Monthly Archives: April 2021

What’s at the Heart of Healthy Romantic Relationships – Is It Love?

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By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

man and woman in love and happy romantic relationship holding hands and running on a field
Photo by Maksim Goncharenok on Pexels.com

What if much of what you believe about love, especially as it regards healthy romantic relationships, is wrong? Could the core of what you believe about healthy romantic relationships apply to something else, not to romance at all?

Healthy Romantic Relationships Rooted in Personal Experience

Based on personal experiences, you may believe that love is kind. You also might believe that love is patient. Foundation for this belief is 1 Corinthians 13:1. The scripture states that, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.”

Whether or not you grew up in a religious home, for you, love might have to prove itself. Transfer this to a romantic relationship, and you might push your partner to go to extremes to prove that they love you.

Should you have spent years witnessing your parents argue or inflict psychological or physical harm on each other when their emotions were strong, you might think that people get loud and violent when they love each other a lot. Try as you may, it’s impossible to make a complete break from what your childhood taught you about healthy romantic relationships.

Love Quotes and Healthy Romantic Relationships

On top of that, we all want love, especially to feel loved. But no one is always kind, always patient? No one is only one-way. Sometimes you and your lover are frustrated, angry, discouraged. This is where love appears to come up short. And this is when relationships can seem like too much of an investment.

Statements about love, including the oft spoken “love you to the moon and back” and inspirational love quotes like “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within” by James Baldwin and “The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in” by Morrie Schwrtz, require action.

Uttering love quotes doesn’t create magic. Love itself isn’t a form of magic.

Creating and sustaining healthy romantic relationships is not easy. It’s not a snap. Perhaps part of the reluctance to take the actions necessary to give and to receive love consistently has to do with how you define love. It’s these definitions that are explored in the 5 love languages. (https://www.5lovelanguages.com/)

Impact of Your 5 Love Languages on Your Healthy Romantic Relationships

For this reason, it may be worth exploring your particular love language. Just know, the results of your 5 love languages survey may surprise you.

But those surprises can be good, especially if you’re open to exploring new ways to give and receive what you believe to be love. Additionally, results of your 5 love languages survey might reveal why you feel frustrated, unheard or unappreciated by your romantic partner, even as they work to express their love for you.

Knowing how you define or see love could help you to get to the heart of what’s keeping you away from good relationships, including healthy romantic relationships. Also, the way that your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles defined love could be a key factor in how you try to get (or stay away from) to love.

Advice on Love and Relationships

Their relationships could also be impacting whether or not you believe that love is even at the heart of good relationships. Admittedly, a childhood filled with parental unkindness, impatience and cruelty can serve like a roadblock to love.

Yet, childhood trauma doesn’t shut off the desire for love. To recover, you might make an illusion of love. You might end the person you care about (and who you want to love you) flowers, love quotes and love letters, hoping it will spark a sustainable romance.

Or you might convince yourself that this give and take means you’re in a healthy romantic relationship when, in actuality, you’re not. If this happens, years could pass before you recognize that you’re in a troubled relationship.

Knowing What Love Is

This is why it takes at least one person who has truly experienced love to be in the relationship. Experience real love firsthand, and you will know what love is. You’ll also know when love is missing from romance.

If you think about couples who have given and received love from each other for years, you witnessed this happening. This witnessing is beautiful. Yet, it doesn’t mean you’ll convince your partner to release their trauma and let love in.

couple facing each other
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Love in Action as Part of Healthy Romantic Relationships

Yet, patience and kindness are more than ideas. They are a choice, an action. And, as with all choices and actions, you have to believe that the reward you’ll receive for taking an action is equal to or more than what you think you give up (invest) by taking that very action, by making that very choice. Which brings us back to childhood.

Isn’t that the best place to witness love? If not in childhood, definitely during early adulthood.

Considering this, imagine what life would be like if each person made witnessing love a priority. You’d turn away from abuse, not investing a second in rationalizing as you tried to convince yourself that witnessing love’s opposite was a good way for you to learn about love. Instead, you’d feel attracted to those who are patient, kind, caring, loving and working to awaken. And you’d want to be empowered by witnessing true love in action.

Witnessing Love In Action

Raymond doesn’t make witnessing love a priority. Like you, especially if you had a challenging childhood, he makes surviving a priority. After he gets to college, this changes. It’s at college where he meets Brenda, someone who truly loves him. Theirs is a complicated romantic relationship. Yet, despite its complications, their love truly does take them to the heart of a very good romantic relationship.

It’s not sudden. It happens over time, a long time. But, once you arrive at the heart of love, there’s no turning back. As happens with Raymond and Brenda, you won’t want to go back.

Researching love is not enough. Talking about love is not enough. Knowing your 5 love languages can’t fully prepare you for this experience.

Getting to love from where you are right now is the point. At times, reaching true love may seem impossible, like too difficult a task. Yet, giving up on getting to love is the one thing that you don’t want to do. After all, getting to love is getting to the real you. As it is for Raymond, there are many people and many experiences to help you get there.



3 Ways Authors Land Book Marketing Radio Interviews to Discuss Their Books

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By Books Writer Denise Turney

marketing radio interview silver and black microphones
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Performing book marketing radio interviews is an effective way for authors to introduce their rare books, print on demand books and contemporary fiction to more book buyers. Yet, success with radio interviews for writers isn’t always a slam dunk. Of course, the larger a radio station’s listening audience, the better. But, even then, authors may have to conduct five or more interviews on the same radio station before they see their book sales increase.

