How Reading Good Relationship Books Opens You to Love

By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

man and woman sitting on the floor reading good relationship books
Couple Reading Good Relationship Books – Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Reading good books is a great way to escape the world’s rigors. You learn, grow, exercise your brain, enjoy virtual travel, are introduced to favorite characters and much more. If you read a lot of books, you can shortcut the time it takes to understand new material at work and school. One of the greatest rewards gained from reading books may have escaped you. When you read good relationship books, you can open to love more.

How so?

As you read fiction or nonfiction relationship books, your guard drops. It’s not like you’re reading a draft of your biography or autobiography. Fear of being criticized or judged is reduced, perhaps isn’t present at all while you read, allowing you to gain what is being shared more fully.

That’s a huge benefit.

Good Relationship Books Drop Your Guard to Love

After all, if you don’t retain what you read, it’s akin to looking at computer code you don’t understand. More ways that reading good relationship books opens you to love follow:

  • Novels not only help you drop or remove an internal mental guard, they show couples interacting and communicating with each other up close. Witnessing these couples engage can offer tips on what you could do to strengthen your relationships.
  • Of course, communication is key to healthy relationships. This is an area where nonfiction relationship books can yield a wealth of positive results. While reading nonfiction, you can learn communication techniques such as how to be an active listener and the importance of thinking before you speak. PsychAlive also shares that additional solid communication techniques include sticking to the facts when communicating with your partner, being honest and being sincere.1
  • Books make it easy to take in information together, keeping couples free of feeling as if one person in the relationship is offering most of the information or “telling the other person what to think, feel or do”.
  • You can learn about you and your partner’s attachment styles while reading good relationship books.
  • Even more, you can discover you and your partner’s communication style.
  • Opportunities to identify how couples express and receive appreciation is also unearthed through reading.

Relationship Books with Quality Research on Love

Fortunately, in today’s book market there are many relationship books that are built upon years of quality research. This is how you get access to volumes of survey responses and empirical science. In other words, you can quickly learn what works in healthy relationships.

To be healthy, relationships also require that each person in the bond love themselves and continue to evolve and awaken to love. Both fiction and nonfiction books dig into the importance of loving yourself. Should you be tempted to focus on your partner more than yourself, reading good relationship books could be a relationship saver, not only as a couple but for you, as an individual.

After all, you’re not just in a relationship with your partner. You’re forever in a relationship with yourself. Hopefully, the communion you have with yourself is loving, healthy and not dysfunctional. If that incredibly important union is dysfunctional, here’s to hoping that you are working to heal gaps or injuries in the union that you have with yourself.

Spotlight Relationship Love and Goodness

Today’s book market also has lots of titles, particularly fiction, that spotlight dysfunctional relationships. Bookstores and libraries, online and offline, shelve novels that focus on physically, psychologically and emotionally abusive relationships.

Gain from reading these books by focusing on what “not to do” in your relationships. Steer clear of believing that dysfunctional relationships are “normal”. Instead of reading books to convince yourself that every couple hits each other, curses one another or belittles each other, focus on what you want from a coupling.

Get clear about how you want to be treated. Then, read books that share effective techniques and strategies you can use to start treating yourself that way and how you can encourage your partner to treat you this way.

Reading to Gain Loving Interactions

Because experiences, including loving interactions, aren’t linear in this world it’s helpful to get introduced to couples who have overcome great odds. Nonfiction and fiction books have facts, stories and background information to help you pull this off.

You’ll probably spot the win early into the book. For instance, a character may have had a troubling childhood or a character might have gone through a challenging intimate relationship earlier in her life. In addition to giving you hope that you too can overcome childhood or past relationship challenges, reading these books could strengthen your belief that you can go on to enjoy being in a healthy, rewarding love connection.

Books Helping Readers Open to Love

Whether you’re reading fiction or nonfiction, a key is to commit to open up to love. In other words, make opening up to love more a primary goal. You could do this by:

  • Pick books that deal with forgiveness if you know you need to forgive to remove an internal block and open up to love
  • Join a book club to get diverse insights and perceptions
  • Complete worksheets in nonfiction relationship books. Talk about a way to learn, grow and awaken. Effective worksheets can help surface parts of yourself that greatly impact your relationship, parts of yourself that you had repressed or kept hidden out of your conscious awareness for years.

Celebrate successes that you have in your relationship with yourself and with others. Recognize that good relationships extend beyond marriage and dating. If you live alone, you’re in communication with neighbors, family, colleagues and friends.

Celebrate Relationships and Greater Love

Reading good relationship books that showcase personal and interpersonal connections can help you grow as an individual and as a relationship partner. At the end of each year, consider how much you have gained from the relationship books you read.

Continue the process of reading books that help you deepen your understanding, awareness and growth. This single decision saves you years of research and trial and error. Additionally, as you complete activities in nonfiction books that aim to remove internal blocks, you can open to love more each day.

Resources:

  1. Top 10 Effective Communication Techniques for Couples – PsychAlive

Power of Kids Seeing Themselves in Diverse Books

By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

photo of girl sitting on sofa while using tablet to read diverse books
Girl reading diverse book – Photo by Julia M Cameron on Pexels.com

Diverse books tap into the power of kids. Social skills, open mindedness, genuine acceptance of others and natural happiness are a few strengths common to kids. These strengths and others, including active listening, knowledge that there’s a lot for them to learn and a heart for the arts and creativity, empower kids. Seeing book characters who look like them put these strengths into practice opens up new worlds for kids. Even more, books with diverse characters do so much more.

Growing Up Without Diverse Books

Fortunately, the numbers of diverse books for kids are increasing. Growing up there were fewer than a handful of children’s books with characters from other cultures. Back then, it was a challenge finding books for young readers that had strong female characters.

Although I absolutely loved to read, starting and finishing dozens of books a week, I longed for stories with characters who reminded me of myself, my family, friends and neighbors. Years passed before I came across such a book which was Mildred Taylor’s Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry. To say I was shocked to discover the book, is a huge understatement.

