Love equals freedom

By Denise Turney

In 1 John chapter four and verses 18 through 19 says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear. because fear involves punishment. The one who fears has not been perfected in love.” Turn to Genesis chapter 1 and verse 31 and you’ll see, “God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good.”

Because God created us, there is nothing to fear. Nothing can usurp the will of God. Nothing can change, remove, abolish or minimize God’s will. The truth of what God is, the truth that God is, the truth that God is eternal and the truth that nothing can alter or stop God’s will may be the greatest good news ever.

Love does not bind because love does not fear

Truth also means that love is forever. Because there is no fear in love, there is no reason to attack, bind or try to make anyone perceive herself or himself as being small. Love does not belittle, make jest of or seek to embarrass. It has no reason to.

Despite what romantic songs say, love does not hurt. Love forgives because it recognizes a mistake and knows that mistakes can and should be corrected, not punished. Love is wise. It knows the outcome across the short and the long term.

Love simply does not fear. Love knows what it is. It is not uncertain. It is not unsure. It does not need to shout or boast. Love’s simple existence is enough.

Love has no puppets because love is freedom

In that rest freedom. It could be why people who dedicate themselves to love speak often, passionately and with conviction about and for freedom.

We are at a point where we have forgotten what love is. We refer to sex as “making love”. Bodies don’t make love. Love is eternal. Bodies aren’t.

We may think that love can become jealous or express itself as jealousy, rage or (again) hurt. Love cannot do those things. But, that doesn’t stop us from using logic to conceal our thought errors and claiming that we are not responsible for how we use our minds in effort to appear innocent.

An example, is when a man says “all men cheat”. Translated – this means, I cannot help what my mind does. I cannot help what my body does. I’m innocent of what I do with my mind because I have absolutely no control of my mind.

If this is truth, a man is merely a puppet. But, whose puppet? And who made man a puppet?

According to Genesis chapter one and verse 31, it wasn’t God.

God made (wo)man free. If nothing can change, diminish or alter God’s will, we have a real dilemma when we seek to avoid taking responsibility for ourselves.

As happens with Raymond Clarke in Love Pour Over Me, it may take us decades to accept that we truly are responsible for ourselves. We are responsible for what we do with our minds. We’re not puppets because we’re not impotent. We’re free.

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Smart Life Choices Lead to More Happiness

By Denise Turney


woman sitting in window

Wikimedia Commons – Picture by Leonardo Aguiar


Choices to more happiness require insight as Raymond Clarke learns in the book, Love Pour Over Me. Getting to more happiness also requires courage.

It’s easy to get stuck in patterns. Before you know it, you start to believe that without patterns (even the wrong patterns), you won’t survive.

Before you know it, you think that being unhappy is normal.

You Can Be Happy – You Deserve Happiness

Explore what causes you to experience happiness. A journal is a good friend to bring along on this exploration.

Write down experiences that cause you to feel angry, afraid, hopeful, under illusion or way too damned dreamy. Also, write down experiences that find you feeling free, light hearted, unafraid and happy.

Listen to friends, colleagues, family and neighbors when they say things like “You seem happy” or “You seem really excited about that”. What are you doing or talking about when people who know you make those comments? It could be a clue to what may bring you more happiness.

Pay Attention to Others for More Happiness Clues

Consider experiences that make most people happy. Reducing work hours, exercising, meditating and singing have long made people happy. So too does participating in a positive hobby (i.e. painting, sculpting, singing, acting, model plane flying) and attending group discussions. Other common activities that induce happiness include soaking in a warm bath, listening to beautiful, soothing music, nature walks, writing in a journal and dancing.

Who knows? Insight could pop up as you are engaging in one of the above activities.

If something deep within directs you to take a specific action, pray about it. Be willing to take action if your True Self directs you to do so. You may not want to get into the habit of resisting taking action on ideas that surface from deep within yourself. Excellence at resisting change could block you from receiving the very experiences that could find you enjoying more happiness.

