Consider your passion. This is an activity that you absolutely love engaging in. Could be in the creative arts, business, technical, scientific, social or educational field. For instance, you might love spending hours working in a dark room, developing new photographs. Even if you made a lot of money from your passion, there may be no bigger reward than the joy that you feel while you’re deeply involved in your passion.
Avoid The Trap
No amount of money may center you in that type of joy. If you already pursue your passion, you probably are familiar with this. Yet, in this world, you could miss this fact and start chasing external approval, awards or titles. Even more, you could start seeing your passion as primarily a means to bring more and more money into your home.
For certain, you wouldn’t be the first to do this. As much as I don’t like to say it, I fell into this trap, lingering in the trap for several years. If I didn’t sell a lot of books, I told myself that it wasn’t worth it to write a new book.
Fortunately, I shifted out of this trap. After I was out of this snare, I realized that the more important thing was to “do the work”. Makes good sense to me now.
After all, without the work, there are slimmer chances of getting to the book sales success that I want. But, there was another lesson that was birthed in the realization that “doing the work” was the more important goal.
It’s So Simple
And, that other lesson was the importance of valuing how engaging in my passion helped to open me up to joy. Spend five minutes in joy and you might come to see that there’s no better feeling than joy. Add to that how easy it is to get into joy simply by engaging in your passion.
Talk about your passion being a blessing. For this reason, be encouraged to return to your passion. Should you not return to your passion, you could rob yourself of a lot of joy and satisfaction. Let that occur and no amount of work, food or sleep might feel like enough.
Sounds simple.
However, it’s not always so simple.
Stop Avoiding Passion
This is a busy world, full or responsibilities, deadlines and distractions. Get distracted or caught up in other “safe” or “comfortable” pursuits and years could pass without you even thinking about your passion, let alone engaging in it. In fact, you might even convince yourself that you just don’t have time to pursue your deepest passions.
Should this be where you are right now, consider pausing. Think about the power and the importance of joy. There’s a wealth of power in joy. Then, start to search for activities to spend less time with, making room to engage in your passion. Of course, do this with love. In other words, don’t cut down the time that you spend with your family.
Find The Time
Instead, carve out “meaningless” activities, things that you do merely to fill up time. Take this rediscovered time and focus on what you truly love to do. The payoff might be greater than you could ever imagine.
You have to make the shift though. It really is true that you won’t know what could come of your passions if you don’t work them. What you do could bless you, those around you and generations to come.
Here’s to finding the time to pursue your deepest passions.
How would you change your life if you believed that you’re supposed to be enlightened with joy? Would you continue to look outside yourself for direction, turning to other people’s experiences and mounds of information when you wanted to know what to do now and next?
Is Information the Link to Joy
Today information is everywhere, filling our minds with images, sayings, opinions, warnings, advertisements, advice, and teachings. There are messages that espouse the importance of sacrifice, as if to gift the world with meaning you must give something up. Right now, technology via electronics is pushing out information at an alarming rate. It’s hard not to turn to data or other people for guidance, as if that’s where you should go to fully know what you should do to experience joy.
Then, there’s artificial intelligence, a growing form of technology and data that is taking humanity into new territory. It’s definitely not a boring time, but could our main purpose be the oldest aim, perhaps forever unchanged. What if, through the information age and beyond, the main aim is joy?
In other words, what if you’re supposed to be enlightened with joy? After all, throughout time, a myriad of situations, and lifestyles, there are but a few things that have remained unaltered: peace, love, and joy. If joy was, indeed, the aim of your being, how would you allow your physical experiences to unfold?
What Would You Do If Your Goal Was Joy
Would you work where you now work, focusing on projects that you now focus on? And would the physical structure that you call home be as it currently is? If not, where would you work or live and who would occupy your space?
Looking back, if we’re supposed to be enlightened with joy, it could be why I received inner guidance to “not seek after comfort” when I was a kid, about 12-years old. Of course, I’ve spent much of this journey seeking comfort. Fortunately, I’ve been curious enough about life and our Creator to follow higher guidance which, so often, takes one away from comfort.
Think about it. Is it not clear that you could go one way or another, but not two ways at the same time? You can seek comfort or truth. Also, you could seek illusions or truth.
Choosing to be Enlightened with Joy
Choose to be enlightened with joy and you’ll have to break away from worldly traditions. 2 Corinthians 6:17 shares that you’d have to “come out from among them.” (KJV) Furthermore, Romans 12:2 shares, “Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (NIV)
Admittedly, this is no easy task. At the start, it may feel as if you’re giving up everything that you want, all that you value – happiness itself. As you keep going, changing your mind and choosing anew, you may enter a state of peace and joy that you maintain regardless of outer circumstances.
Imagine experiencing joy, love, and peace regardless of what you hear, see, perceive, or feel? Talk about graduating. It may very well be impossible to experience suffering, anger, jealousy, or hate once you reach that level of enlightenment.
Could it happen quickly, or would it take years, decades? What do you think?
Progressing Toward Joy Enlightenment
Depending on your childhood programming and training, you might have to become intensely curious about life to start to distinguish between profitable and unprofitable childhood and adult lessons. For instance, it might take curiosity, courage, and determination to stop following old, worn life paths: going to school to obtain degrees and certificates as proof that you can complete a task.
Or you might face financial rewards differently, choosing not to allow the opportunity to receive more money to guide your path. Overall, you might have to discontinue the tradition of allowing what your body’s eyes see to guide you, to tell you which way to go.
