Unexpected events run the gamut. There’s the unexpected job promotion, welcomed new relationship, lottery winning, unparalleled artistic performance and sports victory. Let one of those experiences plop into your life, seemingly out of nowhere, and your mood might soar.
Life Throwing You Off Guard
Those are the “good” unexpected life events. Not to be outdone, “good events” also have an opposite in this world. Just as a start, there’s a job layoff, a loved one transitioning, a health challenge, an onstage performance snafu and an athletic strikeout.
Let one of these events pop-up, and you might feel unequipped to deal with the experience. On top of that, “normal” experiences could suddenly feel like too much for you to manage your way through. Receive an emergency telephone call from a first responder, telling you that a relative was in a life altering accident and you might feel as if you can’t catch your breath.
Even more, you might feel like you’re unable to go to work, finish school or manage even one other existing relationship. According to the Mayo Clinic, “You experience more stress than would normally be expected in response to a stressful or unexpected event, and the stress causes significant problems in your relationships, at work or at school.”
Signs You Might Be Stressed
Signs that you could be struggling to move forward post an unexpected life event vary. Generally, these signs include:
Change in sleep patterns
Inability to eat or eating and/or drinking excessively
Unusual irritability
Disturbing dreams that could be a sign that your subconscious is trying to clue you in to the fact that you’re stressed
Trouble concentrating
Memory issues or forgetting simple things like someone’s name, where you parked your car, etc.
Worrying what feels like all the time
Preparing For Life’s Unexpected Events
Surprisingly, it could take just one unexpected life event to seemingly knock you off balance. Just one. Fortunately, and although you may not be able to prepare for every experience, there are actions that you could take to support yourself as you move through the unexpected. Among those events there’s:
Cancel unnecessary expenses and build up your financial savings
Join a good support group with members who have gone through one or more experiences similar to what you’re struggling to move through
Explore treatment options if the unexpected life event involves a health challenge
Use a fitness watch to monitor your deep sleep. Head to bed at the same time at night to encourage more deep sleep.
Eat a healthy diet of natural foods and herbs, and drink lots of fresh water.
Meditate
Get outside and soak up natural sunlight in healthy ways (i.e. take a nature walk, go camping, hiking, bike riding, read a good book on the porch or front stoop).
Talk to a friend who has proven that she/he can be trusted.
Write in a journal. Express what you’re feeling and thinking.
Seek professional support, as needed.
Friends Matter A Lot
Regardless of which actions you decide to take, it’s good to have a strong support system. Building this system could take time. Yet, it’s relatively easy. In fact, building a strong support system is an exercise in friendship building.
This means that you stay free of isolation. When friends invite you to a cruise, get together, movie or lunch, consider saying “yes” sometimes. Give yourself the chance to spend time with people who care about you. Feeling brave? Host an event of your own and invite friends and relatives to your place.
It might not seem like it now, but these relationships are where you could tap into the strength to keep moving forward after an unexpected event shows up. All said, the best time to start preparing for life’s unexpected events is now.
Being Present
Being present for others you know may seem like a small thing to do. However, in being there for others, you can learn how to sit still and be fully present while someone moves through challenge. Additionally, the people who you’re there for may be more open to supporting you when unexpected events take a shot at your internal balance.
Furthermore, being there for others is a great way to learn more about yourself. And, who knows? What you help someone else adjust to now could be what you’re faced with later. You might not see it now, yet that doesn’t mean that it won’t happen. After all, as much as you might try to peek into the future, on this side, it might very well be impossible to foresee all coming events.
So, make smart decisions. Take good actions now and also when you face the unexpected. Build and nurture strong support systems. Learn to sit still and make self-care a daily practice.
Audrey Jane Snyder is an enterprising professional who spent 40+ years in the corporate sector in the fields of human resource management and customer and community service. Audrey’s experience and expertise are in strategic leadership skill development and team building. Audrey’s years working as a Director of Customer Service, Personnel Director, and an Adjunct Professor are incorporated in her memoir, Worth the Climb, published in 2012. Audrey’s adjunct faculty position at DeVry University teaching interpersonal skills, team building, and diversity training helped to further her success in corporate America. Retired now, she spends her days authoring works. Audrey has moved on to write fiction. Her novel The Organization, is her first work of fiction. It was published in 2019. The sequel is in the works. Both books were award finalists in their genre at Pittsburgh’s Author’s Zone. Audrey has been a guest speaker at numerous professional organizations. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in Business Communication and a Master’s Degree in Professional Leadership from Carlow University. Audrey is a member of PennWriters, Inc., Sisters in Crime, Three Rivers Romance, and Mindful Writers.