Be willing to start small if you find yourself resisting change. Take one step that leads you toward what you want and give yourself time to adjust to the change, before you take a larger step, if needed. It’s also important that you remember that parts of you may still be resisting change. This may happen because a part of you thinks a new experience may be just like a previous experience that turned out negatively.

Above all, keep moving forward, again with patience.

Being patient is a sign that you love yourself. Practicing self-love may find you more open to making and taking action on greater choices that lead to more happiness. Stay on the path. There’s no reason why you can’t enjoy the love and happiness that Raymond Clarke steps into as he stays on his path in Love Pour Over Me.

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Real Love, What’s Holding You Back?

By Rhonda Campbell


Wikimedia Commons – Public Domain

Real love is the most desired element in creation and yet, we often think about love through the lens of its complete opposite — fear. Real love quotes are often tinted with fear. Don’t think so? How about, “Real love is always chaotic,” “When love is real, it doesn’t lie, cheat, pretend, hurt you or make you feel unwanted. It’s supposed to be a cure to all your worries,” and “A person that truly loves you will never let you go, no matter how hard the situation is.”

Real Love Doesn’t Happen In The Past

It’s hard to find someone who hasn’t been burned by what they thought was real love in the past. Guess what? It is past experiences and past memories that hold us back from receiving real love. We keep expecting the past to repeat itself.

If you think about everything that you’re scared of, the common denominator might be that the fear is rooted in something that happened in the past. Scared to be abandoned or to feel as if someone else was “chosen” over you?

Were you picked last to join school sports teams? Did a friend choose to play with someone else instead of you when you were a kid? Did a parent transition, walk out or not keep in touch following a divorce?

Fear of rejection or abandonment could worsen if you experienced one or more of the above (or a similar event) several times as a child then experienced a hard breakup as an adult. That includes getting cheated on, manipulated, used or lied to.

What if you’re walking around constantly telling yourself that if you let anyone get close to you the past hurtful experiences will only happen again? How close do you think you’d let people get to you?

When you think about it, it’s a warped form of self-love. It’s also proof that we cannot protect ourselves and open up to love at the same time. There’s too much that we don’t know. There’s too much that we miss.

In fact, as we try to protect ourselves, we could end up blocking or pushing love away.

Just because you’re in a relationship that doesn’t mean that you aren’t avoiding real love. To keep from feeling alone, you could feel desperate to always be in a relationship, but choose partners who mistreat you, people who, like you, are also afraid of love.

Take time to examine your relationships. It’s time well spent. After all, as Real Love by Mary J. Blige says, we’re all looking for real love.

Are they healthy? Do you feel afraid of being abandoned, chosen last, over looked or hurt by your partner? Did anything in the past happen to you that created these emotions?

You could be dragging the past into each present second, and not be aware that you’re living in the past.

As Raymond Clarke learns in Love Pour Over Me, real love and good living require faith and trust. If you’re doing what Raymond was doing in Love Pour Over Me and trying to avoid relationships or closeness, consider trusting that you’ll be cared for by the Creator, your Higher Self or the universe (whichever term you prefer).

Historic Places to Visit in Dayton, Ohio

dayton ohio skyline

Wikimedia Commons – Public Domain

By Ohio Book Author, Denise Turney

It’s not the largest city in the country, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t a lot of historic places to visit in Dayton. In fact, Dayton, Ohio is big on history, tradition and achievements. Largely known for the accomplishments of Wilbur and Orville Wright, when many think of Dayton, images of the Wright Patterson Air Force Museum and the Wright Patterson Air Force Base immediately spring to mind.

That happens to me, sometimes, too. Even more, when I think of Dayton, Ohio, I think of home. It’s the city that I was born and raised in. My parents grew up there. All the festivities, delicious food, childhood friendships, family gatherings and holiday traditions that I grew up with take me back to Dayton.

Historic places to explore in Dayton, Ohio

To me, Dayton isn’t a big city, especially when I compare it to Philadelphia and New York. Yet, it is the sixth largest city in Ohio.