Simply seeing Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry, a book my father gave me, a smile lighting across his face, changed everything for me. Who knows? It might be a reason why I became a novelist.

Kids Finding Diverse Books

That’s the power of kids coming across books that have major and minor characters who resemble them, their parents, siblings, neighbors and friends. More ways that kids are empowered when they read books that have characters and core experiences that mirror theirs include:

  • Supports healthy self-esteem
  • Shows kids what they can do
  • Encourages personal growth
  • Fuels creativity and a desire to continue to develop and advance
  • Impacts a child’s sense of belonging in a good way
  • Makes it easier for kids to connect with what they are reading
  • Enhances learning as kids develop deeper connections with these books’ characters
  • Sends a powerful message that kids from all backgrounds are valued and immeasurably important

A path to getting more diverse books into schools and stores goes through school and retail book buyers. Wholesalers and distributors, including digital distributors, work with independent authors, indie bookstores, libraries, hospitals, schools and major retailers to get books on their shelves.

As parents, educators and caretakers invest in diverse books, wholesalers and distributors work harder to get these powerful books into more retail, school and library outlets. This is when the power of kids can go into effect.

How to Tell Kids Are Benefitting from Diverse Stories

And it should. After all, who better to choose the books they want to read, stories that motivate and inspire them, than kids, the people who are going to sit down and read the books? Once kids feel connected to characters, they might want to read every book in a series.

But what if a child isn’t that talkative, choosing to read more than engage in verbal conversation? There are still ways to tell if a child is getting a lot of positive gain from a book. Among these signs there’s:

  • Parents and caregivers don’t have to encourage kids to read the books
  • Laughter is often heard while young readers are enjoying these stories
  • Kids talk about characters in the stories
  • Acting out fun scenes in middle-school books might become common
  • Should kids have their own cell phones, they can be overheard sharing events written in books with their friends over the phone
  • Children’s confidence rises, allowing them to tap into inner strength and lead projects they had previously shied away from

Connecting Power of Kids Thru Books

The gift of connection aids kids at home, at school and in larger society. Reading books at school that have no to few characters who look like you, speak like you or who are growing up the way you are can send kids the message that they aren’t important enough to be written about, even if only indirectly.

That certainly isn’t the way to acknowledge the power of kids. Admittedly, this is where authors come into play. Increasing sales of children’s and middle school books that have characters from a range of backgrounds encourages more authors to write these types of books.

Furthermore, fueling kids’ reading interest further comes through the chance to meet children’s book authors in person. For instance, schools can schedule author appearances, especially during cultural holidays. Educators can also ask authors to visit schools to close out discussions about a book.

In-Person Meetings with Children and Diverse Book Writers

Several schools are already doing this. These visits are positive for kids in so many ways, including:

  • Allows kids opportunity to get answers to their questions quickly and directly from the books’ authors
  • Shows kids that it’s possible for culturally diverse people to create engaging stories and earn a living doing so
  • Makes reading and writing fun
  • Shifts learning from the page to the classroom
  • Opens children up to different perspectives
  • Builds connectivity among students as they see similarities in their questions, opinions and perceptions

Also, seeing and talking with authors in person makes reading feel “real”. Even adults love to meet their favorite authors face-to-face at book club discussions. These personal interactions bring a spark to fiction.

What Are the Lifelong Rewards

Because reading books offers so many benefits, these interactions can carry lifelong rewards. Help with expanding vocabulary and understanding what has been read are two rewards. Additional rewards are:

  • Stronger empathy which helps kids relate to others
  • Improved writing skills
  • Ability to think through what they hear and read more fully
  • Exercises the brain
  • Inspires creativity
  • Opens kids up to the possibility of working in the arts
  • Enhances ability to communicate with different types of people, a skill that can help kids now and throughout their lives, especially if they step into leadership positions

Diverse Book Offer So Much Good

Whether you are a parent, caregiver, educator or youth worker, you can positively influence children’s lives, particularly middle school readers who might be at a crossroads as it regards deciding to continue or stop reading books for fun. You can power kids up, bringing diverse books that allow them to see people like them doing amazing things.

Look out for books to gift your kids with. Another step you could take is to read kids’ books yourself. See if they grab and hold your attention. If they do, they just might be a hit with your kids. Above all, encourage the kids in your life to appreciate good stories and to read regularly.

Books offer so much. There’s a wealth of information in good books. Make it easy for young readers to access this valuable information. And make it easy for young readers to have fun reading books that spotlight and celebrate characters like them.

Resources:

Importance of reading | Young Readers Foundation

Living Thanksgiving – Appreciate What’s in Front of You

By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

living thanksgiving cup of aromatic cappuccino with thank you words on foam
Living Thanks Cup – Photo by wewe yang on Pexels.com

Living thanksgiving calls for appreciation. It’s an ongoing process that requires present awareness. When you were a kid, you may have practiced present awareness effortlessly. In fact, a sure blessing linked to a happy, loving childhood is the ability to live in the present.

When you feel safe, loved and wanted, you can become fully involved in what you’re experiencing right now. Gone is the temptation to daydream or to pretend that you are someplace else.

Living Thanksgiving in The Present

Even more, a blessed childhood can keep you from looking to the future. Experience a loving childhood and you might not fall into the habit of convincing yourself that good things are always in the future always “out there” somewhere. That by itself can bring more goodness into your life.

After all, as you enjoy living in the present, you can actually experience the happiness that is associated with appreciation. The more physically present the thing you appreciate is, the stronger the happiness you may feel.

Try it. See how you feel when you fantasize or imagine having an experience that you like, but the experience is always in the future. Then, give yourself an experience that you enjoy right now. Look around your environment and count 5 things that you appreciate about the experience that you’re having right now. Which way feels better?