Talk about breaking away. Traditions that you heard while growing up might follow you for years, shadowing you, even as you commit to following a specific path that shortens your enlightenment with joy. Back and forth, returning to old worldly traditions to break free again, you might go for quite a while.
Yet, if your aim to be enlightened with joy is maintained, progress you shall. But first you must begin. To do that, you may consider following your Higher Self. Those early followings might come through journal writings, recording your dreams, and interpreting those dreams.
Journey Toward Joy
More ways to begin the journey toward enlightenment through joy include:
Praying to the Creator with the belief that you are always loved
Watching your thoughts pass as if you are merely watching clouds float by, without getting attached to any of the thoughts
Investing in a healthy diet, including eating fresh vegetables, fruits, and hydrating your body with lots of fresh water
Looking for blessings and counting them to become more aware of the countless way that the Creator blesses and loves you
Gifting yourself and others with acts of kindness
Another way to become enlightened with joy is to live honestly. This doesn’t mean that you become harsh. It means that you don’t lie to yourself. Instead of proclaiming that you are always happy, you accept what you truly feel.
Opening to Honesty to Become Enlightened
You open to the idea that “what you feel” is not what you are, nor is it a judgment on you, freeing yourself to accept what you’re currently experiencing. This gives you the opportunity to work through contradictions, worry, and trauma.
Rather than holding you back, living honestly helps you to “let go” of what’s been holding you hostage to sorrow, regret, and guilt. Throughout the journey of living honestly joy remains the aim.
Keep going. There is so much to explore, learn, celebrate, and love. It may help you to realize that you are not alone. In one way or another, everyone is on a journey. You’ve come this far on your journey. Obviously, you possess the courage to step into the unknown, expecting good outcomes.
Be patient with yourself. Whether you accept it now or not, you do have what it takes to live in joy. Allow yourself to be curious about experiences you have. Love yourself and give yourself room to make mistakes. Expect greater good to enter your sphere. You deserve it. You really do.
Stop daydreaming if you want to experience real life success. Admittedly, daydreaming feels good which might be why you do it so much. There could also be brain benefits associated with daydreaming. According to studies, including those shared in a Harvard Medical School article, daydreaming may improve brain plasticity. More specifically, “Based on the results of the study, the researchers suspect that these daydreams may be actively involved in brain plasticity.”1
Can Daydreaming Become Addictive?
Furthermore, Smithsonian reports that “psychological research is beginning to reveal that daydreaming is a strong indicator of an active and well-equipped brain.” Smithsonian goes on to share that a “wandering mind correlates with higher degrees of what is referred to as working memory. Cognitive scientists define this type of memory as the brain’s ability to retain and recall information in the face of distractions.”2
Memory and brain plasticity benefits aside, if you daydream to the point that daydreaming becomes addictive, you might be surprised to find yourself stuck in life routines that you hate. It could range from relationships to work to creative pursuits to your inner journey.
Before you know it, you’ve invested 15 years in a job that sucks the happiness out of you. Or you’re going home to a relationship that you haven’t felt good about for a decade. Each time the pain of staying in the situation gets too intense, you start daydreaming, pretending that your life is different.
Stop Daydreaming If You Really Want It
You daydream that you’re in a loving relationship with someone who makes you feel loved and deeply appreciated every single day, even as you roll your eyes each time your “real” lover kisses or touches you. And you daydream for hours at work, pretending that you’re doing entirely different work in an entirely different city with entirely different business partners.
Even if you delve into exploring a new job, relationship, fitness routine, etc., you won’t go as far as you could if most of your efforts are limited to daydreaming. On top of this, if you’re merely daydreaming, do you really want what you say you want?
Do you really want it?
How To Replace Daydreaming With Action
If you do, stop “only” daydreaming. Replace daydreaming with action.
Create an action plan. For example, if you want to start a business, start building your board of directors. Research licenses and certificates that the business you want to start is required to have. Work with market research organizations to learn about the best places to launch your business. Also, get up to speed on effective marketing and promotion strategies in the industry you want to work in. And set deadlines for when you will complete each action in the plan.
Learn and learn. Enroll in postsecondary courses that help you stay aware of industry trends and market and product cycles. Stay abreast of technology, marketing pros, and product designers who are shaping the future of your industry.
Take smart risks. Don’t play it safe. That’s what daydreaming is for. Break old industry habits and patterns. Be the courageous creative who does the thing that hasn’t been done before. Have the courage to stand alone for a while. If what you take a risk on takes off, you can best believe that there will be lots of people who will try to mimic what you just did.
Keep it new. Continue to develop and create new products and services. This one is important, because if you don’t keep releasing new products and services, your offerings may start to feel stale to consumers.
Daydreaming Habits
Should you have slipped into the habit of daydreaming for hours a day, use a tool (e.g., spreadsheet, daily planner) to track your actions and the return on your efforts. This simple activity can keep you from falling prey to magical thinking.
Even more, it can protect you from lying to yourself. Tracking your actions and return on efforts can prevent you from believing that you’re doing things that you actually aren’t doing. Unfortunately, this is what happened to me when I decided to pursue freelance writing full-time, and not just pursue freelance writing, but pursue freelance writing as the Great Recession was kicking off.
Poor timing, I know. But that wasn’t the bad part. What hurt was daydreaming versus putting more of my plans into action. How I turned it around was to get out a spreadsheet and start recording my actions.
How To Give Yourself a Chance
The payoff was huge. Money that I generated from freelance writing increased significantly. Confidence that I could make it as a writer strengthened. To this day, the single act of tracking my actions and the return on those actions is one of the smartest moves I’ve made.
