Monthly Archives: June 2020

Important Online Dating Road Rules

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By Denise Turney

online dating couple meet in person holding hands
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Dtd1986

Online dating is exhilarating, not unlike meeting someone face-to-face. Desire, intrigue, imagination and untarnished expectations are at play. It’s a wonderful experience, but there are drawbacks.

Let love serve as your anchor, steering clear of delusions and unsafety. Enter virtual romance with your eyes wide-open. After all, romantic attraction can be addictive. In the world of romantic illusion, you get to rule. You get to make relationships (even if only in your head) turn out the way you want them to. Is this what makes online dating so appealing?

Curbing Risks

After all, online dating allows for ample creativity. For example, if you’re 4’11”, you could post on your profile that you are 5’7″ tall. Who would know?

You could misrepresent your age, career, educational background and past relationships. Of course, the people who you connect with using dating apps could lie to you too. But that happens with in-person dating as well.

Drawbacks aside, what if you really do want true love? To get there, forget making the relationship up in your imagination and then expecting anyone to live up to your inner script. Don’t do it. It’s just a great way to set yourself up to feel frustrated.

Easy Road Rules

Even more, to save yourself the emotional pain of getting played, follow road rules. Check out these online dating road rules that could save you heartache, not to mention hundreds or thousands of dollars.

  • Avoid sharing too much information online, including within your online dating profile.
  • Don’t use gifts to convince yourself that someone loves you. The person may appreciate the gifts. But that doesn’t mean that they love you.
  • Meet the person you’re dating online in person in a safe, public place. Meet in person early to avoid creating fantasies and illusions that could, over time, seriously cloud your judgment.
  • Really get to know the person before considering introducing her or him to your extended family, including your children.
  • Check statements and facts that people share via online dating apps. Search engines make it easy to check facts and backgrounds.

More Smart Online Dating Practices

Give yourself time to get to know someone you’re thinking about dating online. Don’t rush the relationship. That, by itself, could keep you from creating dangerous blind spots. While you’re letting the relationship develop:

  • Listen to feedback that relatives and friends share about the person you started dating.
  • Practice safe financial skills. Do not share your financial information, including bank accounts.
  • Don’t send dates money or ship products for them.
  • Get to know family members, friends and colleagues of the person who you’re dating online. This way, you can start to get other perceptions of the person. In turn, this may help prevent you from creating fantasies or illusions of the person you met online.

Keep In-Person Relationships Strong

While you celebrate a deepening relationship that started in the virtual world, continue to invest in face-to-face relationships. In fact:

  • Nurture and grow offline relationships with friends, relatives, colleagues and neighbors.
  • Live a rich life. Avoid isolating yourself.
  • Be honest with yourself and the person you’re dating online. Acknowledge what you see and hear. Having strong in-person relationships could keep you from denying facts and behaviors, including behaviors you don’t want to accept.
  • Don’t make excuses for your online date. Know when to let go, leaving the relationship.

Remember that your online date is not here to save you. Regardless of how online dating goes, you’re still responsible for navigating this world’s highs and lows, twists and turns.

Accept What You See

 A final thought – Who doesn’t want love, to join with and actually feel a part of love? Who doesn’t want to give and receive love in its purest forms? Love is beyond amazing. There really are no words to define or accurately describe it.

Love is too big to be defined or described. It encompasses everything real. And it flows, seemingly changing at whim. But that doesn’t mean that you should toss common sense to the wind and run off with every person who tells you that she loves you.

Right now, every person may not be ready to love, even if she shouts that she is ready. This applies with online dating and offline dating. Therefore, consider practicing a few online dating road rules while searching for a deeper relationship. After all, practicing online dating road rules could save you more than hurt feelings.

Fathers Need Love Too

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By Books Writer Denise Turney

fathers love their sons family picture

Fathers need love too; despite the images they may create. Yes. Like loving mothers, they’re strong and resilient. Yet, they thrive under the light of appreciation and care.

Good fathers are the backbone of a strong family. In fact, the impact of loving, present, caring, responsible fathers may be immeasurable. It doesn’t matter how challenging life gets, good fathers offer their children patience, a listening ear, courage and guidance.

Honoring Good Fathers on Father’s Day and Beyond

For me, a good father also offers his children protection, an ongoing sense of security. My father was this type of man. Akin to many other fathers, my dad was also tough – at times, seemingly hard. But he was there whenever his kids, his sons and his daughters, needed him.

During my younger years, I wished that my father was softer, more emotional. But he never really got there, although he did soften in his older years. Yet, he shaped me in ways that I will forever be thankful for. Because of the impact he made, it was easy to appreciate him and to buy Father’s Day gifts for my dad.