How Daydreaming and Fantasizing Influence Thankfulness

Daydreaming about a future experience that’s always too far ahead of you to enjoy or entering a loving experience and appreciating it right now? Which feels better right now? Fortunately, you could learn to appreciate what’s happening right now even if yours was a troubled childhood.

Furthermore, as it regards a blessed childhood, this doesn’t mean that you never felt sad or angry as a kid. It means that you didn’t experience trauma, especially ongoing trauma when you were a child. Trauma that’s experienced during childhood could make you want to be someplace else. To read more about childhood trauma, check out this article.

Continuously daydreaming, fantasizing and telling yourself that situations are better than they actually are could be signs that you have unresolved trauma. The good news is that you can deal with trauma and get through it, even it doing so requires the help of a licensed and highly experienced professional who you trust.

Associated Benefits of Living Thanksgiving

Whether yours was a trauma-free or stressful childhood, it can take work to start living in the present. When you consider the blessings associated with living in the present, you might be encouraged to try.

woman surrounded by sunflowers
Photo by Andre Furtado on Pexels.com

Living thanksgiving offers rewards. To start, when you are fully present, you notice more. You actually see colors, people, events that you might otherwise miss. Other benefits include:

  • Strengthening your intuition – the more you become aware of what’s happening right now, the more clues you can pick up about what’s coming. You also might start to notice slight shifts in your inner guidance which could allow you to pick up when something feels right or wrong.
  • Enjoy conversations more deeply – being present can help you to hear what people are saying more fully and more clearly. This, in turn, could lead to a deep appreciation for what’s being shared.
  • Dining may become less of an addictive action – live in the present and you might stop and only eat while you’re dining. This could allow you to taste your food and beverages more thoroughly. Keep it up and you might stop eating and/or drinking to feed an emotion or to avoid an emotion or memory. (According to Psychology Today, trauma can cause your brain to replay the traumatic event.)
  • Improved relationships – Hearing and listening to people better can strengthen interpersonal relationships. You also might pick up when someone is disrespecting you and choose to love yourself and ask the person to hold you in respect as you do them.

Exploring More Thankfulness Advantages

There are more advantages connected to living thanksgiving. It could take a while, but you’d eventually see that everything in this world is temporary. That includes traumas that you’ve experienced, if you experienced trauma. The key is to let the trauma go. Again, you might need help from a licensed and experienced professional you trust.

The more you realize how temporary everything is in this world, the more you might pause and enter living thanksgiving as you observe what’s happening in your life and around you. If you’ve ever seen a loved one transition, you know the power of being thankful for what’s happening now.

Delay living thanksgiving and you could encounter regret. For instance, you might not appreciate a person, a pet or an experience until after the person or pet transitions or the experience has ended. Just think about it. How much joy and peace would you allow into your life if you appreciated what was right in front of you?

If you’re in a challenging situation, look for something to appreciate. But don’t stop there. Also, seek a way out of the situation. Definitely gain lessons from the experience. Don’t leave an experience with empty pockets. Always walk away with a lesson, at the minimum.

Surprising Answers

Throughout your journey, focus on appreciating what’s happening now. This means appreciating the people around you now, appreciating a job that you’re in right now and appreciating your dwelling now. To repeat, this doesn’t mean that you don’t seek a better job or dwelling. It means that you find something to be thankful about where you are right now.

Living thanksgiving or appreciating what’s right in front of you can keep you free of a nagging sense that something is always wrong. It can keep you energized and hopeful. Just remember to be honest about what you’re thankful about. For instance, if you don’t like loud music, don’t say that you do. However, if you’re in an area where music is being played loudly, you might be able to appreciate the lyrics.

You might even discover an answer to a question you’ve been mulling in the lyrics. When you practice living thanksgiving, another takeaway is that you could become more aware. It’s no secret that appreciation and awareness are linked. After all, you actually have to practice awareness to spot things to appreciate.

Resources:

  1. 21 Common Reactions to Trauma | Psychology Today

Importance of Imagination in Child Development

By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

mother reading a book to her son at night for imagination in child development
Reading Books to Strengthen Imagination in Child Development – Photo by Mizuno K on Pexels.com

Imagination in child development plays a vital role, influencing a range of outcomes. Even as an adult, you can spot the role ingenuity plays in your life. Coming up with a new way to double your income, design home decorations with dried flowers or implementing a way to build confidence in your children. Each of these developments requires ingenuity.

So Much to Gain – Imagination in Child Development

Take away imagination and with it go creativity, inspiration, innovation and progress. It’s so important that Albert Einstein is quoted as saying, “Logic will get you from A to Z. Imagination will get you everywhere.”

Scholars and scientists have studied imagination in child development for years, some leaders thinking that imagination or creativity are naturally given. In fact, Yale Insights shares that, “The idea of humans as uniquely creative animals goes back at least as far as the ancient Greeks.” Others, like Aristotle, were under the impression that imagination or creativity was a gift from the gods.1

Defining Imagination in Children

But just what is imagination?

Merriam-Webster dictionary says that it is, “the act or power of forming a mental image of something not present to the senses or never before wholly perceived in reality,” From a creative stance, it is defined as the “ability to confront and deal with a problem.”

Above all, the ability to “confront and deal with a problem” is crucial. If children don’t know how to face and deal with challenges in healthy ways, they could experience inner turmoil. For example, they could feel hopeless and a lack of confidence.

How Imagination in Child Development Proves Critical

Without the ability to confront and deal with problems, children could also give up or resort to fighting to try to resolve a conflict. Here are more ways that imagination in child development proves critical:

  • Language development relies on imagination. Also, the more languages children speak, the stronger their creative thinking may be.2
  • Play is a primary way that children develop friendships and learn to make sense of the world. Critical thinking, social development and physical abilities are discovered and developed during play. Additionally, play helps regulate emotions and mental health. If you’ve ever seen a child become happier, more engaged and more energized after healthy playing, you saw firsthand the impact of play on a child’s development.
  • Creative writing, especially fictional writing, needs strong imagination. Develop Good Habits says that “Creative writing strengthens language arts skills and improves children’s grades in all areas of coursework.It helps them understand and develop good grammar habits, sentence structure, vocabulary, and dialogue.3
  • Emotional functioning is at work when a child relates to others. Active listening, the ability to actually hear and respect what another person is saying and skills to manage their own feelings are parts of emotional functioning.
  • Artistic expression can surface during play or while reading, an activity that encourages the use of imagination.

