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Is It Possible to Talk to the Dead?

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By Denise Turney

Ability to talk to the dead is available to anyone. In fact, it might be impossible to avoid hearing from a loved one who is no longer in a body if you had an especially close connection with that person. But how do you communicate with the deceased? Is there anything special that you have to do?

Picture of flowers by a grave of a dead person
Roses by Gravesite of the Dead – Wikimedia Commons, Picture by Samuriah

Let me start this blog post by sharing that I do not believe in death. To me, death is an illusion. But something clearly happens when we exit our bodies. That change seems to make it impossible to reach across the aisle and connect.

Expanding Communication Pathways

Centuries ago, we thought that about space and distance. If someone traveled to another continent, it was as if they were “gone”. Think about it, the telegraph was invented by Samuel Morse in 1837. Additionally, mail systems may have started during the Zia or Shang dynasties, as far back as 2070 BC.

Before then, when someone moved to another country, or worse, another continent, it was as if they had disappeared forever. After all, there seemed to be no other way to communicate with the person who was “out of sight” and space, far far away.

Today, technology has erased those impossibilities. But could we have found ways to communicate with those who seemed so far away (and still in their bodies) prior to the launch of the telegraph, mail systems, the Internet, face time and instant messaging?

And could it be possible to talk to the dead in ways that many are not aware of? As with the invention of advanced technological communication tools, those communication pathways may be most open if you live with an open, flexible mind.

Is a Departed Loved One Communicating

Now, to the signs that a “dead” person is trying to communicate with you. For starters, electrical appliances might go nuts, blinking or blaring if a departed loved one communicates with you. Lights might turn off and on. Familiar scents that are associated with the loved one who is no longer in their body might fill a room.

Also, people who don’t know the deceased might say the person’s name. For example, while I was on a train heading home from work, a group of kids outside a hospital shouted my departed son’s name over and over, about 12 to 15 times. It was as if the kids were making a song of his name, not as if they were calling out to a friend.

Even more, a stranger might tell you something that is directly related to your loved one who is no longer in their body, something that the stranger clearly does not know. For example, when I was preparing to move to a new city, I spoke with a representative at a moving company.

Coming Through an Open Pathway

The very first time that I spoke with someone at the moving company, the representative who answered the phone asked, “Is this the Denise who recently lost her brother or dog?” It was an out-of-the-blue question, totally unrelated to the move.

I had never spoken with the representative before, didn’t know the guy at all. I had never told anyone at the company that my son had transitioned. A moment later after I didn’t respond, the guy said, “Guess I had the wrong Denise.”

Dreams are open pathways through which you can communicate with a departed loved one, so pay attention to your dreams. But as with any circumstance, don’t become obsessed. Your life here matters, and it’s important that you live it fully. Strong emotion while in a certain location, intuitive direction and inner guidance are other ways to communicate.

How to Talk to the Dead

As with any other inner communication, you may have to take action to receive the full communication. For example, you might receive a message to go get your loved one’s picture. After you get the picture, your loved one might tell you that she’s right there next to you.

Also, you might be asked to turn on a certain television show. After you turn on the television show, you hear someone on the show ask, “If your loved one spoke with you, what would he tell you right now?” Another person on the television show might respond, “He would tell me that he’s still here, with me right now.”

The good news is that it is not necessary to pay a medium to talk to the dead. In fact, the best mediums will encourage you to communicate with your loved one on your own. Keeping an open mind may be the best way to talk to the dead.

This cannot be overstated. If you are dealing with grief, a process that could continue for the remainder of your physical expression, you may keep the lines of communication between you and your departed loved one going by writing or typing letters to your loved one.

Dealing With Grief

Despite your doubts, you might be surprised how healing writing your loved one letters can be. Another thing that might help you, is accepting communication signs from the dead without criticism or judgment.

As you continue your journey, love yourself. Be patient with yourself. Be very, very patient with yourself. Also, allow yourself to experience peace and joy. Let yourself feel the emotion of happiness.

As someone who has had both of her parents to transition, all of her grandparents and my son transition – I know that the first days, weeks and months after a loved one departs their body can be near impossible to get through.

Shock, sorrow, guilt, regret and intense sadness can feel overwhelming. The first few days, it may be hard if not impossible to relax, let alone sleep at night. That could go on for weeks. You might start crying, like I did, while shopping for shoes, buying groceries or driving your car.

Give Yourself Time

Instead of focusing on other people’s opinions, focus on the relationship that you had with your departed loved one. As an example, some people may think that you should “get over” the “loss” after a few weeks, six months or a year.

These people might lash out should you continue to grieve longer than they think you should. Some people might ask you to stop talking about your loved one, forcing you to not even speak the person’s name. My guess is that speaking a “dead” person’s name makes some people uncomfortable. Their demanding that you not mention the person could be a form of control, an unhealthy strategy they use to avoid feeling strong emotions.

Regardless of what others say or do, love yourself. Do what is best and most loving for you. This includes accepting communications that your departed loved one has with you.

Also, commit to moving forward. Remember that you are not ending communications with your loved one who is no longer in a body, especially if you talk to the “dead”. You are simply moving through the shift so that you can continue your physical expression in healthy ways knowing that one day, you too, will become one of those “dead people”.

Use Arts to Talk to the Dead

Are you a painter? Are you a writer? Do you love to sing? How about crafts? Do you love to knit, sew or crochet?

