By Books Author Denise Turney

Love relationships bloom, explode, empower and go bad. Like life, love is not still. Instead, love is like the wind. It’s hard to tell where it’s going. And it’s certain that love cannot be controlled. It doesn’t matter how hard you try. You cannot control love. In fact, tears won’t do it. Screaming, cursing and arguing won’t give you the keys to control love. When romance is sweet, it’s good, but what do you do when it goes bad?

Relationship Roadblocks

Simply, love calls for patience. Love calls for trust. And love calls for faith. The competitive, controlling part of our minds doesn’t like that. Is it any wonder that love relationships churn up so much discomfort in us?

Yet, it’s in sincere love relationships where we awaken more to our true self. It’s certainly worth the work. However, there may be roadblocks, unexpected roadblocks. These roadblocks show up sooner or later. They’re on the inside of you and your partner. You can’t see them with your physical eye.

It’s these roadblocks that can see your love relationship shift from pleasure, excitement and warmth to pain, fear and icy doubt. How so? For starters, what if you and the person who you’re in a love relationship with has yet to even begin facing, let alone dealing with, your erroneous perceptions and beliefs?

Erroneous Love Relationship Perceptions and Beliefs

For example, what if you or your partner was hit and/or verbally demeaned while a child? But not only that. What if you or your partner developed (and accepted) the perceptions that people are a danger to your well-being. The belief driving this perception might be that you shouldn’t try new things because you’ll fail and be teased because you’re dumb?

Or perhaps the perception is that people can’t be trusted because they only love or accept you when you work hard, give them money or do favors for them. Again, there’s a belief driving the perception. In this case, the belief might be that you’re really worthless and that the only way to gain a smidgen of acceptance or love is to work hard or to give people things and favors (because, after all, they don’t really want you because you’re really worthless).

And, these are just two beliefs and two perceptions. Imagine what your love relationships may be like if you and the people who you relate to had just ten similar beliefs and perceptions?

Tough Love Relationships

Can make for tough love relationships. So, to get to a healthy relationship rooted in love, it’s important that both you and your partner do the work. After all, your inner world isn’t going to magically fix itself. Furthermore, your partner’s inner world isn’t going to magically work itself out. And this inner work journey is ongoing.

Unfortunately, talking about how much you want to change isn’t going to work like a magic wand. This is where prayer, meditation, trust and faith can do wonders (not magic). Additionally, it takes honesty and a clear, shared goal that you both find extremely rewarding.

This means, no lying, abuse, manipulation, competing or controlling. Even more, it’s important to respect deal breakers. Clearly, abuse is a sure relationship deal breaker. No excuses. It’s a relationship deal breaker.

Pathways to Enduring Love

When there’s no abuse, but your relationship gets hard, try spending more time with each other. Spending time a part could also help. If you take the latter approach, set a date for when you and your lover will connect again. Getting back together is just one step in the relationship recovery process. To make your relationship sweet again, consider:

• Talking about what is causing you to feel unloved in the relationship
• Focus on active listening. Try to listen to your partner as much as possible
• Discuss specific issues that are weakening the relationship. Examples include money, child raising habits and work boundaries.
• Make your relationship a priority
• Set aside time to be with your lover and avoid letting non-emergencies intrude on this time
• Accept that all relationships take work, the more frequently you’re with someone (a spouse, child, sibling), the more work you might have to invest in the relationship
• Keep your word and do what you say you will and expect the same of your partner
• Hold yourself in high regard, no more or less than you do your partner
• Spend quiet time in your own company
• Engage in activities that cause you to feel empowered

Getting Closer to Sweet Love Relationships

You’re not going to get closer to a real love relationship if you stay in abusive relationships and keep trying to convince yourself that you’re someone who it’s okay to beat up. After all, you deserve love. You deserve to be loved real good.

 So, if your partner is responsible and accountable for their self and doesn’t blame you for where they are in life or how they feel, although it might not always be easy to navigate the love relationship, it might be worth it. Together, you could help each other to see the erroneous perceptions and beliefs that have been serving as roadblocks to real love.

Feeling safe with each other, you both might start to release these errors in thinking. It could take years. But it’s worth it. In fact, that’s when love relationships become really sweet.