At first glance, imagination in child development might appear less important than logical and practical skills. However, logical skills like math, biology and geography don’t touch on as many life components as imagination does.

Ways to Strengthen Child’s Imagination

Yet, simply knowing how important imagination is in child development is not enough. You have to find effective ways to encourage children to exercise their imagination or creativity. Here are several actions you could take to encourage your children to strengthen their imagination:

  • Invest time to actually play with your children. Don’t stop when your children start school. Continue to play with your children as they age. Doing so can strengthen your and your children’s imaginations.
  • Bring in art. Let your children have fun creating pictures and splash drawings, getting their hands colorful in washable paint.
  • Ask your children questions, aiming to get them into problem solving mode. Help them learn to use critical thinking and emotional functioning as they ponder your questions and potential answers.
  • In healthy loving ways, motivate your children to “try again” when they encounter failure. For instance, you could ask your children to list or talk about ways that they could approach a challenge or overcome a failure. Make it fun.
  • Encourage independence and free thinking. This means that you don’t demand that your children see life the way that you do. Who knows? Your children might come up with a way to solve a decades-long problem when they grow up.
  • Travel, allowing your children to explore different cultures, physical landscapes and environments.
  • Dance with your children, celebrating their unique moves and rhythm.
  • Allow your children to help you complete daily tasks like cooking. In fact, if you add toys and your children’s favorite songs to a meal preparation, your children might not only love to cook, they might appreciate finding creative ways to decorate food.

Let Your Child’s Creativity Bloom

Perhaps more importantly, let your children see you using your imagination. You can do this by reading books to your children. And you can let your children see you reading books by yourself that you love. Benefits of reading extend beyond imagination.

Reading aids in learning. The more your children read, the quicker they can pick up details. When you consider the wealth of information inside books, reading is a shortcut to a broader and deeper education, the type of learning that last a lifetime.

Pay attention to what blooms from your child’s imagination. You could be the parent or guardian of a gifted artist. That, or your child could be a medical, scientific or technological innovator.

So, curl up with your children and a good book. Make it a regular, special event. If you make reading books fun, your children might start asking you to read to them. It could become a fun, bonding experience that exercises your children’s imagination and yours.

Resources:

  1. What Is Creativity? | Yale Insights
  2. Bilingual Kids Better at Creative Thinking (medicaldaily.com)
  3. 9 Benefits of Creative Writing to Help Your Children (developgoodhabits.com)

How to Prevent Human Trafficking Today

By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

man s hand in shallow focus and grayscale photography plea to prevent human trafficking
Photo by lalesh aldarwish on Pexels.com

You can do more to help prevent human trafficking. Human trafficking is not a third world country problem. It’s also not limited to poor neighborhoods in developed countries. In fact, it could be happening right next door to where you live or a block over from where you live. And this raises a major way to prevent human trafficking.

Modern Slavery Can Happen Anywhere

Recognize that modern slavery can happen anywhere, in every type of neighborhood. Accepting this could help you to spot different forms of trafficking as well as signs that the crime is taking place near you.

As CNN shares, “Slavery can turn up in many forms, and closer to home than you might think.”1 Suburban homes, warehouses, major highways, airports, anywhere people are, there could be modern day slavery.

According to the World Economic Forum, 1 in 4 human labor trafficking victims is a child.2 Forms of trafficking include:

  • Labor (agriculture, manufacturing, retail, construction work, mining, etc.)
  • Forced marriage
  • Military combat
  • Selling counterfeit products
  • Drug smuggling
  • Forced organ donations
  • Prostitution

Listen to Real Life Stories

The number of people impacted by human trafficking is shocking. More than 140 million children have been a victim of this crime, with as many at 48% of child victims forced into labor being between 5 to 11 years old.

When victims speak out about their traumatic experiences with modern slavery, it sheds light on what’s happening right where we all live. Their story sharing exposes a hidden ugly fact about life in the world today.

Removing the cover is one of the best ways to face and deal with what is happening, is a start to doing what it takes to prevent human trafficking. If you want to help prevent human trafficking, consider listening to real life stories of victims.

How to Prevent Human Trafficking

You could also volunteer with an organization that supports people who have escaped modern day slavery. Becoming aware of signs of trafficking is another forward step. However, as you familiarize yourself with some of the signs, stay aware that trafficking could be occurring with a mile or less of where you live.

There is no certain type of person who is a victim, just as there is no certain type of person who commits this horrific crime. Therefore, should you spot a sign, do something. For example, you could call the National Human Trafficking Hotline (888-373-7888). Or you could call 911 (or your country’s emergency response number), Interpol, the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (800-843-5678).

Look for These Signs

Although this list is not all inclusive, it reveals some indicators of forced work, be that work physical or sexual labor. Signs that modern day slavery is occurring include:

  • Withdrawal from family and friends
  • Missing school frequently or no longer attending school at all
  • Abrupt or significant change in behavior
  • Spike in fearfulness in a person
  • Not seeing someone for days, weeks or longer who you normally saw regularly
  • One or more people constantly with the person, as if ensuring that the person does not get free
  • Discomfort while speaking, as if they are repeating what someone is telling them to say
  • Dresses differently
  • Malnourished
  • Unexplainable change in living situation (i.e., lives in a filthy environment or a luxury environment)
  • Bruises and other injuries

More Specific Ways to Prevent Human Trafficking

Here are ways you could help prevent human trafficking or stop it from continuing. Raising awareness at your place of worship, school, on social media, etc. is one prevention step. Other steps include:

  • Watch your child’s online activity, as perpetrators solicit potential victims online.
  • Encourage companies to ensure they work to prevent human trafficking, not get involved in it by having products and/or services created by people forced into slave labor.
  • Call for help for someone you suspect of being trafficked. Do it in a safe way.
  • Shop responsibly, buying products or services, from organizations that deal in fair trade or work to stop forced labor.3
  • Mentor youth thru reliable, ethical organizations.
  • Spend quality time with the young people in your life. Perpetrators often target the emotionally vulnerable.
  • Write your government officials, letting them know that doing what it takes to prevent human trafficking is a priority to you.

