivation – Smart Dream Team Building

As a solo dreamer, despite your intentions, you will fatigue yourself at some point. Desire is not enough. You really can’t do it all yourself if you plan to scale big. Hence, you need a smart team.

Think about it, successful midsize and large companies have smart teams. The right board ensures that every action you take brings you closer to fulfilling your dream. A good board also keeps you from falling prey to tunnel vision. And the right board fuels you with motivation, a critical ingredient you need to persevere.

Also, the right board pushes back when you veer off course. Members of the board may help you to build your sales, marketing, accounting and communications teams. Because you’re in business (even if you’re an artist working to sale books), draft up and sign ironclad contracts. Partnering with freelancers is another option.

Persevere To Spring Away Pipe Dream

Above all, persevere if you want to fulfill your dream. After all, you may have to change board members and other members of your dream team along the way. That alone could shake you. So, commit that you’ll persevere through highs and lows, as you’ll certainly see your share of both.

This Spring, to shift and persevere, remember why you got started. For example, did you receive inner guidance to pursue a specific dream? Did you take hold of your dream and start taking smart actions to see it fulfilled because you wanted to help fill a perceived gap in healthcare, education, law, a community? If so, does the need persist?

Stay Open To Change And Persevere

Consider this. People may be waiting for to fulfill your dream. Once you reach the next step in your dream, you may be guided to level up from there. So, you have to persevere. Who knows how many lives the fulfillment of your dream will impact.

So, surround yourself with the right dream team, nurture your dream and keep going. Also, review your finances from top to bottom. Don’t talk yourself out of looking at financial records, including your personal finances. And don’t hand this responsibility off to anyone else. Make cuts, additions and shifts as needed. This will certainly not be a one and done activity.

Review marketing and advertising costs and return on investment. Keep learning to stay abreast of industry, product, service and marketing and advertising changes. As simple as it may sound, invest time in self-care. Simply put, get enough rest, exercise and treat yourself to a healthy diet. Be open to change. Yes, be open to change. You may soon spring forward. So, persevere.

Can You Join in Love Again?

Posted on by

By Books Author Denise Turney

African American couple in love smiling next to bikes wearing helmets
Couple in Love with Bikes – Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Bill Branson

Feel that nudge in your heart? Maybe your core is telling you that it’s time to join in love again. But are you ready?

It’s easy to fall in love when you’re young. It’s easy to fall in love when you haven’t had your heart broken. But go through the heartache of divorce or even a non-marital breakup and you could become reluctant to enter a new romantic relationship.

And who could blame you? After all, you’re merely trying to protect yourself.

Give yourself chance to join in love again

Yet, self-protection has a cost. The highest cost is living with an invisible wall around your heart and your mind, a wall that no one can penetrate. If you’ve experienced this, you might feel alone, isolated or like no one understands you. In addition, you might start to believe that you’re simply not someone who will ever enjoy a loving, romantic relationship.

But what if you’re wrong? What if you can join in love again. What if your next relationship could actually be rewarding, enriching, empowering and inspiring?

Prepping your inner being for love

To enjoy a healthy relationship, make sure your inner being is healthy. Signs that you are inwardly healthy include:

  • Freedom from suspecting other people of doing wrong when there has been absolutely nothing done or said that would indicate that another person has intended to harm you
  • No interest in searching through your partner’s cell phone simply because you want to be certain that you’re not being cheated on (again when there has been no indication of infidelity)
  • Engaging in a variety of interest (e.g., sports, crafts, traveling)
  • Appreciation for the chance to experience new events, conversations, etc. with your partner and others
  • Lack of obsession
  • Strong family and friends support system
  • Connections with people who are positive and improving their lives
  • Taking full responsibility for yourself
  • Daily routines that encourage physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Examples include exercising, meditating, nature walks, keeping an appreciation journal, worship of the Creator and resting.

Acknowledge your self-worth

You’re right. It takes work to maintain good inner health, especially in this world where there are long work hours, financial challenges, family demands and harsh environmental shifts. Yet, it’s doable and so worth it.

In fact, just as you brush your teeth and shower or bathe every day, it takes daily actions to maintain inner health. You need good inner health to attract other people who are committed to being inwardly healthy. Simply reading self-help books isn’t enough. You and your partner need to take the right actions to enjoy inner health.

If this is new to you, start by acknowledging your self-worth. Below are a few shortcuts that could help you acknowledge your self-worth:

  • Engage in hobbies or work that you love. For me, that’s writing page turning novels! Oh, and I also love to interview artists on Off The Shelf Books Talk Radio
  • Remind yourself that other people’s opinions do not give you real worth
  • Try something new once a month. For example, you could drive a new way to or from work, go swimming if you haven’t been to a pool in years, ride a bike, travel someplace new or try a different food.
  • Be patient with yourself. You’re learning.
  • Recall past successes.
  • Remember that your worth is not tied to what you do, how much money you have, who you know, what you weigh or where you live.
  • Say “I love you” to that gorgeous person in the mirror!