So, give yourself a good chance to experience real life success. Commit to taking smart actions. Avoid believing that success is rooted in luck. To speed up your success, set aside time each day to use your imagination (a great time for daydreaming) to surface new ideas, innovative ways to grow your business.
Just a few days investing in idea creation could see you come up with more than 100 ways to grow your business. The number of ways you could strengthen your business might even shock you. Give it a try!
Deepen Relationships In Real Life, Not In Dreams
After you stop daydreaming about what you want (in place of taking smart actions), build healthy connections. After all, no one knows everything about anything. Despite how independent you might be, you need other people to support and partner with you to experience long-term success.
To build and deepen these relationships:
Join industry associations
Sponsor events that appeal to your target audience
Attend conferences and cultural festivals that attract business leaders and consumers your products and services aim to improve the lives of
Visualize Your Success
Not only does that strengthen important connections, but it also reinforces your brand. Speaking of strengthening connections and your brand, make keeping what you do in the human consciousness a priority. Ways to do that include:
Designing a logo with colors and an image that generate positive emotions
Ensuring that your logo is on all of your products and promo items, also known as “swag”
Interviewing in media outlets that appeal to your target audience, guiding your responses to your products or services.
During times when you don’t see your efforts paying off as much as you’d like, visualize yourself succeeded – not later – now! See and feel yourself achieving what you want to achieve – not later – now!
Your Success Won’t Be a Daydream
Feel the success. Allow it to become part of your identity while you love yourself as you are. Continue growing by looking at your spreadsheet or daily planners, revisiting your start, noticing how far you have come.
Set new goals. Keep challenging yourself while loving yourself as you are. If you keep taking smart risks, making good connections, deepening relationships, and enriching your brand, and improving the return on your efforts, one day you’ll look back and wonder how you achieved as much as you did. And it won’t be a daydream. It will be real!
Unexpected events run the gamut. There’s the unexpected job promotion, welcomed new relationship, lottery winning, unparalleled artistic performance and sports victory. Let one of those experiences plop into your life, seemingly out of nowhere, and your mood might soar.
Life Throwing You Off Guard
Those are the “good” unexpected life events. Not to be outdone, “good events” also have an opposite in this world. Just as a start, there’s a job layoff, a loved one transitioning, a health challenge, an onstage performance snafu and an athletic strikeout.
Let one of these events pop-up, and you might feel unequipped to deal with the experience. On top of that, “normal” experiences could suddenly feel like too much for you to manage your way through. Receive an emergency telephone call from a first responder, telling you that a relative was in a life altering accident and you might feel as if you can’t catch your breath.
Even more, you might feel like you’re unable to go to work, finish school or manage even one other existing relationship. According to the Mayo Clinic, “You experience more stress than would normally be expected in response to a stressful or unexpected event, and the stress causes significant problems in your relationships, at work or at school.”
Signs You Might Be Stressed
Signs that you could be struggling to move forward post an unexpected life event vary. Generally, these signs include:
Change in sleep patterns
Inability to eat or eating and/or drinking excessively
Unusual irritability
Disturbing dreams that could be a sign that your subconscious is trying to clue you in to the fact that you’re stressed
Trouble concentrating
Memory issues or forgetting simple things like someone’s name, where you parked your car, etc.
Worrying what feels like all the time
Preparing For Life’s Unexpected Events
Surprisingly, it could take just one unexpected life event to seemingly knock you off balance. Just one. Fortunately, and although you may not be able to prepare for every experience, there are actions that you could take to support yourself as you move through the unexpected. Among those events there’s:
Cancel unnecessary expenses and build up your financial savings
Join a good support group with members who have gone through one or more experiences similar to what you’re struggling to move through
Explore treatment options if the unexpected life event involves a health challenge
Use a fitness watch to monitor your deep sleep. Head to bed at the same time at night to encourage more deep sleep.
Eat a healthy diet of natural foods and herbs, and drink lots of fresh water.
Meditate
Get outside and soak up natural sunlight in healthy ways (i.e. take a nature walk, go camping, hiking, bike riding, read a good book on the porch or front stoop).
Talk to a friend who has proven that she/he can be trusted.
Write in a journal. Express what you’re feeling and thinking.
Seek professional support, as needed.
Friends Matter A Lot
Regardless of which actions you decide to take, it’s good to have a strong support system. Building this system could take time. Yet, it’s relatively easy. In fact, building a strong support system is an exercise in friendship building.
This means that you stay free of isolation. When friends invite you to a cruise, get together, movie or lunch, consider saying “yes” sometimes. Give yourself the chance to spend time with people who care about you. Feeling brave? Host an event of your own and invite friends and relatives to your place.
It might not seem like it now, but these relationships are where you could tap into the strength to keep moving forward after an unexpected event shows up. All said, the best time to start preparing for life’s unexpected events is now.
Being Present
Being present for others you know may seem like a small thing to do. However, in being there for others, you can learn how to sit still and be fully present while someone moves through challenge. Additionally, the people who you’re there for may be more open to supporting you when unexpected events take a shot at your internal balance.
Furthermore, being there for others is a great way to learn more about yourself. And, who knows? What you help someone else adjust to now could be what you’re faced with later. You might not see it now, yet that doesn’t mean that it won’t happen. After all, as much as you might try to peek into the future, on this side, it might very well be impossible to foresee all coming events.
So, make smart decisions. Take good actions now and also when you face the unexpected. Build and nurture strong support systems. Learn to sit still and make self-care a daily practice.