About 50 miles North of Dayton is the Queen City, also known as the City by the River — Cincinnati. You’ll have to drive five hours to reach Cleveland and nearby cities, home of talents like The O’Jays, writer Toni Morrison, Arsenio Hall, LeBron James and Hugh Downs.

Visit Dayton, Ohio and you can learn and be entertained while you explore historic places like the Paul Laurence Dunbar Home (this historic site is close to where I grew up), Victoria Theater, the Dayton Art Institute, Carillon Historical Park, Boonshoft Museum of Discovery, SunWatch Indian Village, the Dayton Arcade and the Dayton Daily News Building.

If you venture inside the Dayton Daily News Building, give yourself the day. Research Dayton’s history through real life stories that were captured by some of the city’s insightful journalists. As a history buff, this might be one of the best ways to get to know Dayton, that and inspiring an elder to share stories of their experiences in the city with you.

More historic sites in Dayton, Ohio

Additional historic places to visit in Dayton, Ohio are the Dayton Canoe Club, the Dayton Terra-Cotta Historic District and the Dayton Women’s Club. Other historic places include:

  • Deeds Carillon (My paternal grandmother took us here when we were kids. She loved visiting this area. It was peaceful, with lots of room for kids to play.)
  • Deeds’ Barn
  • Eagles Building
  • Fire Blocks Historic District
  • East Third Street Historic District
  • Oscar M. Gottschall House
  • Graphic Arts Building
  • Jacob O. Joyce House
  • Lindsey Building
  • McCormick Manufacturing Company Building
  • Montgomery County Courthouse
  • Old Post Office and Federal Building
  • John R. Reynolds Home
  • Traxler Mansion
  • Woodland Cemetery Association of Dayton Historic District

Track and field enthusiasts may appreciate visiting Dayton and exploring areas that world champion hurdler, Edwin Moses, grew up in. Travel about thirty minutes from Dayton toward Wilberforce University and you can visit the National Afro-American Museum and Cultural Center.

I can’t say enough about this museum. It is truly worth visiting. They had a 1960s theme when my sister and I visited several years ago. Designs and artifacts were so good that I actually felt like I was back in the 1960s while I was at the museum.

When you think about it, isn’t it amazing how much there is in the city where you grew up or where you live now? After all, you may start to take these places for granted. There’s so much richness within your reach. I encourage you to explore great, historic places if you visit or live in Dayton, Ohio, the city that Raymond Clarke, the main character in the book, Love Pour Over Me, grew up in.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Dayton, Ohio born Raymond Clarke, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Famous Ohio Athletes

By Ohio Writer, Denise Turney

Lebron James

Pic by Chrischappelear – Flickr

Ohio athletes have taken center stage at the local, national and international levels. You might be surprised at the numbers of Ohio state athletes who have competed in the Olympics. As a former track and field runner (I ran middle distance races like the half mile and the mile), I sometimes think that making and placing at the Olympics is the toughest sports challenge facing any athlete.

Don’t think so? Try placing in the top three of local, regional and national AAUs competitions. It is not easy.

Ohio is home to some of the world’s greatest athletes

Ranker list Ohio athletes who competed in the Olympics as Edwin Moses, LeBron James, Amanda Borden, Barry Larkin, Charles Vinci, Gretchen Bleiler, Heather Mitts and Jerry Lucas. This list is not all inclusive.

Gotta mention Jesse Owens. Although Jesse Owens wasn’t born in Ohio, he claimed the state as “home”. Few Ohio athletes may have had a larger impact on the sports and social landscapes as Jesse Owens, the track and field star aptly nicknamed the Buckeye Bullet. His records stood for years. He truly was a phenomenal athlete. Did you catch the movie based on his life?

Edwin Moses track and field

Wikimedia Commons – Public Domain

While researching for this article, I was surprised to learn that the Seattle Seahawks quarterback, Russell Wilson, is from Ohio. Russell Wilson was born in the Queen City or Cincinnati. Other football greats who were born in Ohio include Larry Csonka and Ben Roethlisberger. You can count Ben Roethlisberger as the youngest quarterback to win a Super Bowl. Impressive.