As you continue your journey, consider painting to express emotions that you are experiencing. You could also write songs about your departed loved one. A few months after my son transitioned, I started writing on a novel, a super hero story, with my son as the main character.

Writing on that story, is tremendously healing for me. Regarding self discovery, you might find that incorporating memories of your loved one in your creative arts could prove healing and transforming.

Love Yourself

Some artists paint amazing portraits of their loved ones. Singers have written, sang and produced songs in honor of a departed loved one. There are many ways to marry memory, love and art. Even more, don’t be surprised if your loved one starts to guide these creative works.

As a final word, in addition to being patient with yourself as you go through this journey, love yourself. And I do mean, love yourself. Really really love yourself.

This includes, seeking professional help should you feel stuck or drifting toward self harm. Suicide isn’t the only form of self harm. Over eating, drinking too much alcohol and abusing yourself with drugs, including prescription drugs, are other forms of self harm.

Accept Support

Talk with a friend you know you can trust. Join an online and/or offline support group. I am a member of an online support group for grieving mothers. Hearing other mothers share their stories is beyond helpful, beyond strengthening and supportive.

Give this love to yourself. Just give yourself love. Give love. Receive love. And stay open to those loving communications that come from your departed loved ones.

Spiral is a book that deals with receiving communication from the dead. It is a fictional mystery that needs someone (not a professional medium) who can talk to the dead to solve a crime. It is my hope that Spiral will help you as you work through dealing with a loved one’s transition, especially if the transition was traumatic.

More importantly, I hope that Spiral will stir your courage, inspiring you to take the right action to protect anyone who is being traumatized, forced into departing their body. Spiral and resources shared in this article might help you to overcome fear and continue your journey in healthy ways. You also might accept communication that you receive from an eternal loved one who is no longer in a body. I wish you well.

Get your copy of “Spiral” Now at –

Sources:

Ebookit.com – https://www.ebookit.com/tools/pd/Bo/eBookIt/booktitle-Spiral

Resources:

https://www.newsweek.com/2014/11/07/talking-dead-280717.html

https://www.healyourlife.com/10-signs-the-dead-are-communicating-with-you

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/biocentrism/201111/is-death-illusion-evidence-suggests-death-isn-t-the-end

https://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief/coping-with-grief-and-loss.htm

4 Easy Ways to Give Yourself the Chance to Win

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African American woman smiling looking up with flowers on her head as she is giving herself a chance to win
African American Woman Smiling with Flowers – Wikimedia Commons, Picture by Autumn Goodman

Give yourself a chance to win if you want to fulfill your purpose. To start, let yourself nurture desires that come from your true Self. Signs that you’re giving yourself permission to get what you truly want include a clearer vision of what you want and expanding appreciation. Additionally, you’ll feel a sense of “Thank You” more frequently and perhaps even more intensely.

Get Clear Vision to Give Yourself a Chance to Win

To reach appreciation, you might have to forgive. Forgiveness may be required, because you might be holding errors that you committed against yourself. You might be holding yourself hostage, away from peace, joy and new levels of success, until you pay for past mistakes.

Do this and you might force yourself to live in isolation, enter destructive relationships or develop physical illnesses. You also might trip yourself up each time you start to succeed. For example, you might willfully break a law, company policy or argue until you push people to be against you.

Practice awareness and catch yourself if you try to sabotage your success. Keep in mind, sharpening self-awareness is one consistent action that you can take to get clear vision. Here are more actions that you could take to get clear vision and give yourself the chance to win.

Daily Inner Vision Sharpeners

Write in a journal. Writing in a journal is effective at releasing thoughts and emotions. Additionally, journal writing is also a good way to jog memories that may be sabotaging your success. When you write in a journal, you might also make room for new insights, subconscious thoughts or formerly hidden guidance to breakthrough.

Sleeping deeply and sufficiently is another action that can sharpen inner vision, giving you the chance to win. Prayer, meditation, walking in nature and sitting in a peaceful area like a back porch are other actions that you could engage in to sharpen your inner vision.

Keeping a dream journal may also help. Further, you might start to see one or more symbols show up in your dreams hours, days, weeks or months before you experience a major inner or external shift. Pay attention to your dreams. After all, your subconscious mind or your real Self might be trying to get a message through to you.

Follow Right Guidance

There’s a lot of guidance in the world. For instance, you could seek out the guidance of “experts”, people who have spent years doing what you want to start doing or you could listen to naysayers. Look back over your journey and you may find that you’ve listened to all three at different junctures in your physical experience.

What results did you get when you sought out and followed these people’s guidance? Were the results as “spot on” and rewarding as the results that you got when you followed guidance from your real Self?

Here’s a warning as you give yourself a chance to win. As you follow your real Self, you might invoke sharp criticism from people who believe their lives would be better, easier, happier, if you do what they say. In this case, avoiding these criticisms might require you to go against your real Self.

This is when your clear inner vision helps even more. Plainly put, let yourself want what you truly want, practice forgiveness and self-awareness and nothing may stop you from succeeding. This doesn’t mean that criticisms won’t sting. It means that you won’t stop.

Take Action

Giving yourself a chance to win calls for action. As you advance, don’t be surprised if necessary actions feel like risks. After all, you’re on a new road. There will be unexpected experiences. You may not like some of these unexpected experiences, let alone be able to control or change the events.