Audrey Jane Snyder is an enterprising professional who spent 40+ years in the corporate sector in the fields of human resource management and customer and community service. Audrey’s experience and expertise are in strategic leadership skill development and team building. Audrey’s years working as a Director of Customer Service, Personnel Director, and an Adjunct Professor are incorporated in her memoir, Worth the Climb, published in 2012. Audrey’s adjunct faculty position at DeVry University teaching interpersonal skills, team building, and diversity training helped to further her success in corporate America. Retired now, she spends her days authoring works. Audrey has moved on to write fiction. Her novel The Organization, is her first work of fiction. It was published in 2019. The sequel is in the works. Both books were award finalists in their genre at Pittsburgh’s Author’s Zone. Audrey has been a guest speaker at numerous professional organizations. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Business Communication and a Master’s Degree in Professional Leadership from Carlow University. Audrey is a member of PennWriters, Inc., Sisters in Crime, Three Rivers Romance, and Mindful Writers.
BLH: Where did your passion for working with corporate teams spring from?
AS: I’ve always worked in a team environment. My first job was working in a steno pool, where we worked as a team dividing up work to complete assignments.
Teamwork is all I know. Most of my jobs with other companies included working in teams. I worked in call centers/customer service areas where I was either part of the customer service team or managing the team. I’ve had much success with the teams I’ve participated in and the teams I’ve managed. I like the diversity of ideas that comes from working in a team. I have found that teamwork sometimes allows for work to be accomplished faster.
BLH: I admire your courage and vision to climb to the management level instead of remaining at an entry level. Based on your experience, do you see more diverse applicants enter the corporate world at management levels? Why do you think this is?
AS: I believe it’s difficult for diverse applicants to climb the corporate ladder without a mentor or role model. When one of us strived to move to the next level, we were often told that we didn’t meet the guidelines without telling us what we needed to do to meet those guidelines. I like many others, was raised not to expect to achieve anything other than an entry-level position, so, we didn’t strive to do more.
As I moved through my journey, it was always up to me to determine what I needed to move to the next level. When I moved into a management position, I always made sure to bring others along with me. If I couldn’t promote them, then I would mentor and let them know what they needed to do to move to the next level.
BLH: What inspired you to write Worth The Climb: A Black American Woman’s Pursuit of Corporate Success?
AS: I was frustrated with the position I was in at my job. I had done everything that was required to move to the next level. I met the required qualifications, yet and still, I watched many move up who did not have those qualifications. They had the essential qualification, which was blond hair and blue eyes.
I decided to manage my frustrations by writing my feelings in a diary. I was so angry and filled several diaries before I thought about publishing a book. The movements up the corporate ladder were slow and difficult. I ran into many pitfalls and with each, I had to develop a strategy to overcome the obstacles. I included these strategies in my diary as well. After several years of writing and small successes, I decided it would be a good idea to turn my diaries into a book. I wanted to share my experiences with others who were struggling. I believed in the words I often heard on my journey – ‘Each One Teach One.’ It was time to inspire, motivate and achieve.
I wanted to inspire and encourage others to believe in themselves to accomplish their goals.
I found a book coach who encouraged me to focus on the successes and how I achieved them. She helped me to see this book would be a book of encouragement rather than a book of anger.
BLH: Please give us a brief overview of your book Worth the Climb: Black American Woman’s Pursuit of Corporate Success.
AS: Worth the Climb tells my story of struggle and success in White corporate America. It describes how I moved from a secretary to prominent business success in the face of racism and discrimination. It reveals the layers of complications I experienced in a corporate setting and details the roadblocks I faced and the strategies I used to overcome them. As I tackled increasingly greater responsibility at work, I found my skin color put me into a category unrelated to my ability to perform my job. I found myself conflicted and hampered by the constraints of being a black woman.
My book paints a vivid picture of what life in corporate America was like for young Black Americans trying to find their way up the corporate ladder. The reader learns what excited me and why I chose to go after the success I deserved. The story tells how I remained positive, pushing away anger, bitterness, and despair, clinging instead to excellence, perseverance, and the need to open doors for Black Americans who would follow. Through it all, this book shows how I drew upon my strength of character to stay focused on the goal of corporate success.
BLH: Is the book fictional or an autobiography? If the book is autobiographical, how tough was it to revisit the past and retell your story?
AS: This book is autobiographical. It was very challenging for me to revisit the past and retell my story. It was difficult to push away anger and keep things in perspective. I had to do a self-assessment and ask myself if I would I be happy if I didn’t feel successful. I wondered if I should settle or challenge. If I accept the challenge, have I developed a plan to ensure commitment to my success. If I settle, how do I live with the results?
BLH: Describe those early years of working in corporate America.
AS: It was the late 60s and 70s and I was trying to find my place in the corporate world. The Black power movement was in full swing. I was frustrated with my lack of progress to meet my goals and changed jobs every three years, hoping to move up the corporate ladder. Although each move afforded me new experienced that I could add to my resume, I wasn’t making the progress that I needed. Most moves were lateral moves. As each obstacle occurred, I met it first with anger. It seemed like the challenges were insurmountable, designed to dim my self-confidence. I was a goal-oriented person with high goals. I couldn’t let this stand. Much later, I learned my worth and was unwilling to let others define me. I realized that I was enough.
BLH: “The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be” is a quote by Oprah Winfrey in your book. While working in corporate America, how did you stay focused so that you continued to evolve?