Thank You

Should you meet a victim or a survivor, be an advocate. Above all, do something. For instance, you might cross paths with one or more victims while at lunch, shopping or while on vacation.

Sure. Getting involved, will change your life, even if only briefly. But your involvement could save someone’s life. It could be as simple as making a telephone call to 911, the FBI or the National Human Trafficking Hotline (888-373-7888). What you do could help someone heal from this awful adult and childhood trauma.

Clarissa Maxwell, in Escaping Toward Freedom, has to make this choice while she’s on vacation. The choice she makes cost her, but it’s worth it. Lives are changed, however hard the road. Hopefully, what happens in Escaping Toward Freedom sheds more light on the global trauma, encouraging people to take smart actions.

Thank you for what you do to prevent human trafficking.

Resources:

  1. A former child slave speaks: How to stop modern slavery | CNN
  2. How to stop modern slavery | World Economic Forum (weforum.org)
  3. Home – Fair Trade Certified

Danger of Keeping Small Town Secrets Across Generations

By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

empty concrete alleyway in small town
Passageway in Small Town – Photo by Simon Blyberg on Pexels.com

Small town secrets grow like uncontrollable weeds. Their sting is as painful as gossip, yet worse. Unlike gossip, these secrets have a deep, dangerous root. Sexual crimes committed by a star athlete, the whereabouts of a missing person and the deception that a woman is a child’s aunt when she’s actually the child’s mother – those are but a few misplaced confidences with lasting impact.

Small Towns with Old Histories

Other real life skeletons people living in small towns, especially towns with old histories, work hard to keep hidden have affected hundreds of children and adults. Danger associated with these mysteries is what drives people to keep them hidden. If you grew up in a small town that’s known for keeping events in the dark, a few of these mysteries might sound familiar:

  • College hazing that went too far, causing the death of a student, but no one going to trial because the death was ruled an accident and the crime was never properly investigated
  • Neighbor installing hidden camera in a home then using taped information to blackmail the homeowner for acts as simple as showering, relieving themselves and making out with a town schoolteacher
  • Corruption that stems back two or more generations, putting dishonest law enforcement and other government officials in place to keep the corruption going
  • Drugs taking over an entire town, destroying families and businesses while community leaders do nothing to stop the drug infiltration because they’re receiving kickbacks from dealers
  • A handful of business owners meeting and deciding which new businesses will open in the town, cooking up reasons to disallow the strongest competitors from setting up shop
  • Two married people have a lengthy affair, creating a child from the relationship, only to lie to the child about his real parents, not once telling their son their biological connection to him. People who know about the affair and who the child’s real parents are, never tell the child, not even after the child reaches adulthood.

Shocking Small Town Secrets

It’s these types of secrets that get the wrong men and women arrested, that leave children with more questions than answers and that prevent real growth from happening to the town. Believe it or not, some small town secrets are more outlandish and traumatic than those unearthed in large cities.

The real shocker is that small towns with big secrets can look “perfect” from the outside. Everybody knows everybody. Instead of passing one another on the sidewalk without speaking while out shopping, townsfolk stop, wave and chat with each other awhile.

If you didn’t know better, the entire town would look and feel like one big, happy family. Stay in the place long enough and you start to notice relationships and events that are off, that just don’t feel right. You spot a prominent business owner entering a hotel at the edge of town with a minister’s wife only to tell his own wife that he and the minister’s wife are mapping out the details of the summer’s vacation Bible school.

Everyone Knows What You Keep Lying About

Everyone in town knows the businessman rarely goes to church, but no one questions the lie. The chance to live in a place where wrong, particularly seemingly unforgiveable wrongs, don’t occur seems like sufficient motivation to lie, deny the facts and support tragic secrets.

At their worse, small town secrets can conceal a murder. Destroyed evidence, bribes paid to a coroner and a judge and threats made to those seeking the truth, can do more than hide facts. Acts like these can ensure that the wrong man goes to prison.

But why do people tell lies or keep secrets, especially dangerous hidden facts? Desire to mask their own indiscretions is a primary reason. Fear of retaliation from powerful people is another.

Together these two can create a web that’s hard to get untangled from. Greasy Plank in Memphis, Tennessee is a town of secrets, dark mysteries. Religion won’t save Greasy Plank residents.

Break Free

If you grew up keeping secrets, it might be time to break free. Doing so can release positive energy, allowing you to start and finish work you’ve wanted to do for years, but never seemed to find the strength to get to.

Here are more rewards associated with letting small town secrets go, float away like rocks moving down river:

  • Restored relationships with people wrongly suspected of crimes
  • Freedom from unforgiveness
  • Independence from resentment and suspicion
  • Healing from trauma
  • Innocent children and adults regaining their honor

And most of all, wrongs finally made right. Oh, and another advantage. You can sleep at night, your mind lighter from no longer having to carry heavy secrets. Tammy Tilson in Spiral fights for these rewards, for herself and her family, but she has a lot to lose if she tells what she knows.

Her choice to keep small town secrets has a very high price. Yet, that’s the way it goes when you try to hide the truth. Should you be keeping secrets, especially from yourself, consider the weight you’re carrying. See if you can find a way into the light of the truth. You might be able to do it in a way that frees up more people than you know without causing more trauma, more harm.