For instance, a parent or child may transition (this person’s physical experience may end). As another example, a job may end or change significantly. Even more, you might relocate, start or end a long-term relationship or change a thought pattern that you formerly sought comfort from.

To help yourself, practice patience and keep going. Give yourself time to adjust to changes that enter your life as you start to pursue what your real Self wants.

Follow hunches. Don’t stop yourself by only dreaming about what you want. Go after what your real Self wants. As an example, if a loving relationship is what you want, explore more. Visit places that your inner guidance leads you to.

Keep Going

Work on your communication skills. Also, focus on being flexible, open minded and non-controlling. Spot when you engage in projection as a way to avoid dealing with what you fear. Throughout the entire process, take full accountability and responsibility for your life.

Here’s another example. If you want to operate a successful event planning company, research prospects, discover best places to spread the word about your business and build your team. Also, follow inner guidance and take on small events to learn about decorating, photography, floral designs and meal planning.

Additionally, discover financial investments that you will make to achieve success. Get serious about your success investment. Sharpen your inner vision, consider journaling and dream logging and follow inner guidance. Take smart action. And keep going. After all, it is your life. You really should give yourself a chance to win.

It is my hope that Love Pour Over Me will help you as you work your way to the success you want, especially if you have inner challenges to progress through. Love Pour Over Me tells the fictionalized story of a talented athlete who was abandoned by his mother and left to be raised by an abusive father. Despite the challenges, his ended is marvelous.

Resilience of African American Women

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Resilience of African American women is helping to shape the future. In fact, faith, personal fortitude, clear inner vision and determination, hallmarks of resilient African American women, is paving the way for approaching success in business, community, science, education, politics, sports and arts.

Hard Roads for Powerful Women

Picture of resilient African American women
Portrait of two African American women – Wikimedia Commons, Library of Congress – United States Public Domain

It hasn’t been easy.

Harriet Tubman, Shirley Chisholm, Fannie Lou Hamer, Coretta Scott King and Mary McLeod Bethune have stood resilient in the face of long odds. So too have African American women like Daisy Bates, Dorothy Height, Ida B Wells, Oprah Winfrey, Serena Williams, Madam C. J. Walker and Stacey Abrams.

These women embody traits that have made them household names. Furthermore, these African American women have stood up to injustices like sexism, racism and antiquated religious beliefs that demand that women see and place themselves second to men.

Historic Resiliency of African American Women

With a $40,000 bounty on her head, freedom leader, Harriet Tubman, was fearless in her efforts to deliver America into a brighter future. She had the insight to know that would only come through the end of slavery.

Picture of Harriet Tubman
Harriet Tubman – Wikimedia Commons, Ennsberger? Auburn, NY – United States Public Domain

About five feet tall, Harriet Tubman led dozens of slaves to freedom, this while facing the challenges of narcolepsy. Path to freedom for Harriet Tubman was often on foot, in treacherous areas, through thick woods, with dogs and bounty hunters chasing.

In addition to freeing slaves, Harriet Tubman served in the Civil War. After the war, she spoke out for racial equity and women’s rights. She was a true, fearless servant.

The courage that her work demanded is unimaginable, especially coupled with the challenges of narcolepsy. Yet, this African American woman, who some plantation workers considered to be handicapped, fulfilled her destiny. In doing so, she blessed generations.

Sarah Breedlove, known as Madam C. J. Walker, is another resilient African American woman who not only faced but overcame long odds. Considered America’s first self-made woman millionaire, Madam C. J. Walker advocated for anti-lynching, education and the advancement of African Americans.

Ironically, it wasn’t until after she started losing her own hair that Madam C. J. Walker took a meager $1.25 and started her hair products. Despite the odds, she would go on to overcome poverty, raise her daughter as a single mother and launch a successful hair company.

Walking the Long Road to Success

Roads to success for these and other resilient African American women was often long and arduous, demanding resiliency.  As an example, for a time, to fulfill her destiny, Harriet Tubman was parted from her mother and father. She worked as a dishwasher in Philadelphia before returning South to free her parents.

Also, similar to Coretta Scott King, Ida B. Wells was the daughter of parents who valued and encouraged education. Born into slavery, Ida B. Wells was born with a long road to travel. As an adult, she attended Rust College. But was expelled from the college after arguing with a school administrator. She traveled across the globe, exposing the absolute ugliness and horrors of lynching. Her work came with danger. But, despite how long the journey, Ida B. Wells did not turn back.

Perhaps, she and other resilient African American women were so moved by a personal experience that they saw no alternative but to do all that they could to set things right. It often takes a personal experience to move us into the right action. It’s as if we simply have to care enough about ourselves and others, wishing harm on no one, to get started. It is also necessary to be open to change.

Recreating Your Life

From Mamie Elizabeth Till-Mobley (Emmett Till’s mother) to Harriet Tubman to Mary Church Terrell, African American women have had to choose between forcing themselves to repeat former days, old ways of thinking and familiar behaviors or stepping out into what looked like nothing but felt like the right way to go. It is as if these heroic women followed a sound inner compass.

Picture of Ida B Wells resilient African American woman
Ida B. Wells Barnett – Wikimedia Commons, United States Public Domain Project Gutenberg

For instance, Ida B. Wells had to recreate her life after her parents transitioned from yellow fever. The disease found Ida B. Wells a surrogate mother. She started working as a teacher so that she could care for her brothers and her sister.