AS: I celebrated the small wins along my journey with my family and friends. My daily diary documenting my obstacles and my strategy for overcoming them were great inspirations. I used my goal statements and crossing each goal off my list put a smile on my face. Each new contact I made went into my diary. Each new course I took went into my diary. My diary was filling up. My brag book was getting thick with certifications. At the end of each entry, I asked myself if I had done everything to further my goals. “The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others” This quote is a Hasidic Proverb pasted on the cover of my diary. If you read my book, you’ll see I am fond of quotes.
BLH: Share three tips on ways to navigate internal politics at corporate offices.
Internal politics is unavoidable. That job you know you’re qualified for goes to the friend or relative of the manager. No use fighting it. Acknowledge it and move on. I wanted a management position, but I had to wait until all the friends and relatives were placed. In my book, I talk about positions that I created for myself. After researching the department and determining what positions were needed, I created a position of an Incentive Manager, defining the benefits for the company and my qualifications to fill that job. I presented an airtight case and was moved into my first upper-level management position with my office and name on my door. “You cannot know the sweetness of success unless you have tasted the bitterness of failure,” rang true.
Challenge the Obstacles. Don’t settle. Do an honest assessment of yourself. Look beyond the obvious. Where are you in your career path? What’s holding you back? Decide what that is and develop a strategy for your success.
Learn how to market yourself. If there aren’t visible opportunities, then create your own. Have your elevator pitch ready (that 30-second speech) that introduces you and your skills). Get an organizational chart to see where you are best suited.
BLH: In what ways have opportunities, the work environment changed for diverse workers since you started your career? Which ways have things remained unchanged?
AS: Diversity drives economic growth. Because things are global in today’s world, opportunities for diversity have increased. Many companies lean into diversity, but there are still those companies that come kicking and screaming. Some people feel threatened by diversity because it causes people to confront their prejudices.
I have seen changes that allow more diversity in the door but moving up the corporate ladder is still not encouraged as much as it should be. I’ve been told, “You are lucky to have this job” and that I should be grateful. I then tell them. I have this job because I earned it.
BLH: Give us a brief overview of your book, The Organization
AS: As a reporter for a local newspaper, Angela Hollingsworth has traveled worldwide collecting information, artifacts, and samples, always bringing back a package for her boss from an associate in whatever country she visited. She didn’t realize that the packages contained drugs, stolen art, or both.
Desperate to stay out of jail, Angela could only rely on one man, Glen Spencer, an old college friend and now an FBI agent. Together, they devise a plan to take down one of the biggest drug cartels in New Jersey. Trusting her old college friend, Angela doesn’t anticipate the danger coming for her. Now Angela is fighting for her life and her feelings for Glen.
BLH: Do you plan to write more fiction? Why or why not?
AS: Fiction is fun, especially after writing a memoir that pulls at all your emotional heart strings. Yes, I enjoy fiction because it allows me to use all of my creative juices constantly running through my head. The books I read and the movies I watch pique my curiosity to see what I could do with the story.
BLH: What have you learned about the book industry since your book was released that you wish you’d known before you published your book?
AS: I’ve learned that marketing your book is your responsibility. I wish that I had researched how to market my book. I’ve since learned the role social media plays in marketing your book. There’s much talk about ads on social media that I wished I’d investigated.
I wish I had researched the work and cost involved in self-publishing.
I still need to research using an agent and if that will benefit me.
BLH: What last words of encouragement of advice would you like to leave with The Book Lover’s Haven readers?
AS: One of my favorite quotes is by Henry Drummond is, “Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never do all that he can do.”
Do an honest self-assessment. Are you where you want to be? Are you happy with your accomplishments? If not, develop a strategy to get there.
Don’t settle. Challenge the obstacles. Remember, “Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”
Everyone should know they are worthy of having all their dreams come true. Determine what will move you toward your goal and get moving. “The real contest is always between what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing. You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else.”
Decide your focus if you want to be an author
Set short term and long-term smart goals
Stay focused – schedule your writing time
Let social media be your friend
Network – – Network – Network
Join a writing or reading group
Set aside space in your house to write – Track your expenses and budget for your supplies needed to write a book.
You could save someone’s life if you don’t ignore what you see. That’s the most obvious reason to start responding to calls for help. What you choose to do could change your life forever, leaving you to rest or wrestle with memories.
When Responding to Calls for Help Is Legally Required
Laws offer a shield, protecting you from looking the other way when you find someone in need in certain situations. For example, there are countries where it’s illegal to leave someone stranded at sea. Depending on the law, you might have to at least try to rescue the person. Failing to return an abandoned child to her parents or to authorities is also an offense in some jurisdictions.
Another act that could be viewed as “empathy” or “sympathy” is not only about caring about someone. In some jurisdictions, seeing a crime and just walking away, failing to report the crime, is an offense. The legal intentions are good.
Yet, people do see others in dangers and walk away.
What would cause someone to look away, thinking that not responding to calls for help is their better choice? Furthermore, what’s the psychology behind this type of decision?