Ohio is also the home of the first college football player to win two Heisman trophies, Archie Griffin. How I wish that his NFL career had been as illustrious as his collegiate career. Fortunately, Archie Griffin continues to serve Ohio State University. Check out his story with the OSU Alumni Association.

Time out for great Ohio coaches

I know this blog post is about famous Ohio athletes, but I have to mention some of the Buckeye state’s highly skilled coaches. There’s Don Shula. He coached the Miami Dolphins, the only team in the NFL that had a perfect regular season record.

And who can forget the great Woody Hayes, Paul Brown, Cliff Battles and Chuck Noll, the first NFL coach to win four Super Bowls. He did it in six seasons, winning twice against the great Tom Landry. Other great football coaches born in Ohio include Jon Gruden and Jim and John Harbaugh.

If I considered coaches who coached at Ohio State University, then went on to coach some of the nation’s best teams, we’d have Alabama’s Nick Saban, Pete Carroll and Lovie Smith. When it comes to basketball, Bobby Knight, born in Massillon, Ohio, may well be the most famous basketball coach from the Buckeye state. Yes. Ohio is known for producing great coaches.

Ohio athletes who raised the mark

Golfer, Jack Nicklaus, was born in Upper Arlington, Ohio. He is considered by many to be the world’s greatest golfer. Believe it or not, he’s on Twitter, in case you want to check him out on social media. Jack Nicklaus’ official website can be found here.

The numbers of famous Ohio athletes who played in the NBA or ABA are too many to mention. Leading the way is LeBron James. It’s good to see LeBron playing for the Cleveland Cavaliers again. They’re playing the Toronto Raptors in Game 3 as I write this blog post.

Love LeBron James’ official website. Hard to believe that he still has a Little Tikes basketball stand at his home. Whoever built LeBron James’ website loaded it with great content. Appreciate that there’s more than basketball at his website. After all, it’s never a good thing when athletes only focus on sports, as there is so much more to life.

Ready to check out other great Ohio athletes who played pro basketball? How about Stephen Curry? You may not believe this, but Stephen Curry was also born in Akron, Ohio, the same city that LeBron James was born in.

Talk about greatness is must mention for John Havlicek. Born in Martins Ferry, Ohio, John Havlicek won eight NBA championships with the Boston Celtics. It’s nothing short of amazing that Havlicek won his first four NBA championships during his first four seasons with the Celtics.

Other famous Ohio athletes who played pro basketball include Earl Boykins, Barry Clemens, Antonio Daniels, Matt Harpring and Tyrone Hill. Each of these Ohio athletes had a long career in professional sports, most of them competing for more than 10 years.

In baseball, there’s the great Pete Rose. Nicknames Charlie Hustle, Pete Rose was born in Cincinnati, Ohio. He played first base, outfield and infield. Pete Rose played for the Cincinnati Reds, Philadelphia Phillies and Montreal Expos. But, he’s most known for playing baseball for his hometown Cincinnati Reds. His team won three World Series. Pete Rose won Most Valuable Player at the 1975 World Series.

As much as I hate saying it, it’s tough finding a host of famous Ohio athletes who are women. But, I’ll keep looking. If you come across more great women athletes who were born in Ohio, please hit me up.

Annie Oakley famous ohio athletes

Wikimedia Commons – Public Domain

Women who are famous Ohio athletes (that I learned about) are Annie Oakley (Yeah! Annie Get Your Gun Oakley), Pauline Betz (tennis), Alissa Czisny (figure skater) and Sylvia Crawley (basketball). Again, please hit me up if you learn about other women who are famous Ohio athletes. We have so much to appreciate and to be thankful for!