After one of her friends was lynched, Ida B. Wells started to investigate lynching, speaking out against the inhumane practice. When Ida B. Wells moved from Memphis, Tennessee to Chicago, Illinois, she continued to speak out for racial justice, at times, working with Mary Church Terrell.

History continues to show that achieving or fulfilling one’s destiny requires a life change. Those moments are shaking, hard to digest, let alone move away from. During those times, you know with absolute certainty that you cannot go back to the life that you had already developed for yourself over several years, maybe decades. You simply have to let go of the past to continue the long walk up.

When You Know That You Can’t Go Back

Loss of a child, a divorce, becoming a widow and facing a health crisis are experiences that generally do not allow you to return to your former way of perceiving. Becoming an orphan is another life experience that forces you to bid farewell to your former life.

Support systems that you used to rely on, seek comfort and solace from, are gone. Furthermore, these changes can happen instantly, absent notice. In fact, Mulukan had this experience after her mother transitioned. Mulukan was a mere six years old when she was left an orphan, her father having transitioned a few years earlier.

As with other resilient women, the fictional Mulukan had to make a choice. She could stay with the people she’d known her entire young life or she could walk away from all that was familiar to her. The risks were enormous. The same way that resilient African American woman continue to inspire, Mulukan’s mother inspired her.

Picture of African American book Long Walk Up
Copyrighted Image

It was through her mother that Mulukan (her fictional life is depicted in the book Long Walk Up) learned to live her best life. It was through her mother that Mulukan learned to never give up on her destiny, to be resilient. This little girl’s courage led her to become Africa’s first woman president. This fictional story of a resilient woman could inspire you to face what has happened in your life, even helping you to decide to make the courageous decision to recreate your life and keep working to fulfill your destiny.

Keep Walking Up

Like Long Walk Up’s Mulukan, resilient African American women impact generations. They are courageous mothers, wives, sisters and friends. Their efforts paved the way for countless others who would come after them. Yet, their labor, their faith in action, only takes real effect when, because of what they did, others start and keep taking the long walk up.

Let Mulukan’s fictional story inspire you. Step into her extreme challenges as an orphan, so that you can possibly start to believe that, despite the odds that you may face, you too can take the long walk up and reach your destiny. Fulfill your destiny and you could leave a legacy of hope, victory, faith and inspiration for future generations. Your work might even change a nation.

Get your copy of “Long Walk Up” Now at –

Resources:

https://www.womenshistory.org/education-resources/biographies/ida-b-wells-barnett

https://www.succeedingwithnarcolepsy.com/harriet-tubman

https://www.womenshistory.org/education-resources/biographies/mary-church-terrell

Falling in Love with an African American Man

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Falling in love with an African American man can be beyond words rewarding. The relationship that you share with an African America man can be insightful, deeply engaging, nourishing and long lasting. So, why aren’t more African American women enjoying these relationships?

Rolling Relationship Dice

For starters, romantic love seems to just happen. You weren’t trying to join in love. In fact, you may have sworn off joining in love with another person. And yet, it has happened.  

African American woman hugging African American man she loves
African American man and woman couple smiling, Wikimedia Commons Picture

Feels like rolling relationship dice. What you do now could impact your relationship for months, years. You could do yourself a favor and not give meaning to what the man you just met does or says. If the feelings are mutual, this gorgeous African American man could be trying to woe you.

He wants you just as you (although you may hate to admit it) want him. He may tell you what he thinks that you want to hear.

Instead of giving meaning to what he says and does as soon as you two meet, consider becoming an observer. Allow this African American man the room to be himself. Avoid steering him with judgment, praise or compliments. Observe and watch where his inner compass is headed.

Romantic Relationship Curiosity Pays Off

Consider holding back on placing a goal on the relationship. After all, you two just met. Just because strong emotions have erupted doesn’t mean that the relationship has to end in marriage. If you think back over other times when you’ve been an African American woman in love, you might see how beneficial observing without judgment or goals could be right now.

As strong, smart and insightful as you are, that doesn’t mean that you and the wonderful man you just met don’t have baggage to let go of. It doesn’t mean that you and the man you just met don’t have childhood trauma to work through.

Curiosity in what could become a blooming romance may allow valuable insights from this African American man and you to surface. As a smart woman, you may find that it’s best to work on your communication skills, patience, forgiveness and self-awareness before you advance further into the relationship.

Honesty Matters

An example of this could be allowing the man to be himself and observing him being patient with a new store cashier or cutting off a waiter who make mistakes with your dinner order. If he practices self-awareness and he’s loving, he should catch himself and change his unloving behavior all on his own.

Another example could be you saying Up just because he said Down or you saying Right just because he said Left. Be honest. Have you done this in other relationships? Are you afraid that you will lose something, perhaps yourself, if you are agreeable? Think about working on this communication habit before you advance the relationship. Your decision could save you headaches down the road.

Both of these examples are instances when you accept what is. You don’t rationalize, ignore, hide from, lie about or try to explain away what is happening. You observe and accept what is.

Moving Beyond Childhood Trauma

If the relationship proves rooted in love, you could be entering a blessed union, even if it doesn’t lead to marriage. You’re an African American woman who’s investing in herself and the beautiful African American man you love.

African American romantic relationship picture of couple in park
Smiling African American man and African American woman in park – Wikimedia Commons Picture

Together you can move beyond challenges and childhood trauma. This is what Brenda decides in Love Pour Over Me. She’s young, in her early 20s, when she meets Raymond, an incredibly gifted and loving African American man.