Why People Avoid Responding to Calls for Help
Surprisingly, even people who are victims of crimes don’t always report the offense. Legal Beagle reports that only about 42.6% of people who were the victim of crime in 2018 reported the crime.1
Robberies were reported the most. Reasons people don’t report crimes, whether they were a victim or a witness, include:
Wanting to keep what occurred a secret
Fear that they might be harassed or targeted if they report the offense
Thinking that there are so many other “major” crimes going on that the police won’t do anything if they do report what happened to them or what they witnessed happening to someone else
Time magazine shares that you might ignore what you see and become neglectful as it regards responding to calls for help because:
You think someone else will report the offense or come to the aid of the person who’s in need2
Determination to protect your own or another person’s reputation
Feeling a connection to an abuser to the point that you think protecting that person is akin to protecting yourself or a larger group the person is a part of
Denial as a Great Way to Ignore What You See
There could also be an urge to deny what’s happened. If you ignore what you see, it might be a way to make the event “unreal”. It’s similar to being in shock, something that is used to protect yourself from the emotional weight of trauma.
If you’ve seen an auto accident, you might have witnessed dozens of drivers slowing down only long enough to observe how damaged a vehicle became following an accident. What you and other drivers might not do is make calls for help.
Something as simple as dialing 911 on your cell phone might never cross your mind. At the most, you might say a silent prayer for those involved in the accident, press the accelerator and drive further down the road. What if your actions could save someone’s life?
Certainly, you wouldn’t put yourself in danger. But perhaps you could make a telephone call, alerting trained authorities that someone needs assistance. Not only could that single act help another person, it could save you from guilt.
Why You Shouldn’t Ignore What You See
Here are more reasons why you shouldn’t ignore what you see, instead responding to calls for help:
What you witness stays in your memory
Not responding to calls for help could push an experience into your subconscious, the place from which nagging impulses could cause you to feel inadequate, fear or dread
Your actions, your decision not to ignore what you see, could have a ripple effect
If you don’t ignore what you see and, instead, stir up the courage to respond to calls for help, you could help save someone who’s got a child. That, in turn, would impact at least two people in a single act. Because we aren’t islands, over time, what you did could positively impact an entire family.
Options for Responding to Calls for Help
Responding to calls for help could take place in different ways. For example, you could:
Dial 9-1-1 (or the emergency number in the country you’re in when a need arises)
Contact local services
Create a signal fire, especially when stranded in snow or on an island, etc.
Flashing light
Waving bright orange or bright red clothing
Placing a S-O-S signal on the ground using your foot, a rock, stick, etc.
Blow a loud whistle
Call a friend
Go to a shelter
Set off flares
Place a severely injured person in a safe place while you hurry to get help
When you think about it, perhaps nothing that you do occurs in isolation. On top of that, you don’t know what’s coming in your life. It may be impossible to consciously know every experience you will have. Yet, that doesn’t mean that you can’t decide now that you’ll help someone in need without putting yourself in danger. It’s also a reason to bring emergency gear with you, especially while traveling, camping or vacationing.
After all, as happens with Clarissa in Escaping Toward Freedom, your moment of decision could come while you’re on vacation. Or it could come while you’re at home, at work or on the road.
To live your best life, you must exercise courage. There’s no way around this fact. As a start, it takes courage to admit the truth to yourself. For instance, it takes courage to admit that you’re stuck, feel fear or are conflicted. More importantly, it takes courage to do what it takes to get to where you most want to be. And it takes courage to make hard choices, a necessity to move forward.
Courage Is Key
However, maybe you’re thinking the way that I used to. Perhaps you don’t think courage is the key.
Years ago, I thought that getting to where I wanted to be required me to always be kind, reliable and accommodating. Looking back, I can see where the “accommodating” part held me back. Why?
A goal to be accommodating requires you to keep your thumb on the pulse of what other people are thinking and feeling. Before you know it, you’re no longer pursuing your “real” goal. Instead, you’re aiming to make other people happy or satisfied. And that’s a job that never ends.
Now, I realize that achieving your goals requires courage. It’s not about how nice you are (not that being nice isn’t good; it is).
Look At This
Here’s another way of looking at this. Think about the people you admire. No. Really. Is there a common trait that these people share? This trait might be the very thing that you need to put into action to move forward. If you look close at the people you admire, it wouldn’t be surprising to see these people using courage to make hard choices.
Considering people you admire, Harriet Tubman is my all-time heroine. Other women who I admire include Mary McLeod Bethune, Shirley Chisholm, Amelia Earhart and Joan of Arc. For years, I focused on specific acts that these women are known for.
Then, it hit me. All these women are champions because they each exercised courage, and not just once. They exercised courage over and over. They made hard choices that held tremendous impact for their own lives and the lives of others. In fact, they faced seemingly insurmountable obstacles. These women champions did what had for so long appeared to be impossible.
What Champions Do
But, that’s what champions do. They face their fears, stir up their courage and get it done.
Back to your heroes and heroines, what common thread moves between them? Do you recognize this common thread in yourself? If not, what would your life be like if you applied this same trait to what you do?
What would your life be like if you applied courage to thoughts, decisions and actions that you take? Live with courage and you might not reach the end of your earth journey only to look up with regret as you consider all the things you wished that you had done but never gathered the courage to do.
Just know that along the way, you may need to exercise courage to make a hard choice. That hard choice could come when someone ask you to lie to cover a mistake or a wrong or when you’re tempted to scheme your way through a storm. A hard choice could also point toward whether or not you are going to keep working a job that you know you don’t like, a job that drains you of joy-energy, or unplug and go after your wildest dreams!
Stir Up Your Courage
Quick tips to stir up courage include watching videos of people who are using courage to make hard choices that expand love for everyone. Reading books about people who use courage to progress may also help. Here’s another tip that’s easy to implement.
Pay attention (really pay attention) to how you feel. Yes – pay attention to how you feel when you’re doing work that you only engage in for a paycheck. Then, pay attention to how you feel when you’re doing what you love. Depending on the extent of the contrast, you could feel an immediate shift as soon as you start doing what you love.