He was easy to please as it regarded gifts. In fact, I don’t think that he expected much for Father’s Day. And this from a man who had single handedly raised five children. He didn’t wear ties. So, that was out as a Father’s Day gift choice. What my dad did appreciate was his children calling and spending time with him.

Great Father’s Day Gifts

Whether your father loves certain types of gifts or isn’t big on gifts at all, there are choices you can make to honor your dad this Father’s Day. Here are Father’s Day gift ideas that both you and your dad may appreciate, great ways for you to show your dad that you know fathers needs love to:

  • Tickets to your father’s favorite arts, entertainment or sports event. For example, you could get your dad tickets to a sports playoff, theatrical production or arts or jazz festival.
  • Vacation package to a cool, adventurous spot that your dad has long talked about visiting. Keep in mind, that it could be somewhere local or a place across the globe.
  • Lunch or dinner at your father’s favorite restaurant. If the weather is agreeable, dine outdoors.
  • Invite your father to your home. Once there, cook him a delicious home cooked brunch or dinner.
  • Purchase your dad his favorite cologne. Include a special card with a loving handwritten note with the Father’s Day gift.
  • After your Father’s Day meal, take your dad on a drive through the city or country. Set the radio to his favorite music and enjoy the ride.

Remember Fathers Need Love Too

Father’s Day was first celebrated in the United States in June 1910. More than 60 years would pass before Father’s Day was made official by President Richard Nixon in 1972.  But time sets no boundary on how mothers and children honor the good fathers in their lives.

This year, gift your father with the same treasure that you may have asked him for when you were a kid. Gift your father with quality time on Father’s Day. For instance, take your father on that fishing, hiking or road trip the two of you have been talking about for months.

Or perhaps your father and you love a good camping trip. Whatever you decide, consider setting aside enough time to enjoy being with your dad this Father’s Day. And yes. Spending time with your dad on Father’s Day may seem like a choice that you have forever to make. But that’s not the case. Don’t let the time slip by this year. Show and tell your father how much he means to you this year. And, if you’re a dad yourself – Happy Father’s Day.

Resources:

The Important Role of Dad | HuffPost Life

How Books Help You Heal

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By Books Author Denise Turney

ocean shoreline, peaceful sun view to heal
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Michael Klajban

Books offer great entertainment. But they do more than that. Good books help you heal.

Have you ever had your guard up to the point where you didn’t notice that you were making mistakes with your life? When you’re this guarded, you may refuse to see your mistakes and open to change, to start to heal. As powerful as digging in your heels against change (including inner healing) may feel, it’s not the way to start living your best life.

Good Books Lower Resistance to Healing

You could talk with a friend, placing yourself in an environment where you feel safe enough to lower your guard and begin to heal. That certainly helps. But friends get busy. Despite their best intentions, there are instances when good-good friends face so many challenges of their own that it’s overwhelming for them to offer an open ear, especially if you’re resisting the very change that you most need to make right now to start the healing process.

This might surprise you. Yet, reading good books can lower your resistance to inner healing in unexpected ways. Highly crafted books are gentle in how they adjust perception and loosen erroneous beliefs. For example, powerful, complicated book characters grab your attention by spotlighting the character’s shortcomings and personal challenges.

Before you know it, you’re rooting for some book characters while wishing that other characters reap what they sow. Even if you’re usually alert, it may be weeks after you finish a novel before it dawns on you that one or more of a book’s major characters have strengths and areas for improvement that are similar yours.

Good Books Provide Clarity During Healing Process

Without realizing it, you can witness the effects of specific causes (e.g. anxiety, violence, poverty) on someone’s life while you read good books. But that’s not all. Another of the gentle ways that books help you to heal is how books gently let you see alternatives for choices that you’re facing.

This happened for me when I read comedian and actor, Bernie Mac’s book, Maybe You Never Cry Again. I can still visualize the scene where he wrote about the last odd job that he took to pay bills – the last job that he took before he went after what his heart called him to do — succeed at comedy. Thanks to what Bernie Mac shared in the book, I knew that I had to pull out the stopper and go after my novel writing full tilt boogie. Reading Maybe You Never Cry Again helped me to heal from the habit of putting off what I knew I must do.

The Ebony Tree by Maxine Thompson gently showed me the rewards of letting the past go, even old family history. Talk about moving into healing page-by-page. And, I still remember the first time that a woman who’d read Spiral told me that, after reading the book, she’d decided to forgive, a sure way to heal.