But Brenda’s not curious enough. She’s also scared of being hurt. She scared of disappointing her family by choosing the wrong man to share her life with. You can learn from Brenda. There’s no need to repeat her mistakes.

Childhood Trauma Signs

Outbursts and anxious behavior that catches you or the African American man who you’re in love with off guard (as though you have no idea why you said or did something) are signs that you may have childhood trauma to move beyond. Being shocked by what you say or do may be a sign that there’s an unhealed part of your mind outside your conscious awareness. Shutting down emotionally or abruptly ending communication with people you love, people you know care for you, are other signs that there may be childhood trauma to work through.

Unexplained irritability, fatigue and worry are other potential signs. The relationship is new. The man or you could be triggering past memories that one or both of you have been running from for decades, just as Raymond runs from his childhood trauma in Love Pour Over Me.

This is when your budding relationship could be a gift. Consider not forcing your relationship to fit into an image or fantasy that you’ve been wanting. Stay curious and allow the relationship to unfold organically. (Warning: This might be harder than you think.)

Invest in Personal Awakening

Should you become aware of childhood trauma in yourself or the African American man you love, invest in personal awakening. The man will have to invest in his own personal awakening. You can’t make this decision for him. If he doesn’t choose to do this, consider moving on. You should always be advancing.

Taking time each day to be still and remember the Creator is the best personal investment. Drinking plenty of fresh water, exercising, getting ample sleep and treating yourself to nature stays (e.g., outdoor walks, bike rides, reading good books while sitting outside on the porch) are ways to invest in personal awakening.

African American romantic relationship couple dining picture
Older Loving African American Couple – Wikimedia Commons Picture

Keeping a journal, writing down your dreams, meditating and listening to soothing music are other ways to invest in personal awakening. Being honest with what you feel and think may be at the top of the list of ways to invest in personal awakening. Above all, do not lie to yourself even if the truth means that this marvelous African American man and you are not ready to enter a romantic relationship.

Ongoing Support for Loving Relationship

Be patient with yourself whether you’re an amazing African American woman who’s moving forward with this relationship or an amazing African American woman who’s letting this new relationship go.

Ask for help should you get stuck or feel like you can’t get through childhood trauma on your own. There may be no greater act of loving yourself. Support may come in the form of discussion support groups, counseling or therapy with a licensed psychotherapist. Should you choose this path, consider working with a licensed therapist who has completed deep therapy herself. Avoid receiving treatment from an unhealed therapist who is not consistently working on herself.

After all, we are all awakening. If you’re looking for a book that shows an African American couple working through childhood trauma and investing in personal awakening, consider Love Pour Over Me.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now

Love and Success – See Yourself There Right Now

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photo of woman standing on sunflower field with her arms up in love with success
Woman Celebrating Success Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Love and success are part of your natural DNA. Yet you have to be willing to receive these blessings. Fortunately, there is never a reason to delay receiving either. It’s worth noting that love and success are not in the past or in the future.

Receive Love and Success Now

They are just not there. Instead, they are in the present, where the point of power is. There is no past. There is no future. This instant is the only time where you can make a change. Now!

Don’t put off taking the actions that can bring you the change you want. This instant is the only time that you can bring change into your life. If you think about it, you’ll see – there really is no future. And you can’t go back to the past. You can change everything right now! Right now, you can see yourself where you want to be, having the amazing experiences that you want. Don’t see yourself there in the future – See yourself there RIGHT NOW!

That’s power! Why don’t you use that power to make the choices that insulate you in peace and joy! You can do it right now! Nothing anywhere can stop you! Seeking an example?

Mulukan accepted her point of power when she was six-years old. She walked away from the only safety that she knew, the people she had grown up with, the only people she had known.

Make History

That choice led her through arduous experiences, ones that found her contemplating quitting on her entire life. At the instant when all seemed lost, as if she would only fail, Mulukan received help from the most unlikely places.

Fortunately, for Mulukan, she was still at a place where it was easy for her to trust. Choice by choice in the point of power (this very instant), she made it from abject poverty into her marvelous destiny! She could have stayed where her physical eyes told her it was safe and ended up drowning in misery, boredom and complacency. That’s not what Mulukan chose. Her courageous choice saw her become the first woman president of a country in Africa.

Ready for love and success? Ready to see yourself there RIGHT NOW? Do this for 3 to 5 minutes a day – REALLY see yourself where you want to be and watch what happens!

You can read about Mulukan’s story in Long Walk Up. 

Ready to Leave a Painful Childhood Behind?

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By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

Do you know what one of the hardest parts of death is? You know, you absolutely know, that you cannot go back and change a single thing.

Love Pour Over Me Book on painful childhood cover among stack of books
Love Pour Over Me Book Cover Graphic

If you’re reading this, you might be nodding in agreement at that point, especially if you recently experienced the death of someone dear to you. In fact, desire to say or do something different as it regards that loved one might be disrupting your peace.

Living Free of Past Painful Childhood Illusions

But here’s the thing. It may be an illusion that you can change a single iota of the past just because you’re still breathing, even events from a painful childhood. Ever. The past really is done. It’s over. It passes moment by moment . . . day by day.

With that truth in mind, how would you change your life right now? How would you relate to the person you’re avoiding, the person whose opinion you value so much it hurts each time you imagine that they disapprove of you? Which ways would you treat a colleague, in-law, neighbor, blood relative or former friend if you knew that nothing you say or do can ever be erased?