Value joy? Consider listing specific actions that you can take to get from where you are to where you want to be. Write these specific actions down. You also might need to be willing to take smart risks. Measure the results of your actions. Keep going. After all, would you rather live a life of endurance (where you just endure situations) or would you rather exercise courage, make hard, smart choices and move forward in joy?
By Mystery and Suspense Novels Writer Denise Turney @ (www.chistell.com)
Photo by Chinmay Singh
Knowing what’s coming next in your life feels great, especially if you’re about to receive a blessing. Simply living with clear insight is satisfying, offering comfort, confidence, hope and security. Gone is the guessing, no more dealing with life mysteries. Also, gone is the urge to prepare for a range of possibilities.
Life Mysteries – Don’t You Wish You Had a Crystal Ball
Don’t you wish that you had a crystal ball or an internal magnet that led you into the right relationships and experiences at the right time? It would be nice. Yet, life doesn’t often progress in a way that allows you to clearly know what’s coming next.
Instead, life presents mysteries. Some of life’s mysteries are fascinating, exciting. These types of mysteries include an offer for a legitimate job that you weren’t even looking for, request to go on a date with someone you’ve long admired or a record-breaking athletic performance. Ask an athlete who’s been in the flow what it feels like to make score after score, seemingly on auto pilot, and they’d likely tell you that it was one of the more exhilarating experiences they’ve had.
Talk about a great life mystery.
Shocking Experiences and Life Mysteries
Then, there’s the shocking telephone call from a relative or friend informing you that someone you’re close to has passed. Or maybe you get called into a private office at work, the place where human resources tells you that you’ve been laid off. Of course, there’s the chance that when you visit the auto mechanic for a simple oil change, you learn that your brakes and transmission need to be replaced.
To deal with these and other life mysteries, you could do your darndest to prepare for the future. For starters, you could buy life, auto and homeowners/renter’s insurance (smart moves). Additionally, you could eavesdrop on private conversations, doing your best to pinpoint what other people are thinking, planning and doing. That, or you could ask people questions that reveal what they’re planning.
But you’d risk being perceived as nosey.
Another option would be to research-research-research every idea and opportunity before you make a decision. While this option might seem to offer comfort, it could push you into perfectionism and procrastination. On top of that, it could add stress to your life.
Check Out These Smart Decisions to Deal with Life Mysteries
Smart ways to deal with life mysteries require your mind to be open. You definitely can’t go around thinking that you know everything or that your perceptions and beliefs are always right. In addition to keeping an open mind, you could:
Write down your dreams, as they offer clues to what you’re focusing on (sometimes dreams also offer glimpses into what’s coming next)
Journal to tap into your subconscious and work through mental blocks
Eat a healthy diet, including drinking healthy beverages
Get outside at least once a day (oh, the wonder of nature)
Read books about mysteries that appear in your life, particularly how other people handled similar mysteries when they showed up in their life
Talk through unexpected experiences with a good friend
Join a support group that focuses on the specific type of experience you’re working to move through
Mysteries pop up now and then. Even if you plan, prepare and live a rote life filled with repetition, there will be mysteries and surprises. Although some of these surprises might lend to sorrow or frustration, when you think about it, absent mysteries, life can become boring.
What You Learn About Yourself When Life Gets Mysterious
It can definitely help to accept that your conscious mind does not know everything. Pay attention to your dreams and emotional guidance system. Doing so could clue you in to what’s coming next. Above all, accept that you’re capable of more than you imagine.
You might even find it helpful to review how you’ve handled previous mysteries. For certain, you survived those surprises. If you’re happy and at peace, you also bounced back. That’s a sign that you’re flexible and resilient.
Still taking smart risks? For certain, you’re courageous! All in all, life mysteries reveal a lot about you. Before the next mystery shows up, it might prove a blessing to examine just how resilient, courageous, confident and faithful you are. Here’s to what’s coming next!
Even in today’s hectic world, it’s not necessary to live with prolonged stress. That’s right. There’s no good reason to carry stress around from experience to experience or day to day. But you might not accept that truth if living with stress has become a habit for you. Should that be the case, the way out might prove more beneficial if it’s laid out in short actions, small choices that have long-term effects. The small actions listed in this article, actions that highlight how you can de-stress in less than 5 minutes, may prove particularly rewarding for you.
Start to De-Stress
Whatever you choose to do, start to shift out of stress. Why? Stress is a culprit that has far reaching impact. It affects your heart, brain, sleep, mental health, mood and more. In fact, there isn’t a single part of the human body that it doesn’t affect, particularly once you enter prolonged stress. If you’re like me, you may have heard about the dangers of stress for years. Yet, it may not be until you have a firsthand encounter with a build-up of stress that you more clearly see the role that stress is playing in your life.
This is an experience that I recently had, an unwanted experience at that. For two years, my workload had been consistently high, at a point of overwhelm. Because I’m a “go-getter” it took a while for the heightened work level to start to produce symptoms. What happened?
One Saturday around 3pm I felt a surge of joy. Right away, I expressed appreciation for what I felt. Then, a few weeks later, it happened again. That second or third time it happened on a late Saturday afternoon I became curious, wondering what was causing the emotional surge.
Stress Working in the Body
It didn’t take long to realize that I had been carrying stress in my body all week and felt joy upon releasing the stress. Another thing I realized straightaway was that carrying stress for an entire week was not good, wasn’t healthy. So, I committed to meditating more and sitting in stillness.