BLH: Where did your passion for working with corporate teams spring from?
AS: I’ve always worked in a team environment. My first job was working in a steno pool, where we worked as a team dividing up work to complete assignments.
Teamwork is all I know. Most of my jobs with other companies included working in teams. I worked in call centers/customer service areas where I was either part of the customer service team or managing the team. I’ve had much success with the teams I’ve participated in and the teams I’ve managed. I like the diversity of ideas that comes from working in a team. I have found that teamwork sometimes allows for work to be accomplished faster.
BLH: I admire your courage and vision to climb to the management level instead of remaining at an entry level. Based on your experience, do you see more diverse applicants enter the corporate world at management levels? Why do you think this is?
AS: I believe it’s difficult for diverse applicants to climb the corporate ladder without a mentor or role model. When one of us strived to move to the next level, we were often told that we didn’t meet the guidelines without telling us what we needed to do to meet those guidelines. I like many others, was raised not to expect to achieve anything other than an entry-level position, so, we didn’t strive to do more.
As I moved through my journey, it was always up to me to determine what I needed to move to the next level. When I moved into a management position, I always made sure to bring others along with me. If I couldn’t promote them, then I would mentor and let them know what they needed to do to move to the next level.
BLH: What inspired you to write Worth The Climb: A Black American Woman’s Pursuit of Corporate Success?
AS: I was frustrated with the position I was in at my job. I had done everything that was required to move to the next level. I met the required qualifications, yet and still, I watched many move up who did not have those qualifications. They had the essential qualification, which was blond hair and blue eyes.
I decided to manage my frustrations by writing my feelings in a diary. I was so angry and filled several diaries before I thought about publishing a book. The movements up the corporate ladder were slow and difficult. I ran into many pitfalls and with each, I had to develop a strategy to overcome the obstacles. I included these strategies in my diary as well. After several years of writing and small successes, I decided it would be a good idea to turn my diaries into a book. I wanted to share my experiences with others who were struggling. I believed in the words I often heard on my journey – ‘Each One Teach One.’ It was time to inspire, motivate and achieve.
I wanted to inspire and encourage others to believe in themselves to accomplish their goals.
I found a book coach who encouraged me to focus on the successes and how I achieved them. She helped me to see this book would be a book of encouragement rather than a book of anger.
BLH: Please give us a brief overview of your book Worth the Climb: Black American Woman’s Pursuit of Corporate Success.
AS: Worth the Climb tells my story of struggle and success in White corporate America. It describes how I moved from a secretary to prominent business success in the face of racism and discrimination. It reveals the layers of complications I experienced in a corporate setting and details the roadblocks I faced and the strategies I used to overcome them. As I tackled increasingly greater responsibility at work, I found my skin color put me into a category unrelated to my ability to perform my job. I found myself conflicted and hampered by the constraints of being a black woman.
My book paints a vivid picture of what life in corporate America was like for young Black Americans trying to find their way up the corporate ladder. The reader learns what excited me and why I chose to go after the success I deserved. The story tells how I remained positive, pushing away anger, bitterness, and despair, clinging instead to excellence, perseverance, and the need to open doors for Black Americans who would follow. Through it all, this book shows how I drew upon my strength of character to stay focused on the goal of corporate success.
BLH: Is the book fictional or an autobiography? If the book is autobiographical, how tough was it to revisit the past and retell your story?
AS: This book is autobiographical. It was very challenging for me to revisit the past and retell my story. It was difficult to push away anger and keep things in perspective. I had to do a self-assessment and ask myself if I would I be happy if I didn’t feel successful. I wondered if I should settle or challenge. If I accept the challenge, have I developed a plan to ensure commitment to my success. If I settle, how do I live with the results?
BLH: Describe those early years of working in corporate America.
AS: It was the late 60s and 70s and I was trying to find my place in the corporate world. The Black power movement was in full swing. I was frustrated with my lack of progress to meet my goals and changed jobs every three years, hoping to move up the corporate ladder. Although each move afforded me new experienced that I could add to my resume, I wasn’t making the progress that I needed. Most moves were lateral moves. As each obstacle occurred, I met it first with anger. It seemed like the challenges were insurmountable, designed to dim my self-confidence. I was a goal-oriented person with high goals. I couldn’t let this stand. Much later, I learned my worth and was unwilling to let others define me. I realized that I was enough.