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Dayton, Ohio born track and field star, Raymond Clarke, his soul mate, Brenda, and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Using radio to market and sell books

By Denise Turney

Social media networks aren’t the only places book authors can spread the word about their works to sell books. Radio, another effective marketing tool, is another way authors can exposure and sell books. However, gaining the most out of radio takes a bit of practice. The way authors approach radio station owners and DJs also makes a difference.

Book authors landing radio interviews to sell books

To schedule radio station interviews, visit the station’s website. Get the name of the DJ you want to be interviewed by. When you email the station, address your correspondence to this DJ by name. Highlight your book’s benefits, what readers will gain (i.e. new ways to avoid high blood pressure, how to graduate from college without creating student loan debt) from reading your book. It’s this you want to focus on during your interview.

Create a list of questions for interviewers to ask you. In addition to saving interviewers’ time (trust me, most interviewers will really appreciate this), this step can help the focus of the interview remain on topics you want to cover. Although there’s no guarantee that the interviewer will ask questions you send her, it certainly doesn’t hurt.

Getting the most out of book radio interviews

If this is your first time conducting a radio interview as a book author, practice interviewing with a relative or friend. Relax. During practice sessions, work to engage potential listeners. Avoid trying to directly sell books during the actual interview. Instead, focus on sharing valuable information with listeners.

Tell your family, friends, colleagues and book supporters about your interview. This is a great time to use radio marketing to sell books. Post information (i.e. date, time, location) about your radio interview at social media networks. To get more exposure, create and send a press release about the interview. The more people who tune into your radio interview, the better. More listeners can make it a lot easier to sell books while you’re on the radio. Also, get enough listeners, and you might be asked back.

On the day of the actual interview, arrive 10 to 15 minutes early, 5 minutes may be enough for online radio interviews. If you’re not certain how early to show up, ask the interviewer. Dress comfortably but professionally. Again, relax. Have fun.

More tips on how you can market and sell books and products via the radio are at our YouTube channel. Please share your comments about the session as well as your experiences marketing via the radio in our YouTube channel comments section!

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in my new book, Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

Special love doesn’t exist

By Denise Turney

love flowers

Wikimedia Commons – GNU Free Documentation License

As much as we want it to, special love doesn’t exist. Why? Love isn’t fragmented. Love is complete, encompasses all that is real and endures forever. I Corinthians 13:13 says that, “But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

I John 4:7 says that, “Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God.”

Love is complete

If love was special, God would love some more than others. Yet, God loves all that God created. Cain may have desired to receive special love from God, to be more highly thought of or cared for by God than his brother, Able. But, Cain discovered that God’s love is not fragmented. It is whole, complete.

Specialness indicates separateness. A single, whole, complete being does not have more important or special parts.

Yet, how many times do we seek after a special love?

We want to be highly favored (Highly favored over who or what? Why isn’t being in God’s will enough?). We cannot bare to see someone who we are dating enjoying the company of someone else. Some of us struggle to keep our grip if someone we are dating enjoys the company of their parent, sibling or a good friend equally as much as they enjoy our company.

Pursuit of special love drives some of us from relationship to relationship. Pursuit of special love drives some of us from worship center to worship center. Pursuit of special love drives some of us from job to job.

Special love lessons

Sooner or later, wherever we go and whoever we enter into a relationship with, we learn that there is no special love. In some instances, it may take years before we make this discovery.

Pursuit of special love could also cause us to stay in abusive and other unhealthy relationships, thinking that, sooner or later, the “special” person we are with will “magically” make our life better. When you think about it, we’re seeking God’s love under the world’s laws.

Continuing to seek what we will never find is frustrating, at best. Is it any wonder that some of us are tired?

Because love cannot exist without God, it’s absolutely necessary that God guide our relationships, all of our relationships. Sounds sensible. Yet, our egos fight and resist, demanding that we keep looking for what we will never find — special love, someone or something that loves us most, more than they love anyone or anything else.

Raymond Clarke and Brenda seek after special love in the book Love Pour Over Me. They aren’t alone in their searching. After all, they meet at college, the place where many of us invest the greatest hope in finding special love.

