Monthly Archives: October 2022

Achieving Real Success While Living Through Change

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By Books Author and Freelance Writer Denise Turney

man upset about change pushing carton boxes with negative words to avoid real success
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Real success is birthed in adaptability. Unfortunate events, ranging from scams, sickness, relationship problems and job stress, can stop your progress if you let them. To stay sharp, you have to adapt. This applies to good change too. After all, it’s not just undesirable experiences that create emotional and behavioral challenges.

This is due, in part, to how your brain works. Your brain is a complex organ that works hard to protect you. At first glance, that may sound like a win-win. Yet, it comes with results that could produce mental blocks and resistance to change.

Thrive – Getting Beyond Survival

Forbes puts it this way, “The key aim of the brain is survival.” Furthermore, “unpredictability and uncontrollability, in particular, create a malicious combination with which our brain finds it extremely difficult to deal. This in return further elevates stress levels and produces undesirable emotions that we would rather avoid.”1

Should this happen, you might feel a range of emotions. Even more, your perceptions about the world, people and relationships could shift, maybe improve or become disruptive. If you struggle during change, your heartbeat might hasten. Or your appetite might shift significantly. Other changes you could experience include temporary memory fog (where you find it difficult to remember people’s names, etc.), a harder time focusing, lack of engagement or connectivity.

Although these experiences may be related to challenges in adjusting to undesirable change, they could also occur if you undergo change after you receive something that you’ve long wanted. Today’s world offers countless opportunities to improve your adaptability skills, positioning yourself to smoothly leap change hurdles and enjoy real success.

Signs You Resist Change

Resisting change can feel magical, like a trick. You convince yourself that you can stop change. And if you can’t stop change, you tell yourself that you can limit the impact that change has on you. The problem is you’re living in a world of constant change.

Keep resistance to change up and you might exhaust yourself. Even more, you’ll stop yourself from experiencing sustained real success. More pronounced signs that you resist change include:

  • You stop showing up for projects, relationship conversations, financial talks, etc. that require change
  • Negativity becomes your trademark
  • Nostalgia is a dominant emotion you experience
  • When you consider “good times,” you’re thinking about the past
  • Gossiping about leaders championing change becomes normal for you
  • “This is the way we’ve always done things” is a familiar phrase you speak

If the this was a world where very little changed second-by-second, your resistance may yield a reward. But because the world is always changing, constantly, this type of resistance doesn’t pay off in good ways.

Tips to Achieve Real Success with Change

Here are specific ways to achieve real success while living with change. If you resist change, consider adding two or more of these actions into your day.

  • Learn something new every day. Practicing awareness is a quick learning path. Simply pay attention to what’s happening inside of you and around you.
  • Break a habit once a quarter. Train your brain to expect and smoothly adjust to change.
  • Monitor your results. For example, if you’re improving your budget and dealing with rising rent, you could identify two to three expenses that you could reduce or eliminate to counter the increase, so you’re overall monthly expenses remain flat or potentially lower. Track how you’re staying free of spending money in these two three areas.
  • Stay curious. You were curious as a kid; revisit the practice.
  • Create new solutions to deal with change. This could help you break habits that produce unwanted results.
  • Be honest. Accept what you see and keep adjusting until you’re living the life you want.
  • Meditate and move outdoors. These two steps can calm your brain.
  • Read good books and get sufficient quality sleep each night.

You Can Do It!

Anywhere you go, there’s change. Even if you stick to a routine religiously, you will encounter change. There are job changes that range from workload to types of work you do. Rising rents might motivate you to move. Then, there are relationship changes from breakups to makeups to new relationships.

The list goes on. On top of that, some changes are temporary, allowing you to bounce back to a former state. Other changes, like a loved one transitioning, are permanent. As you go through change, it may help to remember that none of us is in control of the universe.

Additionally, it might be helpful to remember that you are always loved and cared for. This is one of the harder truths to remember when you’re moving through great change. The good news is that, as previously shared, you can achieve real success while navigating change. Here’s to your success!

Resources
1. How To Optimize The Brain’s Response To Change (forbes.com)

13 Reasons Why Books Make the Best Gifts

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And Why You Should Buy Books for Your Best Friends

By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

woman lying down on grass beside opened books
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Books make the best gifts for a bounty of reasons. Art and entertainment are just two good reasons why your friends love to get books as gifts. Other reasons are hidden gems, to them and to you. Chance to improve your friend’s cognitive abilities is just a start, a benefit with long lasting effects. Then, there’s the psychological and emotional benefits.