Resources:

  1. Small Town Secrets – NBC Boston

Achieving Real Success While Living Through Change

By Books Author and Freelance Writer Denise Turney

man upset about change pushing carton boxes with negative words to avoid real success
Photo by SHVETS production on Pexels.com

Real success is birthed in adaptability. Unfortunate events, ranging from scams, sickness, relationship problems and job stress, can stop your progress if you let them. To stay sharp, you have to adapt. This applies to good change too. After all, it’s not just undesirable experiences that create emotional and behavioral challenges.

This is due, in part, to how your brain works. Your brain is a complex organ that works hard to protect you. At first glance, that may sound like a win-win. Yet, it comes with results that could produce mental blocks and resistance to change.

Thrive – Getting Beyond Survival

Forbes puts it this way, “The key aim of the brain is survival.” Furthermore, “unpredictability and uncontrollability, in particular, create a malicious combination with which our brain finds it extremely difficult to deal. This in return further elevates stress levels and produces undesirable emotions that we would rather avoid.”1

Should this happen, you might feel a range of emotions. Even more, your perceptions about the world, people and relationships could shift, maybe improve or become disruptive. If you struggle during change, your heartbeat might hasten. Or your appetite might shift significantly. Other changes you could experience include temporary memory fog (where you find it difficult to remember people’s names, etc.), a harder time focusing, lack of engagement or connectivity.

Although these experiences may be related to challenges in adjusting to undesirable change, they could also occur if you undergo change after you receive something that you’ve long wanted. Today’s world offers countless opportunities to improve your adaptability skills, positioning yourself to smoothly leap change hurdles and enjoy real success.

Signs You Resist Change

Resisting change can feel magical, like a trick. You convince yourself that you can stop change. And if you can’t stop change, you tell yourself that you can limit the impact that change has on you. The problem is you’re living in a world of constant change.

Keep resistance to change up and you might exhaust yourself. Even more, you’ll stop yourself from experiencing sustained real success. More pronounced signs that you resist change include:

  • You stop showing up for projects, relationship conversations, financial talks, etc. that require change
  • Negativity becomes your trademark
  • Nostalgia is a dominant emotion you experience
  • When you consider “good times,” you’re thinking about the past
  • Gossiping about leaders championing change becomes normal for you
  • “This is the way we’ve always done things” is a familiar phrase you speak

If the this was a world where very little changed second-by-second, your resistance may yield a reward. But because the world is always changing, constantly, this type of resistance doesn’t pay off in good ways.

Tips to Achieve Real Success with Change

Here are specific ways to achieve real success while living with change. If you resist change, consider adding two or more of these actions into your day.

  • Learn something new every day. Practicing awareness is a quick learning path. Simply pay attention to what’s happening inside of you and around you.
  • Break a habit once a quarter. Train your brain to expect and smoothly adjust to change.
  • Monitor your results. For example, if you’re improving your budget and dealing with rising rent, you could identify two to three expenses that you could reduce or eliminate to counter the increase, so you’re overall monthly expenses remain flat or potentially lower. Track how you’re staying free of spending money in these two three areas.
  • Stay curious. You were curious as a kid; revisit the practice.
  • Create new solutions to deal with change. This could help you break habits that produce unwanted results.
  • Be honest. Accept what you see and keep adjusting until you’re living the life you want.
  • Meditate and move outdoors. These two steps can calm your brain.
  • Read good books and get sufficient quality sleep each night.

You Can Do It!

Anywhere you go, there’s change. Even if you stick to a routine religiously, you will encounter change. There are job changes that range from workload to types of work you do. Rising rents might motivate you to move. Then, there are relationship changes from breakups to makeups to new relationships.

The list goes on. On top of that, some changes are temporary, allowing you to bounce back to a former state. Other changes, like a loved one transitioning, are permanent. As you go through change, it may help to remember that none of us is in control of the universe.

Additionally, it might be helpful to remember that you are always loved and cared for. This is one of the harder truths to remember when you’re moving through great change. The good news is that, as previously shared, you can achieve real success while navigating change. Here’s to your success!

Resources
1. How To Optimize The Brain’s Response To Change (forbes.com)

13 Reasons Why Books Make the Best Gifts

And Why You Should Buy Books for Your Best Friends

By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

woman lying down on grass beside opened books
Photo by Marcelo Chagas on Pexels.com

Books make the best gifts for a bounty of reasons. Art and entertainment are just two good reasons why your friends love to get books as gifts. Other reasons are hidden gems, to them and to you. Chance to improve your friend’s cognitive abilities is just a start, a benefit with long lasting effects. Then, there’s the psychological and emotional benefits.

Fascinating Artwork Pops

Let’s start with art!

A rare and skillful artist’s pen has helped to craft the artwork on the finest of book covers. Who thinks of paintings, drawings and sketches while shopping for books to give as gifts? Yet, it’s often the artwork on the cover that attracts your eye, isn’t it?

Explosion of vibrant, rich colors. Smooth or rugged texture. Moving shadows and odd, unique shapes. Admittedly, there are book covers so masterfully created that they are a work of art all by themselves.