Searching for special love brings a motley sort of people into Raymond and Brenda’s lives. The search, and its disappointments and illusions of success, help to awaken the couple, opening Raymond and Brenda to real love.

I encourage you to open up to real love. Only God can lead you there.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Dayton, Ohio born Raymond Clarke, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&,, or any other online or offline bookseller and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.

How to write your best book

By Denise Turney – African American Fiction Author of Love Pour Over Me

write your best book

Pic by Daniel Schwen – Wikimedia Common

Stephen King offered excellent advice when he encouraged writers to create stories for themselves first. Put aside concerns that you have to develop certain plots, character deficiencies or shocking dialogue to attract readers. Unleash your subconscious mind and write your best book.

Start with a technique that works for you. This is key. What works for another writer may not work for you. An author who I interviewed on Off The Shelf Book Talk Radio kept saying that she was struggling with finishing her latest novel.

She’d  decided to follow someone’s advice, let go of her usual novel writing technique and write as she said “by the seat of the pants”. This was an author who easily knocked out novellas within two weeks. She abandoned her normal writing technique and was struggling.

Techniques that you could write a great novel with include outline, character sketches, write a paragraph that reveals the moral of the story or identify the book’s plot. After you identify the book’s plot, write down scenes that you will use to climax up to the plot as well as scenes that will make the plot believable, even if you are writing science fiction.

Write regularly. I will never forget New York Times bestselling author, Walter Mosley, sharing that writing is mainly subconscious. Writing regularly can make it easier for you to access your subconscious when you sit down to create your best book.

You don’t have to write on a novel every day. You can respond to writing prompts. Other ways to write every day include journaling, writing poetry, working on short stories or writing articles and blog posts.

Read great books. But, don’t read to copy another author’s style. It is your personal style that readers want to enjoy. Every great book is not a bestseller. There are great books that don’t garner 1,000 sales, which goes back to author Stephen King’s advice.

Let yourself get into the story, really into the heart of the story. As you write the first draft, let your imagination flow. Wait until you have written the first draft before you start editing your novel. Don’t be surprised if your subconscious mind gives you surprising clues or scenes to write.

Some writers receive dreams about characters who they are writing about. Other writers may dream about a twist to take with a plot. This may not happen unless you let yourself get into the story. Exercising your passion for writing may well be the number one way to write your best book. You can focus on marketing and promoting your book after the first draft is written.

**Thank you for hanging out with me. Keep up with writing and the wonderful world of books by visiting my blog often. Grab your copy of Love Pour Over Me at or or

Are you choosing bad relationships over real love?

By Denise Turney

It’s no secret. Everyone wants to receive and to give love. Our childhood experiences can create fear in us as it regards love. Grow up with a parent who exhibits unpredictable behavior, particularly dangerous or abusive behavior, and we could come to believe that we must be on guard all the time, even putting up inner alarms against closeness.

Why are you afraid of love?

Unwanted endings like relationship breakups and stagnation can also create fear in us regarding love. Before long, we’re guarding ourselves against real intimacy. We can also guard against closeness, including closeness with a good friend.

Think of it this way. If every time you walked through a red and purple gate in a neighborhood in New York City you were bit by a dog, there’s a strong likelihood that you would eventually feel anxious and afraid as you neared any red and purple gate, regardless of the city or the neighborhood that the gate was in.

The thing is that, despite your fear and your dedication to avoiding closeness, you want to receive and to give love. Every living being wants to receive and to give love. It is how we are created. If we are extensions of love itself, what else could we want?

For safety’s sake, we may make and feel intensely attracted to a substitute for love. Result of this could be an intense attraction for dysfunctional relationships. Drs. Mark Borg, Jr., Grant Brenner and Daniel Berry discuss this phenomenon with me on Off The Shelf book radio. It’s a topic that continues to attract interest from psychologists, counselors, couples and singles.