Would you continue plotting how you’re going to get even with your spouse or beau because they forgot your birthday, took credit for work you did or wouldn’t back down during an argument? If possible, would you tell your child how much she irritates or frustrates you again? And would you remain committed to hardening your heart?

Choose this and you’ll be choosing to drag unforgiveness, not to mention unresolved trauma, around. Why would you choose to do this?

Signs That You’re Stuck in a Painful Childhood

As it regards a painful childhood, if you could, how would you change your present life? What behavior and thought patterns would you change now? How would you create a better past for yourself, a past you would always be at peace recalling?

If you’re stuck in the past, you may need to work with a professional or practice intentional self-care to break free. Types of past events that you could be hooked on include the death of a parent, a romantic relationship breakup, a job layoff or a natural disaster that destroyed your home.

Signs that you’re living in a past that’s rooted in a painful childhood include:

  • Clinging to people or objects (hoarding)
  • Irrational fears
  • Emotional outbursts
  • Difficulty feeling or expressing healthy emotion

Inability to form close, enriching relationships may be another sign that you’re dragging a regrettable past experience around in your psyche.

It’s time to stop. Dragging the past around comes at a high price. It works like a contaminant that erodes present-day encounters. To say it’s a joy and peace thief is an understatement.

Choosing Life

If you’re afraid and don’t want to examine a regrettable past firsthand, empower yourself by taking a peek at someone else’s life. Get an account of the depth of damage continuing to live in the past causes. You’re probably already doing this, sizing up the impact of your parents’, grandparents’, church members’ and friends’ choices.

It’s easy to see where these people went wrong. But being a spectator leaves you on the sidelines, keeps you from moving forward. Raymond Clarke learns this lesson the hard way in Love Pour Over Me. All he can see are his father’s and his mother’s awful mistakes, how they hurt him, how they set him up for a hard life.

Stop Running from the Past

Then, Raymond decides to run as far away from his past as possible. If you’re running from your past, you’re probably wondering how it’ll work out. You’re probably wondering if it’s truly possible to run far enough away from old memories and old feelings to live free of a painful childhood.

For Raymond, freedom doesn’t come until he revisits the past in an honest, healthy way. Are you ready to go back? Are you ready to revisit the hard spots in your life that are arresting your development? Give yourself the chance to learn how to truly break free of the past and accept real love right now.

Road to Freedom

Ways to get free start with acknowledging that you’re living in the past. Other actions toward freedom include:

  • Journaling about past experiences that stir up anger, fear and sorrow
  • Writing down your dreams and seeing if they offer guidance toward freedom
  • Forgiving people who mistreated you
  • Working with a reputable, experienced and licensed professional
  • Looking out for yourself from this day forward
  • Trusting yourself and taking new, loving chances

Prove you love yourself the way you wish others had proven that they loved you. After all, you’re in the driver seat now. Treat yourself good.

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You Don’t Know Everything

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By Books Author Denise Turney

film actress professional photo you don't know everything
Wikimedia Commons

It feels thrilling to know that you’re right. You feel like you’ve won, as if you’ve outwitted someone else. On top of that, you might feel as if you’re better than another person. Good feelings aside, striving to be right is a trap. There’s just too much you don’t know. Try enough new things and you’ll see that you don’t know everything.

Accepting that is freeing. After all, when you’re proven wrong, it feels as if you’ve had something taken from you, as if you actually lost something. Although you could hide it, you might feel small. You could feel like you need to protect yourself.

What do you believe about yourself?

Fear associated with being proven wrong affects every facet of life. It’s why parents, psychologists, business leaders and human resources specialists guide in private and praise in public. Anthony Robbins, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Lisa Nichols, Les Brown and other thought leaders reference this when they talk about the scarcity belief.

Our ego is always on the lookout for a potential threat. The ego is always on the lookout for what it thinks might attack or take away from it, believing that loss is actually possible.

Then, our ego creates defense systems (i.e., disassociation, aggression) as a way to protect itself and to avoid change. None of the ego’s defense systems work. They can become addictive. They can also make sickness, but help and heal, they cannot do.

What are your beliefs keeping you from?

Believing that you know everything is an ego defense. But think about what this does. Thinking that you know everything about a person, an organization, a situation or the past, present or future keeps you from:

  • Lasting, positive change
  • Internal advancement
  • Enlightenment
  • Awakening to truth
  • Accepting new ideas and thoughts
  • Peace and joy
  • Sense of truth fulfillment
  • What you really want
  • Better, more rewarding relationships
  • Feeling safe

As a writer or book publisher, thinking that you know everything could be the reason why you haven’t received ideas on how you can connect with more readers, generate more book sales or write better stories. Keep in mind that the ego is always on the lookout for a threat. It is always seeking a way to protect itself. One of the best ways that the ego avoids threat is by keeping you bound (away from real change) and stagnant. It does this at conscious and unconscious levels. Fear is its primary tool.

Signs that the ego is at work

If you feel angry, attacked, ridiculed, embarrassed or small when someone corrects something that you said or did, your ego may be in full effect. If you feel afraid to speak in public, introduce yourself to someone or reach out for help, your ego could be telling you that you don’t have enough value to do those things.

They are lies.

Art, particularly writing, is an area where the ego gets tested regularly.