How Books Help You Heal

Although I didn’t write Spiral around the message of forgiveness, that reader’s feedback was beyond inspiring and encouraging. Think about all the good books you’ve read so far. How have those books changed your life? How have those books helped you to heal?

During my childhood, it was good books that helped me navigate challenging real life events. I got so much courage and positive energy and inspiration to heal from books like the Pippi Longstocking series, Ramona and Mildred Taylor’s Roll Of Thunder, Hear My Cry.

So, yes. Good books help you to drop your guard so that you can have more clarity around pivotal life decisions, the types of choices that are part of the healing process. Books do this by putting characters in situations that millions of people face. Because you’re not in the spotlight (the book’s major characters fill those roles), you can witness what’s going on without fear, without becoming defensive. And making the right choices is healing. It really is.

Enjoy What You Love About Good Books

I love the power of healing you can gain from reading good books.

Other gentle ways that good books help you to heal are by switching your focus off of perceived problems which, in turn, lowers stress. Also, good novels help you to heal by giving you something fun and engaging to do with your partner, family or friends.

After all, book clubs aren’t the only groups that can have fun reading and digging into good books together. You could even turn a good novel story into a play that you put on with family, friends or a local theater. Additionally, good books turn you away from work. They also give you a great option to replace being online for hours or surfing your phone all night.

So, here’s to good books! Hope you enjoy reading a good novel today as you continue the path of inner healing.

How to Succeed Amid the Coming Change

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By Books Writer Denise Turney

The coming change could shake your beliefs. It won’t be a one-time shift, knocking you off guard for weeks. Instead, this change is the start of ongoing adjustments. Knowing how to come out on top, despite the switch, sets you up for longstanding success.

Change is celebrated when it brings experiences that you’ve been longing for. How about this? A handsome man shows up just before you exit the train car you generally ride in on your way home from work. In a short six months, you’re convinced that this mystery man is an answer to your prayers. He’s attentive, caring, courageous, funny and charming. You feel so loved when you’re with him. In fact, you feel cared for when you simply think about this man.

red flowers drooping as part of coming change
Wikimedia Commons – Picture by George Chernilevsky

Navigating Unwanted Change

It’s that kind of shift that can make it feel easy to succeed amid change. But, let your hopes escalate, interlaced with high charged “perfect relationship” fantasies, only to be dashed after you discover that the man from the train is another woman’s husband and three boys’ doting father. If you had invested your all into the relationship, the discovery might leave you believing that you won’t recover.

Who knows? You might even think that, for you, a romantic relationship will never be successful. And that’s just it.

So much unexpected and unwanted change that you have to deal with may seem to be completely out of your control. You didn’t cause the change. And, because you didn’t cause the change, you can’t see your way up.

How to Succeed Amid Change

Yet, it’s not true that you can’t succeed amid change. In fact, here are several actions that you could take to succeed:

  • Forgive yourself for mistakes you perceive that you’ve made. There’s no better way to shut off the “need to be punished” button and allow boundless good into your life.
  • Set a new goal if change has showed you that your previous goal is not the experience you really want.
  • Accept the means to achieve your goal, all while staying open to new ideas.
  • Make good use of your emotional guidance system. For instance, if you don’t feel peace around a choice, consider another option.
  • Celebrate small victories as you continue to work to succeed amid change. After all, this is a long journey.
  • Add no less than three activities that cause you to feel joy and peace to your day. For example, you could listen to jazz, soak in a soothing bath or enjoy reading a good novel while sitting on your back porch.
  • Keep a journal to track your efforts and your results.
  • Don’t ever give up on yourself.

Long Walk to Success Amid Change

A successful life demands flexibility. Simply put, give up the effort to control situations. In fact, if you set expectations for people or situations, you may be left feeling angry, abandoned and frustrated.

This may be one of the greatest roadblocks to success — the desire to control people and outcomes. To be successful, you have to open to guidance from your real Self. And trust that guidance. Learning from others also helps as you continue to bob, weave and make your way through your journey.

Above all, you have to believe that you can succeed amid change, even great change. A good way to start is to take wise risks early. In a word, the sooner that you start compiling evidence that what you really are is greater than any change you find yourself face, the better.

Keep Advancing

So, allow yourself enough grace and forgiveness to take wrong turns. Allow yourself enough love to make mistakes. Trust the good that is guiding you. Stop and turn when you realize that you’re heading the wrong way. Once you’re again on course, keep advancing. This is what Long Walk Up’s Mulukan does, a six year old orphan girl who, by all accounts, should have quit. Yet, she didn’t. Hers is a glorious story.

Yes. Keep advancing. Because, like Mulukan, yours is a glorious story too. Whether you realize it or not, you are amazing!