Fascinating Artwork Pops

Let’s start with art!

A rare and skillful artist’s pen has helped to craft the artwork on the finest of book covers. Who thinks of paintings, drawings and sketches while shopping for books to give as gifts? Yet, it’s often the artwork on the cover that attracts your eye, isn’t it?

Explosion of vibrant, rich colors. Smooth or rugged texture. Moving shadows and odd, unique shapes. Admittedly, there are book covers so masterfully created that they are a work of art all by themselves.

Check out these winning book covers. See if you can spot what attracts thousands of readers to these covers. Are any of them your favorite, just for the cover alone?

the great gatsby by f scott fitzgerald cover
elskede by toni morrison book cover artwork
george orwell books as gifts 1984 book cover
the stargazers sister by carrie brown book gifts great book covers
books as gifts book cover artwork by terry mcmillan

13 Reasons Books Make the Best Gifts

As if highly crafted artwork isn’t enough, here are 13 more reasons why books make the best gifts. If you read merely for entertainment, several of these advantages might surprise you:

  1. Stronger brain – While reading, the brain’s visual cortex is activated. The temporal lobe and frontal lobe are other parts of the brain that are activated while you read.1
  2. Better empathy – The ability to understand and relate to another person based on emotions they’re experiencing is sharpened while reading good books. How so? Reading stories that spark emotionally charged memories, gets the limbic system fired up. Link loving emotions to a scene in a novel about forgiveness, romance or happiness and you could improve your ability to relate to people in real-life.
  3. Faster learning – Read more, learn more and faster. The more you read, the easier it is to comprehend what’s being shared on the page.
  4. Rewires the brain – Iris Reading shares that reading, “makes the brain rewire itself and creates white matter, making communication within the brain efficient.”2
  5. Improves memory – To pull this one off, read books that challenge what you already know. Pulitzer Prize winning authors dig deep into the human condition. These authors also use complicated sentence structure to convey a message, enough complication to challenge you as you read.
  6. Broader vocabulary – Back to those challenging novels and nonfiction books. Keep reading stories that challenge your current understanding, and watch your vocabulary grow.

Treasure These Rewards

Looking for more reasons to treat your family and friends to great stories? Here you go!

  1. Choose Education – Who doesn’t love to learn! Reading books is a low-cost way to expand your education. When you think about it, there’s hardly a classroom, postsecondary course or certificate-granting webinar that doesn’t require you to read a book to complete the training.
  2. Unleash your imagination – Science fiction and fantasy novels aren’t the only stories that free your imagination, letting your wildest dreams feel alive. Facts and history tidbits you read in nonfiction books rev up your imagination too.
  3. Positive mood shifts – Just like it’s impossible for most people to multi-task, it’s impossible to place equal focus on a project or concern and the pages of a good book. Start reading positive literature, and you could go from feeling angry or anxious to feeling hopeful and happy.
  4. Enjoy a good night of sleep – You don’t even have to read a lot of books to relax and start drifting into the sweetest sleep, fading memories of the last pages of an intriguing story still in your thoughts. If you’re an avid reader, you know how sweet sleep can be after you’ve been reading for entertainment for two to three hours.

The Gift That Keeps on Giving

  1. Great media alternative – Imagine seeing an exciting or soothing story scene pop up instead of a negative news piece two to three times a week. What impact do you think that switch would have on your mental health and overall emotional wellbeing?
  2. Deeper dive – A sure way to get to the heart of a situation, historic or modern, is to read through personal journals, history books, biographies and autobiographies.
  3. Inexpensive gifts – E-books cost as little as $.99. Paperbacks, including brand new paperbacks, can be purchased for as little as $5. It’s hard for other gifts to compete with the benefits gained from reading books and their low costs.

Major Reason Books Make the Best Gifts

Not every gift offers 13 benefits, and at such low cost. It really is hard to top books when it comes to gift giving and for so many wonderful reasons! Yet, most of all, the good you gain from reading books stays with you.

Honestly, what gifts offer rewarding effects that stay with you like the effects gained from reading books? You don’t even have to keep a physical book at your side to enjoy the benefits. It’s not like wearing a coat, suit, hat or dress.

Pick stories that your friends and family absolutely love, and you’ll send the message that you care. Select stories the people in your life love, and you’ll let those people know you’re paying attention. It sends the message that you know what they like, and that you’re willing to do the good it takes to make them happy.