Highlighting Benefits of Book Marketing Radio Interviews

This brings up the first way that authors can land radio interviews to get more book sales. First, writers can listen to their favorite radio stations. Get to know which radio stations and radio DJs appreciate the types of books they write. It’s these radio stations authors should seek interviews on, as these radio stations attract the demographic that buys the types of books the authors write.

Then, authors can reach out to those DJs. But they shouldn’t just request a radio interview. Instead, they should outline specific ways that their books benefit readers. For instance, does the book teach readers about financial investments, how to save for college or save thousands when buying a house? Or perhaps, the book inspires or features strong women who demonstrate the worth embedded in breaking longstanding societal rules?

If the book is fictional, does the story focus on a real-life event or does the novel share a story that parallels a popular real-life romance? It’s these elements that offer history, education and entertainment, all which could interest radio listeners and book buyers.

Authors Serious About Landing Book Marketing Radio Interviews

Authors shouldn’t go light on highlighting benefits their books offer readers. In fact, they should make these benefits the centerpiece of their requests for book marketing radio interviews.

Next, create a request template for book marketing radio interviews. This is a time saver, especially for authors serious about landing a dozen or more radio interviews a month.

A plus about developing a radio interview request template is that the most authors should have to do before they email out interview requests, is to change the radio station call numbers and the DJ’s or radio station owner’s name. Use a spreadsheet to track radio stations that are contacted, including DJ and station owner names, radio station website URLs, telephone numbers and the dates that stations are contacted.

In addition to tracking progress, this spreadsheet creates a contact list. It’s this list that authors can return to after they finish writing and publishing more books, reaching out to radio stations to schedule new radio interviews. To continually grow book sales, authors should keep reaching out to more radio stations, landing even more radio interviews.

Working With Radio Directories

Here are two more ways authors land book marketing radio interviews. Both ways require tenacity and persistence. Follow radio station influencers on social media. After developing relationships with these influencers, authors can send a private message to radio station DJs, again sharing benefits that their books offer readers.

A third way that authors land radio interviews is to subscribe to directories like RadioGuestList.com. Directories like iTunes Radio, Tune In, Filter Music and Radio Tower also list radio stations, with contact details, that authors can contact to land more interviews.

During actual interviews, authors should prepare to respond to questions with more than yes and no answers. They are encouraged to share an intriguing bio with DJs after they land interviews.

Include tidbits in author bios that could evolve into engaging questions about children’s books, motivational books, rare books and coffee table books that radio listeners may want to buy and read. Another tip for writers, is simply – do not hold back. Once on the radio, authors benefit from being open and candid.

Getting More from Author Book Marketing Radio Interviews

Here are a few more tips for authors who are ready for radio:

  • Focus on offline and online radio stations
  • Seek out nonpaying radio interviews to introduce book buyers to your titles (there are lots of online radio stations that interview authors for free)
  • Post links from the interviews at social media accounts

Keep at it. After all, the more authors talk about their books, the more book buyers will learn about the books, a necessary step toward increasing book sales.

How Historical Fiction Offers Great Education

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By African American Fiction Writer Denise Turney

woman in black crew neck t shirt sitting on historical fiction books
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Historical fiction offers more than reading entertainment. Due to the depth of research authors invest in historical novels, these books offer a brief history of time. They educate, introducing bits of history that readers might otherwise not explore. If you’re an avid book reader, you may have noticed how much you’ve learned from reading fictional history books.

Much to Learn from Historical Fiction

No wonder historical fiction is popular. As host of the literary radio show, Off The Shelf Books Talk Radio, I’ve had the pleasure of interviewing dozens of historical fiction authors. These interviews are among the most listened to Off The Shelf Books Talk Radio shows. When I ask these writers how much time they devote to researching material for their historical fiction, I’m almost always surprised at the amount of time the authors devote to gathering material for these novels.

In fact, it’s not uncommon for these writers to spend weeks, sometimes months, at the library researching fashion, business trends, dietary choices, social behaviors, religious practices, gender roles and lifestyle habits that occurred during periods their books are set in.

And, if they’re not scouring through books, newspaper articles and magazines at the library, they’re digging through history facts online at home. This is what I did before I started writing on the suspenseful historical fiction novel, Spiral.

Spiral as Historical Fiction

Did I ever learn a lot about Memphis, Tennessee while researching for Spiral. I definitely learned how influential Beale Street was to the city, talk about a happening place. From being the home of the blues to Southern politics to nightlife to old time religion — it’s all in Memphis. Who knows? Maybe even authors gain when we research and write books that lean on real life events, rich history.

And, there are so many great historical fiction books. Among the best historical fiction are books like The Book Thief, Little Women, The Book of Negroes, The Red Tent and The Tutor.

It’s through these books that you can learn what it was like to live as far back as the 1600s. Other historical novels take you back to a pivotal time in world history. For instance, books like The German Midwife, The Secret Orphan and All We Left Behind take you to the heart of the unimaginable struggle children and adults experienced during the vicious war.

Skillful Fiction Authors

Also, the skillful way that authors of historical fiction weave humor, faith and personality into their characters keeps you turning the pages, keeps you learning. And it might not be until you reach the final page and put the book down that you realize just how much you learned about family traditions practiced during the period the story took place.

In fact, you could pull out key facts buried within historical fiction, including historical romance, and place those facts alongside dates, analytics and trends noted in nonfiction history books and see clear parallels. This brings up an interesting point. Are writers of historical fiction unsuspected history buffs?

Think about your favorite novels. How many of them share rich history? How many of your favorite novels, including books that don’t center around key history events, teach you about modern history as well as ancient history? Don’t you love reading these books? After all, there’s so much to gain and learn from these stories, not to mention the entertainment that you can walk away with.