As a writer, you are going to receive feedback on your work. If you’re afraid of feedback, you may refuse to work with an editor. Okay. So, don’t work with an editor. You’ll hear from readers and book reviewers instead. But you are going to get feedback and you probably won’t like all of it.

Accept that nothing can change God’s will. Nothing can change what God created or how God created anything. God created you perfect. You do not have to know everything. You cannot lose anything. Your worth cannot diminish.

Move forward with an open mind. Accept when you are wrong, knowing that your ideas and decisions are not YOU. The more open you are to accepting feedback, the better your works may become. Being open to feedback can help you to remove blinders. It can help you to develop the types of stories that readers appreciate. It can position you for greater success. Remember. You don’t have to know everything, especially if you trust the One who does.

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Child Abuse Signs to Look Out For

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By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

signs of child abuse

Stop Child Abuse Picture by OshaneB at Wikimedia Commons

Child abuse signs extend beyond bruises, swollen limbs and fractures. Emotional and psychological scars, though harder to detect, run deep, last a long time. And there are instances when a child’s injuries are due to a fall or an accident. Still, as it regards a child, should you witness potential abuse or neglect, make the child top priority.

Stop Child Abuse 

Do something.

For instance, you could ask the child how they got injured. If your child is a friend of the injured child, they could also ask the child how she got injured. Depending on the level of trust between the kids, the abused child might reveal what’s happening to them to your kid.

Suspect abuse or neglect? Alert authorities, a step that you could take anonymously. Call 911 if a child has been injured or shows signs of neglect. Don’t wait or just pray about it. What you do now could save a child years of emotional or psychological trauma.

Medical professionals, teachers and school administrators receive training on how to identify and respond to child abuse signs. They could be a good resource to help stop abuse or neglect. The important thing is to take action, do something to protect and care for the child.

Far Reaching Impact of Childhood Neglect

Left to continue, abuse during formative years can cause a range of harmful conditions. Including among these conditions are:

  • Getting emotionally, sexually or mentally “stuck” at the age that the trauma happened
  • Difficulty communicating with others
  • Disassociation
  • Panic attacks
  • PTSD
  • Depression
  • Irrational anger
  • Insomnia
  • Eating disorders
  • Isolation

Unfortunately, those are not the only conditions that can result from being abused or neglected as a child. Larger society often doesn’t pay attention to the conditions until someone who experienced abuse or neglect deals with the trauma in anti-social ways. Doing something right away could prevent future tragedies. Every child deserves to grow up in a safe, loving environment.

Child Abuse Signs Aren’t Always Easy to Detect

As it regards abuse, signs of sexual abuse can be hard to detect due to the fact that the abused child may work hard to keep the abuse secret. Shame, guilt and embarrassment are emotions that even hard-wired adults try to avoid. Imagine how much a child would want to steer clear of these emotions. Yet, there are signs that a child might have been sexually abused. These signs include an abused child:

• Talking with other children about age-inappropriate sexual fantasies, ideas or facts
• Asking other children sexually charged questions
• Showing other children pornography
• Touching other children inappropriately
• Having sex with a child (it doesn’t matter if the child doesn’t protest)

Abusive Neglect

Abandonment and emotional abuse range from belittling or bullying children to calling children derogatory names. This type of abuse can have lifelong effects. During childhood, humans undergo extensive psychological conditioning. Name calling, belittling and abandonment can set a child up for serious self-esteem issues.

This type of abuse can also make it hard for adults to form healthy emotional attachments. Examples of abandonment are forcing children to stay in their room or a certain part of the house alone and leaving children at home alone for hours or a day or longer.

An adult caregiver showing more respect for a boyfriend or girlfriend could be another form of abandonment, especially if a child is merely fed and sheltered while a parent enjoys the honeymoon stage of a new relationship. A parent allowing their boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse to abuse a child is also abandonment and neglect.

Abuse from Childhood to Adulthood

Children who wear long sleeved clothes during the height of summer may be hiding bruises or scars. Other less direct signs of child abuse include:

• Children withdrawing from family and friends
• A child finding it hard to make or keep friends
• Low self-esteem
• Fear of other people
• Expecting to be ridiculed or bullied
• Not wanting to go home
• Running away from home
• Constant headaches or stomach aches
• Overeating or under eating
• Sleeping for long periods or staying in bed most of the day
• Insomnia
• Seeking constant approval or praise
• Fear of trying new things due to fear of being shouted at for making a mistake

Love Pour Over Me gives a glimpse of what can happen to an adult who has suffered years of abuse. It takes Raymond decades to stop being afraid of love. That wait comes at a price for Raymond and real-life child abuse victims. Do what you can to stop child abuse now.

Sports Greats Who Walk Away from the Game too Soon

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Track and field sports greats crossing finish line

By Books Author Denise Turney

Sports greats invest years of razor-sharp focus, commitment and practice into their chosen field. Their performances do more than grab our attention. They make life’s challenges feel less arduous. Don’t think so? Ever catch your gaze glued to the television screen, caught up in the back and forth of a sports competition?

Acrobatic end zone catches, the pass you thought your favorite wide receiver could never make but did. The perfect somersault landing that your top gymnast scored. A track and field competitor’s stride opening like a gazelle’s, allowing the middle-distance runner to win another Olympic gold medal.

It’s hard to ignore incredible sports feats. No wonder you find it impossible to turn away from the television. You don’t want this suspended amazement to end. Live vicariously through sports greats and you could go on winning indirectly forever watching professional sports, college competitions and open races at events like the Penn Relays.  