You just might be ready to join in love again

Can you join in love again? Of course, you can. In fact, joining in love with someone who is ready to love you may get easier after you acknowledge your self-worth and get your inner self healthy.

To join in love again, you also need to open up to the idea of being in a romantic relationship. Turning away from loving people, doesn’t signal that you’re welcome to romantic love. After all, just as you don’t want to be rejected, the person who’d like to approach you, doesn’t want to be rejected either.

A final thought, you’re never going to know everything that’s going to happen to you in this world. And why would you want to? In fact, opening up to surprises is part of being in love. As you start to acknowledge your self-worth more, work on your inner health and take full responsibility for yourself, surprises may stop being viewed as risks to you.

They might become opportunities to grow, have fun, avoid boredom and stay engaged in the details of your life. Surprises also might serve as a pathway into deeper, richer, fuller love experiences that you treasure with your partner. So, like Raymond Clarke in Love Pour Over Me, you just might be ready to try romantic love again.

Signs You’re in a Healthy Love Relationship

Posted on by

By Books Author Denise Turney

Love Pour Over Me book cover of African American couple in healthy love relationship
Love Pour Over Me Book Cover – Denise Turney

Chance to flourish in a healthy love relationship may be the top desire of every adult. Time, disappointment, aging communities and diverse solo social events don’t seem to be putting the brakes on this desire. In fact, the numbers of people searching for a romantic partner to enter a healthy relationship with may be growing, thanks for the Internet. For starters, Pew research reports that 15% of American adults have used a dating app.

Everyone’s Looking for Love – Who’s Finding Love

Percentages are higher for Americans who have never tied the knot. About 30% of American adults who have never been married have used a dating app. Gone are the days when an adult posting a dating ad in a newspaper or magazine is considered a “lonely heart” or as being “socially inept”. But finding someone to get involved with and enjoying a healthy relationship are not always the same.

So, how do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship? A good starting point may be to pay attention to how you feel when you speak to yourself. Pay attention to how you feel based on how you treat yourself. For example, do you feel anxious or peaceful when you highlight mistakes that you made?

Do you feel confident or cowardly when you encourage yourself or speak positive affirmations to yourself? If we’re created to experience joy, love and peace, then, that may well be the hallmark of a healthy relationship. Forget trying to dupe yourself. Go after what you were created to have. Consider flourishing with joy, love and peace to be key signs that you’re in a healthy relationship.

Honesty Is Pathway to Healthy Love Relationship

This means that your partner and you actively help each other to experience joy, love and peace. You make it a goal. It may take honesty to accept this, to allow yourself to receive this trio of blessings. These three cannot be swapped out for excitement, romance or sleeping all day. Your relationship either enriches you with joy, love and peace or it doesn’t. No substituting.

More signs that you’re in a healthy relationship include:

  • Accountability is clear and accepted – Both you and your partner take full responsibility for your thoughts, emotions and behavior. You don’t blame each other for how you feel, think or behave. If you want to end or start a new way of thinking or behaving, you hold yourself responsible for doing what it takes to achieve that. This includes lovingly dealing with sabotaging mental forecasting.
  • Change celebrations – You and your partner don’t run from change. You don’t curse the world when your routines change. Instead, you celebrate change, seeing it as another chance to awaken and grow.
  • Admit when you’re not happy – Even if you grew up in a home where you rarely saw your parents laughing or expressing peace and happiness, you and your partner are not afraid to admit when you’re not happy.

More Signs of a Healthy Love Relationship

  • Clear, honest communication – Communicating is not enough. If you’re in a healthy relationship, you and your partner are honest, open and clear while communicating. You don’t belittle each other. You don’t diminish each other to relatives or friends.
  • Ongoing work – Healthy relationships see couples continuing to learn. Both you and your partner refuse to believe that you “know it all”. You listen to one another. You keep paying attention and learning.
  • Common goals – Rather than strive to convince or sell your partner on a goal, you and your lover pursue common goals. Neither of you feels as if you’re constantly “giving in” or being forced to do what you don’t really want to do just to keep the other partner happy.

All shared, no healthy relationship sign tops love. This is also where things can get tricky, as each person may have a different perception of love. Start discovering what your would-be lover’s perception about love is early in the dating process. Hook up with someone who has a vastly different perception of love than you do and, despite how much energy or time you invest in the relationship, the road could long be rocky.

Healthy relationships, like the one shared in Love Pour Over Me may take time. The best intentions can see relationships experience highs and lows. The good news is that some couples, like the couple in Love Pour Over Me, are truly meant to be. Here’s to wishing that’s what you experience!