That’s what I promised myself I would do. But that’s not how the next weeks went. What really happened was that I remained in states of overwhelm, constantly working, doing one thing after another. And when I wasn’t working, there seemed to be something related to a project or initiative that was on my mind.
Certainly not the way to rest and de-stress. A visit to the doctor several months later woke me up. Fortunately, my health is very good, but I did receive a wakeup call through my biometric numbers. Now, I incorporate activities into each day to ensure I de-stress. These activities often protect me from entering a state of prolonged stress to begin with which is a real win.
Fast Ways to De-Stress
So, what are these ways to de-stress in less than five minutes? Well, here they are:
Raise your hands in appreciation upon rising or waking from sleep. Simply stand on the floor, raise your hands and let yourself feel appreciation. There’s no need to focus on a topic or event, but you certainly could. The goal is to feel appreciation and allow it to flow through your being. Ten seconds can do a good work.
Sit on a chair or sofa for 5 minutes after you shower, wash up and do your hair. Just sit still in silence. If you want, you could read a passage from a poetry book, the Bible or another book that inspires, motivates or empowers you. I often read from A Course In Miracles before I sit still.
Focus on your breathing, inhaling and exhaling deeply 10 times.
Enjoy a 3-minute walk outdoors.
Listen to a song that you love, music that soothes you.
Soak in a warm bubble bath for a few minutes.
Send family and friends a funny joke or loving greeting. It’ll feel good when your family and friends start sending you back funny messages or messages that share how much they love and care for you.
Drink a warm cup of tea, even a few sips could find you feeling less stressful.
Write in a journal for 3 to 4 minutes, expressing your thoughts and feelings with honesty.
Stand up and go to the bathroom – a tricky, amazing stress reducer.
Play with your pet for two minutes.
Do three minutes of chair yoga.
Love and Care for Yourself by Managing Stress
See how many other ways to de-stress you can come up with on your own. Spread these actions throughout your day and see if you don’t start to feel better.
Another thing you may find especially helpful is to pay attention to how you respond to stimuli. The world is busy, full of opportunities, activities, deadlines, projects and more. It’s up to you to learn how to respond to what you hear, see, perceive, and experience.
Respond in ways that are rooted in love instead of fear. See yourself succeeding and living a joyous, peaceful, balanced life. Should you start to feel stress building, try a de-stress activity. It’s a sweet way to love and care for yourself!
By Escaping Toward Freedom Author Denise Turney @ (www.chistell.com)
Completely escaping bondage is a powerful act of love. At first glance, getting free is evidence that you love yourself. Dig deeper and it becomes clear that completing getting free is also evidence that you love everyone.
Pay Attention
Getting completely free licenses others to stop worrying about you, giving them the energy to create a better life. If you’ve worried, you may be familiar with how weighty, how heavy, worry feels. Should you not be familiar with how heavy worry feels, keep experiencing this world.
Pay attention. Let the contrast between what it feels like to worry vs. what it feels like to love (love being the absence of fear), and you may soon notice the difference between worry and love.
Worry and you might feel as if you’re carrying a weight, a heaviness. Stop worrying and you might instantly feel lighter, unburdened.
The next time you give into worry, pay attention to how you feel. Also, notice how you feel when you stop worrying.
This single shift can alert you to how much worry, and any other form of fear, is bondage. Enter into fear and you really don’t feel free.
Bondage Forms
Then, there’s physical bondage, financial bondage, sexual and work bondage, to name a few other forms of non-freedom. Just as a kidnapper might allow the person who they’re using to experience the illusion of being in control to roam a room in their house absent handcuffs, the ego part of your mind might allow you to feel free from one or more bondage forms, but only for a while.
For example, if you’ve spent time in financial debt, you might reach a point where you put your foot down and decide to create a budget. And, you might stick to the budget for several weeks, maybe even several months.
Yet, like a yo-yo or boomerang, you go back to spending too much money. It’s as if you don’t want to get completely free.
Back and forth you go, never completely cutting the cord.
Is Bondage Normal To You?
After a while, you start to think that living in some form of bondage is normal. Believing this could be one of the worse parts of not doing what it takes to get completely free.
It’s doubtful that you want this. You don’t want to believe that hanging on, getting by or surviving is normal or the best that you can ever do. To make a clean break, start small.
Revisiting the financial bondage example, if you’re several thousand dollars in debt, make a plan to pay the debt down one hundred dollars a month. Yes. It might take two years to pay the debt off, but it’s progress.
During those two years, you might accept the truth about your situation. You might accept that you really do have the power to live free. With each monthly paydown, you have evidence that you can live without financial debt.
Do this and you’ll take a giant step forward. After all, many are convinced that living in some form of debt is just the way it is, again as if living in debt is normal.
Get Completely Free
Allow yourself to live free of financial debt. Get real accustomed to how it feels to be financially free. Just don’t stop there.
Take an honest look at your entire life. See if there are other areas where you need to get completely free. Examples include unhealthy eating habits, lack of exercise, sleeping through the weekend, getting addicted to watching television and worrying.
Just as you worked your way out of financial debt into money freedom, consider taking small steps toward freedom in other areas where you’ve been living in bondage. Commit to gaining complete freedom.
Forget shifting back and forth, moving from bondage to freedom back to bondage. Get completely free. Should you get stuck along the way, seek support, qualified support from someone with integrity. Mark your progress. Each week examine your life and your progress truthfully, with honesty. Above all, keep your eye on the goal – completely escaping bondage.