Sports great addiction

While you are glued to a sports competition, you probably forget about a struggle at work, an argument that you had with your beau or a bill that just came in the mail you know you don’t have the money to pay. That alone can make tuning into spots addictive.

After all, who doesn’t want to forget their problems? Yet, sports greats, the best of the gladiators, are human. If they entered their field with a one-track mind, by the time they invest 10 years into their sport, it’s highly unlikely that they still have a one-track mind.

Barry Sanders, Justine Henin, Jim Brown and Lorena Ochoa are sports greats who proved they didn’t have a one-track mind. Jim Brown went into acting and took up social struggles. Barry stepped into a well-balanced life. At least that what it looks like from the outside. Yet, it might be the fact that sports heroes actually think about something other than sport that alarms spectators most.

Why sports greats let you down

You also might want sports greats to entertain you more, longer. It’s as if you think they let you down when they chose to pursue a different goal. It’s this bitter taste that Raymond Clarke can leave in you, especially if you’re an avid sports fan.

You watch sports greats like Raymond Clarke, a major player in Love Pour Over Me, work hard to reach the top of their game. They push past some of life’s hardest challenges. You watch these sports greats keep going no matter what. Admit it. You root for them. Forget personality flaws. You want your favorite athletes to win.

And then, just when you thought they were on track to win for another five years, they up and retire. They quit the sport that they’ve loved since they were a kid, the very sport that you still love, but only from the sidelines.

Why it’s so hard to let sports greats retire

It’s hard to digest that you might spend the rest of your days trying to figure out why a sports great walked away from the game too soon. Think about it. It happened with Barry Sanders and Jim Brown, to name two sports greats.

Sports commentators and fans still try to figure out why Barry and Jim walked away from football when they did. It’s almost as if we want the right to tell sports greats when they can retire. That time would never be before you’re emotionally and psychologically ready.

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Courageous Patience for New Beginnings

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beautiful heart patience pendant

By Novel Writer Denise Turney

New beginnings are welcomed, celebrated. At the same time, they are feared, avoided. Have you ever dealt with a loss that you knew, deep down, you just knew, took the old you with it? It may have been the loss of a child, the loss of a parent, sibling or even the loss of a job that you’d worked for more than 30 years.

Please Leave Things the Way They Were

For you, there is no going back. If you’re particularly reluctant to release your former life, the only life you may have known, you might return to a former residence, seriously consider moving back home or seek out another job that reminds you so much of the job you just left.

The person who tries to toss out or move your deceased child’s clothes might be greeted with a powerful show of anger and distaste from you. “Leave it the way it is” might be your cry. It’s understandable.

Reinventing a brand-new life and evolving into new beginnings is no easy task. This reinvention demands that you examine your deepest beliefs. Yes. Get forced to let go of everything that you knew, and you will ask profound questions. It makes perfectly good sense. After all, the ground beneath your feet has shifted.

When Trusting New Beginnings Is Hard

Trust may be a hard to surface as you progress through your former life and move toward new beginnings. Love Pour Over Me‘s Raymond Clarke knows all too well about these awkward, painful adjustments.

It takes him a long time, decades, to learn to release his past life. Because of this, it takes him a long time to receive the love that awaits him, love he won’t receive until after one of the most important people in his life departs this world.

Are you at a crossroads? Or are you trying to cope with a painful loss? Perhaps Raymond’s story will speak to you. His story is the fictional account of volumes of real-life stories that fill newspaper, magazine and journal archives. Through his life you might find an answer that you are seeking.

New Beginnings – When You Experience Real Pain

You might find a path or technique that helps you to move forward, to enter a rewarding new beginning. As Raymond learns in Love Pour Over Me, be patient with yourself. It really does take courageous patience to advance into new beginnings.

Depending on the depth of the shift, you might start out feeling numb, detached from the loss. Crying might be something you rarely, if ever, do. This is a time when people around you (family, colleagues, neighbors, friends) might think you’re strong.

Because it reduces their need to alter their lives in order to deal with the great change you’re in the middle of, they may like you better this way versus seeing you sob. For this reason, meditating and spending time alone resting could be paramount as you move forward, never to be the same again.

Courageous Patience for the New Road Ahead

People you know might tell you that you really know how to trust God if you display little to no emotion around the loss. But they are only seeing your mask. And they might be grateful for that. Your mask rewards them with the illusion that things really haven’t changed that much and that after a certain amount of time, things will go back to the way they were before the loss occurred.

But that’s not going to happen. Ever.

Which is why it takes courageous patience to advance into new beginnings. Bless yourself with the patience to fall, get back up, fall again and wobble or crawl back up. Gift yourself with the patience to let your emotions rock, stand in the fear of the unknown and accept that you don’t now (nor ever did) know all there is to know about anything.

Favor yourself with patience as you struggle to release the past. Give yourself time to create a brand-new life. After all, this is a new life that you (not someone else) are going to live. Don’t rush it. Be exceptionally kind and gentle with yourself even if others are not.

Look For Cues

Look within for cues that you’re on the right path. Permit yourself to experience joy and happiness, even as you work your way through grief. Your courageous patience is a sign of self-love.

This same courageous patience might serve as a light to other people years from now. Your courageous patience to begin again might help to lead others out of a past that no longer works just as Raymond Clarke’s journey has done in the book Love Pour Over Me.