BLH: “The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the complete person you were intended to be” is a quote by Oprah Winfrey in your book. While working in corporate America, how did you stay focused so that you continued to evolve?
AS: I celebrated the small wins along my journey with my family and friends. My daily diary documenting my obstacles and my strategy for overcoming them were great inspirations. I used my goal statements and crossing each goal off my list put a smile on my face. Each new contact I made went into my diary. Each new course I took went into my diary. My diary was filling up. My brag book was getting thick with certifications. At the end of each entry, I asked myself if I had done everything to further my goals. “The man who has confidence in himself gains the confidence of others” This quote is a Hasidic Proverb pasted on the cover of my diary. If you read my book, you’ll see I am fond of quotes.
BLH: Share three tips on ways to navigate internal politics at corporate offices.
Internal politics is unavoidable. That job you know you’re qualified for goes to the friend or relative of the manager. No use fighting it. Acknowledge it and move on. I wanted a management position, but I had to wait until all the friends and relatives were placed. In my book, I talk about positions that I created for myself. After researching the department and determining what positions were needed, I created a position of an Incentive Manager, defining the benefits for the company and my qualifications to fill that job. I presented an airtight case and was moved into my first upper-level management position with my office and name on my door. “You cannot know the sweetness of success unless you have tasted the bitterness of failure,” rang true.
Challenge the Obstacles. Don’t settle. Do an honest assessment of yourself. Look beyond the obvious. Where are you in your career path? What’s holding you back? Decide what that is and develop a strategy for your success.
Learn how to market yourself. If there aren’t visible opportunities, then create your own. Have your elevator pitch ready (that 30-second speech) that introduces you and your skills). Get an organizational chart to see where you are best suited.
BLH: In what ways have opportunities, the work environment changed for diverse workers since you started your career? Which ways have things remained unchanged?
AS: Diversity drives economic growth. Because things are global in today’s world, opportunities for diversity have increased. Many companies lean into diversity, but there are still those companies that come kicking and screaming. Some people feel threatened by diversity because it causes people to confront their prejudices.
I have seen changes that allow more diversity in the door but moving up the corporate ladder is still not encouraged as much as it should be. I’ve been told, “You are lucky to have this job” and that I should be grateful. I then tell them. I have this job because I earned it.
BLH: Give us a brief overview of your book, The Organization
AS: As a reporter for a local newspaper, Angela Hollingsworth has traveled worldwide collecting information, artifacts, and samples, always bringing back a package for her boss from an associate in whatever country she visited. She didn’t realize that the packages contained drugs, stolen art, or both.
Desperate to stay out of jail, Angela could only rely on one man, Glen Spencer, an old college friend and now an FBI agent. Together, they devise a plan to take down one of the biggest drug cartels in New Jersey. Trusting her old college friend, Angela doesn’t anticipate the danger coming for her. Now Angela is fighting for her life and her feelings for Glen.
BLH: Do you plan to write more fiction? Why or why not?
AS: Fiction is fun, especially after writing a memoir that pulls at all your emotional heart strings. Yes, I enjoy fiction because it allows me to use all of my creative juices constantly running through my head. The books I read and the movies I watch pique my curiosity to see what I could do with the story.
BLH: What have you learned about the book industry since your book was released that you wish you’d known before you published your book?
AS: I’ve learned that marketing your book is your responsibility. I wish that I had researched how to market my book. I’ve since learned the role social media plays in marketing your book. There’s much talk about ads on social media that I wished I’d investigated.
I wish I had researched the work and cost involved in self-publishing.
I still need to research using an agent and if that will benefit me.
BLH: What last words of encouragement of advice would you like to leave with The Book Lover’s Haven readers?
AS: One of my favorite quotes is by Henry Drummond is, “Unless a man undertakes more than he possibly can do, he will never do all that he can do.”
Do an honest self-assessment. Are you where you want to be? Are you happy with your accomplishments? If not, develop a strategy to get there.
Don’t settle. Challenge the obstacles. Remember, “Someone’s opinion of you does not have to become your reality.”
Everyone should know they are worthy of having all their dreams come true. Determine what will move you toward your goal and get moving. “The real contest is always between what you’ve done and what you’re capable of doing. You measure yourself against yourself and nobody else.”