Check out these winning book covers. See if you can spot what attracts thousands of readers to these covers. Are any of them your favorite, just for the cover alone?

the great gatsby by f scott fitzgerald cover
elskede by toni morrison book cover artwork
george orwell books as gifts 1984 book cover
the stargazers sister by carrie brown book gifts great book covers
books as gifts book cover artwork by terry mcmillan

13 Reasons Books Make the Best Gifts

As if highly crafted artwork isn’t enough, here are 13 more reasons why books make the best gifts. If you read merely for entertainment, several of these advantages might surprise you:

  1. Stronger brain – While reading, the brain’s visual cortex is activated. The temporal lobe and frontal lobe are other parts of the brain that are activated while you read.1
  2. Better empathy – The ability to understand and relate to another person based on emotions they’re experiencing is sharpened while reading good books. How so? Reading stories that spark emotionally charged memories, gets the limbic system fired up. Link loving emotions to a scene in a novel about forgiveness, romance or happiness and you could improve your ability to relate to people in real-life.
  3. Faster learning – Read more, learn more and faster. The more you read, the easier it is to comprehend what’s being shared on the page.
  4. Rewires the brain – Iris Reading shares that reading, “makes the brain rewire itself and creates white matter, making communication within the brain efficient.”2
  5. Improves memory – To pull this one off, read books that challenge what you already know. Pulitzer Prize winning authors dig deep into the human condition. These authors also use complicated sentence structure to convey a message, enough complication to challenge you as you read.
  6. Broader vocabulary – Back to those challenging novels and nonfiction books. Keep reading stories that challenge your current understanding, and watch your vocabulary grow.

Treasure These Rewards

Looking for more reasons to treat your family and friends to great stories? Here you go!

  1. Choose Education – Who doesn’t love to learn! Reading books is a low-cost way to expand your education. When you think about it, there’s hardly a classroom, postsecondary course or certificate-granting webinar that doesn’t require you to read a book to complete the training.
  2. Unleash your imagination – Science fiction and fantasy novels aren’t the only stories that free your imagination, letting your wildest dreams feel alive. Facts and history tidbits you read in nonfiction books rev up your imagination too.
  3. Positive mood shifts – Just like it’s impossible for most people to multi-task, it’s impossible to place equal focus on a project or concern and the pages of a good book. Start reading positive literature, and you could go from feeling angry or anxious to feeling hopeful and happy.
  4. Enjoy a good night of sleep – You don’t even have to read a lot of books to relax and start drifting into the sweetest sleep, fading memories of the last pages of an intriguing story still in your thoughts. If you’re an avid reader, you know how sweet sleep can be after you’ve been reading for entertainment for two to three hours.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

  1. Great media alternative – Imagine seeing an exciting or soothing story scene pop up instead of a negative news piece two to three times a week. What impact do you think that switch would have on your mental health and overall emotional wellbeing?
  2. Deeper dive – A sure way to get to the heart of a situation, historic or modern, is to read through personal journals, history books, biographies and autobiographies.
  3. Inexpensive gifts – E-books cost as little as $.99. Paperbacks, including brand new paperbacks, can be purchased for as little as $5. It’s hard for other gifts to compete with the benefits gained from reading books and their low costs.

Major Reason Books Make the Best Gifts

Not every gift offers 13 benefits, and at such low cost. It really is hard to top books when it comes to gift giving and for so many wonderful reasons! Yet, most of all, the good you gain from reading books stays with you.

Honestly, what gifts offer rewarding effects that stay with you like the effects gained from reading books? You don’t even have to keep a physical book at your side to enjoy the benefits. It’s not like wearing a coat, suit, hat or dress.

Pick stories that your friends and family absolutely love, and you’ll send the message that you care. Select stories the people in your life love, and you’ll let those people know you’re paying attention. It sends the message that you know what they like, and that you’re willing to do the good it takes to make them happy.

It’s Getting Easier as Books Make the Best Gifts

Now, that isn’t to say that finding the right titles for your friends is always easy. Fortunately, booksellers, particularly indie and local bookstore owners, know hundreds of titles that might make a perfect gift. If you’re in luck, you might live in an area that hosts a book fair around the holidays.

Talk about a shortcut to good book gifts. Who knows. You might even get these printed gifts autographed by the authors, potentially increasing the gift’s value. This gain is year-round. After all, new books are published every day.

Good stories, from classics to contemporary stories to the best nonfiction, make great birthday, anniversary, retirement and holiday gifts. The next time you sit down and enjoy a good story, ask yourself if it wouldn’t be sweet to share that experience with a friend by gifting them with a similar experience, all through the pages of a book.

Resources:

  1. Areas of the brain involved in reading and writing – Psychology Info (psychology-info.com)
  2. What Happens In The Brain While Reading? | Iris Reading

A Mystery, What If You Can’t Let the Departed Go

By Freelance Writer and Mystery Writer Denise Turney

blue sea visit to say goodbye to departed loved ones
Photo by Moisés Pereira on Pexels.com

It’s hard enough to let the departed go after a funeral or homegoing service. Even if you consider yourself a spiritual person, you can’t deny that there’s been a huge shift. Communicating with your loved one who has left their body will either end or take great work to continue.

Leaving Your Body Is Not the End

If you believe you’re an eternal being, you know that leaving a body is not the end. On the other hand, if you believe that the only reality is a fleshly existence, the departure is permanent. Regardless of your belief, there’s been a great change. And you have to deal with it.

Remembering your loved one, instead of working to forget them, is a way to maneuver through the change. Looking for ideas? To keep your loved one’s memory alive, you could:

  • Write a letter to express emotions related to your relative or friend
  • Create a collage with pictures of fun times shared between you two
  • Talk with relatives and friends about the departed
  • Frame a picture of your loved one and keep it in your living space
  • Light a candle for someone dear to you who has transitioned

Also, allow yourself to laugh and smile at happy memories. For sure, it might take work, but start to move through guilt feelings and guilt thoughts. Begin to treasure the sweet memories that you created with your loved one.

Dealing with Trauma or Grief

This is where watching home videos, reading cards from your departed friend and re-reading a letter could prove helpful. The key is not to depend on these experiences. After all, nothing is forever or permanent in this world, including routines you make to deal with trauma or grief.

Other smart actions you could take to move through grief and let the departed go are below. As with other life experiences, go with what works for you.

  • Hold an annual memorial to honor your loved one. For instance, you could hold a private or a public memorial on your loved one’s birthday. This happens with departed entertainers and other celebrities.
  • Visit a cool spot that your loved and you frequented on a special day once a year
  • Add your friend to your artistic work. As an example, you could include your friend’s name in a poem, short story or play that you write. Or you could paint a picture of your friend.
  • Keep in touch with relatives of your loved one. Do this in healthy ways and with the agreement of the relatives.