It’s Getting Easier as Books Make the Best Gifts

Now, that isn’t to say that finding the right titles for your friends is always easy. Fortunately, booksellers, particularly indie and local bookstore owners, know hundreds of titles that might make a perfect gift. If you’re in luck, you might live in an area that hosts a book fair around the holidays.

Talk about a shortcut to good book gifts. Who knows. You might even get these printed gifts autographed by the authors, potentially increasing the gift’s value. This gain is year-round. After all, new books are published every day.

Good stories, from classics to contemporary stories to the best nonfiction, make great birthday, anniversary, retirement and holiday gifts. The next time you sit down and enjoy a good story, ask yourself if it wouldn’t be sweet to share that experience with a friend by gifting them with a similar experience, all through the pages of a book.

Resources:

  1. Areas of the brain involved in reading and writing – Psychology Info (psychology-info.com)
  2. What Happens In The Brain While Reading? | Iris Reading

A Mystery, What If You Can’t Let the Departed Go

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By Freelance Writer and Mystery Writer Denise Turney

blue sea visit to say goodbye to departed loved ones
Photo by Moisés Pereira on Pexels.com

It’s hard enough to let the departed go after a funeral or homegoing service. Even if you consider yourself a spiritual person, you can’t deny that there’s been a huge shift. Communicating with your loved one who has left their body will either end or take great work to continue.

Leaving Your Body Is Not the End

If you believe you’re an eternal being, you know that leaving a body is not the end. On the other hand, if you believe that the only reality is a fleshly existence, the departure is permanent. Regardless of your belief, there’s been a great change. And you have to deal with it.

Remembering your loved one, instead of working to forget them, is a way to maneuver through the change. Looking for ideas? To keep your loved one’s memory alive, you could:

  • Write a letter to express emotions related to your relative or friend
  • Create a collage with pictures of fun times shared between you two
  • Talk with relatives and friends about the departed
  • Frame a picture of your loved one and keep it in your living space
  • Light a candle for someone dear to you who has transitioned

Also, allow yourself to laugh and smile at happy memories. For sure, it might take work, but start to move through guilt feelings and guilt thoughts. Begin to treasure the sweet memories that you created with your loved one.

Dealing with Trauma or Grief

This is where watching home videos, reading cards from your departed friend and re-reading a letter could prove helpful. The key is not to depend on these experiences. After all, nothing is forever or permanent in this world, including routines you make to deal with trauma or grief.

Other smart actions you could take to move through grief and let the departed go are below. As with other life experiences, go with what works for you.

  • Hold an annual memorial to honor your loved one. For instance, you could hold a private or a public memorial on your loved one’s birthday. This happens with departed entertainers and other celebrities.
  • Visit a cool spot that your loved and you frequented on a special day once a year
  • Add your friend to your artistic work. As an example, you could include your friend’s name in a poem, short story or play that you write. Or you could paint a picture of your friend.
  • Keep in touch with relatives of your loved one. Do this in healthy ways and with the agreement of the relatives.

Messages from Beyond

Depending on your beliefs and abilities, you could receive messages from beyond. Should you be a gifted seer, you might receive messages from beyond from someone you don’t know. In this case, the process to let the departed go could extend into the unknown.

A young girl named Carolyn deals with this in Spiral. Her experience is similar to what other people with the ability to be a seer have shared. “I felt another presence, like I wasn’t alone,” some people who receive messages from beyond say.

Another experience these people share is how they “heard people’s names, dates, places like cities and streets” they’d never heard about before. These cases may occur because there’s an unresolved issue, which raises a good point.

What if it wasn’t you, but the departed, who was having trouble letting go?

What Happens in Ghost

Ghost is a popular movie that deals with this. At first, Demi Moore’s character moves right into grieving, a healthy step. After all, delaying grieving might seem safe, protecting you from strong emotions, but it won’t keep you from realizing that someone you love is no longer here.

Then, strange phenomena start to occur. Unwillingness to turn away from what’s happening and clear memories about her partner, key Moore’s character, Molly Jensen, into the fact that she could be hearing from her loved one. Together, Molly and her departed loved one, a man named Sam Wheat, solve a murder.

Following through on what Sam shares with her is the only way that Molly will get to peace. She becomes as emotional as Sam is to solve the mystery. Fortunately, Molly does find who murdered her boyfriend, Sam. After that, both Molly and Sam are free. It truly was a loving way that Molly let the departed go, so he could continue his journey.