Decide your focus if you want to be an author
Set short term and long-term smart goals
Stay focused – schedule your writing time
Let social media be your friend
Network – – Network – Network
Join a writing or reading group
Set aside space in your house to write – Track your expenses and budget for your supplies needed to write a book.
You could save someone’s life if you don’t ignore what you see. That’s the most obvious reason to start responding to calls for help. What you choose to do could change your life forever, leaving you to rest or wrestle with memories.
When Responding to Calls for Help Is Legally Required
Laws offer a shield, protecting you from looking the other way when you find someone in need in certain situations. For example, there are countries where it’s illegal to leave someone stranded at sea. Depending on the law, you might have to at least try to rescue the person. Failing to return an abandoned child to her parents or to authorities is also an offense in some jurisdictions.
Another act that could be viewed as “empathy” or “sympathy” is not only about caring about someone. In some jurisdictions, seeing a crime and just walking away, failing to report the crime, is an offense. The legal intentions are good.
Yet, people do see others in dangers and walk away.
What would cause someone to look away, thinking that not responding to calls for help is their better choice? Furthermore, what’s the psychology behind this type of decision?
Why People Avoid Responding to Calls for Help
Surprisingly, even people who are victims of crimes don’t always report the offense. Legal Beagle reports that only about 42.6% of people who were the victim of crime in 2018 reported the crime.1
Robberies were reported the most. Reasons people don’t report crimes, whether they were a victim or a witness, include:
Wanting to keep what occurred a secret
Fear that they might be harassed or targeted if they report the offense
Thinking that there are so many other “major” crimes going on that the police won’t do anything if they do report what happened to them or what they witnessed happening to someone else
Time magazine shares that you might ignore what you see and become neglectful as it regards responding to calls for help because:
You think someone else will report the offense or come to the aid of the person who’s in need2
Determination to protect your own or another person’s reputation
Feeling a connection to an abuser to the point that you think protecting that person is akin to protecting yourself or a larger group the person is a part of
Denial as a Great Way to Ignore What You See
There could also be an urge to deny what’s happened. If you ignore what you see, it might be a way to make the event “unreal”. It’s similar to being in shock, something that is used to protect yourself from the emotional weight of trauma.
If you’ve seen an auto accident, you might have witnessed dozens of drivers slowing down only long enough to observe how damaged a vehicle became following an accident. What you and other drivers might not do is make calls for help.
Something as simple as dialing 911 on your cell phone might never cross your mind. At the most, you might say a silent prayer for those involved in the accident, press the accelerator and drive further down the road. What if your actions could save someone’s life?
Certainly, you wouldn’t put yourself in danger. But perhaps you could make a telephone call, alerting trained authorities that someone needs assistance. Not only could that single act help another person, it could save you from guilt.
Why You Shouldn’t Ignore What You See
Here are more reasons why you shouldn’t ignore what you see, instead responding to calls for help:
What you witness stays in your memory
Not responding to calls for help could push an experience into your subconscious, the place from which nagging impulses could cause you to feel inadequate, fear or dread
Your actions, your decision not to ignore what you see, could have a ripple effect
If you don’t ignore what you see and, instead, stir up the courage to respond to calls for help, you could help save someone who’s got a child. That, in turn, would impact at least two people in a single act. Because we aren’t islands, over time, what you did could positively impact an entire family.
Options for Responding to Calls for Help
Responding to calls for help could take place in different ways. For example, you could:
Dial 9-1-1 (or the emergency number in the country you’re in when a need arises)
Contact local services
Create a signal fire, especially when stranded in snow or on an island, etc.
Flashing light
Waving bright orange or bright red clothing
Placing a S-O-S signal on the ground using your foot, a rock, stick, etc.
Blow a loud whistle
Call a friend
Go to a shelter
Set off flares
Place a severely injured person in a safe place while you hurry to get help
When you think about it, perhaps nothing that you do occurs in isolation. On top of that, you don’t know what’s coming in your life. It may be impossible to consciously know every experience you will have. Yet, that doesn’t mean that you can’t decide now that you’ll help someone in need without putting yourself in danger. It’s also a reason to bring emergency gear with you, especially while traveling, camping or vacationing.
After all, as happens with Clarissa in Escaping Toward Freedom, your moment of decision could come while you’re on vacation. Or it could come while you’re at home, at work or on the road.