Messages from Beyond

Depending on your beliefs and abilities, you could receive messages from beyond. Should you be a gifted seer, you might receive messages from beyond from someone you don’t know. In this case, the process to let the departed go could extend into the unknown.

A young girl named Carolyn deals with this in Spiral. Her experience is similar to what other people with the ability to be a seer have shared. “I felt another presence, like I wasn’t alone,” some people who receive messages from beyond say.

Another experience these people share is how they “heard people’s names, dates, places like cities and streets” they’d never heard about before. These cases may occur because there’s an unresolved issue, which raises a good point.

What if it wasn’t you, but the departed, who was having trouble letting go?

What Happens in Ghost

Ghost is a popular movie that deals with this. At first, Demi Moore’s character moves right into grieving, a healthy step. After all, delaying grieving might seem safe, protecting you from strong emotions, but it won’t keep you from realizing that someone you love is no longer here.

Then, strange phenomena start to occur. Unwillingness to turn away from what’s happening and clear memories about her partner, key Moore’s character, Molly Jensen, into the fact that she could be hearing from her loved one. Together, Molly and her departed loved one, a man named Sam Wheat, solve a murder.

Following through on what Sam shares with her is the only way that Molly will get to peace. She becomes as emotional as Sam is to solve the mystery. Fortunately, Molly does find who murdered her boyfriend, Sam. After that, both Molly and Sam are free. It truly was a loving way that Molly let the departed go, so he could continue his journey.

Love People While They’re Here

If we’re truly nonphysical beings, it’s not impossible to think that a departed loved one could connect. Just as they would if they were still in their body, a loved one could seek help to resolve an issue they were unable to close while they were here. Carolyn is up for the task in Spiral. For her, a 10-year-old girl, it’s as if she has no choice.

Choices this young girl makes help more than the departed let go and enter peace. Her works influence an entire town, opening up the possibility for generations to live free. Carolyn gets it.

Unresolved issues could make it hard to let the departed go. Therefore, take it easy on yourself. Treat the people in your life, including strangers, with love. Appreciate people you say you love. Say what you want to say, rooted in love. Let people know how much they mean to you. Share your love. Be kind, thankful and caring.

After all, this world is a mystery. One day, you’ll have to let it go. Loving everyone you meet can make the process easier for you and the people who cross your path.

Signs Someone in Your Family is Your Best Friend

By Freelance Writer and Book Author Denise Turney

two family friends laughing at each other
Photo by Laura Stanley on Pexels.com

It’s sweet when someone in your family is your best friend, especially if you grew up with this relative. Know them since you were a toddler and you have loads of history. You’ve been there for each other nearly every step of the way.

The Best Friend Who Makes You Feel Accepted

Because you know each other so well, there’s often no need to explain your opinions, beliefs or ambitions to them. Another gain is that you don’t have to work to be your “authentic self” while you’re with your family friend. Hanging out with them is a great way to feel accepted, like you belong.

That alone is strength, is empowering.

Despite these advantages, you might not think of a relative as your best friend. Even more, you might not know who in your family is your best friend. That person could be your parent, an aunt, an uncle, cousin, grandparent or a sibling.

Signs Someone in Your Family is Your Best Friend

They might even be someone who became part of your family through marriage. Signs a relative is your best friend include:

  • You laugh a lot when you’re with them, the knee slapping rib busting kind of laughing
  • Sharing a secret with them is easy
  • When you’re with them, you feel loved
  • Your energy shifts into a better space when you two are together
  • Going days without communicating with them isn’t something you want to do
  • If you’re in a jam, they are among the first people you call
  • Both of you turn to each other for advice
  • Vacationing together is fun
  • Family get togethers are events you look forward to as it gives you a chance to hang out someone in your family who is your best friend

You’re Not Alone

A friend keeps you from feeling like you’re alone in the world. Having just one person in your life who makes you feel like you belong can boost your confidence and give you hope. When you feel like you belong, you can also:

  • Reduce your stress levels
  • Improve your sense of worth
  • Sleep better at night
  • Face mistakes you’ve better with confidence
  • Realize how alike you are to other people
  • Cope with challenges better
  • Avoid feeling deep loneliness
  • Live life with a sense of support
  • Feel empowered to ask for help
  • Know someone loves being with you, loves your company

Someone in Your Family You Trust

This world is full of ups and downs, constant change. It’s impossible to know what’s coming next every second of every day. To get through the world’s ongoing shifts, you might need to talk with someone you trust, you might need to talk through plans with someone who has your best interest at heart. A family member who’s your best friend gives you a quick ear, someone to bounce ideas off.

When someone in your family is your best friend, you also have someone you trust who you can discuss personal issues with. Instead of calling or texting a neighbor, colleague or classmate and hoping that they won’t spread intimate details you share with them, when a family member is your best friend, you can relax and know what you share won’t become gossip.

After all, you’ve both shared private details with each other for years. If neither of you has ever shared these private details with another relative, there’s a comforting shelter of trust that when you ask, “please don’t tell anyone else” your request will be honored.

Family Friends Offer Relationship Stability

When you’re sharing dating details, relationship troubles, vacation exploits and fun and games with your relative friend, it could all end in laughter. Let misfortune arise, something like a bad health diagnosis, and don’t be surprised if you weep absent embarrassment with your relative friend.

You might ask them to accompany you to your future doctor visits. It could be a good way to shield yourself from emotional and psychological hurt. And again, having this relative friend with you could keep you from feeling alone.

The older you get — or put another way, the more time you spend in this world — the more you might see the value in relationships. Even in this ever-changing world, good relationships offer the most stability.

So, consider letting the person in your family who is your best friend know how much you appreciate them. Tell them how happy you are that, in addition to being family, they care enough to be your best friend. It’s what makes family real sweet.