By Freelance Writer and Books Author Denise Turney

Do you know what one of the hardest parts of death is? You know, you absolutely know, that you cannot go back and change a single thing.

If you’re reading this, you might be nodding in agreement at that point, especially if you recently experienced the death of someone dear to you. In fact, desire to say or do something different as it regards that loved one might be disrupting your peace.

Living Free of Past Painful Childhood Illusions

But here’s the thing. It may be an illusion that you can change a single iota of the past just because you’re still breathing, even events from a painful childhood. Ever. The past really is done. It’s over. It passes moment by moment . . . day by day.

With that truth in mind, how would you change your life right now? How would you relate to the person you’re avoiding, the person whose opinion you value so much it hurts each time you imagine that they disapprove of you? Which ways would you treat a colleague, in-law, neighbor, blood relative or former friend if you knew that nothing you say or do can ever be erased?

Would you continue plotting how you’re going to get even with your spouse or beau because they forgot your birthday, took credit for work you did or wouldn’t back down during an argument? If possible, would you tell your child how much she irritates or frustrates you again? And would you remain committed to hardening your heart?

Choose this and you’ll be choosing to drag unforgiveness, not to mention unresolved trauma, around. Why would you choose to do this?

Signs That You’re Stuck in a Painful Childhood

As it regards a painful childhood, if you could, how would you change your present life? What behavior and thought patterns would you change now? How would you create a better past for yourself, a past you would always be at peace recalling?

If you’re stuck in the past, you may need to work with a professional or practice intentional self-care to break free. Types of past events that you could be hooked on include the death of a parent, a romantic relationship breakup, a job layoff or a natural disaster that destroyed your home.

Signs that you’re living in a past that’s rooted in a painful childhood include:

• Clinging to people or objects (hoarding)
• Irrational fears
• Emotional outbursts
• Difficulty feeling or expressing healthy emotion

Inability to form close, enriching relationships may be another sign that you’re dragging a regrettable past experience around in your psyche.

It’s time to stop. Dragging the past around comes at a high price. It works like a contaminant that erodes present-day encounters. To say it’s a joy and peace thief is an understatement.

Choosing Life

If you’re afraid and don’t want to examine a regrettable past firsthand, empower yourself by taking a peek at someone else’s life. Get an account of the depth of damage continuing to live in the past causes. You’re probably already doing this, sizing up the impact of your parents’, grandparents’, church members’ and friends’ choices.

It’s easy to see where these people went wrong. But being a spectator leaves you on the sidelines, keeps you from moving forward. Raymond Clarke learns this lesson the hard way in Love Pour Over Me. All he can see are his father’s and his mother’s awful mistakes, how they hurt him, how they set him up for a hard life.

Stop Running from the Past

Then, Raymond decides to run as far away from his past as possible. If you’re running from your past, you’re probably wondering how it’ll work out. You’re probably wondering if it’s truly possible to run far enough away from old memories and old feelings to live free of a painful childhood.

For Raymond, freedom doesn’t come until he revisits the past in an honest, healthy way. Are you ready to go back? Are you ready to revisit the hard spots in your life that are arresting your development? Give yourself the chance to learn how to truly break free of the past and accept real love right now.

Road to Freedom

Ways to get free start with acknowledging that you’re living in the past. Other actions toward freedom include:

• Journaling about past experiences that stir up anger, fear and sorrow
• Writing down your dreams and seeing if they offer guidance toward freedom
• Forgiving people who mistreated you
• Working with a reputable, experienced and licensed professional
• Looking out for yourself from this day forward
• Trusting yourself and taking new, loving chances

Prove you love yourself the way you wish others had proven that they loved you. After all, you’re in the driver seat now. Treat yourself good.

Get your copy of “Love Pour Over Me” Now