Love People While They’re Here

If we’re truly nonphysical beings, it’s not impossible to think that a departed loved one could connect. Just as they would if they were still in their body, a loved one could seek help to resolve an issue they were unable to close while they were here. Carolyn is up for the task in Spiral. For her, a 10-year-old girl, it’s as if she has no choice.

Choices this young girl makes help more than the departed let go and enter peace. Her works influence an entire town, opening up the possibility for generations to live free. Carolyn gets it.

Unresolved issues could make it hard to let the departed go. Therefore, take it easy on yourself. Treat the people in your life, including strangers, with love. Appreciate people you say you love. Say what you want to say, rooted in love. Let people know how much they mean to you. Share your love. Be kind, thankful and caring.

After all, this world is a mystery. One day, you’ll have to let it go. Loving everyone you meet can make the process easier for you and the people who cross your path.

Signs Someone in Your Family is Your Best Friend

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By Freelance Writer and Book Author Denise Turney

two family friends laughing at each other
Photo by Laura Stanley on Pexels.com

It’s sweet when someone in your family is your best friend, especially if you grew up with this relative. Know them since you were a toddler and you have loads of history. You’ve been there for each other nearly every step of the way.

The Best Friend Who Makes You Feel Accepted

Because you know each other so well, there’s often no need to explain your opinions, beliefs or ambitions to them. Another gain is that you don’t have to work to be your “authentic self” while you’re with your family friend. Hanging out with them is a great way to feel accepted, like you belong.

That alone is strength, is empowering.

Despite these advantages, you might not think of a relative as your best friend. Even more, you might not know who in your family is your best friend. That person could be your parent, an aunt, an uncle, cousin, grandparent or a sibling.

Signs Someone in Your Family is Your Best Friend

They might even be someone who became part of your family through marriage. Signs a relative is your best friend include:

  • You laugh a lot when you’re with them, the knee slapping rib busting kind of laughing
  • Sharing a secret with them is easy
  • When you’re with them, you feel loved
  • Your energy shifts into a better space when you two are together
  • Going days without communicating with them isn’t something you want to do
  • If you’re in a jam, they are among the first people you call
  • Both of you turn to each other for advice
  • Vacationing together is fun
  • Family get togethers are events you look forward to as it gives you a chance to hang out someone in your family who is your best friend

You’re Not Alone

A friend keeps you from feeling like you’re alone in the world. Having just one person in your life who makes you feel like you belong can boost your confidence and give you hope. When you feel like you belong, you can also:

  • Reduce your stress levels
  • Improve your sense of worth
  • Sleep better at night
  • Face mistakes you’ve better with confidence
  • Realize how alike you are to other people
  • Cope with challenges better
  • Avoid feeling deep loneliness
  • Live life with a sense of support
  • Feel empowered to ask for help
  • Know someone loves being with you, loves your company

Someone in Your Family You Trust

This world is full of ups and downs, constant change. It’s impossible to know what’s coming next every second of every day. To get through the world’s ongoing shifts, you might need to talk with someone you trust, you might need to talk through plans with someone who has your best interest at heart. A family member who’s your best friend gives you a quick ear, someone to bounce ideas off.

When someone in your family is your best friend, you also have someone you trust who you can discuss personal issues with. Instead of calling or texting a neighbor, colleague or classmate and hoping that they won’t spread intimate details you share with them, when a family member is your best friend, you can relax and know what you share won’t become gossip.

After all, you’ve both shared private details with each other for years. If neither of you has ever shared these private details with another relative, there’s a comforting shelter of trust that when you ask, “please don’t tell anyone else” your request will be honored.

Family Friends Offer Relationship Stability

When you’re sharing dating details, relationship troubles, vacation exploits and fun and games with your relative friend, it could all end in laughter. Let misfortune arise, something like a bad health diagnosis, and don’t be surprised if you weep absent embarrassment with your relative friend.

You might ask them to accompany you to your future doctor visits. It could be a good way to shield yourself from emotional and psychological hurt. And again, having this relative friend with you could keep you from feeling alone.

The older you get — or put another way, the more time you spend in this world — the more you might see the value in relationships. Even in this ever-changing world, good relationships offer the most stability.

So, consider letting the person in your family who is your best friend know how much you appreciate them. Tell them how happy you are that, in addition to being family, they care enough to be your best friend. It’s what makes family real sweet.