Head down the right road this time

And no wonder. We want to know why we keep feeling intensely strong emotions (like the wrong relationship is absolutely right) for the relationship that won’t help us to grow and experience love. You guessed it! Our fear is actually taking us down twists and turns, in effort to protect us, that will keep us from real love, the very thing that we need to be healthy, balanced, joyous and thriving.

Signs that you might be headed for the wrong relationship start with you thinking that someone is perfect. Another sign is thinking that someone will complete you and make you feel happier. When we expect too much from another person, we do not know ourselves. We feel that we are lacking, an erroneous belief that sets us on a path to find someone who has what we think we are lacking.

When the person doesn’t live up to our expectations, we may feel cheated, angry, frustrated, sad, depressed and — once again, cheated. As Drs. Mark Borg, Jr., Grant Brenner and Daniel Berry share on Off The Shelf book radio, we actually set ourselves up for this trap, a trap that we may not even realize that we have stepped into until we’re months or years into a relationship.

We may not choose our parents, but, we can choose to do the inner work and stop replaying the script for childhood dysfunctional relationships. It beats staying in a stagnant relationship, putting up with abuse or running and hiding from closeness and love. These are just a few of the lessons that Raymond Clarke and Brenda, the love of Raymond’s life, learn in my latest book, Love Pour Over Me.

As we start our journey into a new year, commit to doing the work to awaken more. Start to recognize when you are running and hiding from closeness, real intimacy and healthy relationships. Do the work to remove any fears that you have of love and watch your attractions change, setting you up for real, healthy love relationships.

**Thank you for hanging out with me. Keep up with track and field, drag racing and the wonderful world of books by visiting my blog often. Grab your copy of Love Pour Over Me at or or

Rushing into the arms of the past

By Denise Turney

Pic by Tony Atkin – Wikimedia Commons











Have you ever looked at a book title, movie trailer or t-shirt slogan and instantly have a word or phrase pop into your head? Psychologists refer to this as “association.” More specifically, association is a “general psychological principle linked with the phenomena of recollection or memory.”

“The principle originally stated that the act of remembering or recalling any past experience would also bring to the fore other events or experiences that had become related, in one or more specific ways, to the experience being remembered,” as reported in Encyclopedia Britannica. The definition continues with, “Over time the application of this principle was expanded to cover almost everything that could happen in mental life except original sensations. As a result, association became a theoretical view embracing the whole of psychology.”

Being that our brains automatically start searching for past events, colors, feelings, etc. when we enter new situations, travel to new areas or meet new people, it could be highly likely that we never have a completely “new” experience. Those are the good situations.

Yet, there are some of us who are so attached to the past that we refuse to give romantic relationships, office friendships or relationships with people from certain backgrounds a chance. We do this in face of the fact that we know not everyone treats us the same. We do this in face of the fact that we know that we’ve changed as we’ve continued to grow.

Before we know it, decades have past and, although we may have traveled to other countries and met hundreds of people from an array of different backgrounds, we return to treating ourselves and others the way we did 20 to 30 years ago when we struggled through the breakup for a romantic relationship. If we’re not careful, we could start accepting old lies and beliefs as truth once again. We could also start engaging in old, destructive behaviors.

This causes life to feel as if it’s going around in a wide, sweeping circle, as if all we’re doing is repeating old experiences. It’s no wonder that some of us start feeling bored and discouraged with life. For this reason, we should do a self-check several times a year, at best. We should monitor how we respond to old stimuli (i.e. a picture of an ex-spouse, seeing a former classmate we once had issues with).

Signs that we are not rushing back to the past include visiting home, speaking with people we knew in the past and not feeling jealous or angry or sad (a sign that we could be  missing the past) and not being afraid to step into new experiences. In these instances, because we’ve moved on, “association” has taken on some new hues, lowering our resistance to giving things a second chance, reducing the likelihood that we’ll rush back to the past.

Thank you for reading my blog. To learn what happens to Raymond, Brenda and the other characters in Love Pour Over Me, hop over to, B&, ($3.03 – lowest price I’ve found so far) and get your copy of Love Pour Over Me today. And again I say – Thank You! Consider Love.